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Very female trait of Jesus to die for mankind's character development

minuty

“If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. When you wake up, you can’t just wait to see what kind of day you’ll have. You have to decide what kind of day you’ll have.”

—

traumasurvivors

In case you need to hear it:

It wasn’t your fault.

It should have never happened.

You deserved better.

You and your feelings are valid.

I believe you.

system-of-a-feather

Honestly, healing from chronic / childhood trauma isn’t pretty, it isn’t romantic, most of the time it isn’t some beautiful story of a perfectly innocent victim rising to become strong

A lot of healing from chronic / childhood trauma is realizing there is a lot of dirt, grime, hurt, pain, and problematic behaviors and beliefs that living in such an environment has instilled inside of you.

It is realizing a lot of things you thought were normal were not, and a lot of the things you’ve done that you thought were given truths and normal things about the world were false, not needed, and hurtful to others and yourself around you.

A lot of people want a healing story that is inspiring and beautiful - with a clear abuser and a clear victim - someone who was clearly 100% perfect, innocent and never did anything wrong in life and someone who was clearly 100% evil, intentional, corrupt, and malicious. The hero / villian story of trauma, abuse, and recovery is so much easier to digest both for others and the person, but the reality is - living through hell instills and causes people to learn things that aren’t 100% perfect and innocent.

No trauma survivor or victim deserves what happened to them, nor did they ask for it in any form, but it isn’t abnormal for one to unknowingly after growing up and living in an environment that was dangerous, harmful, and painful to learn things that aren’t the best in the general world.

Trying to heal, mistakes will be made, a lot of unlearning and relearning will happen. People - especially children and teenagers who grew up in these environments - will likely reenact what happened to them or use defensive mechanisms that aren’t the best that they got from assuming the world is like their home.

Many will do things that aren’t “okay” or are “problematic” because that is all they know. This isn’t to say it is okay or excusable. This isn’t to say you should forgive anyone who did this to you.

This is to those who did bad things in the past that they punish themselves for, hate themselves for, the bad things they did due to being young and in a stage of survival.

The past does not define you and you were young and living by what you were taught growing up. You are not a horrible person because of how you learned to live. Who you are is found in the present and the future and in what you do now and what you do later.

You can and deserve to forgive yourself and your younger selves for what had happened when you knew little more.

You aren’t horrible or terrible.

Being young is hard

Being a teen is hard

Having trauma is hard

Having chronic trauma is hard.

Being young and growing up in an environment conducive to chronic trauma is even harder.

You deserve and are allowed to forgive yourself and move forward and heal.

You deserve to heal just like anyone else.

onlinecounsellingcollege

How to Get Over Past Mistakes

1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.

2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.

3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.

4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?

5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from really living life.

6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.

7. Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.

survivorsuggest

stagnant periods in your recovery are normal, especially if you're under a lot of outside stress or unable to do therapy. it is so, so tough to go every day while feeling that you are not progressing, that nothing is changing. but always remember that this will not last forever. you're on a plateau right now - so try to use that to take a break, look over the valley to see how far you've come already, and gather your strength for the next uphill climb.