Come sail your ships around me

They/them. Too old for Tumblr, too weird for anyone else. I like horror and stories with boats in them. Mostly post about Our Flag Means Death and The Terror. I renounce the fish meme.

[edwardteachswombtattoo]

I fucking love that Ed and Stede are deeply flawed middle-aged queer men. I love that Ed can be self-destructive when he feels cornered and he can't deal with heartbreak and he's sensitive and a little scared of his own feelings. I love that Stede is bitchy and rude and sure he's very empathetic by nature but he can sometimes be a dick and he's sometimes not very good at reading the room and he's very susceptible to flattery because he craves positive attention. I love their miscommunication in "Man on Fire" and how bitchy they are to each other in "Fun and Games" and how they're such soft silly dorks who are incapable of Taking It Slow or staying angry at each other for extended periods of time.

[ultra-baklan-the-ovosh]

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

make a bunch of wheels with bread/cheese/meat/vegetables/sauce/extra so that you can Spin for Sandwich

you're making a sandwich!! Spin THIS wheel 3-5 times for the toppings!

How is it!

good!!

it's alright

ew

EW

inedible

Results

Voting ended onJun 3

op note: I GOT JAM, JAM AND HOT SAUCE. IM DEAD.

[trying-trying2lyk]

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

[youfriendlyneighborhooddisaster]

shoutout to Izzy Hands for the biggest "I can fix him" fail I've ever seen

my man really went "I'm gonna fix him" and then proceeded to make everyone including himself so much worse

[iveseenitinmovies]

A man called Cornelius Hickey told me this expedition was a year in Polar Sea and then out the other side. He told me the ships planned to stop at the Sandwich Islands and the crew was going to dry out in the sun. "That's the other side of the world," I thought. "A year's nothing." So I d- where’s my vape? Has anyone seen my vape? Wait are you sitting on it? Are you sure? I can’t find it can you just stand up real quick?

[terrorheritageposts]

Terror Heritage Post

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[kuromi-hoemie]

stoner tip #32

everyone's body is a little different. take one edible every five minutes until you feel something

[emeraldwhale]

okay

[emeraldwhale]

nothings happening

[emeraldwhale]

i am afraifd

[the-terror-bracket]

Round 1!

who has the most annoying coffee order?

Henry Le Vesconte

Henry Collins

Voting ended onMay 25

[hallyudoinchica]

Everyone knows its "King Edward McBenjo" over here~...

[hodgedaughter]

come on you all know damn well collins isn’t even ordering coffee. he’s locking himself in the lavs and doing bumps until they have to tear down the door to kick him out. idk about you guys but that sounds pretty annoying to me compared to dundy *maybe* asking for some zesty little plant milk

[knowing-my-fate]

and dundy DOESNT do coke??

[somepomegranatetea]

starting a collection

[the-terror-bracket]

Round 1!

who has the most annoying coffee order?

Charles Des Voeux

Cornelius Hickey

Voting ended onMay 25

[rowenablade]

No no guys. De Voeux may be more annoying to have in your coffee shop as a customer just because of his...everything. But Hickey is definitely trying to order off the "secret menu" and trying to cadge discounts. He'll claim to be a first responder, veteran, owner's golfing buddy, everything. Also half the time he's also ordering for Billy and God help you if you forget his bitch wife's sprinkle of cinnamon.

[the-terror-bracket]

Round 1!

who has the most annoying coffee order?

Edward Little

James Clark Ross

Voting ended onMay 25

[rowenablade]

Little tried to order a seasonal latte that doesn't actually exist because he dreamed it and was so traumatized by the embarassment he's never ordered anything but black coffee since then.

[icantspellthings]

Accidentally stumbled upon this tweet, akjdhdjskd eric ur killing me here

[possible-streetwear]

[mourning-lilies]

“Anatomically, there’s the womb-” stop the entire show

[ryan-sometimes]

It’s so sad that students are now relying so heavily on AI for writing essays because they’re missing out on the best part of writing an essay which is when you’re a few paragraphs in and you just reach that flow state where your thought process becomes one with the essay and you’re slamming the keys so hard that you’re on the verge of destroying your laptop. I used to get high off of that shit

[icantspellthings]

[graygiantess]

"I hope your favorite character is played by an actor you hate!" Tired, unoriginal, etc.

"I hope your favorite character fucks your dad!" Devastating, weirdly specific, about to happen to Harry Bogosian in three weeks.

[newsandstuffisee]

[sillystigmata]

Y’all think this is a joke.