31. Transfem butch. Bi lesbian. She/her. A place to put horny thoughts, proper erotic writing, and the hottest tits I see on my dash. Lots of fucked up porn awaits.
I'm a 31 year old transfem butch, bi-lesbian, therian. she/her pronouns.
Part of a plural system with @preciousgoddessdrone @wolfgirlfemme @partyslutbitch @littledommesupreme @warlockvoidwolf and @thegestaltstand
Girlfriend of @lucyvaleheart 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
You can call me Wolf, or Miss (but not Mistress).
I also go by Goddess and Mom, but using these honorifics for me is something earned with trust, and only allowed with specific permission. You may ask for permission, but don't be weird about it if I tell you no.
You can call me handsome, but ONLY as an adjective prefacing a noun. Handsome butch, handsome wolf, these are okay, just calling me "handsome" is not.
This blog is about me being a dommetop, pretty much exclusively. I have a lot of fucked up kinks and I don't tag for them at all because I don't wanna be nuked, so don't follow if you aren't into that. (I did tag and CW stuff on cohost, rip, best social media site I've ever used).
If you are interested in my erotic fiction but do want CWs ahead of the writing though, I have cross-posted all of my writing to AO3 here, and have CWs in front of each chapter and tags on each work for what it contains:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Horny asks are encouraged, Ask me how I'd rape/degrade/abuse you. Or tell me your grossest fantasies and I'll tell you how perverted you are for having them.
If you like my writing, consider tipping me on Ko-fi.
Tags below are for:
#Mom's writing: my long form erotic writing. sometimes ask responses I'm proud of or are on the longer side will be added here
#Mom speaks: my shorter original posts, or additions/responses I write to posts
#Mom's voice: audios I record and post here, there's not that many but I'm very proud of the ones I've done
#Mom's answers: my responses to asks, and responses to asks I send other people as well
#Mom's body: extremely rare, but when I post photos of myself here this is what they'll be tagged as
#Mom's music taste: mostly a tag for a bunch of posts I made about my 2024 top 100 songs, but occasionally I'll add something extra on here so y'all know what I'm listening to
#ask games: for ally games. mostly so I can find them again after getting sent an ask lol
For those of us with parents who failed to teach us how to handle our emotions; give us the necessary stability, safety, comfort, and reassurance necessary for us to be able to learn it; preferred avoidance above all else; and/or just generally fucking sucked (and likely still do), hopefully this can help.
preamble: a note on avoidance
If you identify with the above you probably have avoidant patterns when it comes to your emotions to one degree or another, although exactly what that looks like will vary a bit person to person. If not, feel free to skip this section and then probably need to revisit it in about six months when you figure out you were repressing/dissociating/ignoring that you have avoidant patterns to begin with.
Avoidance as a cope generally means you're dissociating a lot of it, when you can. So you will have some ✨fun times ✨ trying to get to the core of it and sometimes even registering / feeling your feelings in the first place… until they become painful enough to exceed your ability to cope in that way, and spill over.
As a starting point, see if you can find any early memories of parents or caregivers rejecting you, reprimanding you, disciplining you, harming you, or generally being extremely unhelpful when you were small and failed to do your own emotional regulation because you were a fucking child that hadn't been taught any of it yet; that was your parents failing to do their job.
That memory is a part of you, there is a part of you that probably felt like shit in that moment and remembers that on some level and still probably feels fucking horrible about it. If you can step into that memory strongly enough you can try to help that part of yourself regulate and give them the comfort, reassurance, and guidance needed to process that feeling from that moment. See below for the rest of that.
If you can't find any of those memories, that's also okay. You might find you start to uncover them later, or you may not. Either way, you can start in the now.
ok what the fuck is processing emotions
and why is it bullshit
The shitty part about dealing with emotions is you do kinda have to accept that sometimes you're just gonna feel like shit. No, this doesn't feel good. No, it doesn't stop you feeling bad. No, it's not actually avoidable, ultimately. Sorry.
Trying to avoid feeling shitty just means it piles up until you can't ignore it anymore, and then you eventually get to places where it feels like the only times you feel negative emotions, they always feel absolutely fucking horrible, and like you can't possibly ever manage them, and you have no choice but to avoid them as much as possible… which. Brings you right back into the worst case scenario.
It sucks. And despite that, because of that, you need to hold it and feel it anyway. Feelings aren't really things that can be "fixed," really. They're things that need to be experienced, held, accepted, and comforted, until they pass on their own. Even/especially when they suck.
You hold onto them, push back hard on the impulse to reject them and try to engage with something or someone else too much as a distraction or to try to find someone who can fix it for you. Yes, talking through your feelings with others can help, but the hazard you'll run into (especially early on) is that you will tend to use that as an avoidance based cope rather than as a means of helping you keep in touch with and explore and express the feeling.
Some examples of emotional avoidance
Looking for interaction and discussion and ways to rationalise or invalidate your feeling, rather than ways to validate, explore, accept, understand, and comfort it.
Outright rejecting sympathy or empathy from others, or invalidating it based on some rationalisation of it not applying to you, specifically, not being correct or speaking directly enough to you.
Directing the emotions at others, either to hurt them in an attempt to make yourself feel better, or expecting them to fix them for you and do something about it.
Spiralling into the emotion but never comforting it yourself, so the engagement of others furthers the spiral by giving you something to latch onto and avoid the emotion by engaging with them.
Seeking out things that further hurt you emotionally and fixating on just feeling even more emotional pain and distress without being able to or even wanting to comfort and help your body through the emotions it's already dealing with. (Sometimes referred to as emotional self-harm.)
That is very much not a "don't reach out for help". Remembering what the fuck you need when you're feeling like shit can be hard. Having someone to help you process through it is super useful. These are just patterns to look out for in yourselves and others you may be trying to help; try to nudge yourselves or others towards better processing patterns instead of being someone they come to in order to rationalise or avoid processing their emotions.
For some of us, feeling emotions feels innately hazardous; feelings in general provoke anxiety and stress, regardless of whether they're good or bad. If that's your experience, try to regulate that response down first.
There was a time when I stopped listening to music.
The recommendations to follow are more direct and may provoke the anxiety response; use the recommendations in the above article to help manage that and lessen it over time.
yes i know it feels like it's bullshit, but
Instead, you need to treat the negative emotions as kind of… a physical fact of your body. It hurts, it feels uncomfortable, it feels irritating, weird, pressure, whatever.
Do your best to breathe, try to keep something nearby to hold onto for comfort that has a physical sensation to focus on, to help you to focus on your body. If you're at home, a large plushie/blahaj or a nice comfy or weighted blanket can be lovely; at work, maybe sensory stim toys are more acceptable to keep around. Something that doesn't require a lot of thought but has a comforting or reassuring physical sensation to it.
Focus on the actual physical feeling of the emotion and just breathe through it. If you're used to rationalising your feelings, you might go "I feel really angry / hurt / sad," but that doesn't say anything about what it's actually doing in your body. For example, sometimes when we're miserable we feel acute stabbing pain in the chest, we feel cold and hollow, tension in the stomach and chest. Those kinds of things.
Naming or identifying the emotions ("Sad") is a useful shorthand for communicating to others, but doesn't help you focus on your body and so it doesn't help. Instead, ignore the temptation to reach for the labels of the emotions, and focus on:
Where does it hurt? what kind of pain is it?
Does your body feel hot or cold? Both? Where in your body?
Is there tension somewhere in your body?
And so on.
To us at times it feels stupid, pointless, dogshit, we just want the feeling to stop, we don't wanna feel that way. But pretty much all the time? It's what we need.
If the emotion sparks thoughts, and it often will, note them, accept them, and pull your attention back to what it feels like, physically, in your body. Give it what it needs physically. Sometimes that's warmth, or something (or someone!) to hug. Sometimes you just need to cry: we've found mood-appropriate music to help us cry is extremely useful. Sometimes you need to stim and shake your limbs, or go for a walk or a run for a little while. Sometimes you just need to literally have a fucking meltdown. Is it ideal? No. But that's what happens when you spend a lifetime avoiding feeling negative emotions. They pile up.
Some other physical comforts that can help to process things:
comfy temperatures
a shower, or a bath
comfort foods
hot tea (ideally low or no caffeine) or other comforting drinks.
If you live with others you're close with, they can help with the regulation some (hugs and cuddles are fucking great). But… you will still need to be willing to accept the feelings and focus on them long enough for that help to be meaningful and effective.
why tho
By responding to an emotion with a physical sensation, a physical comfort, you keep yourself focused on your body and give your nervous system something comforting to help soothe it and work through it.
The annoying fucking thing is that trying to process your unpleasant and horrible feelings will be an inconvenient mess that takes way too damn long for a bit. The more you do it, the more you learn what helps your body to regulate and do it, the easier it gets to hold onto, the easier it gets to manage, and the quicker it will resolve.
Brains like to think emotions are their domain. They're really not, though. Emotions are physical responses the body / the nervous system has in response to stimulus. The brain can contribute to the input, but it cannot control the response; attempting to do so results in dissociative and avoidant responses, ultimately leaving the nervous system to its own devices. The end result? Emotions appear to be explosive, sudden, severe, uncontrollable, and unpredictable.
The brain is always affected by the nervous system, and can help a little in processing along the way (or severely hinder, which is probably more your experience, if you're reading this) but ultimately the body needs to feel that shit, or it stays just... accumulating over time.
… so yeah. That's. The how. Getting to actually do it and learning and using the new coping patterns is a battle we're still fighting, ourselves. Yeah, it's a bitch sometimes. But. Hopefully that's… a start.
so is avoidance just Bad™️then?
Also nope! Which is really frustrating sometimes. It can get tempting to try to just throw yourself off the deep end and immerse yourself in all your emotional pain in an effort to just be done with it all in one big pile, and not have to deal with it again.
But ultimately, you are going to need a fucking break. You're going to need to be able to handle life too. And that means you need to set aside some time for handling your difficult emotions, and be willing to do a little avoidance at other times, so you can keep living, working, having some fun, and not just being miserable all the time.
As with a lot of things, balance is both annoying as hell, but entirely necessary. You will likely struggle with finding a good balance, you will probably fall back into avoidance more than is a good idea at first. Progress is hard, and slow as all fucking hell.
Take breaks when you need to, when you have stuff to do, but be sure to come back to it as well and give yourself the time to sort through your difficult feelings and your pain. If you have to defer a difficult emotion during the day, make some time to pull it back up when you next can and work through it, give it some comfort and acknowledgement. Sometimes it helps to write it down (what happened, what feeling is that, what does it feel like, etc.) and revisit that at a later time, so you don't just forget and leave it buried.
my contribution to @creatingblackcharacters Melanin Beam Challenge is Queen from Deltarune!! I don't have as detailed thoughts on the choice to make her Black as I did with Susie last year, because for Queen it's basically that I think she's a really fun, silly, confident character who knows her worth and is pretty much universally loved and I think that would be a really nice character for Black women & girls to be able to see themselves in. It was really fun to do this challenge, I haven't had time to draw in months and having a goal was really exciting :)
its bonkers that its like. public knowledge. to the point of being a trope. that all cops hate internal affairs. and people still try to act like cops are capable of morality.
popular media has done an excellent job convincing the public that the job of an internal affairs department is to make sure billybob the baby murderer gets away so he can kill more babies instead of like. double checking that the cops are respecting peoples most basic human rights. which they aren't.
hey btw, the video doesn't ignore this at all, but just to make it more explicit, the fact that white supremacy is a scam doesnt negate the fact that every white person benefits from it.
just because racism is a stepping stone strategy used to seperate out and subjugate an increasing number of minorities, just because it's inevitable that you, too, will be labelled a target someday, none of that is a counter for the fact that you aren't a target now, and a lot of other people are. white supremacists are not less dangerous just because they're being puppeted on the strings of the wealthy, and you are not any less a white supremacist just because your own strings might get cut soon.
if self-interest is what it's going to take to get you to care about people who are darker than you, then yes, you have a long-term interest in taking down the current systems of power, white supremacy included, because that will lead to a happier and more stable outcome for everyone, but in the short term it's going to feel like losing when you have to give up some of the privilege that's become invisible to you. and you have to be okay with that. because otherwise you're still going to be a white supremacist.
it’s okay to be attracted to men, but you probably shouldn’t act on it. it’s okay to want something fictionally that you don’t actually want in reality, like sex with men, it’s okay. maybe you can find a nice butch to roleplay with about it. it’s okay to like problematic things
Hey, everyone; my name is Lucy. Me and the three of my loved ones i live with… Lucy Valeheart needs your support for Breathing Room for Lucy
hhiii all....~ this one is doll; perhaps better known as Lucy-? ah, but either way-
doll is struggling a little bit at home, with finances.... income is rough, disability is fighting me every step of the way, and job hunting is turning up very very little....
tthis one was hoping to get us all a little breathing room-- ttheres some more info, and a few pictures of me and my loved ones, in the gofundme linked above...!
it would mean the world to doll if you were willing to share the post, or donate- even just a few dollars makes a difference, it really really does 🥺tthank you all so so very much...!!
I hope this message reaches all the neurodiverse and disabled people who were made to feel like their abuse was justified because they had "behaviors".
While this message is true for every child, you are who I had in mind when I wrote it.
a domme is a type of creature that has thoughts, feelings, and desires, and wants to be wanted and appreciated for who they are, and not just how they can fulfil your sexual fantasy of choice
this show is about men this movie is about men this game is meant to be played as a man these characters are men so they're intrinsically more likeable than their bitchy women counterparts this show is about women but they're all for men to look at this movie is about a woman but there's a guy there as well to make it more palatable for General Audience (men) this fandom is all about this one man what do you mean you don't like men. what about this man you must like him!!! he's like a woman to me! and by that i mean i headcanon him as a trans man because im #queeringit and him being a trans man basically means Woman Lite right? so i basically do care about women! and going on e makes you like men and going on t makes you like men and being a lesbian means you still have to have a himbo man friend and you HAVE to read this book! it's about a man
