welp, time to waste time @caffeine-countingstars - Tumblr Blog

my best feature is that I'm blindingly intelligent for about 30 seconds a day

I do not get to choose which seconds. they are not consecutive

My bf told me that I laugh almost every night in my sleep and I also slap him and deliver swift kicks regularly. Apparently I also put my fingers in his mouth but honey that’s all part of the package ❤️

pumpkinspicebluntwrap

My bf: goodnight baby I lo-

Me entering rem sleep:

niggazinmoscow

Important

onsighthoe

“Not in courtroom 502”

theliesofrello

The equivalent of not in this damn house

candiikismet

ANYBODY ELSE WANNA GO?

Try it.

mybrainisingatorade

“MY mouth? Well your mouth got you 93 days.”

everythingfox

Owner asks dogs to hide because customer is scared of dogs

(via)

thenatsdorf

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

immaplatypus

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck. Not bad luck. I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

eraberry

@crimsbie

It’s Doughseph

tiktoks-for-dead-pope

1dietcokeinacan

I just watched this 6 times in a row. A masterpiece

beyonce-knowles-carter

Well, you know how men are. They think “No” means “Yes” and “Get lost” means “Take me, I’m yours.”

HERCULES (1997)

onlytwitterpics

sixpenceee

This airplane can’t be tamed

Source

iamnosailor

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

dailylaughsforyou

Tweets from people who met Tom Hanks and were not disappointed (x)

baawri

Every Sexist Commercial You’ve Ever Seen [x]

hazeldomain

Listen. I want to tell you guys about the Dollar Tree. If you ever need to rebuild your life fast, you want a dollar tree. Everything in a dollar tree costs one dollar. No exceptions. Nothing has a price tag. Everything is one dollar.

This is Dollar Tree not Dollar General.

Dollar Tree looks like this:

Their stuff is off-brand but decent quality.

Here are some things you can buy at the dollar tree for one dollar:

- any kind of makeup- foundation, eyeshadow, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, etc

- socks

- Sports bras (sometimes)

- combs, brushes, hairclips, scrunchies, hair ties, headbands

- clothes hangers, laundry bags, mothballs

- any kind of office supplies or school supplies. Staplers, pencils, posterboard, pencils, pens, etc.

- party supplies including paper plates and balloons

- all kinds of toiletries- shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, washcloths, deodorant, razors, shaving cream, nailclippers, etc. Decent sizes, too.

- ceramic/glass plates, bowls, cups

- reading glasses, sunglasses

- plastic buckets

- cleaning supplies, detergent, bleach, laundry syrup, fabric softener, dish soap, sponges. brooms

- electronics, headphones, night lights, phone chargers, batteries, screen cleaners, phone cases

Basically? If you ever get kicked out of your house or find yourself with a couple bucks and nothing else, get thee to a dollar tree.

mamstheodd

All the dollar tree stores I have been in have some sort of medical aisle too. Its actually where I went first when my tooth broke for some off brand orajel (Works much faster and better than orajel imo, longer too if you put it on a cotton ball and keep it in the area) And sometimes even emergency temp tooth repair kits, which are at least $7 elsewhere. Dollar tree is a miracle.

ahshmeeeee-in-wonderland

I love Dollar Tree. When I first moved out this place saved me.

rikuzegram

Every 20-something individual needs a Dollar Tree nearby.

corporalbutts

Dollar Tree also sells PREGNANCY TESTS and yes they work! Go in and buy like 5 of them, don’t spend $25 on three at CVS, not worth your money and honestly has saved me TONS of anxiety.

strawbebbynya

Dollar Tree also takes EBT. I nearly cried when I discovered that, because of my strict dietary needs.

babybunsworld-blog

Dollar Tree is good for greeting cards, as well. Don’t have a lot of money?

No problem!

They have a 50¢ section and a $1 section!

ziddie

They literally have EVERY candy you’d get at a theater too, and way more. Their snack row is to DIE FOR.

Also–college kids! When my roommate stole all of my forks and bowls and then moved out unannounced in the middle of my freshman year, I went straight to Dollar Tree and got 2 packs of forks (each pack is 4 forks) for $1 each and some cute bowls that are still my favorite bowls in the house. Not only is their silverware sturdy, but their plates and bowls are really cute.

c0smicdusk

A few dollar tree stores near me have even added a cold foods section! So check your local Dollar Tree for a $1 bag of frozen chicken nuggets and get yourself a meal!

spillybun-deactivated20190921

The Dollar Tree actually has quite a few name brand products now too!

filibusterfrog

halflings love their new giant children

dvandom

“So, Mister…GRAAAAGH Underhill-by-Sackville, is it?” “Indeed.” “You’re an Orc, but you don’t mention any clan….” “Oh, I’m culturally Hobbitish, I was adopted at a very young age. And I’m very keen on this position you have open at your trading house.” “The guard position?” “Heavens, no. I barely know which end of a sword goes into the miscreant. I am a certified accountant, and eager to make my mark in respectable society.”

firebirdeternal

I want to read about the Halfling who was responsible for Recent Events, personally.

filibusterfrog

if you must know, her name is Tabitha Smallburrow and over a handful of years she adopted 3 orcs, 2 tieflings, 7 tabaxi (had mistaken them for a litter of kittens when they were put up for adoption in the neighboring city) and finally one very unwilling and fully grown dwarf

promethiae

“One very unwilling and fully grown dwarf”

I’m

everythingfox

(via)

everythingfox

“My cat’s favorite game is tug of war. He wants to be pulled slowly around the apartment for 15-30 min at a time and cries if you drop your end of the toy.”

(Source)