Sade Olutola
Andulka
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shark vs the universe
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
izzy's playlists!
Origami Around
h
JVL
dirt enthusiast
occasionally subtle
Three Goblin Art
Claire Keane
Keni
cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Not today Justin
art blog(derogatory)
seen from Sweden
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seen from Congo - Brazzaville
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@bttf-glee
Revelation
Sugar tragically learns she wasn’t parthenogenically created, like she thought, but was instead simply Brittany’s biological daughter with a sperm donor that Santana thought looked like could be a close relative. It turns out, like Paula Abdul, Santana mistook someone Middle Eastern for Hispanic.
This is what happened, no one can tell me otherwise.
Sugar is singing “I did it all” in I Lived because she literally did it all: she went back in time to make sure her moms will be okay and she is so damn happy in that number because Santana and Brittany are still married after 5 years and look so happy and in love and it’s only a matter of time before they bring baby!Sugar into the picture which means future!Sugar’s job is complete.
And no Rory, because he was just born. (Note Rachel’s belly.)
And no Harmony, because (again) Rory was just born and Mommy hasn’t decided whether to go through pregnancy again.
Lexa can totally be khal drogo and khaleesie daughter 😂
No but picture this. Jorah takes the child born to Dany in the first book, the one called monster and hides it. Not because the child is dead or monstrous or deformed but because the child is a girl. The child Prophesied to be the Stallion that mounts the world is a female… and the Dothraki treat women about as well as the Usurper Robert Baratheon did. He hides the child because she is not a boy but he forgets one important fact about the tiny mewling babe in his arms, she is also a dragon, and dragons have no gender.
She is the stallion that will mount the world.
Grant Gustin
should be on Supernatural
as someone who got zapped back in time
and turns out to be Sam’s future son
FUCK
Holy crap that’s genius! 😱😭
Yeah, sure. Like Sam is gonna live long enough to have kids
for all we know he has one already. There are a few women who have encountered Sam’s penis and lived to tell the tale
"encountered sam’s penis"
Hello, why don’t you—Scott Campbell. Damn. Sorry. Uh, go ahead an finish.
It’s okay. But that’s not your real name. Yeah, it’s, uh, Scott Hudson. I am Finn’s son. Most people recognize that immediately. Pisses me off. But not, like, in a bad way. I mean, in a bad way, just it frustrates me more than angers me, you know?
Who’s your momma, if I might ask? She’s dead. She died when I was six. Her name was Quinn.
She was really nice and really pretty. I miss her a lot. Dad, too. Little sister, too.
How did you get your name? I don’t know. There’s a baby book on the shelf in the office, though. It has six-hundred and eighty-eight pages of names and twenty pages of other stuff. There’s a lot of dog-earred pages and a bunch of struck-through names, so I guess they did it the old-fashioned way.
What was it like growing up? It was hard. School’s a bitch. I mean, schoolwork isn’t hard, but I’m not... great at paying attention. I get my smarts from my mom, but I have my dad’s concentration. Usually, my teachers are understanding. I’m also on the football team like my dad, but I’m third-string, not first-string like he was, ‘cause I keep getting into fights. I kinda got his temper, too.
Why’d you come back in time? To stop my mom from dying. Duh. But, I... uh... kinda pushed the button too soon, so now I’m here. Kinda turns out my mom and dad aren’t getting together anymore.
Because of Rachel? No... he died, you asshole. I came back, and he was just... gone. I don’t know how I fucked everything up, but... Never mind.
Hey... Scott, I’m sorry...
Well, folks, uh... it seems the interview is over.
Image Source: theroleplaycritic
Hello and welcome to the— Yeah, yeah, let’s get on with this. I got a nail appointment.
<sigh> Please introduce yourself. Jesus, you know my name is Bree. Two e’s, not like the gross cheese.
I’m obviously more interested in your last name. I think a lot of us are. You would think to register at a school I’d have to give one, but McKinley has disgustingly bad security. No wonder there was a school shooting.
That’s a terrible thing to say. You’re not allowed to interrupt.
Anyways, I just strolled in at the beginning of the year and started sitting in classes. I added my name to the bottom of the teachers’ roll sheet, and suddenly I was enrolled. Seeing that the Cheerios were large and in charge, I strolled into practice, demanded to try out. First Coach Washington slapped me across the face, which is supes illegal, but she was just like, “I admire your moxy, child. Because I feel a strong solidarity with my fellow sisters, Imma let you try out.” Boom, Queen Bee. Wasn’t hard since glee stripped Kitty of her ovaries.
As engaging as this is, I’m interested in your parentage. Don’t sass me! Whatever. The last name’s Rutherford. My dad’s name is Matt.
Oh, yeah, that makes... less than no sense. Do I look Korean or something?
I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole. What about your mom? Don’t got one.
You’re the child of a handsome, genial single father? You’re basically an 80’s sitcom cliché, except no warm fuzzy moments. I’m not a sociopath, asshole. Yes, in fact, my dad is pretty Danny Tanner. And we didn’t go around strangling kittens, okay? I’ve actually got a Boston Terrier named Aaliyah that I spoil like an heiress. I just act like I have to to keep my place at school.
Do you know who your mother is? Are you asking because I’m black?
I’m asking because sometimes it’s pertinent. Just yanking your hoohah. I’m not supposed to know, but it’s Santana Lopez.
Huh. Don’t read into it. Legally speaking, she’s not my mother; she’s my “maternal contributor”. She sold some eggs in college during one of her “Whoa is me. I’m so frickin’ gay that I’ll never use my frickin’ lady tubes, and I am so frickin’ vain that I never want to wreck my frickin’ perfect plastic body, and I am so frickin’ shallow that I never want to wreck the undoubtably frickin’ perfect body of my future wife-slash-life-partner-slash-vagina-slave” phases. Pops thought she had good genes so he had her omelets fertilized and surrogated.
How did you even find out? Daddy thinks that hiding her profile packet in his safe coded to my birthday would keep them secret.
Is obtaining extracted ova and implanting them in a surrogate expensive? Daddy’s done well for himself. He works in the record producing business. He’s not like gang war famous, but we get by.
So he never got married? Not yet. I’m pretty sure he gets play, though. He goes out with some backup dancer or backup singer or some up-and-coming R&B star every few months, but they don’t stick.
At this point, don’t need a mama. My nanny Giselle taught me everything a girl’s gotta know.
Does Santana know about you? Hell nah. This shizzle ain’t her business.
You apparently inherited some of her sass. I guess. I’m not related to Kitty or her mom, but the HBIC gene flows through their veins.
You’d be Kitty’s stepsister or something? I’m not playing this game. We’ll let the dweebs at Harvard figure it out.
You know for someone who hates the glee club, you’re related to some of them. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Singing and dancing isn’t dumb; being a loser is. I go out of my way not to grind on Sam (“Grandpa”) during Schuester’s impromptu music numbers. Back in my time, he’s a hilarious crotchety old man. Unique would be my half-aunt-cle or something.
Most important question: Why’d you come back in time? Rite of passage at this point. Dad’s settled in his time, so there’s no need to make sure Sam and Mercedes end up together in this branch of the timeline.
So, in the past I asked others about their romantic life— Just... stop wasting my time stepping on eggshells. Am I gay? Nopers. Am I straight? In the sense that peen is easier to deal with vage, I imagine. Am I in love? Hell no. Am I going to start letting Jake slam me against lockers again? Not given the disturbing prodigiousness of his father’s swimmers. I just want to be, and I’m really tired of having to frickin’ examine it. You’re the worst of all.
...
Sorry.
...
It’s fine. Look, I gotta go.
Let’s start by having you introduce yourself. You might call me Adam.
...
I’m sorry. Can we start again? Apparently that’s your real accent. Adam Crawford, at your service.
Excellent. Uh, thank you?
Yes, the interview! So, is Crawford your real name? Obviously not. It’s Temple.
Temple... I don’t know anyone named Temple. I don’t expect you would. I’m not related to any of the members of New Directions. Though I hope to be one day. But, actually, I did travel in time. Your temporal irregularity detector didn’t misfire or whatever. But I came back with my folks, Connor and Abby Temple.
They’re busy with saving the world and whatnot, so they sent me to the States to keep me out of trouble.
Have you? Compared to the kind of trouble they get into, I’m a saint. Hanging out with misfits, ignoring social rules, singing, and chatting up cute boys, they’re quite proud of me. Me mum wanted to be a singer once. She could’ve been I think if she weren’t stopping apocalypses.
I can’t tell if you kidding. It’s best you believe I am.
Well, since you brought it up, you’ve been chatting up a particular boy. Kurt, yes. Um, he’s rather dreamy, innit he?
I’d rather like to jump forward a bit and see how that turns out.
You realize I might have some insight on that. I might. Is it better I don’t know?
It’s better you remember the nature of time travel. I’ve met the future, and it’s not alone. I hear ya. It’s all in how I play the cards. Or maybe a little bit how the universe rolls the dice.
It’d probably be best I don’t ask about them. It. The future, I mean.
What good would come of it? None, I suppose. You might be promising me a gift Santa won’t bring me. It’s well enough to know such a present exists.
It’s a great gift. You don’t have to do that. I know better.
It’s just, it going right... going well, that’s a bit foggy. Going not so well... for me at least, however, I got about ten good pictures.
So, you’re a senior. What do you plan to do when you graduate? Well, I expect to be picked up by The Doctor, where I’ll have marvelous adventures.
Sounds exciting. I’m of course kidding. But thank you for humoring me. Some of the other seniors and I are talking about auditioning for Broadway and off-Broadway things. Most likely we’ll be getting mostly chorus parts, but nobody makes it big just out of the gate.
Image Credit: blainerph, kamamar
Original Idea: televisionamist
Hey ya, I’m Zoey, and it’s great to meet you?
Oh, it’s great to meet you. Zoey Nolastname? Ha! Well, it’s Rafaeli if you check my fake ID. I don’t use it for buying alcohol or anything, in case you were wondering.
Actually, what I was hinting about was your true parentage. You make it sound like a soap opera or like one of those fantasy movies aimed at 10-year-olds.
...
Oh, sorry, digression, I’m bad at those.
My last name’s Puckerman.
So, my guess is that you would be Puck’s daughter? Hey, I could be Jake’s. I don’t want you to eat crow now.
You’re not... You don’t look like Jake. I guess not.
So you’re Puck’s daughter. Who is your mother? Tina.
Tina? Did she adopt you? Nope.
Damn. I guess I do have to eat crow. Tina’s your biological mom? Don’t worry; you’re not the first person not to believe it. Even Mom thought Dad had impregnated another poor girl when I came out.
Of... her? That’s the joke. Don’t make it dirty.
Well, hybrid vigor sure is in effect. Oh, god, are you calling me pretty? Don’t do that please. I mean, I think I’m nice enough looking to have self-esteem, but, ugh, being called pretty just makes me so self-conscious.
Doesn’t that make dating hard? Oh, it’s just the tip of the debilitating awkwardness that is my life. You think I don’t favor my mother? How about the fact I didn’t an ounce of my dad’s charisma? I’m this white-passing goober than makes you think the stork wrote down the address wrong.
So, I take it you’ve never had a boyfriend? Well, I mean, when I was eight, I was dating Wyatt Motta, who for some reason was calling himself Ninja Triceratops, which when you’re that age make you like a jillion times cooler.
Long story short, he stop dating me because I brought a My Little Pony figurine to recess. And, of course, he grew up to be a teenage Greek god, and I grew up to be, well, me.
So, can we jump back for a second. Are your parents together? Ha! No. Because that would give me some semblance of a normal life and allow me to develop appropriate social skills. No, my birth had nothing to do with true love, and everything to do with a bottle of tequila and the factoid that my grandmother was a Korean baby raised by Christer Jews.
Christer Jews? Jews who only go to church—Temple?—on High Holidays, but still celebrate Christmas and Easter secularly.
So, who raised you? I guess you could say Mom had custody. I’ve always lived with her, but it was the same apartment building where Dad lived, so it’s not like there was ever any trouble with visitation. It was kind of a weird joint parenting thing.
Are you musical like your parents? Oh, yeah, sure! I mean, I got something from them, or I’d be requesting the DNA tests, too. I love to sing. I’m in a band with my best friend Eli. Have you met him? The doofus came back in time because he wanted to, I don’t know, invent calculus or something.
I have; Quinn and Artie’s son? Yeppers. I’m just kidding; I don’t use “Yeppers”; nobody does that. Anyway, yeah, we’ve been friends since forever. Everyone thinks we should date but it’d be super weird because we’re like brother and sister. And then there’s the fact our parents dated. Like, literally, both sets of opposite parents were seriously dating at one point in their lives. If we were in some sappy rom-com, yeah, it’d totally work out great.
But it’s not going to.
Why’d you come back in time? Because it was what all the cool kids were doing?
Honestly, Ryder, Eli, and I all agreed to go back one at a time, and help get each other situated. Ryder of course could go back into the 1700’s and get himself elected prince of Prussia. And Eli’s like a genius, and could probably could just found M.I.T. earlier or something.
And then there’s me who hasn’t made a friend by myself since I was four and once managed to lock myself out of my own house. In my underwear. At age eleven. At my own birthday party.
So, I’d seriously chicken out except for the fact I’m kind of lonely.
Image Credit: sephymason, imaibui, theomgleeproject, last.fm, nva
Welcome to show. It’s great to have you. Well, I’m much honored. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Eli Abrams, and I’m from the future.
You may be the first person who didn’t try to keep their status a secret. It’s why you invited me to this interview, right? You know my parents?
I assume you have parents that I’m acquainted with. You said your last name was Abrams. Are you Artie’s son? Yes, sir, I am. And my mother’s name is Quinn, maiden name Fabray.
I don’t believe I’ve met any of their children. Really?
Their children. I’ve interviewed plenty of their children with other spouses. Heh, that’s weird to think about. I guess it makes sense, though, my parents dated other people in high school. Heck, a few of them are family friends still.
Did your parents ever tell you how they fell in love? They’d been friends a long time. My mom moved to New York after college, when my Dad was in his senior year of film school. He asked her to be in his senior project, and... well, that’s really it. Dad got noticed; they moved to LA for better exposure, and had me.
And before you ask, no, it had nothing to do with the time Mom was in a wheelchair.
So, what brings you to the past? It’s a long story.
Both my parents are crazy smart. And they passed that along to me, not to brag. They're most artsy, and I’m a little bit artsy, too, inherited their love of music; I’m even in a band.
But where I really got cranially blessed was in mathematics. I’m a prodigy. It’s like the most interesting thing about me, and it’s the dullest most interesting thing about you that you can have.
I happen to think mathematics is quite awesome. Well, cool. But, for me, it’s been the cause of a little bit of heartache. I did the whole genius kid routine: got a GED at 13, got a B.S. from UCLA in a year and a half, matched wits with the best guys at Stanford, UC-Berkeley, and CalTech.
My problem is that I’m really good at figuring out stuff that’s already been figured out. I’m basically bound to solve some awesome unsolved problem in mathematics... but it’ll take me 40 years. I’m willing to put in the time; I’m just afraid I’ll get discouraged.
So, I’m cheating and going back 30 years. Most likely, I’ll solve something that’s been solved in my time, but I’ll just do it first. Mind you, it won’t be something I’ve read about; I’ll still do it the hard way.
I guess you’re ethically in the clear. It’s a murky gray area, I admit, but I figure that the person whose work I’ve “stolen” will then leapfrog my work and discover something better.
How’s it going so far? Kinda awesome, actually. I came back to this point in time for a reason. You see, in my time, Brittany Pierce still goes to MIT, but she only stays for six months and then gets bored, and stops spouting useful numbers. She does just fine afterwards, becomes a popular television talk show host, but I’m sure a dozen secrets of the universe remained locked in her head.
So when I came back, I enrolled at MIT, and volunteered to be her tutor. You see, MIT, geniuses that they are, decided there was no point in allowing Brittany to take classes when her high school transcript is nothing but Incompletes. (Literally, there’s not a single failing grade in her records. They’re just... blank.) Well, all it took was a sympathetic friend and a little hard work, and she’s basically caught up all the way to ninth grade math in one semester.
(Okay, it also took a ton of Adderall, but that stuff’s easier to get here than pot.)
Anyway, it’s working. She’s still giving us really awesome patterns. One set might help us reverse engineer a Base-10 spigot algorithm for pi. One set has something with Fermat’s Last Theorem. Not everything’s useful; one set even appeared to be the initial digits of an odd perfect number, but not only was it wrong, but we were reading it upside down. If you can imagine.
...
But still she’s basically the most amazing thing in the world.
Sounds like someone’s got a crush. No point in denying it. She’s a dropdead gorgeous blonde who some sort of Holy Grail to Mathematics.
But I’m not going to do any thing about it. She’s 19 and I’m 16. And she’s been in a ladies-only phase since she arrived. And I have negative game. And she and my dad dated... and I don’t wish to know any more particulars, thank you very much. Oh, and I know I’m going to return to the future someday, so not a lot of point really.
Miss anything from your present? My friends, mostly. Ryder’s in Lima now and Z’s still in the future, but she says she’ll be popping back soon.
Original Idea: televisionamist
Image Credit: blakeyjenner, popscreen.com, glee.wikia.com, nvalovers
Dani
I always had a headcannon that Demi Lovato was the child of Kurt Hummel & Blaine Anderson and now that she’s on the show i can no longer think her as their future child…unless..time travel?
This is Glee. There are always future children via time travel.
First off, why don’t you introduce yourself? Why, it would be my pleasure. You happen to be speaking to Hunter Fitzwilliam Clarington IV. I’m straight.
Good for you. Thank you.
So, I guess I’m just going to have to come out and ask. Are you by any chance the child of any member of McKinley High’s New Directions? Oh, is that why you wanted to interview me today? I figured this was about my unparalleled singing ability.
Well, if you must know, my real name is actually Hunter William Schuester.
So you’re Will’s son? Oh, I see the resemblance now. Might I ask who your mother is? I suppose so. Though, I don’t see who else it could be than his wife of twenty-three years, Terri.
Huh. You must be from further back than the rest. Will did start New Directions, did he not? Indeed.
But your mother never faked a pregnancy? What sort of slander is this? I will not sit here and listen to you demean by mother.
My apologies. It sounds like a sore subject. Mom had a miscarriage a couple of years before she had me.
I didn’t know. I was difficult, but it was for the best. She and Dad started seeing a marriage counselor. I mean, she was actually just the guidance counselor at Dad’s school, but they really grew closer. And it seemed to help Dad’s work, too. He trounced Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals his first year and snagged fourth place at Nationals. It was unheard of for a first-time choir, much less a first-time director. He wrote a book about it which sold really well, I mean, in the show choir world. But it was enough to buy us a nice house and for Mom to get fertility counseling, which is how the most amazing thing that ever happened to them did.
You? I’m offended you even have to ask.
Getting back on track, how’d you get your name? Mom named me after Kristen Stewart’s daughter, who was born a month before me. I think she though it would make me gay. It didn’t work, you know.
Why does that sound familiar... Hold the phone, you’re Sebastian’s half-brother? Yes, we have bonded over the fact. In a non-sexual manner, because I’m not gay.
...And you’re blood related. True, but it didn’t come up.
Is it hard being the frontman of the Warblers, since that makes you your own father’s competition? Not at all. I go to Dalton in 2028, too. Dad retired from McKinley when I was still in middle school. Actually, he took a buy-out. About once a year, he spends a couple of months in New York on Broadway. He’s even starred alongside Rachel Berry.
I’m confused about something. I thought you said that you were surprised that your dad could have a child with anyone else but your mother. But if you’ve been in this timeline, you’ll notice he divorced her years ago and has dated other women and even got remarried. To the guidance counselor? Of course. Listen, my mom is really loud. My parents never sat me down and told me I was I.V. I just overheard it when I was four. And I overheard plenty of fights between my parents about Miss Pillsbury. I always knew it was a possibility that Dad liked her. As for my mom, she pretty unabashedly looks at the pool boy all summer.
So, why’d you come back in time? I pretty much just wanted to watch my dad’s rise to fame. Except something about me being here has not so much ruined it, but slowed it down.
One final question. Have any fine ladies attracted your very heterosexual eye? Eh, not really.
Image Sources: nolangerardfunkgifs, yahoo.com, zap2it.com
Original Idea: televisionamist.
So, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today? My name is J, which is short for Jenny, which is short for Jennica, which is short for Don’t Let Your Mormon Biological Mother Name You Before Putting You Up For Adoption.
It’s cute. Why, thank ya, hun.
So, who’s your momma? It was a closed adoption. I don’t know her name.
So, you do have a daddy? Or two? In fact I do have a matched set. I assume you’re familiar with Kurt Hummel and Adam Crawford?
They of course hyphenate now, but once upon a time...
Of course. You’re the first of their kids I’ve met though. Ha. I’ve heard that my parents’ social group has a terribly embarrassing habit of mix-‘n’-matching across the time stream.
So... Jenny... that wouldn’t happen to be Jenny, the girlfriend of a certain Miss Betty? Guilty. As. Charged, baby.
She was very complimentary of you. Is that code for she overshared about our sex life?
No, but yes, she did. That’s my little bubble-B. Isn’t she fantastic?
She’s something. I know what that means.
I’m sorry. Really, I enjoyed meeting her. I was just a little caught off-guard by... uh... Ha ha. Don’t sprain anything. Betty’s a sharp-tongued little firecracker and I got caught in the acid spray the first time, too. Granted, my first attempt at seduction went something like this:
Damn, aren’t I just the snake charmer?
But, for real, courting her was like lock-picking a cactus, but inside I found the cutest little honey badger.
You have a thing for imagery. Well, the guitar isn’t just to pick up chicks. I do fancy myself a bit of a songwriter.
I guess opposites attract. At her core, Betty isn’t as rough around the edges as she seems. A lot of it is a defense mechanism because of the cluster-f-word that her parents’ divorce devolved into.
“Cluster-f-word”? You don’t swear? Is it a Mormon thing? Ha. You’d think, right? But, nah, it’s not genetic. My dads are an atheist and a secular Anglican. I can say bad words; I just don’t throw them around a lot. Betty could make a one-eyed sailor wet himself.
Betty wasn’t kidding. You are a delight. Aw, shucks, you’re makin’ me blush.
You sound like a cowboy. Betty gravitated towards Santana when things got rough. Well, me and Sam hung. He's the one who taught me the guitar.
Oh, my. I didn’t realize your dads had problems. Oh, no, not like Betty and Kitty’s parents. I mean, they went through a rough patch about the same time when Dad started out hanging out with his friend Blaine without telling Daddy. Completely innocent, but Daddy’s convinced Dad still holds a candle for him.
Doddy? Oh, I got to call them different names, right? Kurt’s Dad and Adam’s Daddy. When you say “Daddy” with a British accent, it doesn’t sound as infantile.
Gotta say, love the ‘do. Heh, thanks. I kind of straddle the gender binary fence.
Oh, gosh, I hope I haven’t said anything wrong, like pronouns or anything. Don’t sweat it. I’ve never felt 100% girl, but I’m cool with the feminine terminology. I know there’s like three-hundred and six gender-neutral pronoun sets, but they’re hella confusing.
Otherwise, I don’t do girly well. Betty and my sister will rock dresses day and night. I just can’t abide by them. I’m built like a eleven year old boy with severe asthma. I rock a suit pretty damn well though.
Not bad. How did your dad react? Fair question. It put Dad off his game. He lived in a time when it was important to define yourself concretely, and he tried to rush through his andro phase as quick as he could, and I’m trying never to leave it. Daddy was the complete opposite. I could have told him I was a quadruple-gendered giraffe-kin from the planet Xandu and he would have politely asked if there was a special bow he needed to do when he picked me up from school.
So, before I forget, why’d you come back in time? What, and leave Betty and Kitty to their own devices? Those two could go shopping for makeup and somehow inadvertently cause the United Nations to elect a pregnant orangutan Supreme Commander of the World.
That’s about it. Any other interesting things you’d like us to know about you? I totally overshot my first time jump and am responsible for inspiring Justin Bieber’s hairstyle.
Wow. Really? You’ll never know. <wink>
Original Idea: televisionamist
Image Credit: damnrps, olivercollarbones, wetpaint, aroundtheinterwebs
Well, hello, dearie, welcome to the show. There’re no cameras... I thought this was a blog interview.
Well, we’re off to a great start. Why don’t you introduce yourself? Suzette Abramotta. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
So that would make your dad... Artie Abrams, yes.
And your momma...? Sugar Abrams, formerly Sugar Motta.
Formerly... Sugar Pierce-Lopez. Oh, I know.
Your last name’s really Abramotta? Legally, no. Mom was under the distinct impression that our family surname was that for quite a while. He had to disavow her of the notion once I started school. Both Dad and I are Abrams in law and practice. Mom is in law, but in practice, it’s Abrams, Motta-Abrams, or Abramotta, depending on her mood. Which changes a lot.
Suzette? You’ve gotten off easier than some of Sugar’s other children. They all had food names. I take it you don’t know what this is:
A crêpe? It’s a crêpe Suzette.
So, what brings you to 2013? The funny thing is I actually went back to 2007. You see I was going through a bit of an awkward phase, which started when I was about... 9. And now that I’m 22, I’m almost 30% through it! Which means at 16, I wasn’t doing too great. So, anyway, I kind of got this “crush” on my choir teacher, which warped into obsessive love, so I got him this tie so he would think of me.
As you can guess, I got rebuffed, and was hideously embarrassed, so the only logical thing to do was to drop out of school and beg Mom to let me use her time machine to go to the past. She of course agreed immediately, because she’s Mom, and because she’s Mom, she didn’t tell Dad. I went back to 2007 and enrolled at my folks’ old alma mater, McKinley High.
Where the exact same thing happened again with my parents’ choir coach.
You’re Suzy Pepper. Indeed.
As you can see, I wanted to reinvent myself with a little spice. (In the 2030’s, this is quite post-retro-hipster chic.) Anyway, I of course had to return to my present because esophagus transplants didn’t exist in 2007; luckily they bioengineer them in 2034. I changed school, went to counseling, got put on medication for my ROCD, and now everything’s great. You know, relatively.
Yes, I did make a trip back 2009 because I kind of accidentally stopped Rachel Berry from being a famous Broadway star—Haven’t we all done something similar?—but I fixed it.
Can we back up for one second. Is your dad jumping in that picture? I figured you’d want to hear that story.
Let’s start from the beginning. My parents may have met, and even dated in high school, but it wasn’t until New York that things really started to happen. Mom went back to her present after my granny went to MIT (since it meant she wasn’t going to get pregnant by Sam and was eventually going to get back together with my abuela, and eventually have my mom). Mom loved going back and visiting New York because her Mamá was there, and as it turned out so was my dad, in film school. Long story short, they kinda fell in love all over again, and there was an... accident: me.
Awww. That’s the reaction Mom loves to hear. Fast-forward five years. My parents are married and living in Los Angeles with little me. My dad’s moving up in Hollywood; my mom’s successful doing high-profile event planning. Meanwhile, she’s kept her ear to the ground about paralysis treatments. Lo and behold, one pops up. Bear in mind, this is still the early 2020s. There aren’t any flying cars, or robot maids, or cybernetic legs. This is super experimental, bleeding edge, trial-stage treatment.
Anyway, Dad’s a perfect candidate for it: total paraplegia due to lower lumbar trauma. (I don’t want you to think Mom’s finances got him the trial; his condition did; he basically had little to lose, so he went through with it.)
“What is ‘it’?” you might ask? It’s an eight-hour surgery, followed by weeks of excruciating pain during recovery, and finally an entire year of physical therapy just to give you the mobility of a two-year-old to start out with. Dad has an eighteen-inch scar half an inch thick down his back. He still uses—at minimum—a cane to walk, and a lot of the time, he can’t go without a walker.
That jump he’s doing in the picture? It meant he had to spend the next twelve hours in bed. Oh, and by the way, that picture’s from my parents’ belated five-year anniversary trip, because my dad had spent the last two either in recovery from his surgery or bedridden from a grueling physical therapy session.
Sounds awful. It was. Remember, this was when I was four. Both my parents had to put their jobs on hold for over a year to go through with this. My dad had both a day nurse and a night nurse, but it still meant my mom having to be available 24/7 on top of taking care of me. I had an nanny, but I still needed parents.
In case you didn’t think my mom sacrificed enough, she also typically visits her parents back in the future every couple of months, but she forgot... forwent? ...her visits the entire time. For Future Granny and Abuelita, it wasn’t a big deal, because once Dad was stable here, she could just set her destination to a few months after her last visit. But for Mom, she was suddenly separated from her second home for almost a year and a half.
Wow, was it worth it? I can’t imagine it wasn’t difficult, but they obviously got through it just fine, because they are just as happy together today as they were twenty years ago. I’ve met the other kids, and it baffles me when they think their version of my mom is spacey or self-centered, because mine may be just as eccentric, but she’s the most devoted wife and mother I know. As for my dad, I can’t make sense of the depressed or disconnected cynic I hear about, because my dad is genuinely happy and dedicated to his family.
So what’s next for you? I just graduated from U.C.L.A. with a degree in Biology. After a gap year, I’m going to go to medical school. Between my esophagus, my OCD, and my dad’s back, I’ve kind of been turned on to medicine. I’m thinking Neurology.
Usually I ask my subjects about crushes, but I guess it’s a sore subject. A little, yeah. I’m not as bad as I was before. I mean, I’m still a social trainwreck, but I’ve learned to deal with it. As for my love life, it’s pretty empty to say the least. But... I’m optimistic.
Well, I must say, I think I’ve enjoyed this interview most of all. I think I won’t be telling Mom that.
Much obliged. (sigh) I do love her.
Original Idea: televisionamist
Image Credits: torie-rph, rivrgrons, ilikepineapplesdealwithit
Well, hello, who are you? Hiya! My name is Fatma Guntes. Call me Gunti.
Alright, Gunti, do you have another name? You know, a real name? Yeeeeeeeeeah, that’s actually my birth name. But I think I get what you’re getting at. You want to know that I’m the future child of one or more of the New Directions kids who’s come back in time.
I have no idea what you’re talking about. What?
Crap crap crap. Alright, that was just an April Fool’s.
That was the worst cover-up I’ve ever heard. Yes, I’m wondering if you’re a time-traveler. So, let’s hear it. Oh my god, you’re a jerk. Hee-hee. So, anyway, I’m not really the child of any of the glee kids. I was born in Istanbul, Turkey to Arif and Özge Guntes.
They emigrated to the New York when I was a baby, and they raised me there until I was six when... jeezus, there’s no easy way to say this, but they died.
I’m so sorry. How? If you don’t mind me asking. My parents were Sunni Muslims. There was a fire at the mosque we went to, and they didn’t make it. To get serious for a second, the police never figured out if it was arson or an accident, which totally sucks.
Anyway, I got put into foster care. My temporary home was with Rachel Berry. She had a loft with Santana Lopez.
Yeah, and Kurt Hummel. Uh-huh, except he’d moved out by then. So, it’s actually a funny story. Santana had no idea that Rachel had registered to be a foster parent... hee-hee... much less registered them both as foster parents. As a lesbian couple. Hee-hee. You’ll have to excuse me, because this story never stops being funny.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s fraud. I know! Doesn’t that make it like ten times more hilarious?
So, how long did you stay with them? Ten years and counting. It was a total sitcom situation.
It does sound like a sitcom premise. Or a reality show. Rachel actually tried to get us featured on this TV series about unique families called Mix and Matched. We didn’t get picked though. Sad face.
So, did you get adopted? Uh, yeah, they don’t let you keep strays for that long until you do. "Strays" is what kids in the system call themselves. I think. I was only in a group home for eight days and I think about 98% of what the other kids told me were lies.
I never changed my name though. I mean, it always felt weird, like I was forgetting my parents. And whose last name would I take? Rachel’s? Santana’s? Am I Fatma Berry-Lopez? There’s a reason I don’t go by Fatma!
So, why didn’t you go by Gunti Berry-Lopez? You’d’ve be remembering your birth parents and respecting your new moms at the same time. And you won't be an easy target for seven-year-olds. I bet you anything Tana’s gonna fall off the couch in hysterical laughter because it took me ten years to figure that out.
So what’s it like living with Rachel and Santana? It’s the best! I mean, Rachel asks me yearly if I want to convert to Judaism. I always say no. My faith is the only thing left I have of my parents. All their stuff was donated to the mosque after their death.
Tana also asks me if I want to convert to Catholicism every Easter. I always say no, and then she gives me a high five and a "Good girl".
Plus, we have impromptu song-and-dance parties every night at 8 PM sharp.
So, is there anyone special in your life? I didn’t date until a few months ago. Tana brought me up to be confident in my sexuality, but that didn’t work. I mean, it worked, just not well. But I met a cute boy named Scott, and we’re going steady, and it’s the kind of stupid thing I should have been excited about when I was twelve, but I’m excited about it now. Of course, he wants to go further, but I’m not ready and he’s cool with that.
Oh, and before that I totally did a lot of kissing drills with my bestie Glory and it was nice but I don’t think I’m gay.
Oh, the most important question. Why’d you come back in time? ...
You’re kidding, right?
You don’t remember the part of the interview where I said my parents died in a fire that might have been a hate crime?!
I’m sorry. It’s just the most noble reason any of you guys have come back. What about your new moms? I love them, but they both sent me back with their blessing. Plus, it’s not like I’m going to lose them. Once I get my parents back, I’m still going to seek them out. I mean, it’s not going to be easy, since, you know, my parents were conservative Muslims, and Santana and Rachel are both hyper-pro-LGBT. But I don’t mind a big, messy family. It’s what I’ve always wanted.
Image Credits: weightlessness-issucha-relief, Now Magazine, allstarpics, habersulova
How do you do? Jesus Christ, can we get on with this?
Oh, sorry. Okay, so, uh, who are you? Stop wasting your time answering questions that you know the answer to. I introduced myself when I wheeled in. I’m Betty Pillsbury.
But really, you’re... Phoebe Elizabeth Evans, child of Sam Evans and Brittany S. Pierce.
Who’s your momma... oh. You go off a script, genius. I’m trying to save us both some time.
... Look, I guess I’m just going to have to run this interview myself.
You probably want to know about the chair, right? It’s the elephant in the room, no doubt. It’s a birth defect, a severely deformed T9 vertebra which left me paralyzed from the mid-torso down since birth.
I’m so sorry. My exasperation has nothing to do with my paralysis. Back where I’m from, we’ve got a handle on the whole "handicapable" thing.
If you want to apologize to anyone, tell it to my mom. She’s been depressed about it my entire life.
That’s awful. I get where she’s coming from. She’s a professional dancer and it’s literally her whole life because she doesn’t have any hobbies. I know she about has a meltdown anytime one of her coworkers brings in their kids to dance.
The kicker (no pun intended) is that I can dance just fine. The upper half of my body works great. I’ve got rhythm. I’m the captain of my cheerleading team.
So what brings you to 2013? Artie Abrams.
Ooh, do I detect a little crush? Hell, no. Look, my folks and their glee friends have gotten through some hard times, but Artie’s life is the most effed-up. Basically, the wedding was going to be the start of a deep downturn, so I came back to give him a confidence boost so to speak, and now Kitty’s trying to nudge him back to his career goals.
So you know Kitty? I’ll get to that in a minute.
Anyway, it wasn’t hard to get Emma to claim she was my aunt. Fifty-two percent of my spine is defective and I’ve still got more of a backbone than her.
Um, since you’re leading the interview, what’s next on the agenda? Can I talk about how he was crap in bed? Or how most guys are? You know I used to be bi, but when you’re a natural blonde with big tits and no sensation below the waist, you become kind of a magnet for guys who think they’ve got an excuse to be shit in bed.
Yikes. Yeah, yeah, I’m like a human blowup doll to them. I know it sounds like I’m using the excuse that bad experiences with guys in bed turned me into a lesbian, but it’s not like that.
Jenny turned me full lesbian. Or practicing lesbian, really. I still find certain guys attractive, but I’ve deemed them “Not Worth My Time”. Jenny is worth my time.
Jenny? (sigh) I’d tell you all about Jenny, but you’ll get a chance to meet her, and, frankly, she’ll be a hundred times more fun (and cooperative) to interview than me. And I’d hate to deprive you of the pleasure, because, objectively speaking, she is the most perfect and awesome human being to walk to Earth.
Huh. (grins) Look, you don’t have to say it. I turn into the world’s biggest fucking sap when I talk about her, but she really is amazing. She’s adorable, kind beyond belief, and a tiger in the sack.
...That took an unexpected turn. Well, to be perfectly crude, getting me off requires a little patience and some alternative methods, and she’s the first person I gone out with that’s willing to go through the trouble. And not call it trouble.
And since you asked, yes, I do return the favor.
I completely did not ask. Whatever. I volunteer the information freely.
Moving on to... anything else? I did say I’d talk about Kitty. Back home she’s my best friend. I bet she’s still pissed about Santana, right?
Yeah. She didn’t say why though. She’s still be coy about it? Big surprise. I don’t know why she treats it like some big conspiracy. My mom and Santana had an affair. End of story.
That’s it? It boils down to that. My mom and dad were happy for a while, then I came along, and Mom always blamed herself for my back. Dad tried to help; my mom wouldn’t let him. They resented each other. They went to counseling, got their shit together, and stayed together even though they’d fallen out of love and were basically friends that fucked every once in a while. Both wanted more kids but my mom stayed on birth control because she was afraid of having another deformed freak.
(For the record, I know I’m gorgeous, at least from the boobs up.)
As for Quinn and Santana, they were doing fine. But Aunt Q was always Santana’s second choice, and she didn’t think twice about stepping out. And Quinn half the time didn’t seem surprised by it. I mean sometimes she was pissed, but a lot of the time she was basically just disappointed. They divorced when Kitty and I were eight.
My folks on the other hand, when through two separations and reconciliations before Dad stopped exploding and figured out things weren’t going to get better.
You sound angry. I’m not angry. I just don’t have a lot of respect for anyone in the situation. My parents tried shielding me from their problems by sending me to Quinn’s. Kitty was being a little whiny bitch about the whole situation. Santana was just being lazy by not leaving Quinn, and pretending the whole thing was some sort of illicit romance. My dad was being delusional, thinking he was in some kind of weird competition with Santana from my mom. My mom was just being dumb.
Uh, I don’t think your mom likes that word. I’ll stop using it to describe my mom when she stops acting that way. She’s not mentally deficient, but she for some reason believes she’s nothing more than a pretty backup dancer. I suspect she’s just living up to Dad’s first impression of her. When you look at her yearbook, you can plainly tell she had a bunch of interests and talents, but that’s all gone now. If she wanted to leave my dad, she damn should’ve.
I’m blonde too and you better believe I wasn’t in Hell going to accept any of my teachers and peers thinking I was an airhead. It’s not too hard to maintain a 4.0 when you simply do the work, study, and don’t take classes that are too hard for you. Like, I can rip AP World History and AP Stat new ones but AP Calc would whip me bloody.
I love the imagery. I’d love to be all rainbows and puppies like my mom, or platitudes and kind smiles like my dad, but I’m just not.
Look, I’m resilient ‘cause my folks did a good job raising me. But having a mom who basically cries because her daughter has rubber legs sucks balls. So does your parents divorcing. I know it was the best thing for them, and I know I said I wasn’t angry about it, but to be honest, I’m super-pissed less because of it but more because my parents just fucking mismanaged their own lives.
Personality ain’t genetic. And I had to spend a lot of time with Quinn when things got real stormy at my house. Bitch Mode may not be the kindest way to gain strength from strife, but it worked for me, like it did for Quinn and Santana.
You don’t blame Santana? Look, I think Santana’s a coward, but trouble is I relate to her a lot. She knows what it’s like to take years to figure out your sexuality. And what it’s like for a cynic to fall stupid in love. My parents respect my sexuality 100%, but Santana relates.
Anything else? Um, no. The interview’s over. I talked about my folks, I talked about my bestie, I talked about my girl. I talked about why I’m here. I talked about my sex life. So I don’t know about you but all my checkboxes are ticked.
Well, actually I do have one more thing. Too bad.
Image Source: something-sweet, fyeahbram, fanpop, ravengleek, teen.com, homeofthenutty.com
Original Idea: televisionamist
Who are you? My name is Ryder Lynn.
Yes, what’s your real name? Well, actually, I was born Wyatt Cane. My mom has this thing where I’m allowed to change my name whenever I want to. It’s this hippie, empowerment thing. Ryder’s my actual current name. I came up with it when I was 13 and it’s stuck.
Cane? So you’re not the child of a New Directions member? Oh, back up. “Cane” was my middle name. The last name’s Motta. My mom is Sugar.
One, awesome! Two, isn’t her last name—? Pierce-Lopez? Yeah, it is, but she’s gone by “Motta” since she was 16. She never went back to her present (so it ended up being my present, too) and no one knows she’s Brittany and Santana’s daughter.
So, who’s your dad? I don’t have one. I mean, obviously I had one. Biologically speaking. I was AI. Can we just drop it? My mom’s single. She dates, and has fallen in love half a dozen times, but she’s like super picky when it comes to finding me a stepfather. She compares it to this Must Love Dogs movie.
Then who are you “parents”? Family friends. Granny B has a lot of university friends. I wasn’t kidding about them being super-geniuses, especially compared to me.
You have dyslexia. Going through that drama was hard enough the first time.
Wait... Sugar... Cane... Yeah, yeah, you’re super clever. It could have been much worse. There’s like a billion food names for girls.
Like “Peach”?
Yeah, I guess.
Speaking of Marley. Isn’t she your sister? ...That you’re carrying a torch for? Let’s be clear. I’m 100% over that. Okay, it’s closer to 80%. Or maybe 38%... Regardless, she’s not my sister in any way. She’s not my mom’s biological daughter. And her "Sugah Momma" isn’t my... mom. That Sugar went back to the future, became a completely different person. We’ve even talked about it. She said it didn’t bother her, but I think it’s one of the reasons she chose Jake.
She thinks you blew her off. She doesn’t think that any more. But at this point, it’s too late for us. Jake’s my main bro now and, despite how effed up it ended, the whole Katie thing showed me that I could absolutely get over her eventually.
I take it you’re still mad at Unique then? It was super messed up, dude! I thought she was a girl!
...
Unique is a girl. Don’t throw that in my face, okay? My mom raised me in a very accepting environment, so accepting even, that I’d never actually encountered a struggling trans person before. I understand cis, and trans, and even genderqueer. (Theoretically.) But when I met Unique, I would have sworn up and down he was... she was drag. In my present, it’s common courtesy for deviants—they reclaimed that word by the way—to explain their identity, include pronoun preference and everything. I’d been here less than six months, so in my mind it was her who was messing up the social contract.
And I got frustrated and totally made an ass out of myself. I totally admit that. And I apologized and I accepted her identity. Which I would have done from the start if she’d bothered to explain it to me. Like I later found out she did explicitly for Marley and Jake.
Sorry. Low blow. I’m still just really pissed at her.
Okay, let’s end on a good note. I’ve noticed you’ve gotten closer to a certain Miss Wilde. Uh, if you’re trying to imply that Kitty and I might start dating because we both shared a childhood trauma, then no. But, yeah, we’ve become friends. She’s actually been a huge help finally processing it.
That’s not a good note. Can I congratulate you on your mad dance skills?
Uh... my mom taught me to dance?
Image Sources: fuck-yeah-glee-gifs, exposay.com, last.fm
Oh yeah I've been freaking meaning to do this! -
So after watching many pitch perfect clips I have come to the conclusion that Chloe Beale is Maura Isles’s daughter (Jane’s too) -
And Stacie Conrad is so totaly Ruby’s daughter -
