I don't know if, with my serious childhood trauma and anxiety disorder, I can consider myself disabled enough to speak on this topic, but these are just my thoughts.
I think that for Shepard, who is a healthy and strong woman, it would be difficult to accept the fact that the person she has fallen in love with is disabled. It must cause her to feel a sense of not understanding how to approach Joker, how not to physically break him or hurt his pride. For a girl like her, who is always used to charging straight ahead, this must all be incredibly difficult and confusing on a moral level. And since Joker is also a close friend to her, there must be a fear on her part of ruining everything between them. Especially since Joker can also be too harsh at times.
I think you're the same anon who's sent me a few different things lately, and I've been thinking about how to respond, because I haven't been sure how to!
You seem to go for more of an unrequited kind of take on Shoker, which is a bit of a different flavour of it from the one that I personally go for, myself! But, I encourage everyone to explore the characters they love in their own ways, and use that creativity to learn about themselves and others.
With this in mind, in response to your thoughts here, I will tell you a real story about my grandparents.
My grandfather was very well known in his day for being a suave, charismatic, handsome man. He was one of those men who could master anything he put his mind to; he spoke four languages, lived in three different countries throughout his life, and found a small fortune panning for gold in the Yukon. He built houses and also sold paintings on street corners. He was never lacking for selection, if you know what I mean.
My grandparents were living in Spain at the time they met. She, a Norwegian who also spoke three languages and lived in two countries, was finding her way in life again after the dissolution of her first marriage. A beautiful, headstrong woman that could best be described as a force of nature, she frequented the bar in their bustling town and was approached by many charming men. They would buy her drinks and chat her up for a while. But then, inevitably, they would catch sight of the braces on her legs and the crutches leaning on the wall next to her, and they would go a bit quiet all of a sudden and remember something rather urgent they just had to go and do. You see, my grandmother was a survivor of polio. She was more or less paralysed from the waist down.
So my grandfather comes in one evening and catches sight of this incredible woman with a smile that could make the whole room laugh along too, and they get to talking. The way she tells it, it was the best conversation she'd had in years. But an evening only has so many hours, and when it came time to head home, she steeled herself for the usual excuses as she reached over for her crutches. Apparently, my grandfather looked at the crutches in her hand, then down at the braces on her legs, then back up to her eyes. He smiled and said, "Right, where are we off to, then?"
They traveled the world together, married, and spent the rest of their lives together. In their latter years, my grandfather was her full time carer. When she had to be moved to a facility because she developed dementia and my grandfather was too frail to look after her, he still went the miles and visited her every day even through his own failing health until at last, he was admitted to the same care home, too. Last April, they died just 8 days apart. I miss them every day, and my heart will never again be quite so light as it was when they were in the world.
Love is not just something we feel. It is a decision that we make, and any difficulties that come with that decision are things that we sign on the dotted line for as simply being part of who that person is.
I only think it's a moral dilemma if one has some kind of "image" in their mind they feel compelled to maintain. Else, it's just a frank conversation with another adult. With my grandmother, and in my experience with most physically disabled people I've encountered, it was simply about allowing her the dignity of doing things for herself wherever possible. She wasn't shy about asking for assistance when it was needed, and telling you about things you had to keep in mind. She advocated for herself. I see that same thing in Jeff's character.
Every Shepard is the product of every mind who plays them, and if you have your own feelings about things you want to explore through these or any other characters, I'd encourage you to!
prguitarman
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
