@burningsage - Tumblr Blog

If you’re anxious interacting with other people, especially strangers, I’ve got a tip for you: Focus on being kind. Not nice, kind.

“Nice” means acting in a manner that others might deem acceptable and … nice. It enforces a mindset that is already strong when you’re an anxious person: The focus lies outside of yourself, worrying what others might think, seeing yourself through the (imagined) eyes of other people. Therefore it is best avoided.

“Kind” means behaving in a manner that you think aligns with your values. You decide if you are showing the other person the respect they deserve. Which might be none, if they’re an asshole. The magical thing is, if you focus on being kind during an interaction, you stay anchored in your own experience instead of anxiously wondering about the other person’s perspective.

stilljewelzz

This is a great response and I am going to use it!

presidentofthehotgirlclub

it’s insane how tired I am honestly…like I’m so sexy for still going

whattolearntoday

A bit of September 7th history…

70 - Roman army under General Titus occupies and plunders Jerusalem

1813 - “Uncle Sam” 1st used to refer to the US (pictured)

1916 - Workman’s Compensation Act passed by Congress

1921 - 1st Miss America Pageant is held in Atlantic City

1936 - Last surviving member of the Thylacine species (Tasmanian Tiger) dies in her cage in Tasmania

1940 - Beginning of the Blitz: German Luftwaffe bomb London for 1st of 57 consecutive nights

1977 - Panama Canal Treaties signed, guaranteeing Panama’s control over the Panama Canal beginning in 2000

1979 - ESPN debuts

1996 - Rap artist Tupak Shakur is shot multiple times in a drive by shooting in Las Vegas - dies 6 days later

2013 - Chinese President Xi Jinping announces plans to develop a new “Silk Road Economic Belt” during a visit to Kazakhstan

ps1

水暴れる渓流 - 睡蓮の花

forestgreenlesbian

Blackberry Mountain for WSJ Magazine, Justin Kaneps

robertacolndrez

BROAD CITY (2014-2019) Created by Ilana Glazer & Abbi Jacobson

symptoms-syndrome

Passive aggressive maybe, but like...healing and getting better isn't easy. When I see people make posts about "LOL google says I should make a schedule to help manage my ADHD but I can't make a schedule bc I have ADHD" it's like. People saying that stuff know it's hard. That's part of why you gotta do it.

Sometimes healing is easier. Sometimes it's something really small that becomes routine. But sometimes it's hard! Sometimes you gotta push yourself to do something and it sucks! But I don't know what to tell you, other than that you don't need to be good at it right away.

Using the calendar example, I have ADHD + semi-frequent memory loss, so it can feel really difficult to try and make a calendar when both of those things can directly get in the way. So I started with making sure recurring events were in it, like therapy and med reminders. Now I'm usually able to remember to put in appointments or other one-time events in as soon as I know about them. It takes a lot of work.

I don't know. I just think sometimes people on this site are sitting in mud and complaining about being dirty. You really do need to try.

goobiroo

I relate to this but for cptsd and routines. It's hard. Healing isn't supposed to be comforting all the time. It's an everyday every minute thing. But I do the work to get better

symptoms-syndrome

Yes! It definitely applies to a lot of things.

Thinking on it more, I think part of the issue is that people view things as either in their "comfort zone" or in their "danger zone," which is not really how things work. There's an area in the middle where things suck and feel bad but aren't so bad you're in danger (mental, emotional, physical) and that's where growth happens.

Because I'm a visual learner:

Trauma can make you think things are like this:

When in reality, things are more like this:

Trauma etc can make that challenge zone (often also called a window of tolerance) really fucking small, so it can be easy to overshoot into the danger zone, which can lead to having panic attacks and being triggered. Sometimes that can reenforce the idea that everything outside our comfort zone is scary red danger zone! But with gentle prodding into our little orange areas, we can grow our window of tolerance. Growing our challenge zones, then turning our challenge zones into comfort zones.

Using a more concrete example, say you try going to a party and you get SUPER overwhelmed! That might put you in a situation where you visualize things like this:

Figuring out what's in that orange "challenge zone" can take some trial and error, but maybe you can try something like this:

Forcing yourself to go to a party where you'll feel overwhelmed and triggered is just going to reenforce the seperation of the red and the green. But pushing a little bit, in a way that feels scary but safe? That's where growth happens! Then maybe eventually, things look more like

goobiroo

That makes a lot of sense. You explained this so well, thank you! And totally, that orange area is super hard to figure out bit it's possible.

Since my coping mechanism is to make challenges into adventures:

I tell myself my orange zones are quests that will help me get to my goals or newer areas. And like any other person, I gotta rest in between them and not overwhelm myself. When I am rested and taken care of my needs, I have a better chance to avoid quick burn out when picking up the quests again. This storytelling keeps me excited and keeps me in check to let myself rest.

fuckyeahchinesegarden

清水花谷, mentougou, beijing by 南

zoesupreme

Back when I worked at walgreens I didn't know witch hazel was a real thing people would come in asking for it and I'd be like yeah it's on aisle 3 next to the wolfsbane and eye of newt you fucking idiot bastard

zoesupreme