You can call me Bramble (he/fae). I’m genderqueer and gay aroace. I like writing, chickens and holding hands. Constantly chasing the high of my first crush.
This started off as a mlm & nblm page but has sort of evolved to encompass queer a-spec masculinity. Expect posts about loving men, loving queerness, loving complexities of gender, hating amatonormativity and embracing ambiguity. Also hands.
i love queerplatonic relationships where one of them is aroace and the other isn't. i love when the allo character has a crush that fades over time. i love when they don't care what they are to each other as long as they're together. i love when romance is an option that they don't choose. i love when both aros and allos feel fulfilled without romance or sex.
Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships
The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.
It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.
After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.
If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!
Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com
The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.
so many people ive known have pushed themselves to burnout trying to deny their disabled reality, skipping accommodations, skipping rests etc. and the world convinces them that the solution to their burnout is to push even harder. it’s a huge tragedy. i know social pressures make it tough but i want more disabled people to make things easier for themselves where possible, to opt out of things that harm them when possible, to quit while they’re ahead. be that person today! protect yourself where you can! take micro breaks while doing your hobby. get that shower chair. sit to brush your teeth. lie down in the middle of the day, even if only for 5 mins. these things add up and it’s so worth it.
Not gonna lie this makes me a bit irritated. Here's the real version of this photo:
Instead of a cutesie reference to film censorship it was an explicit statement of defiance of Maryland's criminalization gay sex, which was not repealed until 2002. This wasn't a guy saying "Oh they can't put what I do in the movies according to a completely voluntary industry code" he was saying "The State of Maryland wants to put me in jail for being gay and having gay sex."
It wasn't a guy being cheeky about sex in an ambiguous, cute way. It was a man stating, in no uncertain terms, that a whole state of the United States considered him a criminal for being homosexual.
The common refrain of "transmascs will shit themselves when they realise that T is making them look like a man, not an androgynous femboy twink" has always bothered me for two reasons. The more minor reason is that "man (on T)" and "androgynous femboy twink" are pretty obviously not mutually exclusive categories. There are a ton of men (cis and trans) with normal T levels who are androgynes, femboys, and/or twinks. There are people who may not end up looking like that when they are on T, but it is still within the realm of possible outcomes, and if it's what one wants to look like, there are things one can do to get closer to one's goal.
The more major reason I am bothered by this refrain, though, is the fact that people who say "why do transmascs always want to look like androgynous femboy twinks?" use this demeaning tone that indicates they have a low opinion of transmascs, androgynous people, femboys, and twinks. It is said as if transmascs are too stupid to know even the basic facts of what they're doing with their bodies, and as if wanting to be an androgynous, feminine, or visibly queer man/masc is inherently a bad and absurd thing to desire. The principle of "some people say 'twink' when they really mean 'fag'" is on full display here. It becomes more obvious when it's paired with overt transmedicalism, e.g., "Why do these trender wannabe twinks feel the need to tell everybody that they're trans?", or "'Transmascs' who want to be feminine twinks are basically not even trans". I can only conclude from statements like these that they think being a "real man" means not being a feminine twink, and that it is unacceptable and undesirable (for a man/masc) to be visibly queer and/or GNC. Otherwise, this would not be said with such derision. Needless to say, it is not the hill pro-trans people should ever be dying on.
"Twink" usually just means "conventionally attractive, young, and slim", anyway.
That's just regular beauty standards. Most people would like to fit their society's beauty standards.
My cis bro was more than a little heartbroken that he grew up to be 6'5", stocky, and bald, rather than looking like a kpop star. Every cis dude I know who goes bald has some serious feelings about it.
Transmascs are just getting judged for having the same dysphoria and complicated feelings cis folks have about being attractive, getting older, and how their true self fits with society's perception of them.
from "A lesbian married to a man? writing on the expansiveness of lesbian life" by Jenn M. Jackson, PhD
(image description / transcript under the cut)
image description: four photos of Dr. Jenn M. Jackson, a genderqueer Black lesbian, and their husband over the years of their relationship, interspersed with excerpts from the essay.
the text reads:
I got married to my best friend on May 27th, 2006. We met on move-in day at the University of Southern California back in August 2002. We were both student residents on the Somerville Place floor at school, also known as the “Black Floor.” When we met, I was wearing a gray Ecko Unlimited jogging suit with gray Jordan’s. He was wearing khaki shorts (which I would learn was a part of his regular uniform as a Black boy from Orange County, CA) and And1 tennis shoes. I truly thought he was a square. But, over the course of a few days, I felt drawn to him. We sat together on the bus that weekend, heading out for bonding events. We found each other in every crowd. And, we kept getting asked, “did y’all know each other in high school or something?”
Over time, I identified as bisexual (from about age 16 to 28), then pansexual (from about 28 to 35), and then understanding myself as a lesbian after 35 years old. Daren came to identify as asexual around 2016 after we had been married for about 10 years. We both struggled through our new identities, finding alignment in the naming and community. And, as the romantic and sexual part of our relationship transitioned, we actually became closer. We have learned to build so many expansive forms of intimacy that do not involve sex and sexual pleasure. We shower together, take long baths (usually where we plan new episodes of our podcast), take regular walks, and spend time each day talking to each other as if we are long lost friends. He is my best friend. I love him.
Because I have never believed in the concept of a “soul mate” and have never internalized narratives around someone else “completing me", I am able to have a deeply loving and committed relationship with my best friend, coparent, and spouse even while maintaining loving and intimate relationships with women and gender expansive people. While I am no longer attracted to cisgender men and do not date or sleep with them, I have never felt compelled to leave or divorce my spouse. We have raised three incredible free Black children together, started a business, and written books. We play videogames and travel together as we have always done. When we are sick, we care for one another. When we are down, we hold one another.
I have never understood marriage to be about sex and attraction. I have always understood marriage as a formal contract with the state. “To have and to hold…” and all of that. I watched women in my family marry men they thought were sexy only to have those men abuse them and break their spirits. I have watched marriages of obligation grow boring, dull, and loveless. I have witnessed many people use someone else’s definition of love and marriage to build their own.
We rebuke that.
I am a lesbian married to an incredible, loving, beautiful Black man. A man who has nursed me through emergency open heart surgery and helped me learn to walk again both literally and metaphorically. I am married to man who has never needed me to be seen and not heard. Who has never challenged my intellect or diminished my accomplishments. I am married to a Black man who loves himself, his children, his life, and his future selves. I married well.
And, one day, when I meet the women or gender expansive people of my dreams, that man I married nearly twenty years ago will be standing there beside me, genuinely happy for me because he knows that no matter who or how I love, it will never change how I feel about him.
photo 1: a series of black and white photo strips of Jenn and Daren in college. they kiss, grin, and make silly faces
photo 2: Jenn and Daren in college, their faces pressed together, smiling widely
photo 3: a young Jenn with their arm around Daren
photo 4: Jenn in their late 30s, posed on their couch with their dog in their lap. Daren stands behind the couch, his arm around them. Jenn's book, Black Women Taught Us, is posed to the side.
The funny thing about my best friend and I being mistaken for butch lesbians (dating) in school due to *checks notes* having short hair and no other friends, is that while my hair is short I am actually quite feminine. I’m more like the stereotypical camp gay character just alternative and with boobs. My femininity is queer.
hello sorry for intruding. was reading the tags on my disability post and I do encourage getting a cane if you think it would help. often w the solid non collapsible ones you can also switch the tip to a wider one that balances better, if tipping is a primary concern (i find the narrow standard tip is enough for me, to each their own). the places that sell them generally won't stop you from walking around the store w them if you need a trial run (handle height should be about where your wrist hangs w a limp arm). do what you've gotta do & good luck out there
Thanks for your message! Not intruding at all. My biggest issue is that my legs…jiggle? Kind of like the muscles are contracting and releasing or like I’m jiggling my leg while standing, which means sometimes my knees kind of give out momentarily. It’s fine most of the time and doesn’t cause much issue when walking even if I do look a little drunk, but on bad days standing is harder.
I’ve got a couple of foldable canes at home for my granny when she comes to stay so I was planning on bringing it with me for a concert I’m going to in a fortnight so we shall see! (I’m roughly the same height as my granny so if they work for her the size should be fine for me too.) Thank you for the information though – I’ll definitely bear it in mind.
really though a lot of people put themselves through a lot of pain or inconvenience because they have decided they aren't Bad Enough to need help with something and it sucks. so I truly do want to encourage identifying as disabled. you can get a cane if you think you'd only use it on the really bad days or if the deciding factor is that it's your favorite color or if you think maybe it would make one single task a little easier. you can use a screen reader if it's more convenient to hear text spoken to you rather than reading it. you can get cut-proof gloves, or a chopping gizmo, or pre-cut ingredients if it would make you feel safer when cooking because you're a little clumsy. you can use a wheelchair if it would just make you less tired.
as someone who struggled (and struggles) with feeling Bad Enough to justify the tools I need: it's okay if you don't think you need them. A want is enough. A passing "oh, that would be useful" is enough, especially if it keeps happening. you're allowed to want things to be easier and you are allowed to make them easier. I love you.
I just kind of hate how if you're nonbinary and have a sexuality other than "yes" or "no" your options for describing it are like. Fighting an uphill battle in the homo trenches or calling yourself some stupid shit nobody says in real life with no real history or community attached to it
I'm something that is dangerously non-woman for the 🌸 sapphic 🌸 crowd and nobody in their right mind could honestly describe as a Heterosexual Man so where does that leave me. What am I, trixic? Are you gonna call me a gynephile like a mid-20th century psychologist? Can I just be a dyke. Please. "Ooh you only count as a lesbo because they're bioessentialist" I count as a lesbo because I can't be anything else that's a real word
