Complete Skyrim Chaos

Skyrim is one of my all time favorite games so I’m just gonna be obsessive here. Apparently this is also incorrect quotes!

[derpbrotherhood]

tag yourself, Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood edition (I’m Caligula)

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Pizzaara af with a little Nazipzap dibitidap

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Dragonborn: yes, but how do I know you’re dating me for my heart and not for my international criminal empire?

Brynjolf: because your international criminal empire is what you do, not who you are

Dragonborn: that’s so sweet, I might stab someone

[scribdyke-remade]

how did archmage aren die and myself only get knocked out? i was standing much closer to ancano and the eye when the explosion went off.

[9d6problems]

Your soul is mortgaged to so many competing daedra lords that your death would precipitate a civil war among them. Some or all interceded to ensure you would merely be inconvenienced, while Savos is much less ecumenically entangled. It’s good to have a patron or twelve.

[scribdyke-remade]

that…makes a surprising amount of sense.

[sheirukitriesfandom]

Headcanon accepted.

[scribdyke-remade]

it’s much better than my thought, which was that savos used the last of his magicka to protect the dragonborn and mirabelle.

[tyltos]

So does that mean you’re basically immortal until the daedra decide who gets you when you die?

[scribdyke-remade]

yes

[tabletop-rpgs]

Thieves Guild Shadowmarks and their meanings from Skyrim.

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Dragonborn: I got your letter and came as quickly as I wanted to.

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Dragonborn: I’m having feelings again like some kind of fourteen-year-old. You remember feelings right?

Hadvar: yeah, I have feelings every single day of my life.

Dragonborn: Do you?

Hadvar: are you saying you don’t have feelings?

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Modern! AU

Dragonborn (about Brynjolf): I don’t get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn’t he have brought me home a fucking taco?!

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

The result of being multiple Daedra’s champion

Dragonborn: The Vigilants of Stendarr said I only have four days to live.

Eola: What? Why? Did you get sanguinare vampiris?

Dragonborn: no, they just don’t like me.

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

At the Battle of Windhelm

Dragonborn: No need to seize the last word, Ulfric Stormcloak, i’ll assume it was something clever.

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Babette: This is bullshit.

Nazir and the Dragonborn: Watch your fucking language!

[rimeheart]

I arrive at The Castle Volkihar

Serana: Delivered.

Crossbow: Out.

Gift: Rejected.

I am forcibly escorted out of Castle Volkihar

[mxcerfrey-deactivated20180719]

When Astrid tells you to get the Amulet of the Elder Council appraised by Delvin and your already a Thieves Guild member

[paar-pahlok]

Thieves Guild with Karliah: mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s!

Karliah: there’s food at home

Thieves Guild, muttering: I fucking hate this family

Thieves Guild with Dragonborn: mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s!

Dragonborn: [pulls into drive thru]

Thieves Guild: [cheering]

Dragonborn: one black coffee, please

Thieves Guild with Brynjolf: mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s!

Brynjolf: mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s! mcdonald’s!

[ceasarslegion]

Blaming Todd Howard for absolutely everything that goes wrong in Bethesda games has become such a habitual behaviour for me that I feel like it’s gonna bleed into my real life interactions. 

Watch me walk over to receive my degree, trip on the carpet, and just lay there in my graduation cap and gown saying “Why would you do this, Todd?”

[aw-dag]

Todd Howard is an alum from my college and he comes to give guest talks sometimes, neither of which I knew my freshman year when I dropped my bag on the way to class, joked “I see we left clipping on, Todd Howard” to my friends, and was met with a very exasperated sigh from behind me and Actual Todd Howard says “Is this what we’re doing now?”

[scribdyke-remade]

can we make this the new “thanks obama”

[eisdax]

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Aela: Harbinger, are you decent?

Dragonborn: Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.

[bosmer-does-a-backstab]

Dragonborn: Nazir, could you please initiate Cicero Protocol M?

Cicero: Hello? Listener? Nazir, what did Listener mean by Protocol M? How many Cicero protocols are there?