So, I’m sitting here thinking about Roy and Jason applying for a joint banking account and buying up a property for their base of operations.
Of course these two dorks procrastinate because who has time for filling out all that paperwork and producing all that identification (false identification, in Jason’s case). They’ve got cases to solve and thugs to fight.
They apply last minute for a joint account at the bank and then rush over to the county clerk’s office do process the deed before they close.
Roy’s speeding through the paperwork because the office is 30 minutes from closing and both the clerk and Jason are giving him the stink eye. Still, Roy tries to make small talk and he’s babbling to the clerk about being sorry for coming in so late, but it took forever to apply for a joint account at the bank.
The clerk makes polite small talk and asks how long they’ve been married.
“Oh, we’re not married yet,” Roy says, and he’s joking. He’s totally joking.
“We’re planning on a Spring wedding. Isn’t that right, Jaybird?” Roy asks, nudging him and holding out a form for Jason to sign.
“As long as we get to create the seating chart from hell, I don’t care when the wedding is,” Jason says promptly, not even looking up from his phone as he signs the form.
“Jay, that’s just cruel,” Roy says.
“No, it’s comedy gold.” Jason retorts, “Can you imagine Talia and Selina sitting next to each other at a wedding?”
Okay, but the thing is? The dead-eyed clerk does not know that Roy and Jason are joking, and dutifully passes Roy the marriage license form, which actually looks quite dull and official. Roy thinks nothing of filling it out.
He holds thrusts the form out for Jason to sign and snatches it back just as quick.
“Jay, this one requires ID,” Roy says as he starts stuffing all his papers into a folder, getting ready to go.
Jason fishes out his ID, and they both wave their ID cards in front of the clerk, and that’s it. They’re married.
For months, neither of them realizes their walking around in holy matrimony. It’s Tim who figures it out.
Tim’s hacking into the county clerk’s office, innocently looking through the marriage licenses (he suspects that one of the younger Falcone boys married a girl from the Russian mob and it led to their deaths and a gang war), and that’s when he stumbles upon Jason’s marriage license.
Tim makes a noise like an angry cat and complains to Dick that nobody ever tells him anything.
And Dick is just like: Jason and Roy got married??!
Eventually the entire superhero community knows, except for Jason and Roy.
Alfred calls Jason up while he’s in the Bahamas and tells him that he and his young man will be there for the wedding ceremony on the 18th, wearing the suits that Alfred’s sent him.
Then he hangs up, leaving Jason to stare at the phone in confusion, because who’s getting married?
And did Alfred just call Roy his young man?
But look, Jason’s not about to ignore a request from Alfred and he’s there on the 18th at 9 am sharp. People keep congratulating him and Roy as they walk by and Jason is really starting to get a bad feeling about this whole thing.
Bruce is there, ready to walk Jason down the aisle. He will fight you on this.
In fact, he did fight Ollie on this (spoiler alert: he won). Ollie is sulking in the corner over not getting to walk Roy down the aisle, while Dinah rolls her eyes at him.
Anyway, Roy and Jason both end up walking down the aisle after Kory, who is very excited to be the flower girl in an Earth wedding.
As the officiant starts the wedding proceedings Jason scowls at Roy and mutters, “I don’t know what’s going on. But I am entirely sure this is your fault, and we are going to have words.”
Roy’s mouth moves on automatic, “Really, Jaybird. Most couples don’t spend their honeymoon talking.”
Jason gnashes his teeth and says “I do” with prejudice.
…And that’s how Jason and Roy accidentally got married.
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