What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
God yes. Cause like? What're gonna do? Waste fuel to fly all the way to Keldab'ika for some fuckin soup? While you got a job HERE near the senate? What are you MADE of credits!? You just want soup! Don't make it weird, jetii.
And like... everywhere ELSE is an unhygienic shit hole(incredibly biased opinions). At least HERE you can get helmet filters and vambrace batteries on the side. Charge things while you eat. On COMFORTABLE chairs in CLEAN air. With none of that "wah wah wah you can't bring all those weapons in here!"
Just like... why.
Why's it gotta be Jetii, man. Of all assholes? Them??
But, the owners... different. And if they wanna make friends with the asshole space wizards, manda bless. Some people collect bugs. Xern's cousin likes to wrestle Megafauna. Takes all kinds.
And like? The jedi are all "well... they don't seem hostile?" Which? As we all know, is unfortunately for the Mandalorians, step one in the Jedi Pack Bonding process. There is no escape now. They're gonna Friend ya. Resistance is futile.
Jedi have used Adorable Padawans with Big Ol Tooka Eyes! It is CRITICALLY EFFECTIVE!
Jon Antilles & Master Fay almost exclusively stay in the Mid to Outer Rim, so they'd be good for different ways of seeing how Mando's plan is affecting things outside of Coruscant and the Core worlds. Jon Antilles has an absolutely chaotic life to the point that he's canonically been assumed dead multiple times, and Master Fay is even older than Yoda so she'd have a lot of memories about Mandolorians.
Quinlan Vos is the best Jedi shadow to actually show interact with Mando, especially because if you make Mando be born early enough, he and Obi-wan can be the mentioned Padawan, especially after Obi-wan's long term mission on Mando'yam.
I also think that if Mando is old enough for them to be the Padawans, then they'd definitely have done something to warn about Montross being an absolute Demogalka, and they'd also have chosen stories that encourage True Mandolorian mindsets.
Oh my god? If Mando was born early enough? Then Jaster def rocks up to their lil hole in the wall restaurant. Like... Politically™. As a Mand'alor candidate. Because he wants that Knowledge™. And HOW do you get passed the dragon of the archives?
You go to the Jetii whisperer! Mando'ade's resident "ay, yo, why are they... Like That? And is this Normal?" Expert on Jetii. Who is also a proprietor of good soup. And like??
Montross? Failing the actual Jetii Vibe Check? Hilarious.
He takes One(1) step inside the building and every Shadow/Master in the shop's head goes up like a meerkat. Just "??? Whoms't? Is giving off those truely RANCID vibes? Eew." *suspicious looks*
Cause like? Good LUCK talking your way out of THAT one! *hold up normal Mando'ade* *Jedi go :D * *hold up Montross* *jedi wince and look vaguely uncomfortable/disgusted* *back and forth, same results each time*
Like? You uuuuh... you wanna tell us something, buddy? We need to drag you to a goran? Why all the manda touched folks acting like you spit in their soup? Jettii WILL try to handcuff themselves to damn near anybody, with friendship bracelets they made themselves. Like the insane people we have slowly come to realize they ARE(affectionate). So like...???
And! If you think Quinlan Vos is beneath weaponizing his ADORABLE buddies Cute Widdle Faaaaace™ to get extra cake and that good-good SPICY food? You have never met the man.
Pray for Thome. He's three stools down, undercover, eyes closed as he begs the Force for patience, as his dumbass Padawan just...? Rocks up on the Mandalorian diner. Because of COURSE he does.
But? What's gonna be? So, SO funny? Is the moment some Death Watch fucko tries to mess with the restaurant and just *sudden symphony of lightsaber flipping on out of NO WHERE* like? "Hi! :) Reconsider. ^-^ "
Like? W-why is this tiny restaurant a fuckin seige fortified bunker? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY JETII? Are those strill?! Why are there so MANY?!
Buir didn't raise a lil (gender non-specific)bitch, that's why. You gonna declare a place "safe"? You better put in the WORK to make it safe. Fuckers have NO idea how many defensive measures they built into this place.
(Yeah. Those plantcare droids can kill a man. Your's cant? Weak.)
i just want to know how fontaine reacted to furina!mc leaving without a word in that 'focalors lives' post.
how did the neuvillette react to coming home, going to his office, and finding the divorce papers and furina!mc's wedding ring? the melusines? focalors? what are their reactions?
you can also include wriothesly, cause i like the other post you did about him helping furina!mc leave and maybe he's courting her through letters?
To be honest I'm not sure how the reactions would go... mostly I see a lot of shock, confusion, but then Focalors gets their attention, spinning another tale about how selfish her 'sister' was to such a thing-
Things slowly began to look up again, as Neuvillette looked to Focalors for comfort for being 'abandoned' by his mate, and the Melusines look to 'auntie' Focalors as their mama after Furina!MC 'abandoned' them as well-
...All except one. Mamere (she's my fave~). Unlike her sisters, Mamere felt something was wrong about 'auntie' Focalors... and she didn't like how everyone was, including Neuvillette, was ignoring mama. She tried to talk about it to her sisters, but her worries were pushed aside...
So, she made a painting for Furina!MC. Her mama always smiled at her paintings, so this should make her happy, right?
That was the plan, until Focalors showed up with Neuvillette and many of the Melusine from the court, saying that the goddess wanted to see the village-
...And Mamere didn't see mama with them. Again.
In the end, she slipped away from the happy chatter, taking her new painting with her up to the surface and made her way to the Palais. Surely her mama was there-
Wait... was that the duke? And mama? Why... Why were they hugging? Why did her mama have bags with her? W-was she leaving?! No-
Furina!MC ended up having to comfort a crying Mamere as she gently explained to the crying Melusine she had to leave. She... she wasn't welcome here anymore...
In the end, Mamere and Wriothesley were the only ones who knew the truth of why Furina!MC left, and where she was...
Mamere would often sneak meet up with Wriothesley in secret and the Duke would read mama's letter to her. And Furina!MC, she sounded happier in Mondstadt...
"...Do you think I can go live in Mondstadt too?"
Mamere didn't like Fontaine anymore. It felt cold. It lacked Furina!MC's warmth, and she loved her sisters, but she was mad, she was lonely.
She wanted her mama, not that cold woman with her mama's face.
Wriothesley only gives her a look, before smiling.
...Cut to a few days later, and there were reports of a missing Melusine-
But in Mondstadt? Mamere was holding Furina!MC's hand as she was being gently introduced to everyone in Mondstadt, and finds her niche in a small art shop where the owner there found her artwork charming~
Could I maybe ask for a sequel to that, where Kafka/Firefly get their S/O's mechanical body upgraded? Going off the descriptions given in the post, it sounds like you went with the Castraferrum for what their life support mecha, so what if they got their frame upgraded/modified into being more like the Contemptor, or Leviathan-patterns (minus the increased insanity), making them a tad bit more agile in their current state, and thus, a greater danger on the field of battle!
(H:SR) Firefly and Kafka giving their S/O a different machine body
Part 1 Here
Thankfully I have been reading up on the Horus Heresy, and now I have plenty of new robots to write about!
Firefly, with the help of the Trailblazer, managed to find a person crazy enough to even attempt giving S/O a brand new body.
Instead of the massive steel behemoth with a literal coffin as their cockpit, they had been transferred to something closer to a regular human.
...Well, if that human was the height of Firefly's suit with three-claw hands and a silver featureless visor for a face.
(Firefly) "...You know, the scientist told me that they'd give you something a little less intimidating."
A muffled chuckle came from the machine, making Firefly smile a little. At least their humor was kept intact transferring from the sarcophagus.
The head turned to face Firefly, being able to see her reflection in its entirety as the mechanical body whirred in place, adjusting itself to speak properly.
(S/O) "At least I can get through a door now. So what did they call this body again?"
(Firefly) "I...think a...Thallax...something? Honestly, they kept throwing so many words at me, it was kind of hard to keep track of."
S/O's robotic head turned towards their legs, noticing that it was backwards, though that seemed intentional.
Looking at a rather large mirror the two were standing in front of, what appeared to be engines were strapped to the back, an initial scan telling them that they were some kind of thrusters.
Leading to the main question:
(S/O) "What kind of scientist did this transfer?"
(Firefly) "Well they kept insisting they be called an Arch-...Mango?"
As their limbs whirred back into position, with a click of their three fingers, they turned back to Firefly, a slow hum emitted as they gave her a nod.
(S/O) "This frame should be a lot more agile to keep up with SAM now. Thanks, Firefly."
Her smile shined brighter than the glare from their 'face', as she grabbed their hand.
Even though it was still significantly bigger than hers, now the two could feasibly hold hands, making her laugh.
(Firefly) "Should we go show the others your new body? I bet they'll be thrilled to see it!...W-Well, Silver Wolf might find it cool at least."
(S/O) "Lead the way, maybe now I can actually see your room for the first time outside of pictures."
There were worse frames to be transferred to, it seemed. This one was far from terrible since it allowed this kind of interaction.
Kafka couldn't help but laugh to herself upon feeling the ground quake as S/O approached.
And from the hangar door, a massive, hulking machine that could crush a tank by simply walking onto it emerged.
The width of the machine and shoulder pauldrons alone was probably the length of a limousine, and the voice booming out was more than a little unamused.
(S/O) "...Kafka."
(Kafka) "Hm?"
(S/O) "I thought the mission called for stealth."
Both their arms were now massive weapons, one called a 'Plasma Bombard', and another a "Disintegration Cannon".
None exactly screamed 'subtle'.
(Kafka) "For us, yes. You'll be called in once things get loud, which is why I got you the new ride."
(S/O) "Hmph. Couldn't get me something a little smaller?"
Kafka chuckled as she pat their kneepad, which was the height she came up to as she approached.
Though her tone was lighthearted, S/O could feel how gently her hand brushed against them, still treating them as if they were glass despite the fact their plating could endure getting hit by a satellite cannon.
(Kafka) "Don't worry. I'll treat you to something nice once this mission's done. Got a favor to call in to get you something my height at least."
(S/O) "Anyways, what the hell am I even in?"
Kafka began walking off as she pulled out her phone, about to call the rest of the Stellaron Hunters and shrugged as her response.
(Kafka) "Think it was called 'Saturnine'. Whatever that means. Elio had to pull out the big bucks to get you in it."
(S/O) "So, the script requires that I be the size of a cargo ship?"
(Kafka) "Evidently. Think its a nice fit for you, though. Lot more round than that other one. Look all the more cuddly.~"
Huh >.> you know how Crechelings are basicly, like... possessed?
Like? They are cute af. But they VERY MUCH are constantly reaching out too and listening too the Force cause they are Baby and know jack shit? They are in that "why? Why? Why?" ×1000 stage of life. But instead of asking ADULTS, who might not always be on hand?
Well... the FORCE is on hand.
24/7!
Why NOT ask a cosmic driving force of all creation is you should have juice or water? This fruit or that vegetable? What are we gonna play today Effectively God? I'm a toddler! I don't know what boundaries are! Nor do I realize I probably shouldn't be bothering you with every single thought that passes through my head!
Yeeeeeah....
Tiny force sensitives? HELLA possessed.
They'll pull shit like "speak in prophecy" and "I stole a ship a can't even reach the controls off, to thwart an assassination attempt, because The Force Told Me Too, and that's why I'm on another planet and missed nap time." Plus the fun ol *hands a jedi master a rock* "the force says you'll need this! :D " *walks away, oblivious to the confusion they have wrought*
There is a REASON Creche master have to be SUPER patient types. And that parents are so often like "yeah, yeah we can't handle our kid. We love them. But this is beyond what we can parent."
Cause when your kid? Looks up from their mashpotatos? To casually drop "X is going to die soon." Or "he's going to betray you, you know" like??? Sweetie. Honey, youngling, you're THREE. Wtf. It's a BIT MUCH.
But? What I'm getting at?
I wanna see Creepy!ForceAvatar!Crechelings? Like it's... it's just a STAGE kids grow out off?
And I want it to save their fuckin LIVES.
Like? During the later stages of the Clone Wars. The Force is getting agitated. Knows what's coming. Does NOT like such imbalance and death. So? Even if the OLDER ones either can't hear it clearly or won't listen? The BABIES sure can.
And it's like a FUCKING HIVEMIND.
Absolutely HORRIFYING to behold.
All these lil babies. These wee lil toddlers n smol kiddos. Just... Stopping. Misstep. Balls bouncing past hands frozen, toys mid "woosh" motion, spoons half way to faces. All of it. Just... stopped.
They all cock their heads.
Like animals trying to hear a sound better.
Put down what they were doing. Calm as you please, ignoring everything around them, everyONE. Gathering their things from their rooms. Gathering the babies. Who are... oddly well behaved. It's the most calm and orderly anyone's ever see them. None of the creche masters can get their attention. Every attempt to physically get in the way is dodged before it's even attempted.
The children... calmly. Pleasantly. Like taking a stroll.
Steal a series of ships.
Broad daylight.
In... in front of everyone. No one can even STOP them. The Force is helping. All anyone can do is just? Follow.
They settle basicly a few weeks into the uncharted zone, in an old temple now one knew was there. All they will fuckin say is variations of "the Force says we live here now!" Like? Subtle this was NOT. I guess... we live here now?
.....huh.
It IS weirdly easier to think way out here.
As though we were no longer standing in the middle of some terrible smoke cloud. Nice and calm. Lots of Light. Unlike back o-.....waaaaait a fucking second. *sound of various Master's and council members connecting dots in their head*
How close is this to the initiation of Order 66? Because for The Force to pull something this drastic, it feels like it would be pretty close, like, Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker just went to confront the Chancellor and the force knows what's going to happen and is using the chaos to its advantage to get the babies out type of close.
Also, I feel like the force wouldn't let many adults follow, and definitely wouldn't let them return to the galactic center if they did. After all, if there's a trail then the sith who just took over can follow it to all of the younglings the Force just saved from Darth Vader's slaughtering blade.
Most importantly though, I think the force just established what we would call a cloister, but it's one full of toddlers and younger except for, like, three adults the force trusted enough to let them tag along. These younglings are going to be raised by the force because they need to be. So while "The Force is my imaginary friend" is usually just a phase, there's none of the usual pressures which usually end that phase out here.
The story of the movies still happens in the background to some extent or another. If the force sent the younglings through hidden emergency tunnels to limit witnesses, and Vader chooses to hide that the babies were gone before he got there from Sideous, then very little probably changes. If the force just walked them out the front door of the temple, and Sideous therefore knows about a group of force users he knows is hidden somewhere in the galaxy because cameras are a thing, then there could be some major ripples.
Most importantly though, who does The Force finally allow to find the cloister? Luke? the spirit of Obi-Wan? The Mandalorian post-Grogu? And how do they react to a group of people raised almost exclusively by The Force?
Oh? My? God? Have you ever watched the sound of music? Cause all I can imagine is like... the Creche Master's obviously DEEPLY panicked, "Oh No The BABIES!", following along this small swarm of children like fretting ducklings? They can't reach the council for some reason. Fuck it.
Younglings come first.
They took VOWS.
So they franticly steal a few ships. Throw themselves into the kiddos ships. Are sitting there like ( o.o) "This is Fine.™" silently screaming at the Force who is NOT LISTENING. Giving them the equivalent of "trust me bro".
Like? With their INFANTS?
That's a LOT to ask! Details would be NICE.
And for SOME reason? They can't find their communicator! (It got vented by a toddler) and the communication systems or COMPLETELY offline! ("I'm supposed to pull THIS wire? Okay, Force!")
T-they aren't panicking. YOU'RE panicking.
THEY ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And they get there. Maybe followed by like half the temple who saw this happening and were like "well THAT'S not normal. Shit. Follow them! There's a WAR going on!"
And yeah... cool planet. Neat temple. Why the FUCK did the Babies swarm here like a creepy hivemi- *padawan tugs on their masters sleeve* yes?
.....WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GUTTED"?!
They take their eyes off the lil Force Driven Crechelings for 5 seconds??? And the force is like "good, good.... now destroy the ships. Here's how you hide the parts~!"
No one's going aaaaanywhere.
Welcome to your NEW HOME! Yaaaay! *happy cheering from the Crechelings!* *deep concern from the now stranded adults*
Like? The Creche Masters know the kiddos just... DO things sometimes? And they WERE warned that? Historically? Shit like this HAS happened in times of "great peril"? It's a combo of kids being more open to the Force due to having less defined senses of self (something that comes with age) and survival instincts causing Force sensitive kids to lean heavily on their powers.
They get... Extra Possessed?
See? It's already calming down now. *kids wandering around poking things and playing*
But also? Yoda has TOTALLY seen this happen before.
He probably is like? "Thank fuck, I do"
N NOW the big quest? Is how to get the survivors to wherever those kids were headed too. Especially the twins.
It WOULD be kinda low-key hilarious? If their planet just... became littered with ships? Cause this kept happening? The empire being a real and continuous THREAT? Causing the force to just... keep having toddlers steal ships. Pregnant folks.
Like? "Hmmmm, I suddenly feel COMPELLED to leave my entire life behind, steal a jackass's space yacht, and fly out into the unknown..." *shrug* "why not. Must be pregnancy hormones. Yolo I guess"
Wasn't emperor Dark Pedipalps himself hunting for force-sensitive children during his rule? I feel like I remember that being a thing, with a whole inquisition running around or something...
Wouldn't it be hilarious if they LITERALLY NEVER CAUGHT A SINGLE BABY!
They get tips, they pick up trails, they have the best training in tracking and Bounty hunting the empire could get out of some Extremely well-paid Mandalorians who were led to believe they were training people who would help keep these kids safe.
But every time they get close to a force-sensitive child below a certain age the toddler seems to just toddle around a corner and evaporate. Coincidentally, so does a ship (or the parts for one) accompanied by three stooges levels of shenanigans afflicting anyone who tries to hinder the baby space pilot in any way.
Emperor Dark Sisyphus is most displeased, but that doesn't mean he can do anything about it.
Also, looping back to the Mandalorians for a second. They're all about adopting children, right? And the however many Jedi went with the original toddler tsunami, they're still gonna need help, especially as more and more keep trickling in. I could absolutely see the force yoinking any sensitive Mandalorians to help by broadcasting the needs of its children through the force directly at any Mandalorian who will listen. Which, normally, it seems like their Beskar helmets would block that out, but most take their helmets off sometimes...
It probably becomes a whole thing among the Mandalorians once a few of them notice their friend who took their helmet off at a bar for a drink, got this far-off look in their eyes for a few seconds, insisted everything was fine, and then vanished never to be heard from again that night.
Meanwhile, out on uncharted planetoid xt391358 in the Koprulu sector of the outer rim, the Mandalorians and Jedi have bonded over their shared care for their little force hellions and are making plans...
It's DEF why the mandalorians are like "no, seriously, we NEVER remove the helmet."
For all THEY know? This shit is a horror movie! Fuckers got Greg!
And? These kids? Babies Day Out-ing across the universe? Because the VIBEZ say "it's all cool, sweetie, just trust me"? You KNOW they take their siblings. Show up like?
"Hi! I'm J'onn! I'm this many! *holds up three fingers* This is Kara, she's a BABY so I gotta watch her." And what did J'onn steal? Oh... you know... a cargo hauler that hadn't been unloaded yet. He somehow hacked the droids inside into thinking HE'S the captain.
This is not the first time this has happened.
No, J'onn, you CAN'T keep your new Droid legion. They can help on the farms. You are a TODDLER j'onn. We do not let toddlers have Droid legions here.
The Rebellion? Probably having heart palpations.
There are Force Sensitive RACES. With the Jedi? They said "we good, fam. We got our own traditions and such. We'll call you if anyone wants to be a jedi instead." With The Empire?
W....Where the fuck did all the kids go? And our pregnant partners? What do you MEAN "get on the fucking ship"?! *new planet! Unlocked!*
It's like a whole ass mini Republic out in the Uncharted Zone. But just.... all force sensitive. All of them radiating "you don't SEE SHIT" at the Sith.
The Races probably go BACK, assuming their planets are still there and didn't suffer Emperor Cry Baby's rage tantrums, once it's all over? But in the mean time? New planet! Probably named the equivalent of "Earth 2" or "Temporary Earth".
OR for the real wise asses? In their languages a version of "Placeholder Name".
......guys, this isn't funny! (Ehh, it kinda IS funny? Calm dooooown. The Force provides.)
I just want? The LITERAL FORCE? To go "yeah, you can do what you want... UP TO A POINT. Reaching daaaangerously close to that point, my dude. Time to engage operation Galaxy Wide Moderate Inconveniences!"
Cause it won't KILL him.
But it WILL steal these toddlers. And keep wrecking his ships. And you're odds? Bizarrely and almost statistically improbable in how terrible they are, all a sudden! How WEIRD! It's almost like you're trying to destroy the Balance AND you fucked with the Force's favorite Blorbo! The chosen one!
Always glad to craft with another who hears the siren song of joyful chaos >:-)
Speaking of siren songs, The Force can absolutely provide most of the things needed by this growing Jedi Settlement out in the wilds of the outer rim just via baby's first grand theft freighter; most things, but importantly, not everything.
Some of the species must need specialty medicine or equipment, or they have some special niche dietary requirements, or important cultural objects. And sure, we could handwave it a little and say the force picked the perfect planet for most of the requirements and that snagging the occasional specific freightliner which just so coincidentally happens to be in the same port as a force sensitive child covers the rest. But that sounds like a lot of handwaving with all of the things a growing settlement will need.
And it's not like you can just keep yoinking freighters forever either. Eventually someone is going to put together one of the trails you have no option but to leave if you're really forced to grab something, and then the empire could actually track down the growing shelder before it's had a chance to fully develop and evolve into a cloister with the defense stat necessary to take on an empire level attack.
Or..... The Force could just order delivery?
Force sensitivity is a sliding scale, right? There's gotta be an endless number of people who aren't force sensitive enough for the empire to spend resources on them, but that's still sensitive! What's stopping the force from getting this specific slice of force sensitives to bring things to its speacialest little hideaway? It just has to get the resources to them, tell them where to deliver to, then wipe their memory after replacing the fuel and credits (and wiping their nav computers) and send a bit of extra luck their way as a tip and means of keeping a good delivery driver around.
So who do we know that's just a little force sensitive, and also involved in moving special expensive cargo from place to place? That's right, Chewbaka! And his emotional support human Han Solo too.
I could absolutely see Chewie and Han bringing supplies out to this random world so regularly that the dockhands know them by name. Which must be really weird if they're also getting their memories wiped every time.
Do you think, after The Force has been using them for a while, that it determines it can trust them and lets them keep their memories? Because that would make them the only two freely traveling people in the entire galaxy who know about the force cloister and where it's located.
It would certainly cast Han doubting Luke in a new hope in a new light. Of course this kid can't be a proper force sensitive, The Force brings all of those to its little haven out in the outer rim! Can you imagine the amount of things the force would have to influence to keep even a normal Jedi-level sensitive safe this long in even the remote edges of the empire? And Luke is talking about things which would require a lot more than just normal jedi levels of sensitivity. So of course Han doesn't believe Luke; tell him, what are the odds that Luke's telling the truth?
You know where I thought you were going with this? Fucking with hyper drive inputs. Autopilot and stuff. How much is automated? You SURE your finger didn't... slip?
Must be real tired.
Again.
For the fifteenth time.
Where the FRESH FUCK do we keep ACCIDENTLY BLASTING FREIGHTERS OF GOODS?! You'd think we'd find WRECKAGE!!! But nope! Just.... poof! There goes a couple million in credits! AGAIN!
Okay. OKAY. Everyone! Wide awake. One digit at a time! *types veeeery slowly with hyper concentration and only one finger* do they look like idiots? Yes! But FUCK YOU maybe?! They've become aggressively superstitious!
This shit KEEPS HAPPENING.
And then THEY get blamed for it! And, yeah, first few times? That's just carelessness! But after round 53!?!? BEGOOOOONE SPACE DEMOOOONS!!! *starts trying to ward their control room, crying and scaring the newbie*
The Force? Says it's fiiiiiine. No ethical consumption under capitalism, anyway. Who wants another ship?
I like to think of it? As an antibody response? Palpapatanatine was getting REAL close to fuckin with the Balance. So the Force switched from its standard "you do you, boo, I'll give you hints if you ask" supervisor role? To "OKAY! Getting involved for a quick sec!" And it's gonna go BACK and get quiet again once the metaphorical storm passes?
Like? You can do what ever you want... right up until you pick up the lighter and kerosene.
But? God I live the thought of Han Solo being like? The only fuckin guy who can find the planet? It's "that planet with all the ships" to him. He never asked for a name. Chewie like stopping by to say hi to his... fifth cousin? Is that right? Huh. Well, far be it for Han to tell him who to hang out with.
Chewie also loves all the kids.
Han won't admit it... but he does get a kick out of being the Cool Space Traveler™. May or may not smuggle back some treats. Specialties from home. Who's to say, really. He was just in the area. Has to unload this junk. Don't look to deep into it.
*various starry eyed stares*
Okay so maybe he brought two.
Yet? At the SAME TIME? He doesn't fucking believe in the force... on this... the FORCE-IEST of planets. In the Force system. It's basically Planet Jedi. He's up to his chin in it. It drives the Jedi Master's insane.
It's like denying the color purple exists while standing in the "purple phase" wing of an art gallery. Are you KIDDING us?!
Nope. He is not.
The Force fucking LOVES this guy, he's hilarious. He gets to stay.
Okay, but like? Didn't the Jedi build their temple on Coruscant...
SPECIFICALLY, in the place it is, to guard/purify the Nexus there?
............w...why are they moving UP?
No, seriously, Nexus don't fuckin MOVE. That sucker us EXACTLY where it was, is, and always has been. It's not going ANYWHERE. That sucker don't GIVE a single, solitary, "reverse black hole of raw unspeakable power" SHIT what you do or do not do with your tiny mortal "city" planet. It's all insignificant matter to the endless Cosmos that IS the Force.
Like? It was here before YOU were.
I'll be here long after you're gone.
Sith, Jedi, Mandalorian. What does IT care what you tiny, fleshy, midi-chlorians colonies call yourselves? Just carbon with delusions of grandeur, the lot of you. So noisy.
But, like? You know who SHOULD care? Who, in fact, probably SHOULD be caring A WHOLE FUCKIN LOT? The Jedi. Cause like? Why the freshly baked and BESPOKE FUCK are you moving AWAY from the Nexus you are Filtering?! Ya'll got ONE(1) JOB! One!!!
Make the universe generally LESS SUCK!
Is this grossly oversimplified? Yes. Yes, it is. But you know how you DO that? You plant your Peace and Light generating asses infront of the galaxy's Force diffusers and act like AIR FILTERS! We need those to FUCKIN BREATHE! Spiritually!!!
Oooooh~ the Forse is getting Daaaarker~!
GEE, I WONDER WHY!
And... look, obviously, it's not ALL on them. No ONE temple could possibly make that much of a difference. But you know what COULD? The Ruusan Fuckin Reformation. All those CLOSED jedi temples. Air filter after air filter, shutting down. Fewer and fewer jedi, pumping out Good Vibes at key points in the Galaxy.
Sith playing the long game.
Cause you don't NEED to kill an army, if they all suffocate in their sleep. Or BETTER YET? Their cribs. Long before they ever become a problem. Harder and harder to endure, this galaxy. Bet those pregnancies are getting harder too. Getting just a little bit more demanding on the body, huh? But it probably nothing, right? Just pollution. Stress. Fucked up genetics and the political issues of the day!
After all, none of your ANCESTORS had to deal with those! Certainly not. No, no, every issues YOU deal with is new and fresh. The first to ever occur of it's kind. So this is fine. You'll figure it out. Modern science! (Don't think about it. Nothing is wrong. Don't worry, don't pay attention, because nothing is wrong.)
So... what does one do? We're they to notice? Be reborn. Maybe spend their early childhood grappling with their own mortality and the ethical dilemmas knowing the future presents. Perhaps having tea, after seeking out Master Sifo-Dyas. The only Master both willing to listen AND experienced with the moral quandary she now faces.
(Maybe it helps, having a... not quite Padawan. Something to focus on. Cling too. Like an anchor in the storm. Some reason not to get lost in the fear, the what-if's and not-enoughs, because there is a child visiting in less then an hour and he has yet to get up.
Perhaps it's a reason to take care of himself. Pretend to be okay. Maybe almost feel it. A reason to dig deep into the light and cling, with bloody finger tips, to the moment; even as the future threatens to sweep him away.
Because Hell is just a bit less lonely... less terrible... when you are not alone.)
And? Yes. It's a long, emotional, meditation filled second childhood. She spends far less of it with her "peers" then she should. Prefers the company of Master's and the quite of lesser frequented gardens. The archives. Lectures on obscure and rambling topics from anyone who is willing to give her the time.
Undoubtedly a favorite, of the elder Masters. Such a good girl. Have a treat. Come, come! Sit and have some tea~! Want to hear about the time I fu-*remembers who he's talking to* made friends with a pirate warlord? VERY handsome. And it helped take gown a corrupt world Goverment! It's very interesting~
(Yes. Yes, she would! Force, old people have the best stories. Why the fuck do none of her crechemates believe her when she says these old folks are awesome?)
But? Oh?? What's THIS? She wonders. As she sits in meditation. Deep in an older meditation room one of the old folks used to use as a Padawan. Granted, they are one of the longer lived species...so it's BEEN a while... And she DID have to go down father then most usually go... But like? Does it seem.... louder??? Down here????
No. Not "louder". More... thick? Deeper? Stars, it's on the tips of her tounge. Like trying to describe a color she's never seen before, but knows she has heard about. What IS that?
...........m-maybe.... maybe if she goes deeper? Closer to whatever it IS.
So she tries.
Focusing. Focusing. Unaware of her surroundings and the slowly, then swiftly, growing unbreatheable air, as she descends. So very FOCUSED on... on that... what IS that? Is-...? Huh. Why does she feel so dizzy? It's dirty down here. Dusty. 'An... and she doesn't... feel so...*thump*
Luckily? No one in this modern sci-fi age is PURELY human. Or she would have fuckin suffocated. Some throw back genetics? Means she breathes WAY less when she sleeps or loses consciousness. Likely from some race that had the trait as a sleep safety thing. (Can't find us if we get cool and quite while we sleep! Ha! Very sneaky!) (And yes it DOES run merry hell on her every morning. She needs a breathing mask and thermals to sleep. Because HUMANS need to be warmer then she generally gets and FAR more air. She is NOT a morning person.)
Equally lucky? The Force goes "!!!!!!!" At her Old People squad. ALL of whom have raised Padawans. Who are now Knights or Masters that they CAN and WILL bully, into finding their adorable initiate. She is LATE. She is NEVER late to snack and story time. Clearly she's dying! Find her! NOW.
The non-oxegen breathing, already mask wearing, contingent? Easily decend to the lower levels of the temple. Where? Oh no. Tiny foot prints! *dignified panic in jedi noises* *we're not rushing, you're rushing noises* Aaaah! Baby! UNCONSCIOUS BABY! On the FLOOR!!! D:> filthy, dirty, PROBABLY DISEASE COVERED FLOOR!
Quick! To the Halls! *rush Si-Oc to Madame Che!*
She? Is in trouble. Very in trouble. But also not. Because they can't really BLAME a child for following the Force and getting lost in the pull of the Nexus. She's a child. She had no idea what she was LOOKING for or what she was trying to track down. You can not blame someone for walking towards a tiger if they've never heard them chuff before. It's not like Nexus SEEM dangerous.
That's part of why they ARE dangerous.
Still scolded though. She could have DIED. She is old enough to know better!
And like? Mmmhmm. Yes. Of course. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. See? This is her nodding face. She TOTALLY didn't have any Revelations™ while getting her itty, bitty, soul-face BLASTED by the Nexus or anything. It TOTALLY didn't pull any old testament "BE NOT AFRAID" bullshit on her. No sir!
:)
This is her Lying Face.
......listen here, you lil shit Initiate. They are old as BALLS. They quite LITERALLY are the LAST people you should suggest were born yesterday. (Little round abou-) (THEY KNOW WHAT THEY SAID! Shush! They're SCOLDING right now!) (Shushin') They didn't raise a [REDACTED] number of Padawan, just to get fooled by YOUR adorable lil liar face! You got NOTHING on the [REDACTED, FFS you can't tell that to a child] of [Force damn it man, YOU CANT TELL THIS SHIT TO A CHILD.]!
Oooooh~! Were you a shadow? That sounded REALLY illegal! :D
(They were. They give the rest of the Shadows FITS. Stop casually dropping unredacted mission shit you pulled!) (No~☆ I'm gonna be dead soon anyway. Not my problem. What're gonna do? Kill me? Ha!) (Grandmaster, please. Eventually someones gonna actually listen to you when you ramble and-.... oh little gods. The initiate heard EVERYTHING. Sweet merciful fuck.)
Still... (눈_눈 ) they've already welded the lower levels shut... it? SHOULD be fine?
:D yeah. Totally :D You Can Trust Me :D
...........Nnnnnope! Child leash. (Oh COME OOOON)
She gets nowhere. Cause you think you're smart? Ha! Cute. Now try sneaking around Grandpa Can-See-The-Future! Grandmama Super Spy! The retired Creche Master who raised basicly EVERY MASTER IN THIS TEMPLE!!! You ain't going NOWHERE. Sit your ass down. Now eat a vegetable and show us your homework. You can have ONE cookie, as a treat.
Oc is getting SO parented right now and she's not sure she appreciates this. >:/ she has Scheming to do. Plotting! But APPARENTLY no schemes or plotting until she double digits. Which? Frankly? Ageist. Rude! A crime against her specifically! How dare. *does nothing to disobey them*
Cause it gives her time. To do what? Figure out HOW to get back down there. It's unbreathable, inhospitable, and in generally deeply unliveable conditions. But... she knows she NEEDS too.
Someone has to guard the Nexus. Filter the air, as it were. Keep Sith the FUCK away from it. Now one ELSE is. And she's not much of a "go out and fight" sorta gal. Much more of a "build a place and watch it grow" Sort. A lighthouse keeper in the mist. Totally cool with long, lonely hours and general isolation, as long as she gets occasional visits and has a good book.
Her soul YEARNS to scrub the Palpatine Ick off that Nexus.
Dis GUS tang.
Fuck, probably has his Sith-y predecessors grime all over it too. Vile. Horrifying. Sewage of the SOUL. She's gonna need like.... ALL the cleansers. Gonna have to DEEP deep clean that whole ass place, isn't she? Bleach is not enough. They may need plasma.
....she should email sorry, HOLO-mail some other Sects >.> see how they handle THEIR Nexus and threats of impurities. Maybe hit up Jedha for some historical records. Cause like? If it ain't Jedi but it WORKS? Then THANK YOU long dead Force Sects! o7 We Stan, and a "Fuck The Sith and all they stand for!"™ be with you! *takes notes*
Her mentors? Just glad she's peacefully attending her classes (lol, sure) and not getting up to any trouble (LOL, SURE). Her class selection is a little odd, but if those subjects call to her? Stars bless. Cause like? Toxic environment survival, hydro and aroponics, animal handling, droid language and maintenence, habitat construction.... hmmm. Maybe she's felt a call to the Corps?
Nope. :)
She has Recruited The Droids!™ \o/
That's what ya'll get! For assuming quite means behaving herself~☆! (....so... Shadow, then? Cause this is some DEEPLY Shadow bullshit.) (You tell a child ONE story, and SUDDENLY everything's somehow-!) (YOU TAIGHT HER TO PICK LOCKS!!!) (It's a VALUABLE LIFE SKILL!) She? Has don't nothing wrong in her life. Is BABY. *innocent blinking of innocence*
Just.... pay no attention to The Squad. She and her Droid Companions (who have no weak, fleshy, Biological LUNGS. Ya CASUALS. Wooooo! Skill issue!) (X3-D3 is not sure you're using that right. But ALSO wishs to Meme™ so shan't stop you. They are The Goat!) have a plan.
See, the Holonet? Anonymous. Hackable, yes, if some wish too. But? Temple security is MONSTEROUS. So get wrecked~! All SHE has to do? Is a little identity fraud! :D (wait, wut?)
Ooooooh, yeah. See, the Force? In everything. Everyone. So what's the difference between closing your eyes and guessing the jump coordinates using the Force vs. Guessing a complete bastards bank information? Credits! Lots and lots of credits. All of which they CAN'T use to commit crimes with anymore!
Best part? You can tie them all in knots. Cause, YOU didn't steal that account Mr. Vengeful Hutt Bastard! Oh no! It was the Zygerrians~☆ ^-^ or maybe your most TRUSTED of cousins! Sure would be a SHAME if you "a house divided" yourselves! Anyways~ look at all this free charity money! (Some if which is mine!)
Find the needle in THAT haystack, motherfucker.
Better funding for the Temple that's NOT Senate dependant say whaaaaaat? Made possible by a generous donation like yours! (Yes the senate is screaming about it. They can die mad about it. They did it first. You break the social contract? You're gonna have to live with the consequences.)
Oh LOOK! She's both 10 and flush with suspiciously gained capital!
Where have the droids been? Don't worry about it. :)
Anyway!
Time to buy those FANCY air scrubbers. Those new cutting edge tool kits. That Mandalorian crafted, war grade, "I see no god here but me" reinforced hazard suit. Maybe some... illicit old battle droids. They can retire! New purpose, few people, horrifying Coruscant underworld wildlife. They'd enjoy it. It's an intellectually stimulating challenge that won't require killing people!
And like? Child VS. Hell Planet.
Level by level. The air getting thinner, more toxic. Setting up rest stops and fall back points. Habitable Zones. A series of air locks that they can slowly but surely clean, as they move deeper. Towards the Nexus. Ever onwards! Downwards! They don't NEED to reclaim the whole planet... just this one temple. Just ONE(1) imminently finite building.
Finding things that could not be moved. Rooms long sealed. Things forgotten.
Looking out ancient windows, at what once was above the clouds, now little more then the endless dark of the undercity. Sprawling and rotten, forgotten, and filled with horrors.
Standing in halls made for light. Now forever stuck in darkness, their mosaics lost to the sun. The ancient echos of long dead jedi, still bright and lingering beneath her feet. Embedded into the very stones, by the lives they lived.
Then deeper still.
Deeper.
Sith. Mandalorians. The sacking of Coruscant. History told in reverse. In the scars on walls, mended but impossible to truely erase.
Coming to an uncertain stop, as she stands at the towering heights of that old Sith temple, feeling the pain and ugliness beneath her. A hell with no way but through. Does she dare? Can she even manage?
Doors welded shut. Sealed by hurting hearts and desperate hands. Jedi so heart sick they could not bear to even look at the evils within. A vast and ancient tomb. Does she dare? Does she DARE?
She does.
But not alone. Because she is no fool, and Jedi are stronger together. Up she goes. Past air locks and fall back points. Skin filthy with sealants and sweat, hours in the suit are tough, after all.
A sonic, a nap, and then a polite request to meet with Masters Yoda and Yaddle. Most unusual, initiate. Surely, another master can help you, whatever it may be? It may SEEM big, but they assure you, childrens worries rarely need such esteemed figures. No, no. She is certain. She can wait.
They put her off. Hoping she will lose patience. Wander off "as children do". She understands, somewhat, their reason for not taking her seriously. But it is still rude. And she is not going to play bullshit games, just to be lead in circles, going no where while they get their heads out of their asses.
She politely nods. Turns. And walks off to the council chambers. Where she KNOWS they will be. After all, if she can not bring the mountain to HER? Bring herself to the mountain. So, since obviously they will not give her a scheduled meeting? She will arrange an UNscheduled one.
Council Chamber waiting area? Check. Floor right in front of the doors, in broad fuckin sight? Double Check. She sits and begins to meditate.
......h-hello? What. HELLO?? Small child, are you LOST?
No. No, she knows exactly where she is. She would like to speak to Yoda and Yaddle, when they have a free moment. She can wait. ^-^ blatantly. Got NO WHERE better to be! You go on. Have fun with your council meeting! She'll just sit here.
Hmmmm, subtle, she is not. Says a deeply amused old green man. His friend nods, trying to appear like the dignified master she is, instead of cackling in amusement at the audacity of children. Force they love kids. Kids are the BEST.
And BOY HOWDY does this kid have the "audacity of youth" thing down pat! You've been WHERE?! Is THAT why your Crech Master can never find you? Obviously, yes, it IS a good thing you came to them before you even THOUGHT about touching anything Sith related, but dear FORCE!
And like? OC? Is all "cards on the table? I'm not gonna stop. You can either supervise and train me or try to forbid me, knowing I will ignore you, and ultimately probably die. Granted, I'm going to die either way, because we all die in the end, but? I would HOPE we'd both prefer it not be at the hands of a Sith trap, undercity monster, or some fun new secret & horrifying third thing we haven't discovered yet."
And they're like? Are you trying to emotionally black mail us into a Padawan-ship? "Fuck no. Just supervision. That would both be a terrible way to begin a Padawan-ship and deeply unwise. Never trick someone into a position of leadership, especially if it's over you, specifically. That's just asking for retribution, and the beginnings of a cycle of suffering, that this universe does NOT need more off."
(>.>) (<.<) ooooh, they LIKE this kid. *across the temple, the old folks squad feel Someone Encroaching On Their Territory. A disturbance in the Force. As though... as though some other old people are thinking about adopting THEIR collective grandchild! D:< *
And the other Councilors are like: *steeples digits* *bracing inhale for patience* "you CANNOT be serious. Tell? The child?? No???" Because like!? Are YOU SERIOUS right now, Yoda!? The FUCKING SITH TEMPLE!?!? The Sith temple. THE SITH TEMPLE. The Force forsaken CESS PIT in our basement. THAT SITH temple? You want to, what? Take a merry little jaunt?? With the youngling?!
SHE'S TEN! Scruff the little shit and hang her from a coat rack! We fetch a mind healer! Send her to JEDHA for an extended time out! We DO NOT let children THREATEN us into merry little jaunts down into HELL!!! *calm, composed, Jedi losing their absolute shit noises*
Hmmmm, they DO got a point. She hadn't considered that.
......hopes ya won't though. Cause like.... the Force told her too. It's kinda important.
And unfortunately? For their esteemed fellow councilors blood pressure? The Green Duo of Wonders™ can FEEL that. Yet? Also? *gently smacks a hand down on her head, grabs hold, and gently rattles it* little shit, you are. Obeying you supervisors, you will be. Your project, it may be, but experience you have not. Dangerous this is. Experience, it requires.
Yes siiiiir o7
And like? The Olds Squad (of Insane Badasses) are impressed! Well done child! A good first effort! Needs correcting, obviously. And she missed, like, A LOT. But? A REALLY good first effort! Paved the way for some real progress here!
And like? Do the secure the entire building? PURGE the ACTUAL SITH TEMPLE of Darkness? Room by room? Is Palpatine seething but unable to interfere, because now they'd fuckin NOTICE? Does he try anyway? Unclear!
Kinda wonder what they find in the DEEP deep undercity. What they find if they hit ground level but the building was BUILT INTO THE GROUND. Cause like? Does Coruscant HAVE a subterranean ecosystem? There is definitely a "ground" level. What's BENEATH that? Are there "oceans" down there? Of gas or oil? Runoff or pollutants? Mountains of ash?
What is more Jedi? Then to reclaim the rotten core of a dead world? Long since forgotten? Full of nothing but lethal gasses of the corpses of past sins? Have we not survived WORSE? We are extremeophiles. We CAN build a habitat. CAN study what Coruscant has become. CAN reclaim it and bring life back to this dead planet, just as the Corps has brought life to so many others.
It just requires someone to be insane enough to TRY. Be the first person to take the first step, so others can join them.
You know what? HAVE we tried Yoda's "younglings fix everything" tactic on Skywalker?
New SI-OC Time!
Smol, adorable, has a bug out bag and enough credits stashed for their life on the run! Already learned how to tie the hover prams together in like .001 seconds flat and (SUPER gently) toss the babies into um. Knows where the baby food is. Conveniently, has helped ORGANIZE said baby food. (Some of which was "organized" straight into bug out bags)
The whole works.
But like.....?
Better part of a cure? Is prevention you know? And the Tragedy Of Anikin Skywalker? Is that he WAS a GOOD MAN.
And she's standing there, with her Fully Grown ADULT SOUL, looking at this KID who thinks he's a man... this TEENAGER who's been GROOMED by a Sith Lord, a fully grown adult he TRUSTED in a position of power and authority over him, the FORMER SLAVE, and she just...?
How can she look upon his soul? So brightly burning with light and emotion and a sense of JUSTICE? A young man who CARES so much he can barely function some days. Who's heart's ambition is to Free The Slaves so NO ONE will ever again suffer as he and his mother did? Who looks at his partner like she's the most wonderful person to ever draw breathe?
So bright. So GOOD. Struggling and trying and fighting a battle he doesn't even know he's IN, against a Sith Lord he thinks is his FRIEND?
How can she look upon that young man... and just? Abandon him. Decide he's too much effort to save. To even TRY. That his fate is a forgone conclusion and he is destined to Fall. Such things are a CHOICE. And Anikin Skywalker? Has had precious few of those in his life. Between Duty and his youth, lives on the line and Master's that owned.
This is HIS Soul. HIS future. And Palpatine is trying to chip away at his ability to think clearly. Trying to pressure and rush rush RUSH! So he chooses in fear and desperation, like the bad sell it is. Knowing he'll feel he's "too far gone" to back out. Letting him spiral. Ever tightening that noose.
But? Like... the man DOES want to be a dad. Have a family. The thought HAS to be there.
"I should practice taking care of Force Sensitive younglings..."
You know... in case he in Padme... I mean, he's not SUGGESTING anything! But, I mean? If she WANTED too? And he knows they're young and all... and it would complicate everything... but? But!
They'd be KIDS. His kids. HER kids. THEIR KIDS! A... a family. He can barely imagine it.
A problem though? Is how LOUD he is. He can't help it. No more then one can help their hair or eye color. Reminders to "remember his shields" are a great deal like hearing "your breathing is upsetting people. Kindly stop." Like? What do you want him to DO, exactly? Cease existing?
Yes, he COULD be shielding better. If you met him at WHERE HE IS. Not continued to try and make him conform to a mold he'll forever be too big to fit. He's not an IDIOT. He is AWARE that babies are hypersensitive to the Force, since they are so new and rely off it for basicly everything. He KNOWS he's overwhelming to even ADULTS sometimes.
Obi-Wan can handle him because HIS shields are basicly High Council levels. He could TEACH classes to knights and masters. Everyone else? They feel a bit... projected at. It's RUDE™. Very "getting all up in my personal space and shouting". you know?
Babies can't handle that!
That UPSETS babies! Younglings too, they just don't have the words for it.
Knight Skywalker is just "So Much". It's upsetting and alienating. Force Sensitives are basicly MADE to connect to each other. Are THE most social of their various personality types, races, and various cultures. It's just?? A "ducks trying to raise a swan" scenario.
Anikin has subtly different needs. Is gonna grow to be bigger then them. What works for THEM may very well be wildly unnatural for HIM and that's OKAY. Neither of them is wrong! The PROBLEM here? Is rigidity. Refusal to meet a youngling where they ARE, out of fear of change. Clinging to tradition rather then ADMIT to ignorance... thus? Never treating that ignorance with the healing hands of Knowledge, as is the Jedi WAY.
The Sith have been at work for a long, long time.
But OC does not have to play part in their games. Bow to their rules. To hell with tradition and fear. Paths upon paths that MAY, conceivably, lead to SOMEWHERE. Did you not SAY, Master Yoda? That the Future is always in motion? Attachments may lead to darkness, but they also lead to light. They LEAD to everything. Because they are part of being ALIVE.
OBSESSION and CONTROL are the Darkside. But mere Emotions are the flowing of tides.
She prescribes hugs.
An adorable youngling, herself of course, following Skywalker around the Temple like a duckling and flopping against him every chance she gets. Asking bright eyed youngling questions of her Super Cool Esteemed Knight Elder that he'll have to look up. Or look up WITH her. Sometimes indulgent listen to HER ramble about.
Or? If he's sand blasting the soul of everyone around him? Welp, time to brace for it! Once more into the breach! She is small and squishy. Warm, huggable, and filled with light. Can hum and hug his head. Smell like Baby. Itty bitty lil light and heart beat and body. Not a threat. Cares about him. Fellow Jedi. Safe safe safe.... calm...
Does she feel a bit... rubbed raw? Soul wise, afterwards? Fuck yeah. Ouch, her everything stings. But that's not his fault. AND! He's getting better.
QUICKLY.
Cause there's nothing QUITE like an adorable wittle baby child, whom you BLASTED IN THE SOUL FACE with abrasive anger-sand hard enough to probably scour them to the BONES, wincing but smiling up at you and asking if you feel better now... to make you just a LIL bit "fuck asking Master's, I'm gonna tear the Archives apart until I can solve this on my own" hysterical. Ha ha....
Oh Force he MAIMED A CHILD! (Soul bruised, at BEST. And not intentionally.) (THATS NOT BETTEEEEEER!!! *hysterics in Skywalker*) Padme! Put me down like THE ANIMAL I'VE BECOME! AaaaaaAAAAAAA-!!! (He says, showing up at a senators apartment, holding a youngling she's never met like a teddybear. The MAN SHE MARRIED, everybody! He's so lucky she loves him. Ffs Ani.)
But like?? Shielding? Leads to SO MUCH better emotional regulation and stability? Plus an immediately increase difficulty scale for Certain Sith Lord's.
Especially! If the technique Anikin has to use? Is OLD AS FUCK. Like... Pre-Rebulic old. Considered a wildly overly complex and exhausting way to Shield for most people who just don't have the midi-chlorians count to NEED it.
A case of "the side effect of THIS medicine can actually address THAT crippling symptom!? Huh." So Anikin? Starts? INTENTIONALLY Projecting. Yeah... wild right? After so long trying NOT too! He starts learning to? PROJECT a "bubble" into the Force around him.
So that he'll only sense himself. So he can FOCUS on projecting and politely not project AT people. Kinda like elevator music where normally there is just nature noises. Very clearly artificially made? But not? "Every thought you have shouted at me" intrusive.
Kinda pleasant actually! Especially here on Coruscant. Where everything is so discordant and murky. Suddenly? There's this walking Air Filter/Lovely Ambiant Noise Machine walking around and???
Anikin has NEVER been so popular?? O:
Padme. Padme! The Crechelings FELL ASLEEP ON ME! Just?? Clambered RIGHT on up, dumped themselves in my lap, and fell asleep! Everyone wants to meditate near me! There were ARGUMENTS! Obi-Wan! OBI-WAN feel asleep on me the other day! Just?? Slumped over against my shoulder and started to CUDDLE!!! (/ T^T)/ hold me Padme! Everything is Beautiful and nothing hurts! I should have done this YEARS ago!
Also! Did you know it's Totally Cool for us to get married? We just have to get JEDI married! Wanna help me lie to the council? (Totally, you even got to ask?) O/ \O *highfive!*
Palpatine would HATE it. Fucking LOATH it. But the thing is? You can plan for actors on the stage, plan approximately for players to come, but? NO ONE can plan for a SI-OC. And even then? Any plan accounting for what children will do? Usually discounts how intelligent truely really are.
The Sith Did Not PLAN for "smart baby knows what you are up too and decides to stop you".
Because WHO WOULD PLAN FOR THAT?
Well....? Maybe don't be SUCH a dick? That the Actual Force Itself decides to fuck with your plans by introducing Chaotic elements? Ever thought of THAT??? Anyway... THAT is how the Big MEAN Sith Lord was unveiled targeting an INNOCENT and TOTALLY not provoking him, itty bitty child! Oh no! Anikin! Save meeeee! The scary bad man wants to HURT ME!
A CHILD! Who you gonna pick? Me, the crying lil girl you basicly adopted with your wife, or the man you THOUGHT was you friend... before he ATTACKED A CHILD! With a RED LIGHTSABER! And lightning! Someone's throwing around mention of SLAVE CHIPS and he's suggestinghe can "save you wife"!!!
Real CONVENIENT. Since Anikin's wife is both completely FINE and under the care of Jedi healers, yet he's been having MYSTERIOUS DREAMS about her DYING HORRIBLY. Dreams that Don't Feel Right. Like they DONT come from his head! So? How do YOU know about those dreams, HUH? SHEEV??
God you know what would be FUNNY af? More "I already YOLO'd, fuckers. I see no God here but me an my new buddy The Force" SI-OC?
There's... there is the Fuckin FORCE NEXUS. Just? RIGHT THERE? Reality HAS to get unimaginably FUCKY and melty at the seams, around it? Horrific for people would HAVENT been through the Souls Car Wash as it were... but, like?
Eh. Tingly.
Feels a bit like being dead. She can taste the abstract concept of philosophical debate and the first strands of dawn. Air smells a bit purple. This is fiiiine. She and the Force are HANGING! You LITERALLY could not be closer to it outside of shrugging off your meat suit!
Aaaaay, BESTIE! She brought better meditation cushions and a swiffer. It is DUSTY down here! So~ how things? Any dead people wanna chat? Wanna watch a sunrise on a planet that stopped existing eons ago, literal galaxies away? Oh hey! Thanks for the space rock. It blurbles ominously.
Just? Yes. TECHNICALLY. "All things are possible in the Force".
But just because a NUCLEAR REACTION IS POSSIBLE? Doesn't mean it's a great idea to SIT NEXT TO IT. Child! P-Please! Back away from the thing we LITERALLY BUILT A TEMPLE TO CONTAIN.
ALL absolutes are harmful.
Yes. Even "good", even "helpful", even the "light". They as JEDI know this. Unlike SITH, they? Are not so foolish as to believe ANYONE can channel or harness a NEXUS. Absolute GOOD will kill you just as surely as Absolute evil. Do not loose yourself. And for the love of all that's precious?
Don't! Poke! Force! Anomalies!!!
Again... meh. What's the worst that'll happen? She DIES? Is LOST? Oh noooo. Not RETURNING to the Force! AGAIN! Peacefully avoiding the horrors to come! That would be AWFUL! *continues to gossip with the nexus*
Of course, this? This is fucking horrifying.
That is a youngling! Next to the ACTIVE FORCE NUKE.
Dear FUCK every moment the child sits there? It could be SCRAMBLING HER DNA for FUNSIES! But it ALSO feels like hundreds of jet engines in their head! T-they can't?! Get close enough? To grab her? Hold ON small breakable child! Help is COMING!
SOME ONE GET THE COUNCIL. NOW.
No we DO NOT care what they were doing! Baby! IN DANGER! This is clearly a priority! (And I mean? Shit... you right. They'll be there in 5)
Force maybe be "clouded"? But a cloud, dense enough? Is just a body of water suspended. And the NEXUS? Is like SWIMMING. A flood. The Force COULD NOT be clearer there. It's deafening, consuming, one might even say... less then subtle.
Yoda probably does the OPPOSITE of something helpful and just... plops on down next to her. Accepts the offered snack she holds out. Asks casually why she down here. Just two bros, a Grandmaster and Crecheling, two completely equal Jedi in the eyes of the Force, sitting watching the Pretty Colors at the edge of a reverse Black Hole.
Master Yoda, NO!
What? Did they expect him to use force? By the ear, drag this youngling, perhaps? Hmmm? How would that fix anything. The child would simply return. Stopping her ONCE will not address your concerns. There must be a dialog. You must be heard. Your fears laid to rest. The youngling must UNDERSTAND. Teachable moment!
The various knights, masters, CRECHE MASTERS and Council members? Do? NOT AGREE. Ha ha. Oh Force. Baby in a radioactive, currently inactive, meat grinder! Heart palpitations! Can't EVEN RELEASE THEIR FEAR INTO THE FORCE! Because it'll JUST SPIT RIGHT BACK INTO THEIR FACE.
.....OC would like these people to stop crashing her hangout. But is refusing to STOP her hang out, now, mostly out of spite. Well... that, AND? It's actually pretty great that most of the Order? Is getting LITERALLY FORCE BASTED CLEAN?
Like getting your soul pressure washed.
BEGONE Darksider gunk!
Does it leave you feeling a lil woozy and hyper-aware? Overly sensitive? Headache-y like a motherfucker? Yeah. But that's the crude matter, my gender non specific dudes. The Nexus has always been more of a "oh shit! We're losing um! CLEAR!" Sort of measure, then a "you should take this rigorous round of medicine and then meditate" Sort of measure.
Not that it's WISE. It's just as likely to eat folks. Just... straight skip the suffering their redemption arch might cause others and? Yoink! Straight back to the Force with you. After all? Other people are not here for YOUR life lessons. Their pain is not a gift to YOU. A debt YOU are owed.
Speaking of? Someone should check on Skywalker. He's looking a little shaken back there. (The Void was BRIGHT and it looked BACK. He is... NOT OKAY) (but also? Feels cleaner? Lighter? He thinks he just met his Dad. Spoke to his Mom.)
Obviously? Hella grounded. UNBELIEVABLY grounded. The entire temple is down and out with the worse case of Force Strain anyone can REMEMBER. The senate will have to send someone else.
......what do you MEAN you have "no one else"? They distinctly remember there being other offices. They are a religious organization. Not nearly as large as they once were. You are THE GOVERMENT. When a planet, in need, requests assistance? Why are you handing it to an EXTERNAL RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION?
Yes, OF COURSE we want to help! But unfortunately we literally CAN NOT right now! There was an INCIDENT! Are you telling us that this whole system was one cold away from COLLAPSE?! (Local eavesdropping reporters go :3c owo? Whats this? Paycheck~☆???)
And, yes. Yes it WAS. Centuries of Sith meddling and common greed. Cut the funds to line my pockets! The Jedi will handle it. They Jedi ALWAYS handle it. If they can't, we'll just blame them. They show up first. Sometimes are the only ones to show up. Are a face for people to latch on too. Someone recognizable to get angry at, in our hurt.
But.... suddenly? Not there! And they're telling us? The NEXT step? In their Very Worried For Us, Full Of Genuine Sympathy And Concern Way? Is the Goverment. Specific offices. Makes sense. They even try to help, while looking like death warmed over. No, no! We get you can't come. Go rest! People need you!
No, they keep insisting. I can HELP! Please let me help! You're suffering. This isn't RIGHT. You don't deserve this! Are you safe? Is your family okay? I can talk to some people I know... maybe?
Then you turn around? And get automated rejection after rejection from the GOVERMENT YOU SERVE. Pay your taxes too. Bleed for. As your people are DYING. Afraid. Begging for help, that? APPARENTLY the senate is too busy throwing GALAS to send!
The Jedi is actually crying on the other line. Arguing with a healer off screen that they don't faint THAT much! They can take a pilot droid! Your people NEED HELP! Please! They have to do SOMETHING! They can't just SIT THERE! Please don't make them sit there!
The healer is telling them if they don't bring their heart rate down, they may pass out again. Breathe. Give them the comm.
You watch the Jedi literally fight to keep it. Lose, too dizzy to win.
The healer looks sympathetic but resolute. Your people's doctors are much the same. Your SISTER-IN-LAW much the same. You ask that he not be allowed to contact you until he is well. You are not incompetent, after all. Your people will survive.
The Force is with you... but the Senate is not.
This? You will REMEMBER.
Discontent grows. But NOT, as Palpatine was trying to cultivate it, towards the Jedi. They? Are in crisis. Still holding strong, yes, but clearly DEALING with something. Some... weird... mystic cult illness. It's literally BAD enough that "Force Sensitive" (you know, the kinda creepy weirdos?) cultures and peoples are offering to send various doctor equivalents!
And the Jedi! The JEDI!!!? Infamously "oh, it's only a gushing flesh wound, I'm fiiiine!" Weirdo Space Monks? Yeah, they're saying YES. Please DO, actually. Admitting to NEEDING HELP.
...........guys?
A-Are the Jedi DYING? D:>
Suddenly everyone's remembering all those times? Jedi helped THEIR planet. Possibly DIED for them. Statistically? Over the centuries? There is not a SINGLE ONE of them that hasn't needed help at LEAST once. Gotten SOME Jedi's help. Maybe it was centuries back. Maybe decades. Possibly last year. But? The Holonet is FOREVER.
Videos still exsist. Voices long dead. Wry jokes and hoisting younglings up on their shoulders. Attentively listening to elders as they talk about their youth. Protection and respect. A face not so different from their own. Laughter and light, preserved forever.
The Jedi are in family holos.
Here, with grandma. See? He saved her from slavers! And there. Sitting with the family after The Great Collapse. Over here, rocking great-uncle Nox as a baby! On and on. Flooding the net. Private collections no one thought were relevant until now. It's not like anyone ASKED. It was JUST a FAMILY story.
Those little acts of kindness. Those humanizing bits of light. Jedi, throughout our history. Everywhere. Absolutely everwhere... until they weren't.
Until... slowly... they started to fade.
People, making timeliness, making collections? Notice. Huh. Look at that decline. Is that just them? Are they seeing things? Guys! Tell me what you see....
All while OC? Is sitting by the Nexus. Breathing in some NICE tea steam, in her comfy lil meditation nook, smacking the FUCK out of Palpatine's grasping lil claws as it reaches for the Nexus. BEGONE you malicious THOT! This is a benevolent thot only space! That's why Master's Vox and Kenobi can stay. (Ha!/CHILD!?!)
OC works as a legit filter.
The Nexus? Spews, by its nature, the Force in CONCENTRATED amounts, out into the universe. Like a high pressure water spout. Feeding into a lake. There are drains. People use it, move it, muddy the waters. But the NEXUS? Is where the unfiltered stuff comes back through, after it's been recycled.
Part of the endless loop. There are, of course, many Nexus. The Universe is large. One Nexus alone would never be able to cover it all. But Coruscant? The surrounding area? That's THIS Nexus. And Palpatine wants it BAD.
Because EVERYONE is part of the Force. Sensitive or not. ALL LIVING THINGS have midi-chlorians. They're just generally drawn to sentience. Are the universe in symbiosis with itself. Being near a Nexus tend to make them vibrate. Start to multiple. Not great for the body they're IN. Fascinating though.
......wait, where was she.... >.> oh! Right!
Whole ecumenopolis? Already has a LOT of suffering. Lot of stagnant pools of Darksider rot. The senate isn't helping. But? The Nexus IS helping. By blasting clean, fresh, hope and NEW! Through the heart of it all. Anyone who wanders close enough to the Temple? Gets cleaned off.
Feels hope. Sees a brighter future worth fighting for. Gets that much needed nudge from the Force, towards a better path.
Obviously, Palpatine hates that. Wants to flip it. To bad decisions and hopelessness. Bow your head and know your place. Well? FUCK 'IM. She's the guard of the Nexus. SHE'S sitting right in from of it! He may have fucked up rituals? But SHE can literally reach her arm out, INTO IT, and drag the darkness free.
Talk to Master's through time. The Force directly. Be a concept and a bird, right angles and starlight, here and then and The Force.
What are YOU, Sheev Palpatine? But a miserably hateful little creature.
A vile, angry little man.
The Jedi? Have probably already adjusted by now. Master Fae, Master Antilles, Youngling OC. Yeah... it be like that sometimes. You get Weird Jedi every so often. Just look at Yoda and Yaddle. The various wandering Jedi. That one guy they're preeeeeety sure? Might just be? Meditating out in a swamp somewhere? He might be dead. No one's sure. Still a jedi, though!
Look, you get like... 99 put of 100 vaguely normal Jedi to one Weird one, and 1 REALLY weird one out every... no one can actually agree? Inconclusive. Have a fruit bun. Nod and smile. The Force works in mysterious ways....
And SPEAKING of "we are a wrecking ball in a rice paper world" Master Fae/Antilles duo? Very sensitive to the Force. Go where it sends them. Did.... NOT expect to get a holocall? By means of FORCE NEXUS?? From an ACTUAL YOUNGLING?
.....ngl. this one's new.
Kamino it is.
(OC wants to make Palpatine CRY. Fight me, you FUCK, says the actual child. No one knows why this Jedi child hates the Naboolian senator specifically, but it... is REALLY effecting his Affable Grandfatherly Vibes.)
What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
I just have the sudden realization that because Shikaku is living in eternal denial, people will try to talk with Yoshino, so she can deal with her son (and hubby) but goddess, Shikaku is all "why would you do this?! Can't you see what you leashed out in the world?! Why don't you go and give konoha's key to old oonoki too? Feed Orochimaru's snakes maybe? Why?" Yoshino drinking tea and planning Shika and Naru-chan weeding catering and also the total annihilation of anyone who try keep them apart.
Yoshino is delighted that Kushina and Minato’s little fishcake is going to marry her sweet Shika-chan.
Because let’s be real here, the human focus of a Nara Fixation™ always ends up married into the Nara Clan or, on a rare occassion, that Nara ends up married into the target’s clan. It’s just the way it is. Nara are sneaky and wily and know how to get their way. And for all of the genetic laziness they make excellent spouses.
So if anyone tries to stand in the way of Yoshino getting another daughter/son/child in the form of cute little Naru-chan then they’ll face not only Shikamaru’s wrath but hers as well.
So Shikamaru 10000% finds support in his Mom.
Some Idiot Merchant’s Stall: *currently ablaze*
Shikaku: I am neither physically or spiritually capable of being drunk enough for this.
Shikamaru: *covered in soot and blood* I did nothing wrong.
You know what would be and always is fascinating/interesting/hilarious? For want of a nail type, "tiny change or little action spiral into great and sweeping change" type fics! ESPECIALLY when combined with my dearly beloved Self Insert troupe!
Because? I DO so love the Self Insert! Not so much for the "I can fix it" or power fantasy, as the ability to wander... a stranger in a strange land. Both familiar yet removed. Known to us yet... not. The major actors, major events, certainly. But the lives of the average person?
The noodle shop owner? The ship salesman? A janitor?
We know nothing about this strange new world from their point of view. What secrets can be found in this or that little shop, well off the common path. And it is FASCINATING! Especially if the Insert wasn't particularly FAMILIAR with the source material. Knew enough to get by, perhaps, too know they are in danger... but not enough to twist events to their favor. Assuming they even had the type of personality to TRY such things.
No, no...
What I? Want to see?
What I think would be FASCINATING?
Is a TRUE carry over. Adult mind to adult mind. Someone settled in their ways. Not bold and terribly adventurous, not willing to recklessly seek out danger and pain. No. They know they are going to die. They know they HAVE died. They are now a Jedi. And can feel the Force... and?
It just... helps.
They let go. Yes, perhaps some plans to protect the younglings. If they can. But their ultimately IS no death, only the Force. It is scary, they acknowledge, frightening even. But they... find calm. Acceptance.
They meditate. Open themselves up to the Force and give up their worry and fears, their regrets. All the terrible burdens they brought with them from their past life. It's honestly a bittersweet sort of relief. Ironic, that such a troubled age should be their most peaceful.
Of course... opening yourself up like that? Reaching out so deeply and with such conviction? It's like painting a "hey! I'm right here! I'm definitely going to listen if you say something to me!" Sign on your forehead, where the Force can see it.
So? It DOES.
But unlike Anikin? The Insert isn't a Fighter. So the Force doesn't tell them to fight. After all, every part has its place in the grand machine of Life. Every actor their place on the stage. Sometimes? To change the galaxy? All you need is someone to be on the right planet, at the right time, ready to hold a door open for the right person.
And that's it.
Not everything needs be grand sweeping actions. It can, instead, be the quiet drip drip drip of medicine applied behind a Sith Lord's back. To undo the damage he has wrought. So when comes the time for his plans to unfold? He does NOT find the support he was counting on to succeed. Instead he finds resistance.
But HOW? How would such a thing be DONE? By a YOUNGLING no less?
A youth with no power? Be it social, political, or physical? AND beneath the Sith Lord's very nose? Without being STOPPED? With said youngling being KILLED? Quite simply! Easily, in fact! By embracing the purest of the Light!
Fun.
Who among us, does NOT know of the parasocial relationship? The feeling of knowing someone, considering them "good" and "something like a friend" dispite never once having spoken to them? Being FOND of them? Wouldn't YOU not defend them? If someone sought to HURT them? KILL them? You KNOW them so very WELL don't you? This person speaks LIES about them!
And what of the Adorable Youngling? Small and Cute? Look at their little cheeks and tiny hands! How precious! Why, we have watched them GROW! They are practically family!
But where does the FUN I speak of come into this? Simple. The Holonet. Crechemaster's trying to corral an adult in the body of a child. The Insert is BORED. At peace, yes. But you can really only meditate so many hours of the day. Lessons only take up so much and class work the same. They aren't at an age where the SERIOUS lessons begin yet.
So they have too much free time.
..........have you heard about "Video Game #55? It's apparently got more Video AND Game then ever!" Intriguing~ But, oh. Playing it ALONE it BORING. And playing with... well, INFANTS, is... an exercise in patience. Plus it's probably not appropriate for them. Hmmmmm..... you KNOW.... Insert really DOES miss? Watching Let's Plays over breakfast/lunch...
They've never MADE one... but they know they general script and idea? And for Some Reason? It feels like a GREAT way to pass the time! Yeah! Let's do THAT! And so the Force nudges. Tiny. Seemingly inconsequential. The Master's try to shut it down, Insert is stubborn and refuses, they talk it out. Because they are Jedi and authoritarian force is not their way. Is it frustrating? Perhaps. But the only cure for ignorance is knowledge.
They ultimately compromise. Insert get to keep their little game thing, THEY make sure Insert is compromising Temple security, putting themselves in danger, talking to dubious strangers, or other such perils. It is? A FASCINATING view into the secretive world of the Mysterious Jedi for most of the galaxy. All lead by an adorable Youngling playing games.
Of course, such a silly, ridiculous thing is BENEATH Palpatine's concern. Fun and games? Not even formal or official ones? The child doesn't even represent the jedi. They represent no one. Clearly not a threat, right?
WRONG.
Because one game? Leads to another. Leads to being recommended another. Leads to "hey check out this music". Leads to "how was your day?" Leads to chatting about Jedi philosophy... as simplified for small children. Easy to understand and then complained over like it's maths homework. And... huh.
You guys really liked when I talked about X? Well, I don't know much about it... buuut? I could probably FIND someone or go to the archives? Make a video? I'll make a poll. Vote down below?
Untouchable and distant? Nah. Jedi play "Crafting Game 73" and whine about their Crechemates being JERKS for eating the last dessert. Jedi, in their head's, are small adorable younglings and the amused adults meditating the back ground who watch over them. EVERYONE knows the Jedi. The Jedi are on our datapads. Are our friends. We've totally met them.
Parasocial relationships.
Or maybe that's just me? I just... God I REALLY want to see how they'd react to a initiate who just? Won't stop fuckin making Let's Plays of all things. Just? WHY. HOW? WHY AND HOW?! No, NO don't you shrug at me and run of, youngling! Get back here! What "skill issue"? Which skill? Initiate!!!
Consider! Somehow they get an old Jedi Master to play a silly game on stream for some charity or other. So now the idea of Jedi is including what would basically be a space monk playing games with a child. How is that a Big Scary Threat, Chancellor?
....Yoda would DELIGHT at the Space Equivalent of the goose game. Oh ho ho! We are a mischievous animal? Doing harmless tasks? Much to the frustration and confusion of those around us? They should meditate! Steal their boot I do! *sounds of excited cheering and shouted recommendations from various 5 year olds*
He is, as the kids say, bonding with the youthful generation! Mmmm, yes. He supports this.
But also? Imagine the soothing, meditative games? Like "here is a sandbox, build the Perfect Garden from all these scanned plants from across the galaxy" type games. Imagine watching these esteemed Jedi Masters LOSING THEIR SHIT over it.
The single most soothing thing you've ever listened too. Some little old man. Quietly thrilled about the chance to make an impossible dream garden. On hour ten thousand or something on the side channel where they post the long streams.
It's the most beautiful garden you've even seen.
You feel compelled to call your mother. Have had several deep, soul searching revelations about yourself. Framed in the metaphor of plants and gardening. Have decided to become a better person. Quite your job. Go back to college. All of it.
One video over? A retired Jedi that looks like he could eat lesser men, is stone faced playing through the galaxies most frightening horror games. Pfff. This has nothing on [REDACTED]. There's not even any-(J'ONN, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! CHILDREN MIGHT BE WATCHING THIS!) If there are, then their gaurdians are negligent and we have greater concerns at hand then what's coming out of MY mouth. Honestly.
All the while, Insert is trying and failing to get their character to just... just JUMP ON THE LEDGE. Come on! It's RIGHT THERE! Noooo! Commander Tooka you're supposed to have "the greatest reflexes in the galaxy"! How are you failing to grab a LEDGE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE? D:> *death screen noises*
What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
Oh? My god??? :D ya'll remember my poor Coruscant Underworld Oc?
What if her... but THRIVES?
What if she IS the Danger? Did not get pulled from some nice, safe, NORMAL Universe?? But an Apocalypse one? Just... FULL ON environmental collapse, radiation and zombies type, End Of Days™.
This is basicly Christmas.
Endless Supplies? GIANT rats? Holy SHIT :D there's a LOT of good meat on those suckers! *gleefully shoots one in the head* look at all this TRASH!! Yeah, the air is horrific unbreathable and there are sarlaccs, but what else is new? Same shit, different universe. Now with sci-fi powers, she guesses? So that's neat.
Oooooh! Broken droid bits! *scavenges like a BEAST*
Like? She gets a full on DOOM bunker going. There are lazers. Airlocks. She's welded broken ships together into a monolump biosphere (with working greenhouse). Slowly reclaiming the underground through sheer madmax style, Doom Slayer-esc, "have AT ME ya fuckin CASUALS!!!" *MACHINE GUN FIRE*
She likes to think she's retained her sense of normalcy in the face of extreme stress rather well! Some people went insane, you see.
:D nooooot her! She Fine™. Doing GREAT even! Getting that great grade in mental health! A thing that is real and possible to achieve! Ha ha!
Meanwhile? Up in the Jedi Temple? They feel the Force Equivalent of the Doom soundtrack. Not... bad, per say. But...? Holy SHIT. You-? You GOOD, buddy? Giving off some REAL intense vibes there. Maybe we... we should all take a Deep Breathe... *carefully edging closer to blast the poor soul with Chill Out Vibes before they give themselves some sort of aneurysm*
But!? When they try and LOCATE the poor fucker who apparently has EXCLUSIVELY adrenaline for blood? And is CLEARLY in need of immediately medical intervention?
*immediate jedi alarm* w-why do they feel "down"? Guys, why do they feel STRAIGHT DOWN!? There is nothing DOWN past this point!!!
Which? I mean. Well that WOULD explain the *hardcore death metal soundtrack* vibes? They too, would be less then perfectly calm, in the bowels of HELL Coruscant. But! How did they GET there!? And how do we get the poor soul OUT?!
You dont. She doesn't WANT to come out, actually. But maybe you could drop some supplies down a vent? Sky candy! Mana from the heavens! Oh LOOK~ A fixable holopad!! ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ the Scavenger now has Holonet Access~☆ hello Universe ;) *joins space twitter* she is under your FLOORS :D
Wanna know what ELSE is down here? >:D *click* *uploads nightmare fuel to the holonet*
People? Go apeshit. Demand answers. Order her to leave. (LOL, like she even recognizes a "Goverment" as a THING anymore. Much less YOURS.) Some, want to mount a rescue. Others? Are foaming at the mouth about the rare chance at SEEING THIS DANGEROUS BIOME UP CLOSE! (But, like, danger and such and such. Hey, real quick, can you get us a closer picture of that weird mushroom? Yeah. The man eating one.)
The Jedi? Are furiously sending WALLS of text. Pls. PLEASE. Let them HELP YOU. They are GOING to cry. Is that what you want? You wanna see them cry? They'll do it! They're not afraid to cry at you!!! It's so dangerous! And you have no supplies! And-!*continues to worry*
She can't even be mad? They seem nice. High-strung, but nice. She'd totally trade some of her Rat jerky with them. The GOOD bits, even.
Cause, see, the thing is? She figured out? How to LEAVE the underground a while back. Most of the ways up or shot. Unstable or overrun. But?? Ironically? The JEDI? They're sitting on the only building that goes ALL the way down. And SOMETHING about the place keeps the undead etc away from it. So it's fine.
She could literally walk right up.
But she don't wanna.
There's Capitalism up there! And PEOPLE. She's gone Feral and kinda knows she's not... great, mentally. And she LIKES her little apocalypse bunker. Not to mention? What would you even DO with sunlight? Burn in it? Probably. It's a Lazer. Radiation and shit.
.......but they DO have medicine.
................and some sweet air filters.
Curse their adorable, persuasive children! Fiiiiine. But she reserves the right to LEAVE back to her sweet, sweet hellscape once she's done! *stops off*
*arrives from the BASEMENT OF THE TEMPLE like a fully covered, stinking of lethal gasses, heavily armed, nightmare in full make-shift hazmat* *with jerky*
Sup o7
Did... did she just walk through the ancient Sith temple? Yea'. They were little bitchs about it. There's a path now. She brought snacks. *shakes her ominously wafting rat jerking at the nearest jedi knight* (is it edible? Well... she's certainly been eating it. But we aren't certain. Take some, smile, and scan the FUCK out of it later. Try not to let it touch your bare skin.)
Madame Che? Nearly cries. It's like a fun house version of Master Fay, minus the fun. What the FUCK were you EXPOSED TOO!? (Everything) what does that even MEAN!? (*shrugs*)
She hangs around. Supplies up. Has a DELICIOUS soup dinner with a little green guy (who just seems delighted someone appreciates his cooking? Who wouldn't?? It's great!). Then offers to host them whenever they need a place to go. You know... in case this whole "weird, non-defensable location" thing doesn't work out.
Is she a Jedi? No. She is very INFAMOUSLY Coruscant's "Basement Cryptid". She crawls out to trade whatever weird shit she's found with the jedi and occasionally the Mando'ade (turns out there's a mountain over there. Used to be some sort of forge?).
So like? Her base keeps growing. And growing. Aaaaand growing. Cause what ELSE is she to do with her free time? Boredom leads to madness after all.
It becomes a legit biodome.
The way breaks out.
A certain order goes out. But? Well. Crazy Aunty Basement told all of them how to reach her, and they quote, "DEFENSEABLE" and "SAFE" biodome. Nothing can GET to her unless SHE want it too.
The Creche Masters? Don't even TRY to make it to the ships. They're surrounded. They'd never make it. But DOWN? Down they can do. They flee. Knights and masters guarding the back. EVERYONE has heard about how SAFE she says it is. And in this moment of fear and chaos? When their HOME is no longer safe? Well, it's the closest, strongest option.
They lose a lot of persures in the Sith temple. More to the rats.
Panting into their air masks, they are met half way by Oc, who leads them to safety. Past zombies and rats, sarlacc and hidden lethalities. Through the gloom and swirling gasses. To an airlock. Children first. Then injured. Then the rest. Hundreds more then would have ever survived.
All deep beneath the crust. Untouchable. A time capsule at the heart of the empire. And it BURNS in the Sith's heart, that he can not reach them, no matter what he tries. Because nothing short of destroying Coruscant itself could do it. They're burrowed too deep. And he would NEVER give up his festering jewel.
Best of all?
:3c she still has fuckin Space Twitter. *posts "Day 894 of Paplitations still being a whiny, sore loser, cry baby bitch" dispite the empires best minds trying to ban her* hehehe~☆ the jedi might not seek revenge. But she's not a jedi, now is she? *posts a poorly done AI video of Obi-Wan Kenobi kicking Palpatine's ass. Specifically because the poor quality of it all will EXTRA annoy him*
There IS much repairing to do. Lifetimes worth! Plus the "complete de-fuckin-ing" of the Underground? So like... that'll take a while! Neither of them even KNOW how to de-sarlacc a planet. Do you? And like... is this just the ecosystem now, or....?
They bet they could string up sun lights. Just... a MASSIVE grid of sun lights. Make the whole place one big bio dome. Go: nice-> fucked-> shitty-> okay-> nice again, like some sort of crappy Planet's not-really-sedimentary sandwich.
Will it take lifetimes? Yeah. But you don't shy away from work just cause it's HARD. You get BULLETS.
She and Buddy are both crazy! But it's only CRAZY if it doesn't WORK. So they prefer "Visionaries". And really, if the Agricorps can unfuck a planet? Why can't SHE? It's just Hard Mode™. With zombies! (Fuuuuuckin zombies)
Now? Who wants this weird mushroom that glows? You can study it for science!
Many mouths to feed. Time for Moar Rats. *goes out to harass the local giant rat population* they WERE the apex scavengers around here. There she showed up! Mmmm, big and tasty! Don't know the taste of fear! *gun charging noise* don't worry! I'll teach um!
All these traumatized Jedi are like: ah yes, crazy cousin Basement. With her well known fondness for inedible foodstuffs. *watchs as she fuckin lord of the flies a small army of child sized rodents, from atop a mountain of rodent bones she made herself, in what is CLEARLY some sort of ongoing human/rodent one-person war* Best not to accept any dinner she makes tonight. I'll warn the others....
Like? She hasn't figured out HOW to eat those concrete eating slugs yet.... BUT WHEN SHE DOES! Oooooh ho ho! Diversity of diet, kiddos! :D only thing she's not touching down here are the zombie! Fuck, if she could figure out how to harvest one of them Sarlacc?? *openly starts daydreaming* god... think of all the MEAT. We'd eat like KINGS.
The BEST part? Is that??? The empire doesn't just go after the Jedi. Oh no. They go after the MANDALORIANS next.
And ALL of Keldab'ika knows about the Insane lil shit living under the Goran's place! She brought back ancient relics! Fights The Horrors for sport! Has some sort of Mandalore style biodome down in the bowels of Coruscant (which belonged to THEM FIRST, you FUCKS)(yes, maybe not genetically. But CULTURALLY? They have not forgotten. And they FUCKING REFUSE to be driven off TWO home worlds.)
Plus? They kinda knew this might be coming? After the Jedi? So THEY stocked up.
It is the MOST Traditional Batshit Mandalorian Plan EVER. (They love it.)
Do people still die, holding the line for the retreat down? Yes. And we honor them. But! Mandalorian armor is air tight. And THEY have a map. Do YOU? *pursuers accidently run into a hoard of zombies*
It's a Mando/Jettii Convert. The enemy of my enemy and all that. Plus? They can't be mad at Ade. And most of the jettii survivers are ade. So like? Hold your piece. Historical enemies be damned, that is a 6yr old. We are all grown Verde, we WILL be acting like it, or so help them, the Goran Themselves Will be putting you in the nearest Sarlacc pit.
*smashcut to what appears to be a fully hazmat's wookie Death From Aboving a giant mutated elephant made out of knives... with a spear. While screaming one long expletive like a battle cry*
Such a magical people. Like beautiful little fairies~☆ uwu they were too pure for this galaxy!
*10hour long "listen HERE you little shit" type political manifesto style rant on Freedom and Revolution and why the SITH ARE LITTLE BITCHES, forcibly hacked into playing on every non critical screen on Coruscant*
Just??? The new republic? Going like "oh yeah. We got TWO Jedi order. The crazies that live under our floorboards... and Skywalker." And like? Watch out! You better BEHAVE! Or the NICE Jedi are going to go " :( well... we tried. Better ask our Dearly Beloved Sister Temple™ for help." and THEN?
Ooooooh THEN you get Feral Rat Jedi CRAWLING OUT OF THE FUCKING WALLS!!! D:> it's like a HORROR MOVIE. They... they just SHOW UP. You're all "ha! I've locked myself in a bunker at the bottom of this wildly inhospitable deep sea vent!" Then?! *Knock knock* what's OUTSIDE THE AIRLOCK!? "Hello~☆ the jedi are here to talk to you about Being Less Of A Bastard ^-^ Or Else™"
Now they don't really agree on who the weird relative is (as far as Basement's group are concerned, they were here FIRST) but fortunately they get along!
Fortunately for who?? grouches this week's asshole
Slow terrifyingly friendly Skywalker grin: Do you think you'd be safer if we were fighting?
I mean... Skywalker is a Tattooine raised 1/4th pure Midi-chlorian Force construct that pretends to be a person? He's basically a thick slurry of eldritch micro-colony Force conductors, wearing a meat suit. Both him AND his dad were the Force pretending to be humanoids, through themselves who were also their children.
Whoooole lot of *checks Shimi's genetic structure* "sure, we can fake/copy/pretend that!" But now with added Padme Nadberrie!
So like... he's like those fluffy beardogs.
Kiddo is soft looking and friend shaped! Can and WILL rip your face off with his teeth. Weirdly strong, physically.
Bet he was the sort of kid to wake up, toddle over to Beru, blink sleepily up at her, and go: "Time smells funny today. Can we have *unpronouncable clicking*?" "...which is?" "The... *vague gestures* with the dumplings?" *confused blinking*
".......go ask your uncle"
(He never DOES get that dish, poor kid. Not HIS fault the planet blew up a millennium ago.)
You know? Temple Guards ARE basically Last Line of Defense™
Could make a hell of a lot of difference by just... forewarning them a bit.
Like? Imagine your a Guard. Faceless, Silent, one of the ELITE. Traine by THE battle master himself, to defend your literal HOME. THE home. Where all of Jedi knowledge and every sort of thing worth protecting, is. Both great and terrible. From the innocence of the Crechelings to the horrors in the Sith Vaults. ALL of it.
Lot of people would give a LOT of lives to get their hands on some of those.
Be it children or artifacts.
So you stand. Day in and day out. Deadly but Calm, Peaceful but Ready. You train. You chat over the comms. Maybe make observations on passing objects of interest. Covertly feed the tooka that likes to come by some times. When??
....is that an Initiate?
Smol but serious child. Pat pat pat, right on up to you. Clearly not lost. You SAW them look around, clock you as the nearest guard.
They pull out a holopad.
Pull up some notes. Study you, briefly. Then go back to their lil notes. This.... okay, this is kinda hilarious. What even...? Your fellow guards are amused. Look at the Serious Little Inspector! Doing rounds, huh? What'cha got there? They all wonder.
Then she opens her mouth.
"Have you memorized all temple escape routes, and are they up to date?"
Like fuckin ICE WATER down your back. Why do you need to know that, small child? Are you being threatened? Is there a Problem we should be aware off? Something you would like to inform you Friendly Temple Guard Buddy off? They promise not to be mad... (just let them murder deal with it, for you.)
But, no. Off she goes to the NEXT guard.
"If defending the Temple no longer remains tenable, do you know the quickest route to the Creche, and what is the maximum number of children you KNOW you can move quickly?"
"Do you know what parts of the Temple are and are not load bearing; and where would you most effectively place structured collapses to buy your fellow Jedi time?"
"What is the maximum number of opponents you can currently face and how can you protect vulnerable parties if faced with a lethal incursion larger then that?"
On and on and on. Specific yet not SPECIFIC. She clearly doesn't know who each of them are... but she clearly is referencing SOMETHING. Maybe a lesson on the Sith Wars spooked her? They call one of their own who's currently out of uniform. To casually ask what's up. Class work?
The child pauses.... clearly thinking over their answer.
"Sure."
That was blatantly a lie. Kid, you didn't even vaguely try. So... Okay™. Creche Master time! We have no idea how to handle Disturbing Younglings. Maybe get Cin Dralig involved? If only Sifo-Dyas hadn't fucked off to who knows where. Cause like? Maybe it's a vision?
Kid is obstinate. Refuses to hand over the holopad to their Creche Master. Something CLEARLY wrong. Cause the more their Master tries to sooth them, the LESS calm they become.
Luckily? The Battle Master gets arrives.
Weirdly... she calms down? Huh. Normally he makes kids nervous. He's Not Great with tiny people. Never knows how to handle them, you know? But like... she looks at him like he's the answer to all her problems? Just toddles over and respectfully offers her lil holopad? Asking him to read.
He does.
Oooooh, that's his "someone's fucked up and I'm mad about it" face. What did she FIND?! Do??? Kid?????
He just... picks her up like a training weight, tucks her under one arm, and walks off. Still reading. Wait... wait, sir, NO. You can't do that! That's not how you-! CIN, that's not how you get a PADAWN! Put her DOWN!! We don't DO that! Oh Force, the Creche Master's already running after him. OH GODS. THEIR GONNA KILL HIM.
Actually? I'm coming back to this. Cause @worm-strung-string 's Obi-Wan Guard au inspired me AND I loved their comment on the first one.
Cin Drallig? Would be amazing to be around, as a Reincarnate. He treats initiates like tiny adults. Specifically, tiny BATTLE JUNKIE adults, like him. (What do you MEAN not everyone wants to learn how to flip twenty times then triple stab a battle droid!? Kids LOVE backflips! Do it again.)
The man picked ONE(1!) Thing and dedicated his life to it. Protecc the Temple. (Which obviously means you gotta FIGHT better then anyone who wants to attack it. Like... *checks list* historically? Literally everyone.)
(I bet he picked fights with Mandalorians as a kid. Bet they still remember him. Manda, they miss that kid. He was cute n stabby lil shit.)
But like? OC? Is just? *hands off her Concerns™* And? Hired! Welcome to the guard, tiny Jedi. Cin will get you fitted for a uniform and in trai-
THE FUCK YOU WILL! That is a CHILD! She's not even a PADAWAN yet!! D:< we have RULES, CIN! *awkward battle Master pause* but like... she's useful now. She could be training..? *Creche Master goes for his fuckin THROAT*
He does NOT UNDERSTAND??? What do you people have against his Guards!!? He has a VERY effective training regime! There's a strong sense of community! A tooka named Mr. Guardsman they think he doesn't know about! (Gasp! He knows! O:>)
She would receive a GREAT education! Plus she APPLIED to the post! You have to respect her AGENCY! That's important to children! He would know! He's been yelled at by Jo before!
That's nOT HOW THIS WORKS, YOU DERANGED-! GIVE HER BACK! *the Jedi Council come to see what the yelling is about, only to witness two grown ass Jedi Masters fighting in the halls over a child, whole is hanging limp from Cin Drallig's arms like a cat resigned to its fate* *watches as a respected Creche Master tries to tackle their Battle Master midair, in what seems to be an attempt to retrieve their charge*
Like??? Why is Cin Drallig attempting to steal a child? Why is the child GOING with it? These are questions we must ask our selves.
It keeps fucking happening.
The kid will VANISH from her classes. Her teachers taking their eyes off her for TWO SECONDS, only to track her down and find Cin teaching her how to weird a staff. Or take down a dude three times her size. Or WEARING A TINY UNIFORM, that he's CLEARLY dug out of storage especially for her, huffing and puffing as she tries to keep up with fully fledged KNIGHTS.
Cin... Cin you can't keep DOING THIS.
(The fuck he can't.)
Creche Masters complain to the council. Numerous councils! It's like talking to an obstinate brick wall. There's no Initiate HERE the Guards insist. No war in Ba Sing Se. Their colleague is just SHORT. You got something against SHORT guards? Don't be speciesist. Master Yoda would be ashamed. Tsk, tsk!
(......listen here you little SHIT. )
And like? Oc KNOWS she's in some sort of AU. Because Obi-Wan is a GUARD. Qui-gon is ALIVE. She has no idea how it's all gonna play out, in the end. Only who the bad guys probably are. Only who HER people are. So... really, she's no different then any other Jedi, she feels.
But Obi-Wan has visions, sometimes. "Bad feelings". He GETS it. Gets it, when she says "something is gonna go wrong, we need to stack the odds in our favor, just in case." Because? Maybe we're wrong. Maybe? Everything is fine. But... if it's NOT? Then we're prepared.
(And MAYBE someone preps a nice, big, BOOM directly under and in the Sith Vaults. Ready to go if the Temple starts to fall. Because fuck you and you get NOTHING, Palpy. We, the Guard, hope you CHOKE on those ashes. And a sincerest "Ha Ha Loser", from beyond the grave, The Jedi 🖕)
(Petty? Nooooo. We would NEVER, sir! That goes against the Code! ^-^)
Just??? The vision? Of Responsable Adult Creche Master VS. "Unhinged? Never heard of it. Is that a battle tactic? I am Perfectly Normal™. Got a good grade in it and everything." Cin Drallig? Playing tug o war "mine!" "No, Mine!" "No, MINE!" "NO, MINE!!" style? Over this lil _(-_-)_ *is being pulled back and forth like a doll*
Is HILARIOUS? You are ADULTS. Jedi MASTERS!! Yoda is gonna smack the SHIT out of your shins. What sort of example are you setting?! For these poor, impressionable, fully grown Knights? The guards are APPALLED. Master CIN! D:>
But... but New Recruit! He can't just give up on his NEW RECRUIT! He WILL find a way! D:<
It probably takes like... five years and untold shenanigans? For him to remember? "Oh yeaaaah. I could just... make the kid my Padawan. That is a power I technically do have. As a Master Jedi..... whoops"
But? At least it?? Has fuckin MILITARIZED the Creche Masters? They've never BEEN so battle ready. Fuckin sticky fingered asshole. Comin into THEIR HOUSE! Trying to walk off with THEIR adorable Crechelings? Oooooh ho ho! They THINK NOT! *vaguely manic gleam in their eyes*
It's? Probably both headache inducing and GREAT gossip. Cause on one hand... you gotta break up the in-fighting. The diplomatic jedi are STRESSED. But on the OTHER hand? Everyone ELSE has popcorn. Who's done what? What's the latest shenanigans since their last time in temple? And has Council Master of the Creche, Master Volux FINALLY punched Cin Drallig or nah?
You. You get it. Except the younger Creche Masters bite.
The lightsaber duels against gaurds in the hallways are both VERY interesting and highly educational! The Crechelings are learning a lot. *popcorn muching noises* it's like ADVANCED sparring. Except it makes the healers furious! (And there's property damage)
And REALLY, Councilors, don't your WANT the Creche Masters to be the best they can be? It's *checks notes* Enrichment! Yeah. That's the ticket! We're not giving them stress ulcers. We're giving them Enrichment~☆
It just occurred to me? Like? Statistically? The odds ARE in favor of "not Jedi"?
Say you get reborn. (Neat!) In a Galaxy Far, Far Away. (REAL Neat!!) With FORCE Sensitivity~☆!!! Woooo! (Super Neat!) What do you do? Most likely? Given that you are A BABY, be given to (or get trained by) a Force Sect. And YES, generally, that Sect is USUALLY the Jedi.
They ARE the most "popular" and well know option. Have a long, reliable, Non-Suspicious-Death-Cult or Front-For-Slavery-Ring history! Tend to be good people who help people! That sound nice, doesn't it? Plus? It's the Galacticly Recognized Force Religion.
You don't see any of the Kel-Dor Sages around the senate building.
But!
What if YOUR planet has a Force Sect? Traditions? Old as the planet itself? Are YOUR peoples ways somehow less valid, because they're less well funded and don't come with a swishy laser sword? Because your planet is small?? And "unimportant"???
Just because the Galaxy is large and those with power can not exploit your planet for profit? Just because you are not placed conveniently on arbitrarily drawn hyperspace routes? Are you not still One with the Force? Does the fabric of the Universe not still BREATHE through you?
It is absurd.
So, no. No her parents will NOT be sending their child half way across the galaxy, never to be seen again. They will be sending her Up The Mountains. To the Holy Site for training. As their people have done for MILLENNIUM, thank you very much! *aggravated huff*
And like? owo? Secret Space Lore? She ain't mad at it. No Sith Lords AND a lovely view! Nice. Nothing but clean air, meditation on The Force, and daily lessons. Flowers and good vibes fuckin EVERYWHERE. Hell YEAH she's down to be a spiritual leader (and hide some jedi when shit goes down).
But like? There's all of... MAYBE just under a hundred of them? Max? And only a few of their Holy Sites around the planet. Unlike the Jedi who have THOUSANDS. Not to mention, most of the members? Aren't even Force Sensitive. They just took vows.
Makes her... nervous.
Because this? This is the EXACT sort of "beautiful but fragile" Sort of thing that those Sith fuckers like to DESTROY. And it would be so, SO easy to wipe her people's religion and history out.
Which? Is probably why the Force called her here.
Cause the Force reflects back what we give it. Like a vast mirror of belief, built over time, shaped by believers. And HER people believe in Reincarnation. In Champions. The Force giving BACK (if only for a while) talented souls, so they might do what must be done. Never peaceful lives. But always necessary ones.
...........*sighs* *takes a trip*
*fuckin rocks up to Korda 6 with an EXCEPTIONALLY rare and deeply illegal amban sniper rifle.... and a smoothie*
Hey Tor! (｡- .•)---> Catch! (You too, Montross, you FUCK.)
And like? Imagine.
You are Jaster Mereel. The Manda'lor. Betrayed by your second in command and close friend, your men dying, everything going to shit. About to DIE at the hands of a COWARD. When? Fwwwop! Fuckin vaporized. By...? You turn your head...
A...
Is... is that a flower crown?
You have no idea what you're looking at. But they're COVERED in flowers and nature motifs. They look almost bored, on this, the single worst day of your life. As though there could not BE any possible out come but victory, and it's more of a CHORE then anything, to go pick it up in person. They have a fucking smoothie.
Where... where the fresh HELL did they even FIND an Amban riffle? NO ONE has one of those, these days.
The possible flower spirit waves at you, have fuckin SHOT every member of Death Watch in the clearing, yeets a medi-pack an absurd distance to land directly at your feet, then summons the dark saber directly to their hand. They then turn around and vanish into the trees.
If you weren't recording all of that... you would never believe yourself.
What the freshly bespoken FUCK?
And like? Everyone is saying "Jettii. Gotta be. Some sort of weird, weird Jetti bullshit." But your a HISTORIAN! They don't DRESS like that! And the Goran are all *shrug* when you ask THEM. So you're just?? WHO THE FUCK SAVED YOU?!
You owe a life debt! You're GOING to pay that back. Maybe ask some questions. Starting with "what's up with the flowers?" and working up too "pls, pls, PLS can I play with your riffle? I promise I won't break it!" But like? *steeples fingers. Deep inhale* do you have ANY idea how vague "Force Sensitive+Nature Motif" is???
It's apparently A THING.
Just? Local Oc. Going "yeah, YOU swore to obey the Senate... MY PEOPLE didn't swear shit. Get FUCKED Sith-y poo."
I'm picturing some sith probably managing not to die, but still having a very bad couple of days as they put all their plans on pause and hunker down like a normal politician would after repeated assassination attempts.
I'm also picturing Yoda, and probably Dooku if this is early enough for Jaster to still be around, feeling out the will of the Force, and then subtly encouraging the chaos.
And then? I'm picturing the first time a reporter gets a fuzzy glimpse of them on camera after they send senators Palpatine and Damask (Darth Plagueis' real name) sprinting for cover for the upteenth time. Not enough for any kind of identification, unless you already know what that pixelated blob looks like in person.
Do you think Mandalorian Supercommandos take life debts Lightly?
Or do you think the Manda'lor is gonna see the person who saved his life trying to take out some asshole-looking senators, shrug, and deploy his men in full support?
Also, probably gonna realize pretty quick that these two are way harder to kill than any two random politicians have any right to be. And no force suggestions is gonna help you hide that inconsistency from someone in full Beskar.
....oh that's HILARIOUS. Like? *Mando shrug* "Fuck it. If we can't find HER, we might as well kill these dudes for her. Seems important to her, honestly"
Meanwhile on the news? Some DEEPLY insane brightly colored flower spirit looking motherfucking with an AMBAN RIFFLE is like "why are you running? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?!" *takes another shot that only narrowly misses*
Like? The odds of someone RECOGNIZING a high priestess from some highly backwater nowhere planet? Nearly zero. "She's force sensitive!" They say triumphantly. "Yeah, no shit. That tells us nothing. Our facial scanners can't get a good scan past the crown, face paint, and gauzy veil."
Just. Baby blues and whites and purples and pinks. Reds and yellows and bright new growth green. She looks like a living planter filled with flowers n ivy. It's hellacious. Because every time they try to get a fuckin READ on this woman?
Scanner: "sir... that is a plant."
Gods DAMN IT!
I just? Wanna make those mandos CRY. Because she's not even fuckin HIDING. She's just always JUST LEAVING or doesn't scan right. The Force is fucking with them. And?? They KNOW how to deal with Jetii? How to deal with all these OTHER Force Sects? So like... there HAS to be a Mando who's dealt with this before, right?
Oh totally.
*slams down literal millennium of records from hundreds of clans* you just got to FIND it. ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ )✧ goooood luuuuuck~☆
I wanna see it take them fuckin MONTHS. Make grown supercommandos CRY. It's... it's so BORING. They hate this. No one takes notes right! Organizes for SHIT. How does Mereel DO THIS!? (Idk, I've been having a blast!) You're a MAD MAN, JASTER! We'd rather search the galaxy ON FOOT! T^T
And like? The super buff Commandos AND the Jedi Diplomatic Squad land at like... the same time. *awkward cough* you uuuuh... you ALSO going up the-? Cool... cool, cool, cool. *everyone awkwardly shuffles onto the tram for history's most awkward rail ride*
Whole planet is botanical gardens "teehee~☆ everything's fiiiiiiine~☆ ;p look at all the floooowers! Pretty sunset!" Movie set perfect. Rich and heady with the Living force like thick honey. Like decadent wine. Undeniably Light, yes. But... a step to the side.
Like it might BITE.
Full of pretty, vapid, smiles that slowly seem to grow more ominous the long you look at them. Until you realize you're not only surrounded, but everyone isn't smiling at all. They've been bearing their teeth. A cultivated place hiding wild things.
Yodas's line LIKES it! Feels like home. ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ
(Fuckin would, wouldnt it, ya feral lil shits.)
And whaaaat? Nooooo. She's been here the whole time! Alibis and such! She's got a whole HOLY SITE worth of people who will SWEAR she's been here... what were those dates again? Yeah, DEFINITELY on those dates in particular. Want her to get the Planetary Council to say so too? (They will. They totally fuckin will. All she had to say was "the Universe said I had to go Hunt Some Sith" and they were all "cool, want an Amban Riffle?")
Dooku thinks she's delightful.
Conversely, he thinks Jaster is a troglodyte. Not because he's a Mandalorian, of course. No, no! But because of his academic stances and personal views on various Spicy Controversial Force Philosophy Papers. DisGUStang man! HEATHEN. *judgey hiss*
It's... ha ha... it's going GREAT. Diplomaticly. :'D (oh Stars, pls Pray for Knight Krrrtikrr. They didn't deserve this. They just wanted to do their jooooooob .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·. )
He is gonna be BLITZED on the Living force. Just? Absolutely *eyes the size of diner plates* Master... master I can taste TIME. The fabric that connects us, Master. *sprawled out in a meadow, surrounded by small fluffy animals, high as a kite*
It might actually fix Xanatos shit.
Poor kid is... Not Panicking. You're Panicking. HE is Perfectly Calm™! His master is just HIGH AS BALLS off the FUCKIN PLANET and too heavy to carry! Mandalorians EVERYWHERE! *someone tries to help*
GET BACK! *whips out a switch blade* Back I say!! *is tiny, vicious, fussy child*
And like...👀👀👀 hey, Jetti'ika you got a buir? Asking for a them. (Aaaaw, he's so FUSSY and STABBY. Like a tooka, with his fancy lil outfit and accent. He's got a BABY knife!)
Feemor! Feemor, come pick me up! They're all FILTHY ARMOR WEARING HEATHENS (said in the tone of a judgy child who judges anyone not wearing Their Best™ when in Polite Society™)(WHAT'S NEXT? Spacer suits!?!?) and trying to ADOPT MEEEEE!
He's so Teen.
Gonna be a great knight... once he gets over himself. It's a process. Step One is keeping his emotionally manipulative father the FUCK away from him! Which is easily done. All you gotta do is mention it to Master Dooku. ^-^
#suffer #you hear that? #it's the sound of CONSEQUENCES
But also like? *eyes still the size of a moon, Qui-gon grabs Xanatos excitedly by the shoulders* Padawan! :D you're gonna be a big brother! Obi-Wan's adorable! No biting! :D :D :D
Like?? Master... Master what the fuck? Who???????
Crucially? Dooku should be? Like NO help. None. He's busy arguing with a state leader. (Who is WRONG.) (Oh FUCK YOU, show your sources, Jetti!) (That's NOT HOW THE-)
Oc? Successfully derailed the whole "came here to ask me about my attempted murders" thing! Currently trying to see if Cad Bane is alive. Or how one might go about hiring Durge. You know... someone really, REALLY hard to kill.
Plan B is rounding up every non-jedi force user from the other minor Sects, to go a-huntin. There's a LOT of us! ( • ̀ω•́ )✧
I could see it? At least as part of the Force Sect? Because their planet is, kinda like (but NOT) dathomir? Except THEY are a massive sprawling Living Force Nexus. Everything a bit more... connected. Alive.
Plants grow bigger, for longer, and MORE. The native species have just that touch of sensitivity to them. Some more then others. Vegetarianism and Veganism would probably be a big thing. Growing more and more "we DO NOT harm the food we eat. Pain BAD." The closer you get to the actual Holy Sites?
Cause THOSE? Would be likely be vents. The actual Nexus, pulsating out their tidal waves of Living Force and "Everything Connected And All Of Us ONE" vibes? Which... like? Would YOU want to eat a chicken, if it HURT? If you could FEEL and TASTE and suffering, pain, or discomfort from that chicken? You still COULD. You'd just have to give the chicken an AWESOME chicken-y life. Possibly let it die of natural causes, depending on how killing it effected the feel/taste.
But like... Holy shit that's so much work? For each and every animal? Why NOT grow trees? They're EVERYWHERE! The whole planet is bursting with Plants Grow Gangbusters energery. And no one is saying you can have milk or eggs! Honey! Plus, with interplanetary travel? Synthetic meats! (Which taste kinda like nothing, but that's what SPICES are for.)
And like?? The flowers near the Holy Sites? Very Force Sensitive.
Great for Vibe Checks, y'know?
Cause you know who does NOT pass the Flower Vibe Check? Sith.
They? Hurt and corrupt the Nature around them. The Living Force that CONNECTS us all. With their hate and cruelties, missions to see suffering. Their desires to control and destroy. It kills the flowers. Burns and poisons the air and earth. Like pollution of the soul.
It's how they avoided being tricked by the Sith, historically. The Sith came. With sweet words and hidden death. Fooled their eyes and deceived their ears. But the Flowers of the Holy Sites? They DIED where the Sith tread. Revealing them for the poison they WERE. And the people were deceived no longer. Drove the Sith from their planet. (At great and terrible cost. But that does tend to be the way of things, with Sith.)
So now? The Holy Ones? Blessed by the Universe? Wear Flowers. Because YOU can lie... but THEY will not. And off course, there are different pieces to the traditional uniform of the Holy Order. Because each serves a purpose. Some symbolic, some practical. And of course, some just look nice. Because we ARE a people. And people sometimes like to look pretty.
The face paint is for US. The Flowers for everyone. The Veil for symbolic purpose AND protection. All of them made from Holy plant matter. All of them react to Dark Side influence. The Paint is on OUR skin, so if it's coming from within, the paint discolors. The Veil is covering our face, so if it's atmospheric, we (and anyone with us) can SEE the change in fabric color. Thus know to leave the area immediately.
And the crown? General but far more sensitive. Something around us is Dark. Or Corrupt. Or Sith.
Depends on what the flowers do! They're technically all the same color, you know. *points to a multicolored riot of rainbow flowers, none of which look alike* yep! They even bend their petals into new shapes. Depends one what they're picking up. See, the reason they look like this? Is there are people are around. And PEOPLE all have FORCE signatures. Which they can detect.
Different planets, different people, different colors and shapes! It's beautiful.
You feed them through meditation with the Living Force. And keep an eye on them. In case they suddenly start to wilt. Because if THAT happens? Someone near you is giving off DABGEROUSLY bad vibes. The worse the effect, the more dangerous they are.
The don't react to "the Dark" as Jedi refer to it. (Well, they DO. But only by changing color and shape. Like with everything else.) But they DO react, die, in the presence of corruption. Those who "Fall" as the Jedi put it.
Natural Dark exists. It's dangerous. They generally advise you don't touch it. But it's not EVIL. Forest fires and decay CAN'T be, they lack the capacity. But that doesn't mean the power of them reacts well with Sentient minds. Just like Intense Radiation! Not evil, just dangerous. Generally don't advise you put it anywhere near your body.
But the SITH? That's broken bones, twisted to suit their purpose. The good and natural, turned into things they are NOT. People, inside out and sideways of themselves. Mockeries of all they were and what they believed. Like corpses made of violence, chopping together the memories of the dead, to justify the monstrosities they've become.
Never confuse a Darksider with a Sith. Or those who Fall, with those who CHOOSE to JUMP.
Some are natural and to be respected, if kept away from anything delicate. Some are merely sick. In need of healing. And SOME? Are the DISEASE. The cancer itself, here to spread. THOSE we kill, no matter the cost.
Because we are The Universe, defending itself.
I? Like this lil Force Sect! Is good. Very Living Force Heavy. Probably GREAT for conflict resolution, since they can step into a room, place a hand on two people's shoulders and go *Empathy Powers: Activate!* making everyone in the room UNDERSTAND, on an emotional level, where everyone else is coming from. As though it were themselves.
Also? Pretty GREAT for if you think somebody is try to cheat or lie to you. Just go to your friendly neighborhood Space Pagans. Their nifty "we are all Connected™" witchcraft thingy(???) (No, you don't get it. But if it works, it works, man.) can literally BROADCAST the dude's "he he he I'm totally gonna swindle these guys" vibes to everyone in the room.
Like?? MotherFUCKER, I KNEW IT! D:< See??! Dav'E I TOLD YOU! You didn't believe me! But I FUCKIN TOLD YOU! We can't TRUST THESE GUYS! No deal!!!
They're the regional brand Jedi. Yeah, everyone's HEARD of Jedi... but here in OUR neck of the woods, we support/Stan our LOCAL brand of Force weirdness. Which is much better, and artisanal. Unlike that SUBPAR, mainsteam, Jedi business you get from the CORE (probably very out of touch! Not made with love! Politicians and stuff!)!
Happens all over. Like the Kel Dorians don't go to the JEDI. They go to the SAGES. Then to the Jedi, if the Sages can't help. Everyone who still HAS a Force Sect that hasn't collapsed or been destroyed (that's trustworthy, mind you. Some are crack pots. And no one trusts the local Cultists.) (Well... almost no one.) tends to go to them first. It's one of the many reasons why the Jedi like to maintain good relationships with all those Sects.
Cause it ALSO means those Sects can turn around and go "hmmm :/ bit beyond our capabilities, I'm afraid. But don't worry! We have connections. Let me just call the Jedi really quick." Instead of trying something dangerous out of desperation. It's saved, like, SO MANY lives. So many. Holy SHIT, so many.
Which is why? It was WEIRD AS HELL for them to be like ".....WHO?????" While looking at the holo of the crazy lady chasing a banker and senator from Naboo. They KEEP TRACK of this shit! Send people around to CHAT! Make sure no ones getting the idea to DO EXACTLY THIS.
So like?? *everyone at the temple department desperately flipping through files* WHO!?!?!?!?!? WHICH SECT IS THAT!? Is it NEW? Should we be CONCERNED? We ARE, in fact, VERY concerned! *exclamation of excitement and victory from the back of the room! A junior padawn shoots up from under an ancient, out of use, desk. Holding a data pad that had fallen NEARLY A CENTURY OR TWO ago*
.......oh my little gods. ( O.O)(O.O )
They haven't been CHECKING IN. There are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of little to moderately sized Force Sects. The Space Pagans slipped through the craaaaacks. (Gee~☆, wonder how THAT happened ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭) And Now? One of them is trying to kill two PERFECTLY INNOCENT INDIVIDUALS! ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ
(Right. "Innocent". My NEBULOUS NON-EXISTENT ASS THEY ARE. 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸 )
Oc? And the Space Pagans? Are still like? *points to face paint and headdress* I clearly can't be your insane killer. The Flowers would rat me out. Senseless murder is against our religion! AND I have alibis with all these people! (Who are lying! But I fuckin DARE YOU to prove it. We both know I am. But c'mon, man, the FLOWERS.)
Like? *jedi representatives, near tears* "the Flowers say I'm cool, is NOT A LEGAL DEFENSE!" "It is on our planet." "But NOT IN THE GALACTIC REPUBLIC" "And doesn't that just explain so much?" "W-What does that even MEAN!?" *oc continues to be just... SO unhelpful.*
This is reminding me of that one zombie apocalypse post. You know, the one where people put flowers on the zombies to passify them?
Anyways. Kinda want the Other Local Sects (neighboring planets/systems) to Close Ranks. Those are Our Neighbors, they saved us from (insert disaster here) (insert timeframe)
*leans over* *psssst* "why the FRESH HELL were you trying to kill a sitting senator and some banker?"
"fuckin Sith, my dude"
"I thought they were dead?"
"Fuckin ME TOO. And yet..."
"Ah. Well, shit. Got it." *louder* "yeah, so she was TOTALLY visiting our sect for Important Sacred Religious Reasons. No we will not explain. Come back with a WARRANT!"
Like?? Of COURSE you missed one. That happens. Don't get all "we don't MAKE mistakes!" On US, Jedi. We smaller Sects know ALL ABOUT what it's like, to be minding you're business, only to stumble FACE FIRST into some Force forsaken ancient Sith bullshit.
It HAPPENS. Fuckers left their shit EVERYWHERE.
A literal TODDLER could find a Sith temple if the tried hard enough, much less some greedy wanna-be-Sith asshole. You can't kill an IDEA.
"But you can't-!" CAN'T OUR FOOT! You! YOU can't. Stop trying to tell other people what to do with their religion! You're BETTER then that. Ffs, man! Have you been listening to senators again?! You KNOW they give you anxiety!
Not, again, that we admit to SHIT.
Because we don't.
*various Jedi diplomatic teams notice that said Sects warrior/fighter divisions are mysteriously absent. And have been since they "went for a walk"* "hey... uh... why is it so quite here?" "Don't worry about it." "Yes, see, but I feel like I SHOULD worry abo-"
"This just in! More unknown crazy people, attack the HONORABLE Hugo Damask outside home!"
*jedi slowly turn around to stare at holoscreen in horror, where there now appears to be some sort of force sensitive hit squad hunting a wealthy banker in broad daylight*
"Like we said... don't worry about it. Have some tea."
#not everything has to be solved by Jedi you know#the rest of us live here too!#we ALL fuckin hate the Sith#literally EVERYBODY theyve ever interacted with!#the JEDI may have to listen to the senate#but WE dont#we're LOCAL governments problem!#and theyre IN on it!#honestly i just feel bad for the poor Naboolian monarch#they have no idea why this is happening
My headcanon (cause I don't know enough of The Lore to know what is canon and frankly star wars canon is as confusing as fuck) is that species/planets with high levels of Force Sensitivity are significantly less likely to send anyone to the Jedi cause like, they got their own traditions.
(In reference to prev notes) thank you! I like the flowers too. ^-^ the Sith would have HELLA destroyed them... if any had lived long enough to tell OTHER Sith about their existence.
Those Flowers? Are a PROBLEM™ for people trying to hide foul intentions. Their Planetary Council LITERALLY keeps a planter box of the fuckers(respectful) on each and every conference table.
No, no! They INSIST! In person discussions ONLY. They couldn't POSSIBLY make any Planetary Decisions (such as trade, alliance, or any other interplanetary business) if they aren't all sitting around a table together!
You know... with these plants.
Don't Worry About It™. (^-^)
And like? They're the weirdos who HAVE, if fact, dragged their weird "ceremonial flowers (again, Don't Worry About It) to OTHER PLANETS? When forced to go have discussions THERE? Like... why?? Who the FUCK brings their pet rose garden to a diplomatic meet and greet? *looks exchanged*
But do you SAY anything? Fuck no! It's some weird cultural thing. Smile and nod, folks. Smile and nod. Let the people have their flowers. We respect other people's cultures, here on planet _____, even when we do not understand them.
So like? They don't HIDE their native species. And the various ways being BLASTED by the Living Force has changed them into something...More. But? They also don't VOLUNTEER that information?
Cause there are Bastards out there.
And they REALLY hate Sith (and any Sith-like behaviors).
Whole ass Culture have a very... Immune System sort of response, to the fuckers. From the ability to identify them? Straight to the Kill With EXTREME PREJUDICE reaction. There are literally a few roots and other plants? That react BADLY to "misaligned" Force users.
As in?
They'll fuckin POISON Sith... but not a Jedi. For JEDI and other Force Sensitives (yes, even the witchs)? Those plants are either medicinal or a tasty spice. Granted, Darksiders are more likely to be HELLA allergic, but that's kinda what you get? When you're sticking your metaphorical tounge in a light socket? Of COURSE the Dark Side reacts poorly to shit. It hates sharing.
But like? The plants are not a STRONG poison? You'd had to distill them. And it'd be both super noticeable AND kinda a Glow In The Dark Force liquid at that point. Which is the opposite of subtle. But it sure do exsist! Which is neat! :D They've historically used it as a "Oh REALLY? You're not Evil you say?? Then PROVE IT!" *slams cup down on the table* sort of thing.
It's kinda been useful too, morbidly enough? Since one of the "poisons" is a popular herb in their cuisine? It tastes good. Is perfectly safe! If your not Evil.
So like... there ARE cases of people dying of poisoning each year. Getting sick but NOT dying. Their medical system literally has flags for it. Cause like? You WERE fine and then suddenly you developed a sudden rash of symptoms? That just so happen to align with Herb Poisoning? Better look into that. Maybe get you a mental health professional before it's too late. (And check to see if you've committed any crimes. Because, shit, man. It MIGHT be too late.)
But like? People get... weird? About stuff like that? The whole "what do you MEAN you're letting your entire society poison itself!?" Like?? Chill, dude. We're not. We're just letting CRIMINALS poison themselves. "That's not BETTER! You can't just decide who lives and dies like that! What defines a 'criminal'?!"
*various idk shrug noises* they couldn't tell ya. Ask the Universe. It's the Universe who picks when Delicious Herb-y Goodness turns into Poison Of Don't Be A Dick, not them. *muffled, frustrated, horrified screaming at this wide spread cultural practice*
Oc feels ya. She too was like D:> wait... what? But like? She got over it? Best she can figure? It's a lingering Anti-Sith Infiltrators cultural practice, that has maintained itself through the sheer power of It's ability to DESTROY crime rates. No joke, that Herb is basicly in EVERYTHING.
Their food would KILL a Hutt. Not only that? They can't export because of it. Since they literally can't guarantee their foods safety. Maaaybe you'll be fine, maybe you'll end up hospitalized. In a hospital that has NO IDEA how to treat that specific kind of poisoning. Unlike theirs!
So like... yeah. They have a LOT of food? But mostly export flowers. And art.
*two mandos make wheezing noises, from where they was eating turnovers off to the side* ah. You... you didn't give them local food... did you? *Mereel nods* well shit. Yeah, your assholes have been poisoned. Also you should deal with whatever they did. *Mando suspicion as their buddies drag them to get treated.*
BUT ALSO???
I know for A FACT? That indeed! Mostly force sensitive Races? Usually say "thanks but we're good" to the Jedi. Which is why I believe? Either Mace Windu or Quinlan Vos is so unusual? Cause one of them (I think,possibly its both) comes from a race that's basicly all force sensitive. So to see one as a Jedi is??? A very "the fuck are you doing HERE???" Kind of confusing.
First off, a small fact about humans: a lot of our diet is made up of stuff that is poison to non humans. Pet owners keep lists of Not Safe For Dogs/cats because of this. Hell, some of it is poison to humans if not cooked right or harvested too soon. Look up green potatoes or cashews if you don't believe me. If it looks like it can be food and doesn't immediately kill us we find a way. So a planet full of sentients with a particular poison as a food staple ain't weird.
Use of the Dark Side messes up the body's ability to produce a single digestive enzyme. Easily missed, this enzyme loss is what turns The Herb from Mild Peppery Taste no one even notices anymore to Oh God The Rash. Yes, that includes non-force sensitives. Force moves through everything! Your lack of ability to mess with it does not mean it does not mess with you!
NOW we're (ironically, given the uses) COOKIN'!!! Plus??? It makes SENSE? Cause the SITH? Are different from even just your bog standard Dark Sider. They twist and tear at the Force. Where as Dark Siders use is, effectively, Spicy Danger Engery (not fit for sentient consumption. But they're gonna do it anywaaay).
Like? Safe Sentient Friendly Energy, UNSAFE Sentient UNFRIENDLY Energy, and the bastards who try God Mode themselves by punching a hole in the side of a nuclear reactor(sincerely... What The Fuck). The last being the Sith. Because you can't CHEAT yourself more power by ripping out all of the universal safety measures.
All your DOING is hurting everything and making a horrifying mess.
So like? Darksiders? Depending on if they're racially "we've been exposed for centuries/millennium" vs. "I made a personal choice"? Get either VERY food poisoning type sick or just *incredibly upset digestion gurgle noises*.
They generally SHOULD pass? But with the right enzymes, if they know the Herb is there? They CAN eat it. There's probably like... a DIFFERENT plant, possibly a mushroom, they gotta eat first. It grows in Dark places. Cause the planet is a LIVING force Nexus, not a happy slappy Twee and Rainbows Nexus.
Death Cannon and The DOOM™ Cave are probably kinda illegal to go into, without both a permit and professional guide. You know... spooky places.
You leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. We put up sign posts.
But! I LOVE the idea? That while Darksiders got certain (possibly metaphysical) digestive enzymes fucked up by their inherently abrasive Energy? They are otherwise fine? Yet SITH, who twist and BREAK things for swift and cheap power? Unknowingly IRREPARABLY FUCK UP those their own "digestive" tract in a way that leaves them ACTIVELY VULNERABLE to specific compounds that the rest of us, HEALTHY, individuals can eat?
Cause like? They did it to themselves.
The Herb probably has all sorts of minor but nice health benefits. So the literal vaugely force sensitive plant was like "hmmm..... Not For You. Don't want YOU eating me." At the Sith? That's how much they suuuuuck.
I just? Love our lil planet of largely minorly useful but mostly Force infused plants? It'd be such a low-key WEIRD planet! Yet the vibe there is "yeah... it be like that sometimes." *sips smoothie*
Ya think it's even POSSIBLE to transplant the Flowers? Cause like... they basicly feed off the Nexus. You can take them away from it, but they don't GROW. They just live. Surviving off ambient Force energy until they come across sufficiently Rancid enough vibes to kill them.
So like? Could the temple on Coruscant grow some? The temple of Jedha? Mandalore? Technically, it's not like they even need air. They're surprisingly hardy. (Which? Yeah, no shit. You'd be too, if your food source was a Mega Fire Hose of pure unadulterated Life energy, sprayed directly to the face, FOREVER.)
What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
God yes. Cause like? What're gonna do? Waste fuel to fly all the way to Keldab'ika for some fuckin soup? While you got a job HERE near the senate? What are you MADE of credits!? You just want soup! Don't make it weird, jetii.
And like... everywhere ELSE is an unhygienic shit hole(incredibly biased opinions). At least HERE you can get helmet filters and vambrace batteries on the side. Charge things while you eat. On COMFORTABLE chairs in CLEAN air. With none of that "wah wah wah you can't bring all those weapons in here!"
Just like... why.
Why's it gotta be Jetii, man. Of all assholes? Them??
But, the owners... different. And if they wanna make friends with the asshole space wizards, manda bless. Some people collect bugs. Xern's cousin likes to wrestle Megafauna. Takes all kinds.
And like? The jedi are all "well... they don't seem hostile?" Which? As we all know, is unfortunately for the Mandalorians, step one in the Jedi Pack Bonding process. There is no escape now. They're gonna Friend ya. Resistance is futile.
Jedi have used Adorable Padawans with Big Ol Tooka Eyes! It is CRITICALLY EFFECTIVE!
Jon Antilles & Master Fay almost exclusively stay in the Mid to Outer Rim, so they'd be good for different ways of seeing how Mando's plan is affecting things outside of Coruscant and the Core worlds. Jon Antilles has an absolutely chaotic life to the point that he's canonically been assumed dead multiple times, and Master Fay is even older than Yoda so she'd have a lot of memories about Mandolorians.
Quinlan Vos is the best Jedi shadow to actually show interact with Mando, especially because if you make Mando be born early enough, he and Obi-wan can be the mentioned Padawan, especially after Obi-wan's long term mission on Mando'yam.
I also think that if Mando is old enough for them to be the Padawans, then they'd definitely have done something to warn about Montross being an absolute Demogalka, and they'd also have chosen stories that encourage True Mandolorian mindsets.
Oh my god? If Mando was born early enough? Then Jaster def rocks up to their lil hole in the wall restaurant. Like... Politically™. As a Mand'alor candidate. Because he wants that Knowledge™. And HOW do you get passed the dragon of the archives?
You go to the Jetii whisperer! Mando'ade's resident "ay, yo, why are they... Like That? And is this Normal?" Expert on Jetii. Who is also a proprietor of good soup. And like??
Montross? Failing the actual Jetii Vibe Check? Hilarious.
He takes One(1) step inside the building and every Shadow/Master in the shop's head goes up like a meerkat. Just "??? Whoms't? Is giving off those truely RANCID vibes? Eew." *suspicious looks*
Cause like? Good LUCK talking your way out of THAT one! *hold up normal Mando'ade* *Jedi go :D * *hold up Montross* *jedi wince and look vaguely uncomfortable/disgusted* *back and forth, same results each time*
Like? You uuuuh... you wanna tell us something, buddy? We need to drag you to a goran? Why all the manda touched folks acting like you spit in their soup? Jettii WILL try to handcuff themselves to damn near anybody, with friendship bracelets they made themselves. Like the insane people we have slowly come to realize they ARE(affectionate). So like...???
And! If you think Quinlan Vos is beneath weaponizing his ADORABLE buddies Cute Widdle Faaaaace™ to get extra cake and that good-good SPICY food? You have never met the man.
Pray for Thome. He's three stools down, undercover, eyes closed as he begs the Force for patience, as his dumbass Padawan just...? Rocks up on the Mandalorian diner. Because of COURSE he does.
But? What's gonna be? So, SO funny? Is the moment some Death Watch fucko tries to mess with the restaurant and just *sudden symphony of lightsaber flipping on out of NO WHERE* like? "Hi! :) Reconsider. ^-^ "
Like? W-why is this tiny restaurant a fuckin seige fortified bunker? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY JETII? Are those strill?! Why are there so MANY?!
Buir didn't raise a lil (gender non-specific)bitch, that's why. You gonna declare a place "safe"? You better put in the WORK to make it safe. Fuckers have NO idea how many defensive measures they built into this place.
(Yeah. Those plantcare droids can kill a man. Your's cant? Weak.)
I wonder how often Ceche Masters will just, drop off their Creche for a hour or so? Like, its Safe, calming, filled with both other Jedi and an entire people who would kill and die for the Creche because they are children
I was GONNA say? "It's unlikely"? But then it occurred to me? Actually??? Once Mando got cleared, and they definitely WOULD, as a Jedi Safe restaurant? The chances are... Actually pretty high.
Cause like? I didn't originally mention it? (Cause I forgot) But Mando didn't JUST buy one level. They bought DOWN too. Their shop has a "basement" as it were. Which is basicly just MORE chairs, a shit ton of plants, and storage. It's set up as a "quite" spot. Got lil aquponic farms n some fish. Sound dampened.
And like? The Strill like to hang out down there. Less people, you know? It's quite and cozy. Smells better.
But CRITICALLY? It's ALSO open to anyone who's overwhelmed. Having sensory issues. Or just a kid/with their kid. Obliviously don't touch the farms, but aside from that? Enjoy. Just remember to bring the dishes back up.
And what BETTER place for Baby's first Offical Restaurant Outing™? Then the place that LOVES children, will fiercely PROTECT them should anything go wrong, will be incredibly patient with them as they work out how money works, AND? Has a nice, safe, COMFORTABLE muffling restaurant that won't overwhelm the already overstimulated younglings?
Plus there is a quite green space and strill! Who are very warm and friendly.
It's PERFECT for a "let's go experience Going To A Restaurant!" outing. Especially since there are often OTHER jedi there! And like? Imagine?? Being one of the Mando'ade in line for food? The first time that happened?
Oh my Stars. T-they're so SMOL. Babies! Itty, bitty, jetii'ika! Lil matching uniforms. Holding hands and nervously trailing their adult in pairs. Clutching their lil handfuls of credits and oh so seriously discussing How To Order Food. Ack! Your heart! Babies!!! T^T it's so CUUUUUUTE.
You would die for them.
One of them very seriously tells you your armor is Pretty. (YOU WOULD DIE FOR THEM. Buir you DONT UNDERSTAND. I need to adopt ALL the Jetii BABIES)
And like? It's hard to feed such a wide variety of younglings? Dietary restrictions and allergic concerns, you know? Obligate herbivores AND carnivores. Not every restaurant can cater to all of them.
Except... apparently? Mandalorian restaurants. Who ALSO have such a naturally mixed culture that their food has something for everyone. Which means none of the youngling feel like they are "being difficult" or "holding everyone back" or other such nonsense! (Younglings are sensitive. The Creche Masters gotta plan these trips like tactile campaigns. The stress is REAL)
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