my feet are in the flames

I go by many names || 30+ return to tumblr phase || she/her || I love a messy bit of fiction about terrible people

[ex-riddlecats]

we NEED to make poly shipping more popular. instead of ousting that woman from a canon relationship with one of them for your man/man ship to work, consider keeping her there for 10x the laughter and drama. also, improves viewing experience and increases interest from bisexuals like myself

[ofchaosgoddess]

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

[nothereforthedrama]

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

[machinot]

I would take a job pushing the Sisyphus rock if it paid 20 an hour and I could wear my headphones

[kosmogrl]

I will make a beautiful life for myself no matter how long it takes. I will I will I will

[fandom-man]

[scholarlypidgeot]

@moethh don't hide this in the tags

[softlyfiercely]

i think we have done ourselves and our communities and our communication skills a massive disservice by flattening so many experiences down to "trauma" or "harm" and equating "feeling uncomfortable" with "being unsafe."

i recognize that this didn't happen in a vacuum, and a lot of us are responding to a culture that doesn't take our pain or discomfort seriously and has denied or downplayed real trauma for generations.

however, i strongly recommend trying out some of these framings and phrases in order to develop some healthier, more resilient understandings of ourselves and our relationships:

I would prefer not to

I had a bad experience

I don't like that

I would need more support to be able to do that

I'm not in the mood

That bothers me

I worry about [specific negative outcome]

I'm not up for that today

I'd rather do/talk about something else

I'm not the right audience for that

I need more information first

That doesn't seem worth the time/energy

not every personal preference or unpleasant emotion must be linked to a psychiatric diagnosis or a trauma trigger. constantly interpreting your experiences through this pathologized lens is not good for anyone.

if you are surrounded by people who do not take your "i'd rather not" seriously unless you can cite DSM chapter and verse, you have shitty friends and need to hang out with different people.

also, no matter who you are or how traumatized you are, you do not need to avoid every discomfort. it is true that for someone with severe trauma, a ptsd flashback can derail their whole day and cause genuine physical and psychological suffering. however. this is different than "someone mentioned a tv show that my shitty ex liked" or "someone at an event made me feel socially awkward." we all go through negative experiences, and convincing yourself that you are so damaged that the only safe way to live is by demanding protection from anything that could make you feel bad is extremely unhealthy.

you need to be able to function as a human being even when the world includes things that are unpleasant or even painful. if you train your brain to experience everything you don't like as a "trauma trigger," you will create a reality for yourself where you are constantly under threat and develop an identity as someone who cannot manage any situation not completely under your control. you are capable of feeling sad, startled, annoyed, offended, disgusted, or nervous. i promise.

and if you truly are dealing with trauma symptoms on a level that genuinely disrupt your daily functioning and ability to maintain healthy relationships, that is a signal that you need to start working on your own healing. your goal should be to find ways to reduce the impact these symptoms have, not to just give more language and weight to them so they can dictate more and more of who you are and how you move through the world.

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[maswartz]

[fractally]

This has been my main argument against "AI" from the very beginning.

OpenAI scraped the entire web. All of which had been a labor of love from humans. Wikipedia is the backbone of a lot of LLMs, and that was volunteer human labor. They stole it and now they're selling it back to us.

And worse, they're trying to destroy the free sources that they stole from. It's destruction of human knowledge on an unprecedented scale. The burning of the library of Alexandria has nothing on this.

[bannertanks]

[ghosthierophant]

[warheads-r-us-deactivated202301]

Yes, that’s a gun in my pants. No, I’m not happy to see you.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello! I've got two questions which are kinda related to each other, so I'm putting them in the same ask. Please don't feel pressured to respond if you're not comfortable though!!

Do you have any advice for managing ADHD/symptoms of ADHD as a Proper Adult (tm)? I'm a Newly Minted Adult (19), and I haven't been diagnosed one way or another, but I have a lot of the symptoms of ADHD (executive dysfunction, difficulty estimating time, constantly fidgeting, getting focused on something and feeling unable to put it up for hours, probably some others I'm forgetting). I have systems in place that help mitigate some of this (longform journaling, physical to-do lists and chore charts, playing music while cleaning, backing up when I'm trying to get out the door so that when I do eventually leave I'm (close to) on time, pomodoro timers, and so on), but I still feel like I'm treading water, especially as the things I'm responsible for keep growing in number. A lot of things will also work great... for two weeks, and then I'm back where I started. I'm worried that my life is going to end up being controlled by these symptoms (particularly executive dysfunction) and I'll never be able to feel like it's *mine*--ironically enough, the actions I struggle with the most are the ones that I *want* to do, like crafting or replying to a letter. You seem like you spend a lot of time doing things you enjoy and have made a life that feels like your own, so I'm hoping you might have some perspective/advice about this.

2. Do you have any advice for accepting/coming to terms with having to actively manage mental health for the rest of your life? I recently realized that what I thought was Me Doing Fine was actually Me With Mild Depression, which like. What the hell, man. I'm kinda thinking of myself as being whatever the mental health version of immunocompromised is, where I *can* have good weeks or even months, but a) it takes me more effort than most people to maintain and b) it's much easier to slip back into depression. I know it's better to realize this now than realize it ten years down the line, but I'm still feeling this weird combination of denial/anger/sadness/resentment/fatigue about the whole thing (like, you're telling me I have to do extra work?? Just to not feel shitty all the time?? For 60+ years?!?!?!). Similarly to pt 1, you've mentioned having depression but still seem to enjoy much of your life, so I'm wondering what your take on it is.

Okay that's it!! This turned out way longer than I expected, oops 😅 Thank you for the various wisdom you share, and please pet your kitties for me :)

Heya, Anon! Sorry it took me a while, but, you know.. I also suffer from executive dysfunction. XD

On managing ADHD as an Adult

My advice here is what works for me, someone who is AuDHD (and also a hoarder, to up the difficulty challenge).

At 19, you are in a place where you can learn new skills, but your systems are still going to carry you throughout most of your life. And that is fine. The most important thing to learn is when and how to meet yourself as you are, and how to graciously accept your limitations while still pushing yourself to do better.

What has helped me:

Be ok that not all of your systems are going to be aesthetic. If I regularly dump my clothes in a pile in a specific place on the floor, I either need to put a basket there, or completely block the space. If I forget what is in a container or in a drawer, it needs a label. I am going to take better notes at work in the notepad app vs by hand in a leather-bound journal or some hyper-optimized note taking program. And so on.

Understand when routine can lead to a type of time/clutter blindness. If the chore board is collecting dust and you're skipping days, it's time to reboot and remix the routine. Don't force yourself into a system that isn't paying off. It's better to jump from system to system if they work, even for a few weeks, than doing nothing at all.

Convenience is worth the expense/investment. Automate bills if possible. Have 2 bathrooms? Buy duplicate cleaning supplies and put them in each room, so everything is *right there*. Got to where you have some extra income? Grocery delivery, meal boxes, housekeeping, lawn services -- all of those remove cognitive load off your shoulders and are not "giving up", even if you are capable of doing these tasks.

Get some use out of your fidgeting. I pace when I have bees in my brain. When I'm in that mode, I try to look for any trash I can pick up, a counter to wipe, anything to quickly tidy. Something that takes no more than 30 seconds. It really helps with keeping the clutter down in my working areas. I also have some exercise equipment that is fidget-friendly -- an under-desk pedal machine and an indoor rebounder.

Body double when possible. This is like parallel play, but for work. Have someone else in the room, or in a voice/video chat while you work on a task. A lot of folks find they focus well this way.

Rewards cannot be something you regularly do. My reward for doing big projects and deep cleaning is to listen to an audio book during the chore. I cannot listen to an audio book at any other time, because I'll just skip the chore and go straight to the book. This is because I am lazy and my internal boss is a big pushover. So, the reward MUST be special, not something routine like "30 more minutes of video game time for the day."

Don't tell people about big plans if it gives you a serotonin hit. I have learned that telling people about my planned projects gives me almost the same amount of satisfaction as showing off finished work. Then, I just never actually begin. So, I hold off until I've put enough work in to commit.

Don't wait for Big Stuff to practice locking in. Practice with something low stakes. I have been doing my nightly GOOD NIGHT cat photos for like a decade now with about 99% reliability because it is low stakes. And it's proven to me that I can indeed commit to a regular task.

The first 10 minutes will suck. Get used to it. I love to hike, I love to make things. But the first 10 minutes are absolute ass. But enough repetition and I can convince myself to start because I am now confident there will be a payoff.

Don't try to do everything all the time. Half-assed is also better than no-assed. Some days, it's cereal for dinner so you have the spoons to clean the toilet. It's better to negotiate with yourself than do nothing at all.

Be honest with the people in your life that you trust + take responsibility for when your mental health makes you do dumb shit. I have an awful memory. My partner knows this and I have to delegate some things to them to remember for me. I get agitated when my routine and plans get stalled and I go non-verbal or get snappish. My partner knows I am not angry at them, but I still apologize for my behavior as soon as I am able to.

Know when less is more. Regularly declutter your living space. Lack of space and too much stuff can make you over-stimulated. Don't worry about sunk cost . Things that never worked out, like old organization systems, old hobbies -- these can find a new life with someone else. If you find yourself routinely having decision paralysis, remove the number of options. This could mean shrinking your wardrobe, doing a craft room purge, etc.

Remind yourself that you are not an optimization problem to be solved. You will fuck up, you will need more time to recover, etc, etc. It's fine, just adjust your commitments whenever you can to give yourself room to breathe. Burnout is far more difficult to recover from than taking pre-emptive mental health breaks.

On the grief of living with a disability

I've written about this kind of grief before. You are doing yourself a kindness to admit that some things are not going to get better. It's ok to be angry at a future you felt got taken from you.

This grief will never go away. It can sometimes motivate you -- living well out of spite, for example. It can lead you to form lifelong community bonds. And sometimes, it just sucks ass.

Don't let the grief turn into toxic stoicism. Many big problems can be broken down into more manageable little problems. Seek professional help where you can -- get medicated if necessary, hire a professional organizer, go to therapy, join a support group, etc. Like my advice about housekeeping, this is not a form of "giving up". Trying to think your way solo out of a mental disability is akin to trying to run a marathon with a freshly broken leg.

What also helps me is documenting the good times in my life. That way, I have something to look at when I feel like the past year was just a haze.

So what I take the same dozen hiking and museum photos. So what if my crafting documentation skips steps or fizzled out. I still have all these artifacts that help me remember a live well-lived.

Notice I said well-lived, and not necessarily *productive*.

Because remember that you are not an optimization problem to be solved. Even if I didn't have ADHD, I wouldn't be able to do all the things I want to do. So, I try not to beat myself up about *only* reading so many books, making so many arts, etc.

I hope all this helps. It's easy to turn self-awareness about your mental health into self-loathing, so above all, give yourself grace. <3

[tlirsgender]

"Consensual, but still weird" is underrated in toxic freaky shipping world. There are many ways you can make it weird while still having everyone agree to it

[tlirsgender]

They consented but at what cost

[watercolourcritters]

it's worth it, i promise it's worth it!

[ID copied from alt text: Marker art of a Pallas cat looking at the viewer over a simple white background. Text reads "There's no guarantee it'll get better, but isn't it worth it to try?" The artist's signature reads @ watercolourcritters. End ID.]

Instagram | Etsy | Tip Jar

[uptownthots]

“it isnt something you have to read critically” well 😭

[uptownthots]

this technically is true but I think this also perfectly encapsulates why I am inherently distrustful of like. “”cozy”” “turn your brain off” fiction lmfao. like okay WHO gets to turn their brain off and who has to suffer through bigoted caricatures of themselves while everyone else is having cozy silly no brain time 😐

[wontonsoupinthemorning-deactiva]

message to all bitches

please survive

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[phantomrose96]

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.