The horror of being perceived vs the desperate desire for someone to want to see everything that makes you you and still love you

ellievsbear
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Mike Driver
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
trying on a metaphor
todays bird
Xuebing Du
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Game of Thrones Daily
Not today Justin
Today's Document
AnasAbdin

shark vs the universe
Jules of Nature
Cosimo Galluzzi
almost home
taylor price
will byers stan first human second
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

⁂
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Brazil

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Lithuania
seen from United States

seen from India

seen from Malaysia
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@brokenpentagrams
The horror of being perceived vs the desperate desire for someone to want to see everything that makes you you and still love you
LUIS CARAZO WHY DO YOU HURT ME SO
Azune knowing that he wasn’t going to live if Thjazi did is so painful I can’t
I am so tired of short-attention-span, trim-the-fat culture. All writing advice these days is for how to write like Chuck Palahniuk. "Cut 'think', cut 'feel', cut 'wonder' - only action, only pushing forward, show and move and move and move." What if I could emulate this style, and still don't want to? What if I want to write like Henry James, with three paragraphs of introspective musings between each dialogue line? The music advice is, "make it shortform, make it Tik-Tok compatible, make it punchy, hit the refrain as soon as possible." What if I want that 10-minute prog rock piece? What if I want that symphony? What if I want it slow and luxurious and lazy? Movies. Series. Poetry. Bodies. Everything is "trimmed trimmed trimmed trimmed, stripped bare, you have three seconds to win me over, make it airport chic." I don't want to win you over, then, I guess. I want the fat left it. I want the pleasure and the indolence and the indulgence. Fuck this art-advice that's always "your art needs Ozempic."
Not many people discuss Harry character development when it comes to his and Hermione relationship. What I mean is how he treats her when Ron and Hermione are arguing.
In the third book, there is the infamous firebolt incident. This is where people claim that ‘Harry ignored Hermione for months.’ The scene in question.
“There’s nothing wrong with it!” said Harry, his voice shaking slightly. “Honestly, Professor —”
“You can’t know that, Potter,” said Professor McGonagall, quite kindly, “not until you’ve flown it, at any rate, and I’m afraid that is out of the question until we are certain that it has not been tampered with. I shall keep you informed.”
Professor McGonagall turned on her heel and carried the Firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. Harry stood staring after her, the tin of High-Finish Polish still clutched in his hands. Ron, however, rounded on Hermione.
“What did you go running to McGonagall for?”
Hermione threw her book aside. She was still pink in the face, but stood up and faced Ron defiantly.
Ron's reaction was a lot stronger than Harry's and obviously colored the whole thing. Harry would probably be angry without Ron there but there’s a contrast between their reactions.
(PoA12): Harry knew that Hermione had meant well, but that didn’t stop him from being angry with her. He had been the owner of the best broom in the world for a few short hours, and now, because of her interference, he didn’t know whether he would ever see it again. [...] Ron was furious with Hermione too. As far as he was concerned, the stripping-down of a brand-new Firebolt was nothing less than criminal damage.
This reaction is literally the first thing we’re told about Harry’s feelings regarding the incident. Harry is obviously disappointed and annoyed by Hermione’s “interference,” but also immediately acknowledges Hermione “meant well.” (I think we have to pause and realize that this is a rather measured reaction from a 13-year-old boy who had just received the most amazing gift and had it taken away from him.) In contrast, Ron was "furious" and viewed Hermione’s intervention as tantamount to encouraging a criminal act.
And at least at the beginning, it is Hermione who places distance between her and the boys:
‘Hermione, who remained convinced that she had acted for the best, started avoiding the common room. Harry and Ron supposed she had taken refuge in the library and didn’t try to persuade her to come back.’
This is what they “supposed.” They didn’t even know where she went. So, initially, we can at best fault Harry for not deliberately seeking out a girl who was actively avoiding them. (Though, the phrasing "taken refuge" suggests that had she stayed, something bad would have occurred. As the only person we see attacking her during this entire time is Ron—never Harry—we have to assume that's what she's avoiding.)
Meanwhile, we see Ron and Hermione get into arguments when they do encounter each other (e.g., over Lupin). And we see Hermione clearly feeling uncomfortable and “rushing past with her face averted” when Harry tries to bring up the broom with McGonagall. Again, we never see Harry show anger or annoyance toward Hermione. We never have Harry actively feeling like he should avoid her or ignore her or show her the silent treatment or ANYTHING. It's never stated, unlike many other times in the books when it's explicitly stated that Harry avoids someone.
And Harry becomes exceptionally busy at this time. Quidditch practice now happens five days per week, and he has anti-dementor classes with Lupin, so Harry notes that during this period he had ‘only one night per week’ to do his homework. It's not like it seems he had a lot of time to even casually encounter Hermione, who was also so wrapped up in her own schedule of taking a ridiculous number of classes.
(Note that the only scene where we see Harry having a reaction about Hermione during this time is when he's distracted writing an essay on his one night he has to do homework and can't really focus on why Hermione's schedule might be weird when Ron mentions it. He doesn't express anger or annoyance at talking about her or tell Ron, he doesn't care; he just is distracted by other things and is unable to think further about her schedule at that moment.)
After the Firebolt was returned on February 3rd, Harry immediately tells Ron that they should go make up with Hermione. It's almost like he had been feeling bad about it, but wasn't going to go against Ron (who, as we saw, was much less understanding about it). Look at literally the first thing out of Harry’s mouth:
[Ron said,] “She gave it to you? Excellent! Listen, can I still have a go on it? Tomorrow?”
“Yeah... anything... ,” said Harry, his heart lighter than it had been in a month. “You know what—we should make up with Hermione… She was only trying to help...”
Harry just got his prized possession back, and Ron's reaction is about whether he can ride it. But Harry doesn't seem to care about that now: note the ellipses, as if he's distracted and not really thinking about what Ron's saying. Instead, we know his "heart" has become "lighter than it had been in a month." Why his heart? Because he's been estranged from Hermione, and the very first thing he wants to do is make up with her.
He appears to miss her, and there's no hint that he's still angry with her. That contrasts with other places in the books where we know Harry holds a grudge for some time and will have little bursts of anger periodically well up inside him, as when he's estranged from Ron in GoF (he literally wanted Ron to throw a punch so he could fight him) and again in DH; none of that is described here toward Hermione after the initial reaction when McGonagall confiscates the Firebolt.
And Harry's immediately noticing how tired she looks, suggesting that she might ease up on her workload a bit. Overall, his attitude is far from someone who wants to “ignore” her—he seems legitimately concerned about her:
“How are you getting through all this stuff?” Harry asked her.
“Oh, well — you know — working hard,” said Hermione. Close-up, Harry saw that she looked almost as tired as Lupin.
“Why don’t you just drop a couple of subjects?” Harry asked, watching her lifting books as she searched for her rune dictionary.
“I couldn’t do that!” said Hermione, looking scandalized.
During the period of their estrangement, on that one night when Ron brings up Hermione's schedule, we also see noted in the passage that Hermione's been stressed out and isolating herself surrounded by books. Although the text doesn't explicitly say that Harry noticed this, it's explicitly framed around him: he's struggling to complete his homework in one night per week, but "Even so, he wasn't showing the strain nearly as much as Hermione." The circumstantial evidence thus suggests he was noticing and at least somewhat worrying about her (or at least thinking about her), which gets confirmed in the way he approaches her here and offers some advice.
Unfortunately, as Harry and Hermione are just beginning to have a nice conversation about Hermione’s interest in Arithmancy, Ron bursts in and claims Crookshanks had eaten Scabbers. Ron then goes into full-blown ostracization mode with Hermione again, but Harry keeps trying to keep the communication going with her (PoA13):
Personally, Harry was sure that Crookshanks had eaten Scabbers, and when he tried to point out to Hermione that the evidence all pointed that way, she lost her temper with Harry too.
“Okay, side with Ron, I knew you would!” she said shrilly. “First the Firebolt, now Scabbers, everything’s my fault, isn’t it! Just leave me alone, Harry, I’ve got a lot of work to do!”
Harry’s clearly trying. He repeatedly approaches her and keeps attempting to bring her back into his circle. After the next Quidditch match, he breaks away in the middle of his own celebration party to check in with her:
“Did you even come to the match?” he asked her.
“Of course I did,” said Hermione in a strangely high-pitched voice, not looking up. “And I’m very glad we won, and I think you did really well, but I need to read this by Monday.”
“Come on, Hermione, come and have some food,” Harry said, looking over at Ron and wondering whether he was in a good enough mood to bury the hatchet.
“I can’t, Harry. I’ve still got four hundred and twenty-two pages to read!” said Hermione, now sounding slightly hysterical. “Anyway...” She glanced over at Ron too. “He doesn’t want me to join in.”
Hermione would never miss one of Harry’s Quidditch matches, of course. But she’s feeling uncomfortable and continuing to distance herself, even though she knows this is about Ron now, not Harry. But Harry takes the initiative and tries to break down the barriers, yet again.
And when Ron repeatedly upsets her, Harry clearly wants to do something to help her, but isn't quite sure what—and also doesn't want to cross Ron. But Ron can't stand to see Harry and Hermione be friendly: he chooses this moment to speak up about Scabbers again, resulting in Hermione fleeing.
Hermione burst into tears. Before Harry could say or do anything, she tucked the enormous book under her arm, and, still sobbing, ran toward the staircase to the girls’ dormitories and out of sight.
“Can’t you give her a break?” Harry asked Ron quietly.
Ron keeps this up apparently for a couple months after the Firebolt is returned. We see Harry repeatedly approaching her with olive branches, but she's upset with Ron, and Harry seems kind of stuck. At this sort of age, it's natural to continue to segregate friendships by sex, so even though he wants to make up with Hermione, while Ron is ostracizing her, Harry doesn't do more. They both finally realize how poorly they’ve acted when Hagrid has a conversation with him, and ultimately they make up around Easter (which fell on April 3rd, so after about two months).
And when Hagrid does bring it up—well, let’s look at the contrasting reactions between the two boys (PoA14):
“She’s in a righ’ state, that’s what. She’s bin comin’ down ter visit me a lot since Chris’mas. Bin feelin’ lonely. Firs’ yeh weren’ talking to her because o’ the Firebolt, now yer not talkin’ to her because her cat —”
“— ate Scabbers!” Ron interjected angrily.
“Because her cat acted like all cats do,” Hagrid continued doggedly. “She’s cried a fair few times, yeh know. Goin’ through a rough time at the moment. Bitten off more’n she can chew, if yeh ask me, all the work she’s tryin’ ter do. Still found time ter help me with Buckbeak’s case, mind. . . . She’s found some really good stuff fer me . . . reckon he’ll stand a good chance now. . . .”
“Hagrid, we should’ve helped as well — sorry —” Harry began awkwardly.
“I’m not blamin’ yeh!” said Hagrid, waving Harry’s apology aside. “Gawd knows yeh’ve had enough ter be gettin’ on with. I’ve seen yeh practicin’ Quidditch ev’ry hour o’ the day an’ night — but I gotta tell yeh, I thought you two’d value yer friend more’n broomsticks or rats. Tha’s all.”
Harry and Ron exchanged uncomfortable looks.
“Really upset, she was, when Black nearly stabbed yeh, Ron. She’s got her heart in the right place, Hermione has, an’ you two not talkin’ to her —”
“If she’d just get rid of that cat, I’d speak to her again!” Ron said angrily. “But she’s still sticking up for it! It’s a maniac, and she won’t hear a word against it!”
Look closely at what’s going on here. Hagrid’s framing this as how both boys supposedly aren’t talking to her, but it’s clear that only one of them (Ron) is angry, while the other (Harry) is apologetic. And when Harry does try to apologize, Hagrid waves it away, excusing Harry with his Quidditch practices. I think Hagrid’s probably also sensitive to what’s really going on here: it’s not Harry who is ostracizing Hermione—it’s Ron, specifically. Hagrid may even have seen Harry trying to be conciliatory with Hermione, or perhaps she even told him. Regardless, Hagrid’s focus here is clear, and it’s not about Harry. While Harry could have done more, Hagrid’s trying to mend stuff with Ron and Hermione, as he likely sees that both of them are distancing from each other (and Hermione’s driving Harry out in the middle).
Note that the real cause of this all is established yet again when they do make up. Ron offers to help with Buckbeak’s appeal, Hermione apologizes about Scabbers, and then all is well again. If any of this were about Harry’s anger anymore, there would need to be a reconciliation with Hermione too, but this was clearly never much about Harry. They had made up months before, even if Hermione kept pushing him away (out of her anger with Ron and her anger at Harry for “siding” with him).
The distance appears mostly created by her and Ron. So we might (and should) fault Harry for not being more proactive in making up with her earlier, but there’s not really any evidence Harry is “ignoring” or actively shunning her, even in PoA. He and Hermione are both incredibly busy during this time too, and the moment the Firebolt is returned, he immediately queries Ron about making up with her.
Given gender dynamics in friendships at this age, it’s very understandable for a temporary break like this to happen, particularly given Hermione and Ron’s strong personalities.
We can compare this to Harry reacts when he’s older after the events of GoF and OOTP and has clearly matured more. When Ron and Hermione start fighting against in HBP. To jog your memory, Ron finds out that two years ago that Hermione allegedly kissed viktor krum from Ginny and starts giving Hermione the silent treatment. He starts dating lavender in retaliation for Hermione kissing a boy that asked her out two years ago while she was single.
HBP14: Harry catches a glimpse of Hermione (as Ron is snogging Lavender for the first time) and immediately goes after her to check on her abandoning quidditch celebrations.
Harry turned away from Ron, who did not look like surfacing soon, just in time to see the portrait hole closing. With a sinking feeling he thought he saw a mane of bushy brown hair whipping out of sight.
He darted forwards, sidestepped Romilda Vane again, and pushed open the portrait of the Fat Lady. The corridor outside seemed to be deserted.
‘Hermione?’
He found her in the first unlocked classroom he tried. She was sitting on the teacher’s desk, alone except for a small ring of twittering yellow birds circling her head, which she had clearly just conjured out of midair. Harry could not help admiring her spellwork at a time like this.
HBP15: Unlike in PoA when Ron and Hermione are fighting, in HBP Harry gets away from Ron while Ron is “busy” to regularly spend time with Hermione. (Also it shows that the people who say that Harry doesn’t like spending time with Hermione is false, he chooses to spend time with her as he does multiple times across the books)
Hermione’s timetable was so full that Harry could only talk to her properly in the evenings, when Ron was in any case so tightly wrapped around Lavender that he did not notice what Harry was doing. Hermione refused to sit in the common room while Ron was there, so Harry generally joined her in the library, which meant that their conversations were held in whispers.
HBP15: Harry runs after Hermione and tries to help when she’s crying after Ron does a cruel impression of her in class
Hermione laughed unkindly at Ron’s disastrous first attempt, during which he somehow managed to give himself a spectacular handlebar moustache; Ron retaliated by doing a cruel but accurate impression of Hermione jumping up and down in her seat every time Professor McGonagall asked a question, which Lavender and Parvati found deeply amusing and which reduced Hermione to the verge of tears again. She raced out of the classroom on the bell, leaving half her things behind; Harry, deciding that her need was greater than Ron’s , scooped up her remaining possessions and followed her.
We see here that Harry prioritises Hermione, deciding that ‘her needs were greater than Ron.’ He spends time with her and comforts her.
Harry, again more assertively than in PoA, actively calls out Ron for being unkind to Hermione and immediately goes to comfort her.
A long way along the table, Hermione was sitting alone, playing with her stew. Harry noticed Ron looking at her furtively.
‘You could say sorry,’ suggested Harry bluntly.
‘What, and get attacked by another flock of canaries?’ muttered Ron.
‘What did you have to imitate her for?’
‘She laughed at my moustache!’
‘So did I, it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.’
We see that now Harry is way more defensive in defiending Hermione, providing way more support while in PoA he was more passive, being apologetic and reprimanding Ron but not as aggressively while now he defends Hermione for laughing ‘unkindly’ at Ron’s stupid moustache. This shows his character development, from passively defending Hermione to actively defending her, growing past the maturity he had as a thirteen year old boy.
“Please don’t think I’m bad” and everyone being upset fuckkkkkk
Kattigan is SO ANGRY omfg more backstory hints! Then the I’m not mad I’m just disappointed.
I’m lOVING Kattigan and Tyranny’s dynamic
I really appreciate how Brennan runs combats and like encounters. I’m on the wraith combat and Laura asking Brennan if she has an adventuring kit and him basically saying “you should if you don’t already” but telling her she probably doesn’t have oil because he doesn’t know where she’d put that. He still suspending belief and bending some things to help them but also make sure that there is a sense of urgency and fear. His goal is to make sure they have fun but also to tell a good story and give them hard challenges. And with encounters the whole thing with Tyranny at the first of was just amazing. He just kinda lets them take the reins and I really enjoy that. Don’t get me wrong I love Matt’s dming so much but I’m starting to really love Brennan’s dm style
I will NEVER understand people that (constantly) express their hate/dislike on ships.*
*And I'm not saying you shouldn't call out actual harmful tropes like pedo, rape, incest, or shipping real people. I'm talking about ships outside of that. Learn to get the point, PLEASE. 💀
Like- if you dislike something/a ship...bro just ignore it. Just leave it alone. Just don't interact.
Like what now??? do you feel superior or smth because you don't like what people like????????
LET 👏 PEOPLE 👏ENJOY👏THINGS👏UNLESS👏THEY/IT👏ARE/IS👏HARMING👏THEMSELVES👏OR👏OTHERS👏👏👏👏
I will never understand how this isn’t common sense
DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST WEEPING INCONSOLABLY OVER THIS LITTLE OLD GNOME IN THE WOODS WAITING FOR HIS DEFINITELY DEAD KIDS TO COME HOME FROM THE WAR THAT’S BEEN OVER FOR 12 YEARS. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
...
(I bet Azune knows whether they're actually dead or not. 😂😭)
Watching C4E4 again before I watch Ep5 (IM LATE I KNOW SHUSH) and I can’t stop laughing at Matt just sipping his drink so calmly while Aabria and Ashley are going through all five stages of grief watching Occtis die
The names in CR 4 are so good. Here are some fun things I noticed.
The name Lloy is a reference to "alloy".
Zebani Halovar’s name is likely a reference to Zabniyah, angels called the “wardens of hell” who carry out torture on the souls of the dead.
Occtis is the eighth son of Primus. Primus or "prime" typically indicates "the first" and "oct" the eighth.
Ethrand being another Tachonis son’s name means the naming convention may be after gasses since "eth-" is a prefix within gasses, being the second. In this case "oct-" is still the eighth.
The name Bolaire could refer to bolar earth, which is a ferruginous clay purified by grinding in water and then decanted. Lethalia contains the term "lethal" and wearing the mask proves lethal for many.
Azune's name may be a reference to “azure” which is a term used to describe the blue of the sky, typically.
Wiccander is a reference to a candle wick. The piece of the candle that burns and produces light. Additionally, you can be “burned down to the wick”.
The last name Halovar includes the word “halo”
Felonious is possibly a reference to "filament". And also, yeah, felon.
Godard is pretty clearly a play on “god”.
Aetheon means “burning”, “blazing”, or “shining”. Could also be a reference to “aether” or “ether”.
Thjazi is the name of a god in Norse mythology who could could transform into a giant eagle. He had a daughter named Skadi.
Alogar’s name may be a reference to "allegory".
Hal and Hero play lyres. Hal now carries Thjazi’s weapon, the Liar’s Blade.
Vaelus wears a mourning veil at all times since losing her god, Sylandri, the goddess of life. (Personal note: I played an astral elf named Vela in a spelljammer campaign. Vela meaning "candle")
Could Mag’nesson be an allusion to “magnanimous” which means to forgive a rival or less powerful person?
Toying with the idea that Davinos is a play on "divine".
Please tell me other things y'all may have caught. As a name nerd I am eatin' good.
Critical Role Campaign 4: where no one understands analogies
tables confirmed!
-on the run from the law and the drunk making sure they don’t kill themselves in the woods (soldiers)
-frankenstein, his not-moms, and the worst dude they all know (seekers)
-the employed (schemers)
Im starting a collection of Aabria just throwing dice across the fucking room. Feel free to submit any other entries.
Alexander Ward pulling the most goth move of all time (murdered by his family, soul ripped partially in two, claws back to life fundamentally changed after stitching his body and soul back together with his own blood) while wearing the least goth fit of all time is actually a hate crime of some kind
Okay this scene and the way Alex is playing it makes me think this was absolutely pre-planned in some way. Alex Ward was like "awww it's cute you thought I was gonna play a normal human."
this man killed my son
Of course Laura Bailey already had me crying during the first episode of critical role campaign four. So I chose to further my pain by drawing the scene in question. what an incredible start to a campaign!!!🧵🪡🤎
Welp… think we’re gonna get another scene like this??