When I was a child, as most kids my age, I didn't have my own money, or my own time... I certainly didn't have any agency of my own. Freedom was a thing only adults around me seemed to have. (I did have responsibilities, though, real adult ones that made me feel good about myself.)
So, with the wisdom of any ten-year old, I made a deal with my adult self.
When I grow up (if I ever get to grow up), I shall have my own money, my own time, and above all; agency. So with all that unimaginable power, I shall grant myself the permission to buy all the candy I wish to have.
I grew up, though it was mostly an accident - but 70% of the time I'm glad it happened.
I have my own money and my time to spend it however I wish, and all the agency of the world which sometimes petrifies me with fear.
I still have those adult responsibilities, though they don't usually make me feel good about myself anymore. (But at least I have routine in them now.)
It's strange that you can keep things like this for so long. Your memories of young age, your sweet tooth, even promises you made with yourself.
I keep it, I keep that promise my kid self made with myself - and sometimes I realise how wise that child-me truly was.
Because I still have my sweet tooth. And when life gets hard and the world turns grey and the taste of food is naught but ashes in my mouth - that kid in me reminds me that I can get all the candy I wish to have.
And even if I can't taste the sweetness today, I know when the ashen taste of life and the greyness of the world and the numbness of my dull-heart will eventually pass (as it always passes, even when I truly doubt it will) - all that candy will taste like how I imagine freedom tastes like.
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