I laughed so fucking hard at this

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@borealisposts
I laughed so fucking hard at this
you can just feel the self-congratulatory glee of whoever named this paint this color, like they truly thought they were so funny and i think you're so funny paint color naming man good job paint man
never use this color on a wall you're going to be living with for a while, it looks okay at first but holy shit man
Okay, but don't leave this in the tags, man.
if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"
Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!
Nude Portraits series by photographer Trevor Christensen
This is my new favorite thing
‘portraits of people reacting to nudity’ fresh, inspired, art sfkas;lk
according to the notes, yes, the subjects do know ahead of time that he will be nude, so yes, this is very funny and cool
Nude Portraits series by photographer Trevor Christensen
This is my new favorite thing
‘portraits of people reacting to nudity’ fresh, inspired, art sfkas;lk
according to the notes, yes, the subjects do know ahead of time that he will be nude, so yes, this is very funny and cool
is okay you do not need hard drive. i remember computer for you.
thank you for teaching me important tech vocabulary @kirbymybeloved
unrestrained summer fun
every year around late may, without fail, this post starts getting notes again . and my little wet raw chicken breast of a brain gets puzzled. because i forget that summer is , in fact. a yearly event
mutuals
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
#the ancient texts
... My reblog was only six years ago!
Tumblr Code.
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
always reblog tumblr identification
World Heritage Post
sort of frustrating to see so many of my peers reposting rhetoric which boils down to "the new bathroom ban is bad because now trans men have to go into the women's and what if *gasp* a terf thinks he's the sort of tranny she's afraid of!?!?!?"
like that's cool and all but I have to go to the mens and am at heightened risk of assault or worse. no but you're right it would be worse to be mistaken for someone like me yeah that would be worse for you i guess.
do you know when people challenge me in a bathroom it's not a mistake? that they're correct? do you know how scary that is? that they know what I am and are willing to use the full weight of the law to ruin my life? that there is no defence I can present that is good enough?
A lot of people have never actually been the spectre haunting people's politics and it shows
No more sleeping with my phone within reach because I was having an extremely vivid dream that I was the victim of some sort of mass-poisoning. the notorious poisoner? "The Centipede Cult." They used a specific type of poison, referred to only by its chemical nomenclature, which I somehow remembered perfectly upon waking. It went: □□ Na({}^{2})
Because that makes sense. Anyway, this poison would submit me to its well-known and much-feared symptom: "17 Day Paralysis" in which you're paralyzed for exactly 17 days and you only chance of survival is to be on full machine support for 17 days.
Just before the medical team intubated me I remembered I have a Zoom meeting with my academic advisor today (I actually do in real life) and I needed to email him to let him know I was the victim of a mass-poisoning and would need to reschedule.
I kept trying to type the "□" symbol in my dream but could not figure out how and gave up.
I woke up in real life to find I'd begun drafting an email in my sleep to my professor in the Gmail app. I was apparently using talk-to-text (I often do because of my hand neuropathy) but speaking in Irish, which talk-to-text never understands, so other than the words in English "poison" and "centipede" the entire email was complete nonsense.
I told my advisor about this and he said, "well, if you had been poisoned, I would have provided you whatever academic supports available to us."
you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old
Steve Dain (1940 – 2007) was an FTM who transitioned in the late 70's and lost his teaching job, he was a gym teacher in Union City. Although the court would eventually decide in his favor, and allow him to go back to teaching, he was not able to find a school that would hire him.
"Later, I would meet Steve Dain. Steve had been Lou Sullivan's hero. In those days, most trans men in the Bay Area went off on a pilgrimage to meet him as we entered medical transition. Lou had met with Steve years before when he began his transition, and Jamison Green would meet him a short time before I did. It was nearly a ritual, a rite of passage to meet with Steve. There were no trans men that we knew of who had come before him. Steve was nearby and our most visible example, and someone who each one of us hoped would confer wisdom, and a kind of blessing or validation. I think we all were a bit awestruck. And, Steve didn't let us down. I know he didn't let me down. I still remember meeting him in Union City, he picked me up and I was taken with his easy and total masculinity. He was hirsute, and handsome, confident and kind. He was sensitive to each question I asked and his answers would influence me for the entirety of my transition." -Max Wolf Valerio (quote from his blog) (photos by Mariette Pathy Allen 1980s)
Here's an article that goes more into Steve Dain's story, and all that he endured.
Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.
i must stress that he's never seen the original comic. My mother simply showed him the shorthand symbol and he memorized it. As far as he is aware this is just a fucking hieroglyph that deals instant psychic damage to everyone under the age of 30
Friendly reminder how to actually use band aids on fingertips because we see people doing it wrong all the time.
Reminder?! How was I ever supposed to know this?!
Today’s lucky ten thousand! Wait, no… That’s for things that are common knowledge…
With your help, we can make this reach ten thousand people! And then it will, in time, become common knowledge!