Jonathan Carnahan

At your service (maybe) ((if there isn’t any danger))

[valarinde]

maskerade (1995)

[whitegenocidereturns]

when girls orgasm they be grabbin at shit that aint there kickin lamps over throwing pillows their eyes roll back and they recite ancient spells in the language of long lost civilizations

thats why I never satisfy women sexually its scary and I’m not here for it

[teaboot]

I’m so glad that things like survivorship bias and statistical outliers became memes I wish more critical thinking skills would become widely-understood this way, I’m not kidding let’s get on this

[teaboot]

”Turtles are showing up full of straws” “Nobody was trans when I was your age” “Why does everyone have allergies now” “Our ancestors survived without vaccines” “My grandma never had an income or driver’s license and THEY were married for decades” “I’m saving the rest of my medication for later cause I feel better now”

Look at the plane until you understand

[teaboot]

My momma used to tell us not to fear the noises we heard in the woods at night because if something designed to kill us wanted to kill us then we wouldn’t hear it coming and at the time it was horrifying and unsettling but now I wish we all had heard that at least once growing up

[ashstfu]

i knew this day would come. i saw it on the calendar

[brainrotdotorg]

“From whence you came” is a classic place to send back a foul beast

[britishmagpie]

This is what inspired my username… oh iPhone notes, you gem

[metamelonisle]

ii was trying to season reheated mcdonalds fries i took the cap off for some reason without realizing it and i

[metamelonisle]

I’M NOT CURSED BY A PHARAOH!! I’M NOT!!!!!

[phroge777]

[catchymemes]

[tentacleteapot]

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

[charl0ttan]

thats not how they told it

[goulboss]

an intense hatred of capitalism vs an intense love of trinkets

[holishkes]

Hey, uh. What was this

[victusinveritas]

Please do not dislike this skull.

[plutoarttv]

prometheus: hot take,

the greek gods: no give that back

[ymutate]

wall of perfectly aligned skulls in a Tibetan monastery

[capinejghafa]

RACHEL WEISZ & BRENDAN FRASER as EVELYN CARNAHAN & RICK O'CONNELL THE MUMMY (1999) dir. STEPHEN SOMMERS

[un-monstre]

I understand that museums have to be dark because light can destroy fragile artifacts. That said, I’m always afraid to walk around the blind corners because what if there is a skeleton

[un-monstre]

Okay yes sometimes there’s a skeleton, I understand how museums work. But I mean what if it gets me

[moniquill]

Fact: you can absolutely kick a skeleton's ass. You are a skeleton wearing biological power armor. Skeletons of adult humans typically weigh less than 30 pounds. You are in a superior weight class by orders of magnitude.

[roach-works]

i wish someone had told me that when i was a kid and terrified of having to fight a skeleton

[weirdness-is-good]

[nudityandnerdery]

"Yes, yes, I know how capitalism works."

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous sign