The time I sort-of-barely got the chance to pitch Ghostbusters 3
Sometimes you write things you like that never get seen.
Back in 2014, a friend of mine was working for an established comedy writer who needed help with a Ghostbusters 3 pitch he was bringing to Paul Feig.
I’m assuming this was before anybody knew it was going to be a reboot, but they DID know it would feature an all-female cast. At the time I never met this writer in person or even talked to him on the phone or emailed directly… but as far as I know, he wanted free insight from a fan of the franchise who also wrote comedy to throw out some ideas that might plus his new characters and story.
If this were any other job, I would’ve politely declined the unpaid work, even if it was for a funny dude like this writer. BUT THIS WAS GHOSTBUSTERS. The chance of a lifetime to contribute to one of the greatest comedy franchises of all time… even if it was unpaid, uncredited and likely to never see the light of day!
So while I was out of town for a comedy festival in Portland, I took a half day to park myself at a coffee shop and try to organize the hundreds of thousands of thoughts and ideas I never knew I had for a Ghostbusters sequel and turn them into something coherent and worthwhile in less than 24 hours for a talented but complete stranger who wanted to pitch it to another talented stranger.
In the end, I heard that the writer liked my ideas and even used some of them in the pitch room. Which ones? I dunno! But as we all know, the new Ghostbusters isn’t a sequel. It’s a reboot written by Katie Dippold that’s right around the corner and a movie I’m genuinely very excited to see.
This means my irrelevant pitch for GB3 has no place to live but the internet! I’m posting this because I’m proud of the ideas and the work, even if there are some ideas that end up cringeworthy. Plus, sometimes it’s nice to give this kind of writing a chance to be read, even if it’s not perfect.
So please enjoy the rambly thoughts of a comedy dude who grew up a Ghostbusters fan and was asked to turn around an idea for a sequel to one of his all-time favorite comedies in less than 24 hours, and please please please forgive me for even suggesting that it might be fun to see “a lady Slimer wife and little Slimer kids.” That’s a bad idea. Everything about it is what an out of touch sequel-maker might suggest. But I think a lot of the other stuff is fun.
In conclusion, “Bustin makes me feel gooooood!”
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GHOSTBUSTERS 3 IDEAS // Justin Michael
PLEASING THE FANS + ENGAGING A NEW AUDIENCE
This is my attempt to come up with a GB3 idea that the Ghostbusters fan in me would love and the film critic part of me wouldn’t snub as fan fiction.
There are a million difficult things that come with resurrecting a beloved franchise 25 years later. Ghostbusters is rooted in nostalgia for a lot of people, and that means you have to honor the fans with nods to the original films and keep what’s fundamentally “Ghostbusters” about it.
You also have to make sure you’re not alienating new viewers. In fact, you have to galvanize a whole new slew of GB fans with new, likeable characters and cool technology and ghosts that could ideally spawn a whole new slate of toys and other merchandise.
So what (in my opinion) makes Ghostbusters work so well after all these years?
THE WORLD
Ghostbusters always felt like a grounded reality despite the inherently crazy and sometimes silly premise. Part of that was the naturalism of somebody like Murray’s performance, and the other part was utilizing New York City as a real backdrop. The city is as much a character as the characters.
The GBs themselves were always the underdogs, whether it was fighting tooth and nail to be taken seriously (GB1) or stay relevant (GB2). I think any successful iteration of Ghostbusters needs to maintain this underdog quality for comedy’s sake.
Instead of making the new GBs obsolete or low-status because they seem like lunatics, I think it’d be fun to naturally follow the “if this, then what” of the original films to create a new playground for the third film: ghosts exist, everybody knows it, and as a result everybody and their brother has their own version of Ghostbusters. It’d be crazy for the general public to deny the existence of ghosts after the highly publicized events of the first two films. The original Ghostbusters and our new heroes are obsolete because anyone can do it. It’s not unique. For example…
Los Ghostbusters battle spectres in Mexico City. A D&D group uses their roleplaying skills in the real world. 4Chan style internet nerds remotely track and announce ghosts on a GoogleMaps updated with a ghost locator and its very own subreddit category. Having so many splintered groups allows the different types of ghostbusting groups to be filled out by lots of funny people in cameos.
THE TECH
The tech has been upgraded since 1989… but is it better? We’ll soon find out the answer is no. Slick new weapons like a PKE meter app on your smartphone track ghosts (and maybe even get a visual a la thermal signatures), remotely activated traps, and containment units the size of thumb drives are sold at Radio Shacks. But the biggest change? With the new proton packs you can cross the streams.
WHY ARE THERE STILL GHOSTS?
Why are there so many ghosts? Well, for most of the movie we think that’s just how the world works. Gozer and Vigo may have exacerbated things 25 years ago, but people have just accepted that ghosts have always been around at this point. They’re more of a nuisance than a threat these days… but things are starting to get worse. There are more ghosts than ever, and people are getting scared again. Why?
As it turns out, it’s a direct result of there being so many new Ghostbusters. Specifically, this new stream-crossing technology is inadvertently opening rifts to “the other side” and jacking up the psionic energy. The solution has become the problem, and it’s up to the new Ghostbusters to prove it, once again pitting them as underdogs in a world where nobody wants to believe them. People accuse them of making it up as a publicity stunt to drive up hiring them.
In the end, the new Ghostbusters acquire the old proton packs from the original films, team up with the old GBs, and prove to the world that the new tech + having so many ‘busters isn’t necessarily a good thing. The goal of the film is to pass the torch to these new Ghostbusters and allow them to be the only GBs we follow into a new franchise.
THE CHARACTERS
Or more importantly, the actors / comedic personalities. When the general public thinks about Ghostbusters, they think of Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd, then Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson. Even if they don’t know their names, they love the actors, not the characters.
I think to honor the fanboys and help transition the people who grew up on the old movies into legitimately loving a new franchise, some (if not all) of these characters have to be integral to the plot without things sliding into internet fan fiction territory.
The easiest way I see doing this for anybody’s take on a Ghostbusters movie (regardless of my version of the plot) is to turn major plot points / set piece battles into opportunities to involve major characters from the old films as cameos. The fanboys will be satisfied to nerd out and catch up with their old favorites, but people who have never seen a GB film can still enjoy the scenes without knowing what they’re missing.
WHERE ARE THE ORIGINAL GHOSTBUSTERS NOW?
What makes the original GB films so popular is largely the main four ghostbusters. It’s also what’s going to attract old fans. Problem is, most of them (obviously) cannot appear. My pitch? Allude to them and focus their involvement to plot-integral cameos and a team-up with the new ‘busters in the final battle.
My loose pitch is that in the third film, the original four Ghostbusters have disbanded. Why? Egon died. It would be strange to ignore the fact that Ramis no longer with us, but difficult to include because this franchise should never cheaply use his death as a punchline / dishonor his memory. I think the only tactful way to handle Ramis’ actual death is to make it just as important to the characters. It was all fun and games and busting ghosts until Egon died, and that sent the four ‘busters into arguing, splitting off, (supposedly) destroying the old proton packs, and disbanding the team.
RAY STANTZ / AYKROYD
Being that Aykroyd is the real life biggest proponent of resurrecting the franchise, it only makes sense to center things around him. At the start of the film, I think he’s holed himself up Bill Watterson style in the woods. He’s got a huge, bushy beard. Or maybe he runs his own occult book store franchise based out of Portland a la Powell’s. Hell, maybe he’s got his own crappy YouTube vlog that nobody really takes seriously. Either way, his enthusiasm and love of the paranormal and ghosts has been stunted by real life loss of his best buddy, Egon. How do you go on loving what you love when it took away one of your best friends?
After Egon died, Venkman went off the grid (largely as a way to write Murray out of it if he’s unwilling to appear in the feature). He was never one to show his emotions, but this kinda broke him. Nobody’s seen or heard from him for years. Ideally Murray could pop up for a satisfying appearance / cameo when he returns to team up and fight the big baddies at the end of the film, but it’s not necessary.
WINSTON ZEDDMORE / HUDSON
Winston is probably living the most normal, satisfying life of the original four GBs. He’s got a wife, a couple of kids, and lives in upstate NY where life is peaceful and calm.
EGON SPENGLER / RAMIS
This is tough. Like I said, I think you have to honor his memory in some way as a real person by honoring his character with the same reverence. Why doesn’t Egon appear as a ghost? Because he’s moved on. He died peacefully, without regret. This idea can help galvanize why the remaining GBs reassessed what they’re doing with their lives and split off. Ray wanted to continue busting ghosts, Venkman realized it was more about his friends than about the actual job. Without Egon, it just wasn’t the same. There’s a Ghostbusters memorial museum in the heart of NYC in Egon’s honor. Maybe it’s revealed that Venkman was the anonymous donor who helped fund it and skipped town after sinking all of his money into it. Later in the film, we find out the old equipment was never destroyed… it was hidden in a secret room in the museum. Egon’s last gift to everybody and the blueprints for replicating it. All the old gear is there.
WHERE ARE THE SIDE CHARACTERS?
Rick Moranis, Sigourney Weaver and even Annie Potts are just about as important to GB fans and the comedy of the first films as the main four. So if there’s a way to include them, why not?
These aren’t necessary, but I think nods like these can help bridge the old with the new in a meaningful way without alienating new audiences.
DANA BARRETT / SIGOURNEY WEAVER
In the first films, she’s a musician at the NY Philharmonic. In the second she touches up art at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. My pitch? Make her a musician again. At this point she’s a successful conductor. She left the museum after the events of GB2. She didn’t like being around paintings after one of ‘em turned evil and tried to possess the body of her baby.
Maybe the first truly huge set piece battle takes place at the NY Philharmonic. Sigourney is possessed or terrorized by musician ghosts. Classical music ghosts (Mozart, Beethoven types) clash with ghosts of NY music past across the ages. Jazz, big band, rock n’ roll, etc. appear and force people to run for their lives.
After the fight with these ghosts end, we get a moment for the new crew to interact with Dana. She reveals why she’s no longer with Venkman. Maybe she’s the one who reveals that he secretly spent all his money on the Egon Spengler GB Memorial Museum? The redemption of Peter Venkman.
RICK MORANIS / LOUIS TULLY + ANNIE POTTS / JANINE
Here’s another guy who might never be in another feature film, but if he were to appear he could theoretically be the guy who helps run the Egon Spengler Memorial Museum with his wife Janine (Annie Potts).
Alternatively, it might be fun if Louis is a lame selfhelp / group therapist for people who got possessed by ghosts or demons. Janine runs the back end / answer the phones. Yanoush (Peter McNichols from GB2) could have a cameo as a guy still struggling after he got possessed by a painting and kidnapped a baby 25 years ago.
Might be fun to have a “group game” type scene with newer comedian cameos all sharing their stories of being possessed. e.g. Seth Rogen possessed by a poltergeist who kept making him shit the bed. Made for Sarah Silverman and Jonah Hill types. Anybody funny can pop in here.
WILLIAM ATHERTON / WALTER PECK
The human villain of GB1 (the EPA guy) is a cranky old man who, years later, still hates them. He’s retired, got too much time on his hands, and angrily rants on his website that looks like it was designed in 1998 (complete with a counter at the bottom). He’s the equivalent of a conspiracy theorist who thinks the moon landing was faked. He’s the only guy who thinks the Ghostbusters are causing the ghosts… and unfortunately, he’s right. Maybe a visit by the new GBs to his place (covered in newspaper clippings connected by string on walls) convinces the new GBs that he’s right.
GHOSTS
Obviously this is an opportunity to bring in a bunch of fun new ghosts. That said, the two most iconic ghosts are probably more recognizable than some of the human characters. It’d be fun to include nodes to Slimer and The StayPuft Marshmallow Man.
SLIMER
He lives inside the secret back room of the Egon Museum, allowed to roam free. Maybe he acts as a bit of a “guard / patrol ghost.” They could run into him when they acquire the old gear in a secret back room. Not sure how the logic pans out on this one, but seeing a lady Slimer wife and little Slimer kids might be fun. Alternatively, he could inhabit the original Firehouse.
STAY-PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN
Problem with this guy is that he’s pretty plot specific. Unless somebody imagines him up again…My idea? The film opens with a huge set piece battle. Los Ghostbusters (the Mexico City equivalent) vs. El Muchacho de Marshmallows, the Mexican brand equivalent of StayPuft marshmallows. This can introduce the idea of an world oversaturated with GBs while also having a new, fun take on an old favorite movie monster. After the battle, pull out to reveal it’s news footage being watched by one of our new ‘busters (or soon to be GBs).
VIGO THE CARPATHIAN (that evil painting)
The villain from GB2 got turned into a really goofy painting of the four original ‘busters. Maybe this painting is hanging in Egon Museum along with some bottled pink slime. Don’t think you need too much more than that, but fans will like it.
GHOST RATS / RAT KING GHOST
A new ghost. Battle in the subway or on the streets near sewer openings with rat ghosts. They can form together into one towering, gross mass of squirming rats that move in synchronized patterns like schools of fish. Can possibly morph swarming body parts into different shapes / weapons (a la Clayface in Batman).
STAND-UP COMEDIAN GHOSTS
Either on a late night talk show (like Fallon) or at somewhere like UCB, a ghost comedian can terrorize a show / audience. Maybe one of the new GBs is being interviewed on the show as a plot point.
PIZZA GHOST
A fight that takes place inside a dingy walk-in pizza place. If anything imagined can be turned into a ghost, a giant slice of pizza can come to life, or slices can glob to form one big doughy monster. It’s defeated by people eating it.
DRAG QUEEN GHOSTS
A slew of drag queen ghosts do the equivalent of a Ru Paul’s Drag Race style strut and catfight around the streets of the city in a neighborhood where it makes sense.
