this too shall pass

[hiatus] one-person blog focused on recovery and moving on after trauma. this is meant to be a positive and (as far as possible) safe space dedicated to coping and healing. let me know if you need me to tag something that i am not already tagging. • this is a sideblog, my main is @gncrevan. i'm 31, bi, nonbinary, autistic, chronically ill and a survivor of childhood abuse. i have various complex, dissociative post-traumatic disorders. i'm critical of psychiatry but pro-therapy and my blog reflects this. • please don't trauma dump in my ask or notes, and remember to use trigger warnings! thank you.

[survivorsuggest]

hey guys, sorry for being inactive for literally 2½ years, i've been really going through it and not feeling like i'm in any position to dole out advice on anyone else's mental health; i'm not any better, so i can't really promise that i'm back, but i know the holidays are hard for a lot of us, not just me, so i hope i can manage to at least blog through that with thoughts and resources and such. thank you for still being here 🩵

[traumasurvivors]

I promise that even though your trauma may always be a part of you and your life, you can still have a good and happy life. It is not hopeless, no matter how dark it may feel.

[survivorsuggest]

i think a lot of us are very upset and agitated and even triggered by the current trial and its horrible treatment in the media and on social media. i wanna take this moment to ask you to stop doomscrolling and take a step back from the internet. do some calming breathing exercises or the butterfly hug. if at all possible, go outside and walk around for a bit. if you feel like you're not in your body or the world around you isn't real, try naming 5 things you see, hear, and feel (then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1). eat something filling and fulfilling. drink enough water. take a shower if you feel like it, or splash your face with water. you are valuable and you deserve to take care of yourself. you are safe.

[gncrevan]

tw: peer abuse, childhood trauma

i honestly am convinced that "x group should be bullied" jokes set us back enormously on an ethical level.

i think this stems in part from the misconception many people have that bullying looks like it does on TV. that there's one person or a small isolated group of bullies who call you names and shove you in a locker. but this is simply not the case. bullying is perpetrated by a comparably large group and permitted and perpetuated by the majority and the authority within a given setting.

bullying looks like getting beaten up by all the boys in third grade at once, getting pushed every single day in first grade, never feeling safe to talk in class, not being allowed to laugh in public, nobody talking to you unless it's to be condescending and insulting, hiding in the toilet stalls to cry. bullying looks like your teachers blaming you, friends abandoning you because they can't stand the fallout (if you even had any in the first place), not feeling able to tell your parents about it, getting abused and exploited by the people you try to go to for help. bullying looks like random explosions of rage, aggression, self-harm, suicidality.

bullying happens in schools, hobby groups, activist groups, organizations and workplaces. it is a form of peer abuse that utilizes group dynamics to create outcasts and then systematically punish them for not fitting in. it can only happen because the majority and the authority (teacher, boss, HR etc.) allow it or even stoke it on, partake in it or start it in the first place.

bullying is traumatic, especially for children. it does not build character or serve to make someone less "weird" or teach them a lesson. it's not funny to say that someone deserves bullying, that's the logic of abusers. victims of bullying are often disabled, queer or racialized. the target is "weirdness" and an inability to fit in. that's also how enablers justify not interfering; they say we just need to be taught a lesson, so we'll learn to hide and contort ourselves and become small.

bullying causes trauma. bullying is abuse.

[notyourjaan]

If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.

Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.

[personal-scientist]

I don't want to derail this post because it's an important message, and OP has addressed it to the people who most need to hear it. But... can i just add, for people who don't feel like they can give themselves permission to do this, that you can give yourself these things even if you didn't overtly experience trauma in childhood?

Even if you never thought of your upbringing as painful or malicious, you can and should still give yourself things you missed out on. Take that class! Learn that skill! Eat the foods you like, or branch out into new ones! Jump in piles of leaves and decorate your walls the way you want them.

Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood.

[notyourjaan]

I don’t think you derailed this at all and think this was a really thoughtful addition. So thank you!

[survivorsuggest]

sometimes you have to cry at night in the bathroom from a pain you can't even put words to. but when you're done, be gentle. carry yourself to bed like you would a child, gently stroke your hair, tell yourself that things look different in the morning after you've slept. what hurts won't magically be gone, but you'll be more equipped to deal with it.

next time, try to go to bed earlier. sleep deprivation and the quiet and loneliness of the night can conjure up many things, most of them bad.

[crystalsandcuriosities]

Image Description: Drawing of a cat licking itself with the caption “look after yourself”

Art by Gemma Correll

[sylviaplathstypewriter-deactiva]

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

[pastelbunn]

[Text ID] List titled “Having Reasonable Expectations for Myself.”

I’ll keep in mind that being perfect isn’t always necessary. I’ll get stuff done rather than obsess over getting things done perfectly.

When I get tired, I’ll rest or do something different. My level of physical energy will tell me when I’ve been doing too much. I won’t wait for an accident or illness to make me stop.

When I make a mistake, I’ll chalk it up to being human. Even if I think I’ve anticipated everything, there will be outcomes I don’t expect.

I’ll remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and for expressing their needs clearly. Beyond common courtesy, it isn’t up to me to guess what others want.

[1000drawings]

by VILE INSECT

[survivorsuggest]

[ID: a three-panel comic of a white hand on black background.

first panel: all the fingers are bent. the text bubble says, "counting my achievements on one hand".

second: the thumb is stretched to the side, counting one. text bubble says, "the main one is" and then in italics: "i am still alive".

third: thumb abd pointer finger are now both stretched, counting two. text bubble: "and another", in italics again: "doing okay... will survive".]

[survivorsuggest]

i made this video on tiktok for new year's eve as some sort of spoken word piece about mending and being a broken thing. i hope the mindset can be helpful to you, and that you're doing ok.

just some thoughts about #mending & the #newyear 🪡 #darning #sewing #sewingtiktok #slowfashion #clothingrepair #recovery #mentalhealth #spok

sorry for my inactivity, the holidays & end of the year are always hard for me, and i'm going through a lot with where i'm at in therapy right now. i don't really do new year's resolutions, but i hope i can find the energy to post again.

[heavensghost]

Mary Lambert

[describedgoth]

[ID: White text in segments of a red background overlaid on a red and black artwork with a strange pale face in the center. The text reads, "But there is is something that happens when you are told you are too much. You begin to ask everyone, how small would you like me?" with "how small would you like me?" being in on a lighter read background. /end ID]

[the-raising-of-lazarus]

Hey do you know of any other blogs that offer advice like this one, or of any other blogs that are safe spaces for people with depression.

I admit I don't follow many blogs (and most of them are inactive ^^;) but some of my recs are:

@defiantsuggestions

@ptsdsafe

@survivorsuggest (they've been on a semi-hiatus though)

@ptsdconfessions (TW for very personal traumatic experiences, they do tag triggers but still)

at least these are more specific to trauma and (C)PTSD, but since depression is a very common symptom for trauma victims/survivors, they post resources and advice for it as well!

if anyone knows more blogs feel free to add!

[survivorsuggest]

thank you so much for mentioning my blog! it means a lot to me that it has been helpful for so many people, and i'm sorry that i've been mainly absent. i hope that i can be more active soon, once my unemployment & disability pension stuff has been sorted out. much love to you 💕

[funnytwittertweets]

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID/ Tweet from yani (@/ zapatistarising) reading: “my feelings are hurt and i need time to process them so i can better communicate with you” is a perfectly valid response & i wish we used it more in moments of conflict /End ID]

[cupidjoy]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQbnB4anse2/

[survivorsuggest]

[ID: illustration of a blue person on blue background, they are covered in colorful flowers and erupting into butterflies. Lettering says "I am not what happens to me, I am what I choose to become".]

[toastbutteregg]

this is very important! remember to take a break every now and then pls!!!

[tieria-erde]

[image description: tweet by @svmv__ that reads: “Advice I got from my therapist today; If your mental health is starting to affect your physical health. Treat yourself like you’re sick. Minimum of 24 hours to yourself. Nap as much as you can. Drink plenty of liquids. Catch up on movies you’ve wanted to watch. The world can wait.” /end ID]

[thoradvice]

it's so easy to deny yourself basic things, like food and sleep, in order to punish yourself. but you deserve better. you deserve tasty foods that make you smile, to sleep in and go to bed early, to be warm and cozy. you never have to "earn" that. you deserve all of that and more just by existing. you're allowed to be kind to yourself. kindness is brave.

[survivorsuggest]

hi! something has been really bothering me lately. i thought venting to a friend would help but i’m still angry & i don’t know how to cope with this or who else to go to about this that would understand. this will be really long. sorry.

since the pandemic i’ve been seeing so many posts on social media where people are saying things like “if all you did today was get out of bed, that’s enough” & “it’s okay if your best looks different, you’re doing great & i’m proud of you,” shit like that. i’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. for a lot of people these are unprecedented times (myself included, for certain reasons), & they deserve all that love & support. but a lot of what the world is going through rn, i went through that when i was younger & i went through it completely alone. a part of me is so happy that people have others who will listen to them & be there for them. everybody deserves to have that & they have the right to feel however they feel whenever they feel it. but the survivor part of me is furious. not only did i never have that support, but i was constantly dismissed. people never noticed something was wrong, & if they did they either used my anger issues & lashing out at others as a reason why i wasn’t worth listening to or being cared for, they chalked it up to me “having issues” & being the weird kid, or they simply didn’t know what to do (not blaming these people). i cried a lot when i was little, & all i got was “oh here we go again” & that i was too sensitive or overdramatic & oh it’s Kris of course she’s crying again. & now that it’s happening to everyone else, NOW they think to themselves “hmm, maybe we should start being kinder & more compassionate & start listening to each other.” ohh you think?! why did it take this fucking long?! you get all this support & love & the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone & that you’ll always have someone. what about younger me who had no one on her side, & if she did they all left eventually bc they found someone better? what about any other kids my age who were going through the same thing or something similar? we were always worthy of that & you all fucking know it. i feel so cheated. & another part of me also feels like i have to be this warrior or whatever & be an example bc i’ve gone through it but i’m so tired of being strong all the time & being told how strong i am bc it’s not fucking true. i mean okay yes i am strong bc i’ve survived everything but i’m not any stronger than the rest of you. i’m human, not superwoman. can i be strong & tired sometimes too maybe?? idk it’s just... it’s so triggering & i see it everywhere & i’m tired. i thought i would be able to connect with more people bc i felt like they finally understand what i was going through, but i feel more alone than i have in a long time.

hi kris, i'm really sorry i didn't see this ask sooner, i barely do anything online these days besides mindlessly scrolling and dissociating haha

i totally get what you mean though. it's already a very triggering situation for us, and to suddenly see people get support for things that we never got support for can be really bad. i often feel extremely angry when i read about the toll the pandemic has on people's mental health because these conversations never centre the already severely mentally ill, it's about how those who are usually rather healthy and stable are affected. it feels triggering because it's a reminder of our own disenfranchisement. i think many of us have experienced that everyone else seemed to be more important than us and that our problems weren't taken seriously, so this is a repetition of those traumatizing formative experiences. for me personally, i mainly feel a kind of jealousy and sensation of being overlooked, which causes anger.

i also relate to what you said about feeling more alone than before. i think hoping for community and then being disappointed by that stings more than just not relating to others in the first place, as it reaffirms our negative past experiences. plus how can i feel community with someone when i'm jealous of the care they get that i have been denied? or when i show understanding for them that they don't show for me? it absolutely is triggering and your emotional response makes complete sense imo.

my policy to deal with that is to try and not expose myself to what triggers me. i use block and mute functions liberally. i step away from group chats and social media. this seems like it would increase my feelings of isolation, but honestly, feeling like nobody understands me and constantly being angry at others is also pretty isolating, so at least this way i get to preserve energy.

it's definitely a very purposeful thing where you need to remind yourself to step away every time you get angry. i'm trying to be better at that anyway, less hate-reading, less getting into fights. what i try to tell myself is that my energy is wasted on these things, the anger isn't productive and it's not doing anything positive for me, i deserve better than that. and then i, like, block and delete and whatever is necessary to feel like i've done something to cut that stuff out of my life, and i try to listen to what i need in that moment to feel better - rest, distraction, venting to someone i trust, doing something that i enjoy - and do that. i try to acknowledge my reaction and give it the room it deserves, but not get so hung up on it and move on. idk, it's a process.

i hope this helped you somewhat and that you're feeling better than when you wrote your message.

all the best