JustKeepSmiling

"I am, therefore I am flawless." This blog is a hodgepodge. Feminism, One Direction, Misc. #blacklivesmatter

[bulbiedorf]

How Obama joked: here is a video of my birth *shows clip from Lion King*

How Trump jokes: haha my vice president wants to kill all the gay people

[abcoconut]

Hey future historians, please note that although tumblr is a fountain of hyberbolic sarcasm, there is exactly 0% sarcasm or hyperbole in this post.

[jazminekhan-deactivated20241127]

[demonicplatonic-deactivated2015]

no hemo

[cooler-kid-deactivated20150831]

that was the best joke i’ve heard all month

[vanderrwaals]

can she get an oscar just because of this one scene please and thank you

[bob-belcher]

and she wasn’t even nominated! 😤

[avirgoworld]

seeing this really brings tears to my eyes

[nashvillehotshrimp]

I’ve posted this before, but I will never be over it.

[beewatch-deactivated20200725]

[bad1dimagines]

sorry

[gif87a-com]

[yourladyindank]

Acting like the crows won’t try to cheat the system.

Acting like the crows won’t snatch cigarettes outta people’s mouths.

Acting like murders won’t fight viciously for terf.

[paradisemantis-deactivated20181]

If they cheat the system then they earned it.

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

Crows reduce the rates of lung cancer by aggressively nabbing cigarettes, news at 11.

[thetimesinbetween]

fuck it let’s just have public health policy via crows

[lunaslostlove]

i’m one hundred percent for crows snatching peoples ciggys 

[caribbeaangal-deactivated201610]

chai tea (tea tea)

naan bread (bread bread)

sharia law (law law)

[17-leen]

sahara desert (desert desert)

[letmebecrystalqueer]

lake tahoe (lake lake)

el camino way (the way way)

pendle hill (hill hill hill)

[torukun1]

soviet union (union union)

[ulanji]

mississippi river (big river river)

the los angeles angels (the the angels angels)

[pawpels]

hula dance (dance dance) dc comics (detective comics comics)

[some-fantastic-url-name-deactiv]

shakira (shakira)

[spacefairytale]

JUST PRESS PLAY AND UNMUTE THIS YOU WILL THANK ME

X

[faygo-bongwater]

HHHHHHHHHFUCK I WAS NOT PREPARED

[blu-iv]

ok but his legs omg 

[giflounge]

Escape velocities for every planet in the solar system

[somebitchwhoplaysyugioh]

Jupiter: YEET

[dutchster]

[itseasytoremember]

give me the child

[nebulaegem]

THE SEA PANCAKE DEMANDS SACRIFICE

[inkyreveries]

plot twist

the new girl in stranger things s3 is actually a love interest for Keith

[lgbtqpjo]

People need to realize that there’s a difference between straight people and Straight People™

[thehumorousace]

Straight person: Hey, you got a new haircut. Looks really good.

Straight Person™: No homo, but your haircut looks good on you.

In case you were confused 👌

[thesoftgrape]

Just like how there are white people who are gay and then there are the White Gays

[racefaker]

White people who are gay: “I’m gay.”

White Gays: “I can’t believe I got accused of racism after calling that person a racial slur! I mean, I know what racism looks like because I’ve been discriminated for my sexuality. How is me being racist even possible? I’M GAY!”

[lena-luthor]

[lesbianpeachs]

Lmao all the angry White and Straight people in the comments, keep reblogging

[ggghosties]

neurotypical: i don’t have any mental illnesses or disorders Neurotypical™: Happiness is a choice!! ✨✨Have you tried yoga? Drink more water and eat kale ✨✨

[exomoon]

cis person: i identify completely as my assigned gender Cis Person™: It doesn’t matter what you identify as, cause you still have Female Genitals! I’m not being offensive!! Read a book on Human Biology! 🚹🚺

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

men: I identify as male.

Men™: feminazis ruin everything, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich bitch

[gonecryptidhunting-moved]

atheists: I don’t believe in god or identify with a religion

Atheists™: Don’t fucking talk to me if you believe in God. Open your closed-fucking-minds!! (usually targeted towards Christians)

[phil-of-the-phuture]

nice guys: hey I know when not to invade someone’s space and I totally respect boundaries

Nice Guys™: IVE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK ME ???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF WOMEN IF YOURE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME?

[maneth985]

this post got all kinds of better since I last saw it

[spottytonguedog]

This post is perfection across the board.

[lilkittynellie-deactivated20240]

feminist: I believe in equality for everything between the sexes

Feminist™: ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES AND SHOULD DIE! WE DONT NEED ANY OF THEM ANYWAYS AND THEY NEVER DO ANYTHING GOOD FOR US!!

[seereethepagan]

Christian: I believe in God and his son Jesus

Christian™: We must Obey Bible In Everything and Take It Literally and if you don’t do it you’re Going To Hell! I’m praying for you to find God and have your sins Forgiven! Other religions are from Satan and So Is Atheism!

[summer-noons]

American: I was born in America, and have citizenship

American™: eVeRyOnE who ISN’t white, Christian, Republican, isn’t a tRuE aMeRiCaN!!!!!!

[godscythe]

you cant just BEAT your meat anymore ….learn to love yourself….TREAT that meat…!

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

[lured-deactivated20170602]

what does Quil do

[softbutxh-deactivated20170428]

All the time all the time

[supercoolcactuskid]

Okay so, I did this, kind of. In junior year of high school I was taking History of the Americas (very very hard tests, like at least one person is guaranteed to cry). So one day I had one of these tests when I was /sick as hell/. Like I woke up and could not breathe through my nose. Everything was snot and headache and I know it’s gross, but like I’m trying to convey how desperate the times were. I went to take a DayQuil, but could only find NyQuil in the house. So i was like “fuck it, there’s no way this could be worse. ha. Anyway i take this and get to class and like already im about to pass out so during my independent study I go out and get a coffee and a five hour energy. Thinking like “okay I’ll die, but it should balance out for a bit.” And it did, initially. But then. As soon as I walk in the doors to class, it hit and I’m looking at my friend and he’s like “did you smoke, your pupils are like fucking quarters” and I’m like “o no.” So the test starts and my brain is feeling like that substance that’s like both a liquid and a substance simultaneously. And the test format is like this huge paper. So I get going on it, and here’s what happened:

-I wrote six pages front and back in 45 minutes -I felt like I could “zoom in” “zoom out” my vision -I asked one girl if I could borrow a pen three times and she was freaked out so I had three pens on my desk -after the test I crashed HARD in the physics room and they had to push me out of a chair to wake me up -but like, I got an A on the test. So I’m not saying try it, but

[notchicken]

Americans: we’re gonna use Fahrenheit where 0 degrees is really cold and 100 degrees is really hot so 40-60 degrees is okay weather. It’s just like we’re counting up from 0 to 100 and the closer we get to 100 the warmer/hotter the weather.  

Rest of the world: wtf??? Americans are so dumb that makes no sense??? 0 degrees is okay weather and 100 degrees means you’re dead!! Dumb Americans with their counting up from 0 method how ignorant and stupid they all are lets constantly post about it

[robotjiji-deactivated20190529]

interesting note: the fahrenheit system IS probably the best system of temperature measurement to use for weather, because (as it says in the above post) the scale is basically 0 = really cold and 100 = really hot. so, the fahrenheit scale is based around how humans feel the temperature.

celsius, in contrast, is based around how WATER reacts to temperature. 0C is the freezing point of water, and 100C is the boiling point of water. it would be useful to use celsius on ovens and stoves, and in refrigerators/freezers but it’s not really optimized to measure outside temperature when talking about weather.

neither is kelvin. don’t measure the outside temp in kelvin.

[luxgalador]

Fahrenheit: people

Celsius: water

Kelvin: nerds

[plsdonttakemyadvice]

Man human imprinting is crazy. My friend’s roomba zoomed by me and I got this intense urge to reach down and pat it. Like it’s just a machine? But it’s a good boy? It spends all day cleaning and sleeping and exploring the house and never complains and it’s just so good little robot? Pet robot?? Pet the robot????? Why am I like this???

[polysymphonic]

When I bought my roomba the lady at the store told me that if it breaks within warranty and I send it back to the manufacturer, I can request that they fix and send back the same roomba instead of just sending back a new one. I gave her a confused look and she explained that people get attached to Their Roomba and don’t want them to just be replaced because they’re like part of the family. Humans are pretty great.

[valjestering]

things my impossibly young looking Roman history lecturer has said

‘listen to your seminar tutors over the booklet, but only for seminars - in lectures i am king. unless you have me as a seminar tutor as well, in which case i am your king and god.’

‘has anybody played Rome: Total War? no?’

‘Cataline tried to burn the city and everyone he hated but he failed because, in short, nobody liked him.’

‘the mediterranean diet didn’t include tomatoes in the ancient world. i know. oh my god. i know.’

‘so of course when Hannibal turns up, the senate goes ‘sod it, lets kick his arse’.’

‘one man’s optimates is another man’s silver-spoon bearing prick.’

‘we don’t have much information about the 70s BC, largely because Plutarch doesn’t care.’

‘i’m not saying Rome: Total War is entirely accurate, but its battle campaigns are surprisingly historically informed.’

[hand drawing a map in chalk because the projector is broken] ‘i’ll give it a go, this is why i hate technology, and oh. well. that’s not italy.’

‘every army needs bakers and prostitutes, this is just a fact of life.’

‘Sulla. He’s a bit of a badass, but also a bit of a prick.’ 

‘yes, that is a slide from Spartacus. The film, not the series, which is more accurate and less like soft porn.’

[valjestering]

‘the Romans liked Campania because its very fertile. they didn’t know this was because of its proximity to a volcano - poor buggers found THAT out later.’

‘Crassus gets given command of Syria and high fives everyone in the senate.’

‘Catullus was very pithy, very hellenistic in style. unlike the Iliad, which is 24 books of tedium.’

‘An Afternoon at Carrhae: the Romans being shot at repeatedly by Parthian cavalry because if there’s one thing the Romans aren’t good at, it’s having a cavalry.’

‘It’s good to have fast legs in war. Caesar moves very fast, not unlike Napoleon. The Usain Bolt of ancient warfare. I’m not sure why I said that, it’s an atrocious analogy.’

‘Athens is the Edinburgh of the ancient world; it has nothing to offer but education and pretty buildings.’

‘Shout out to those of you who spent your teenage years playing Rome: Total War.Which is what I did.’ 

‘The senate go into a panic and they decide to flee Rome at dawn, but some idiot forgets the treasury. I know. Ridiculous.’

‘Again: don’t use elephants during warfare. They’re not as cool as they look. And given they’re now endangered, it’d just be mean.’ 

‘I had to use this meme, I’m sorry. You’re all aware of the one does not simply walk into mordor meme right? I’m sorry, we’ll move on.’

‘I put this photo in for dramatic effect but I realise that it’s just a field. I don’t know why people bother going to see battle sites, they’re all really boring. I saw bones once, they were quite interesting. But most battle sites: boring.’

‘Caesar doesn’t tell Rome anything while he’s away in Egypt for a year, so they have no idea Pompey’s dead. All they know is that Antony is being a pain in the ass, which is, in all honesty, not unusual for Antony.’

‘Caesar is very good at one liners. You always draft a pithy one liner before a battle so you have something to say when you win. You don’t want to win and then just be like ‘whoo, thank god for that.’’