a big part of the reason that I feel so MUCH and so protective about dean winchester is that he is so so lonely. jensen ackles gave his all in his every performance of dean's vulnerabilities, especially when it came to his fear of abandonment issues. people always talk about that in relation to his misguided view of john and the trauma of losing his mother (inexplicably tied to the loss of his childhood & innocence) but sometimes I think it's easy to forget just how much it's at the core of who he is as a person. that panic of not wanting to be left behind like he's been so many times bleeds into every aspect of his personality - in his choice of words "i did not leave you" "don't think that there's anything past or present that I would put in front of you" dean shows his fear and vulnerability by doing for others what he craves for himself; by being a physical presence, albeit sometimes overbearing and borderline controlling. by choosing to fight for his loved ones over his own safety because john taught him that to love is to be a human shield for those who need protection. mary's death instilled in him the fear of losing, fear of the fragility of life and john made it so much worse by robbing him entirely of his childhood, refining him into a weapon that it left him terrified of his own being, his own life. he became a cornered animal clawing at anything that got too close to him (+ sam and then later cas). he was terrified of doing more than surviving, to live because to live would be to leave himself vulnerable and good soldiers don't do that. this in turn, rendered him unable to love freely (without a need to let that love consume his entire being in a very unhealthy way that often caused his death) and unable to be loved - as proved by the aggresive push and pull of his relationships with sam and cas. all of this, because dean winchester was just too afraid that he would be alone. that he would be too much for anyone to want to put up with so he made himself small, and funny and compliant. he made himself scary and dangerous to protect anything but himself. and deep down his fear remained that no matter all that he'd done, he would still be left behind, that he'd die alone. and CW, what did you do.
izzy806
vaporwave
amandla
2087
ellievsbear
