He knew exactly why, but he also knew it was stupid and silly and completely outside the realm of possibility. He just hadn't been able to help himself.
He'd stayed up and watched the clock, waited as the minutes ticked by until it was officially Valentine's Day, and held his breath...
And then nothing.
He'd huffed out a laugh, telling himself he was more embarrassed than disappointed because honestly, what had he expected?
Evan to show up at the door to declare his love? To want to get back together?
To want him?
That wasn't Tommy's life. That was fantasy. The stuff of romcoms, not the real world.
Reality was getting into his ratty pajama pants and an ancient, worn-soft LAFD t-shirt (that still had a B and a U and a half-peeled Y on the back) and accepting the fact that he was once again alone for this stupid, fake holiday...that he absolutely loved.
Sighing, he made his way out to the kitchen and dug around in his freezer until he found the pint of cookie dough ice cream that Evan had left there and Tommy had been avoiding for the past three months. What was the point of leaving it? Evan was never coming back. It wasn't like he'd be there to get mad at Tommy for eating it and why let it go to waste?
He stood there, staring at the ice cream.
His therapist would have plenty to say about him struggling to let himself have things, but that was a problem for Tuesday Tommy.
...screw it.
He was eating the ice cream.
Tommy snatched the container out of the freezer and set it down on the counter, ignoring its accusing stare as he grabbed a spoon out of the drawer.
"This is for the best," he muttered. "I'm putting us both out of our misery, okay? We can't wait forever. He's never coming back."
He tapped the spoon against the lid, frowning when a faint knock sounded back.
"What the fu-"
The knock again, louder this time and clearly coming from the front door.
Tommy set the spoon down beside the ice cream, grabbed his phone, and crept down the hallway toward the door. He was still debating calling 911 when he caught sight of a familiar silhouette through the window and his heart stopped.
He'd know those curls anywhere.
Evan startled, hand still raised when Tommy whipped open the door.
"Shit," he said, eyes going wide. "I mean, not sh-not that, I just...I wasn't expecting you to answer so quickly and I'm still kind of working on what I'm going to say..."
"...did you want me to close the door and give you a minute?" Tommy asked after another weighted beat passed between them. He'd stand back in the hallway for as long as it took. As long as Evan needed.
"No!" Evan jolted forward, hand flexing like he was ready to catch it - as if Tommy would willingly close a door between them ever again. "I..."
Tommy waited, drinking in the sight of Evan as he fidgeted on the front porch. He itched to tug the lip free that he was chewing on, but he was equally afraid to touch him.
He didn't think he could bear it if this turned out to be a dream.
"I watched them all," Evan blurted out suddenly. He rubbed at the back of his neck, cheeks going red. "All of the movies I could remember from your shelves. T-the romance ones? And then Maddie recommended some more."
Tommy didn't know what to make of that. "Why-"
"Because everyone said I wasn't allowed to bake anymore," Evan said, as though that was a sentence that would clear things up. "But I had to do something, right? To stop myself from calling you every second that I was awake."
Wait, what?
"And I figured, if I couldn't stop thinking about you, then at least, I could maybe get inside your head and try to understand where we went wrong - where I went wrong," Evan barreled on like he wasn't completely upending Tommy's brain. "I watched them all and in every single one, ever single one, the couple has a fight and b-breaks up because, well, for all kinds of reasons, but it was because they were always missing what was right in front of them."
Evan took a deep, steadying breath, bracing himself on the doorframe. "I said a lot of stuff that night, but I missed saying the most important thing of all. I felt it, felt it so much it felt too big to say, but that was a mistake." He looked up, meeting Tommy's gaze with bright eyes.
"I love you, Tommy. I love you. I'm sorry I did everything backwards and managed to leap ahead all at the same time." Evan shook his head, blinking back tears as Tommy fought to hold back his own.
"I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that what I feel for you is real," he said "The most real and right thing I think I've ever felt in my life and I don't want to lose you. The last few months have been...I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Like my heart has been out there in the world without me and I've hated every minute of it."
"Please," Evan said, searching Tommy's face, hope threaded through every letter. "I know we have a lot we need to talk about, but can we - can we try again?"
Tommy took a shaky breath, still half-convinced he was about to wake up and have all of this ripped away from him.
"Please say something," Evan whispered, his shaky plea finally snapping Tommy into action.
He reached out to cup Evan's cheek, stroking a thumb against his skin as he leaned in. "You had me at 'shit'," Tommy said, a helpless smile twitching at the corners of his lips.
Evan's mouth dropped open as Tommy's words sank in. Relief warred against an extreme pout as he poked at Tommy's chest. "Did you seriously just Jerry Maguire me? I can't even-"
The rest of his protest was cut off when Tommy yanked him inside the house for a searing kiss, kicking the door shut behind them.
"I love you too," Tommy murmured against Evan's lips as he pressed him into the wall. He tried to get the apology he'd been agonizing over for the last three months out between kisses. "I'm sorry I ran. I got scared and stupid and I want this. Want you. Want everything."
Evan groaned, grabbing at him as he gave back as good as he got, kissing every part of Tommy he could reach without letting him move an inch out of his arms.
"Stay," Tommy gasped when they finally broke apart for air. "Please stay and just sleep beside me and we can talk properly in the morning?" He wasn't prepared to let Evan out of his sight any time soon.
"Try and get rid of me," Evan said with a little laugh as he rested his forehead against Tommy's. They kissed once more, softly, knowing they had time now. Letting out a happy sigh, Evan dropped a tiny peck on the end of Tommy's nose before releasing him and moving toward the kitchen.
Tommy went to lock the door, freezing when Evan let out a garbled noise of outrage.
"Is this my ice cream?"
Biting back a grin, Tommy headed toward Evan and his continuing grumbles...
And let his grin actually spread when he rounded the corner to find Evan standing there, holding out a second spoon.
AU when on 8x06, when buck asked 'are you breaking up with me?' instead of yes, tommy says 'no. i think we need time to think. let's talk tomorrow'
1. Buck is freaking out because he knows he went too far, too fast, and nothing good comes after 'I need time to think.' He just likes Tommy so much and maybe he is in love with him and "no, Maddie, I'm not catastrophizing, this is a catastrophe!"
2. Tommy is freaking out because, what the fuck? The guy he was very probably falling in love with just said that Tommy's ex-fiancee was the most transformative relationship of his life before Tommy, then brought up moving in and marriage, and "it's not fucking funny, Sal. My life is nightmare."
3. They agree to meet at a coffee shop the next day and Buck is all nervous energy and nearly knocks the whole table over when he stands up to greet Tommy. He starts word vomiting immediately that he's sorry he's just never really felt like this before and yes it is all new and exciting but he really does like Tommy and he thinks– Tommy lays a hand over his, smiling fondly, because he still thinks Evan is adorable, even when he terrifies the hell out of him.
"I dont want to break up," he reassures him. "But I can't move in with you. I think maybe we should just...slow things down a bit."
"Slow. Right. Okay." Buck nods. "Can we do that?"
4. They cannot do that.
5. They get married after a year of dating. Sal's best man speech is humiliating but heartfelt. Maddie gives Buck a knowing smile while their dancing.
No offense but it is kinda tragically funny that “this doesn’t change anything between us” precedes two whole seasons of a downward spiral in their interpersonal relationship. It wasn’t the actual cause but it does unfortunately kinda correlate.
the way the show about found family and hope for everyone said no found family and hope for you, gay boy 🫵 to tommy kinard, gave him a broken heart instead and then completely forget about him. fuck this, honestly.
not to add to this perfect post directly but one of my favourite things about bucktommy is the different first meeting AUs because they could have met at any point between season 1 episode 1 and season 7 episode 3!!! how many near misses... how many almosts... how many what ifs... and not even like, in the vicinity of firehouse 118 or the people they both know or even being sent to the same location for a call that requires more than one crew (and/or air support) like there's so so much you can play with. it makes me insane. I'm gonna keep putting them in situations I'm afraid.
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