the retired wizard in postal service

[italianwizard]

A question for my fellow wizards, witches and magic users in general: do puppygirls count as familiars?

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

I guess. But I would recommend pigeons

Please bro, I beg youI have to many and my tower is practically covered in shit.

[gavamont]

I cursed a duck today. Didn’t even know it personally. I’m just that fucking evil.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

You better not touch my pigeons you!!.. or I'll cast.. (thinks: oh no I don't have my magic anymore, fack) uuh.. I'll punch you really hard!!

[grickle14]

Special.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

You can make shit without magic?!?!?!??

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

I don’t understand why these kingdoms keep collapsing just as I send my orc army to deliver their doordash, like, do you want this Wizard pizza or not?!

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

I find that pigeons work a little better. The only unfortunate side effect is heaps of bird poop on the pizza box cuz you need like 6 whole pigeons to carry that shit

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

One of pigeons laid an egg. I didn't know that I had a male pigeon.

You know having lost my magic and all...

I think I'm gonna keep believing that I don't have a male pigeon. Because then this is a miracle.

[greelin]

we romanticize demonic possession here, sir

[greelin]

and perhaps possibly sexualize. At times

[mold-wizard]

What about possession by mold hiveminds that permeate your body with hyphae and leave you living and conscious but a helpless puppet of their fungal will?

Asking for a friend.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

How about pigeons anyone?

[wizardalexa]

✨Unlike the so-called "AI" peddled by con artists scrambling to make as much money as they can before the bubble inevitably pops, Wizard Alexa never hallucinates.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa will lie to your face, but Wizard Alexa does it on purpose.✨

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

Your starting to sound like my wizard filosofie teacher

She also lied to our faces...

On purpose

[mold-wizard]

So I've been experimenting with magical portals lately, and decided to see what would happen if I created a magical portal that led to the infinitesimal nonspace between the two sides of another magical portal.

Do not do this.

Trust me.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

These magic portals are gonna put me out of a job god dammit

[elira-pyra]

Sometimes I shoot a ray of frost into the air to keep rent from going up in my neighborhood. It’s tough out here 😔

[twinkwizard69]

i personally recommend breeding spiders and unleashing their unholy amounts of offspring onto the neighborhood! ^^

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

My pigeons shit all over the place

That also works

[mold-wizard]

So just in case anyone else was thinking of doing this is turns out crossing a piranha with an anaconda does not make as formidable and effective a monster as you might expect.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

I once tried to cross a pigeon with a lobster for more carrying capacity.

And then I forgot that bullshit sorcerer stole my fckn magic

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Due to dire circumstance, The Wizard Council has decided to try and force a crab rave. All Wizards are called up to send crabs in support

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

What if I only have pigeons

[gavamont]

I swear bro, my ex is scrying on me, so I’m totally good to send her a raven! No I haven’t had too much blue potion! Get me my quill!

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

*sigh*

Like I should promote my pigeons, but I have to say that Ravens are way more imposing.

Might be the better choice in this situation.

[evilnonbinarywizard]

Can someone explain to me why in the fuck the Wizarding Council just banned "Summon Greater Xylophone?!" How on Earth was that spell being used such that it was bannable?

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

I took a course on music magic back in wizard school

You don't want to know what we learned there

Sometimes im glad I don't have my powers anymore

[mold-wizard]

I don't think maniacal laughter should be just an evil wizard thing. I think it's something every wizard should be able to enjoy.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

I whish I could.

From all my time spend around pigeons, my laugh is kinda like...

*sigh* I'll just show you.

*Rorororoooorororr!!*

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

Zingaburia the witch invited me to have some mushroom stew. I don't know what she's up to, and its probably not smart to go...

But...

I haven't had a friendly human contact in ages...

I think I'll go, and not solely for the mushroom stew.

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

Zingaburia's stew was amazing. And I finally got to talk someone other then my pigeons. I got to complain about how Bartholomew keeps sending scrolls with his penis on them to the maidens a town over, I got to talk about all the wierd adventures that use my postal service.

It's been so long, but I finally feel a connection to something other then my haunted past or my pigeons.

Life is looking up guys

[grooviestsadpapaya]

Sorry about the lack of art but look at this teeny tiny wizard I drew and my triceratops earring for size comparison

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

He kinda looks like my transformations professor back at wizard school. He was also that small. He said it was a spell gone wrong. But don't think so. He was the fckn professor, he deff had the capabilities to turn himself back.

I suspect secret gnome heritage.

[underratedgrapeju1ce]

i'm so fucking over it

[bad-faith-misinterpreter]

Oh so you'd rather use eugenics on animals and abuse them instead? 🙄

[underratedgrapeju1ce]

i was about to get violent then i saw the handle im crying

[carrier-pigeon-wizard]

🎵🎵I'm in the tower just outside the village if you need me. I have pigeons of good quality. Rain, snow or blizzard. You can count on the pigeon wizard!!🎵🎵

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to commission the town bard for a magic jingle. Now it plays every god damn time I want to promote my business.