I was talking to this older, overconfident guy at the drawing session last night. (There are a lot of these there) He seemed super friendly, which I think was mostly genuine.
He started telling me about this website with figure drawing references, where you can set up timed poses like we do at the session irl. I told him I had heard of it, but, in an effort to, I think, explain why I'd never used it before, I started talking about how drawing from photos isn't the same to me as drawing from life.
I wasn't very good at explaining it, but I do think it was clear that I was talking about what I prefer, not saying drawing from photos is inherently inferior, or something. He didn't get defensive, exactly, but did seem like he was trying to convince me. He was like, "it's exactly the same!" and seemed confused at what I was saying.
Admittedly, it was a clumsy explanation, especially as I got a little nervous when it started to feel like we were disagreeing. It devolved to me saying something like, "the math I do in my head is different," which is true, but probably doesn't make a lot of sense to anyone who isn't in my head.
I think he was genuinely trying to be helpful!! Like, he felt I was closing myself off from a potential resource that he found very beneficial. But I got anxious at the prospect of a disagreement with someone who I didn't know well, and once our break ended, I felt bad about how the conversation had gone. I didn't want him to think I couldn't draw from photos, or that I looked down on it.
But then I was like, "wait a second. Why do I care about this? This guy's art is NOT as good as mine." like, it was fine. It wasn't bad, and of course all I'd seen of his work were the studies from that night. Maybe his finished work is really remarkable! But I kind of doubt it?
Also, at one point I was showing him my sketchbook, and he said, "yeah, you're getting really good!" Which I didn't really process the condescension of until after the fact. Bro, I started really good, what are you saying? 🤨 Also that's just not how artists in a studio compliment each other, in my experience. We'll find specific things to point out as interesting, or to say we like, or even to ask questions about.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, there was a little bit of an awkward pause after he first complimented my work, (prior to the "getting really good" comment) where it felt like maybe I was supposed to reciprocate and compliment his drawings in turn. But for the few moments the silence lingered, I genuinely couldn't think of anything to say! Not that his work was bad; it was fine, what anatomy he'd captured seemed accurate, idk. There just wasn't anything to say about it!! And then after a moment one of us pushed on with the conversation. So that was maybe a tiny bit rude of me? 😅😬
This is a way longer post than this interaction with this random dude warrants, but I guess I'm just proud of myself for pushing back against my anxiety by being like, "wait, actually. I just remembered I'm the shit, and I don't need to fall all over myself impressing others or making them feel better." That's something I struggle with a lot. Maybe someday I'll be able to believe it even in situations where I don't have my artistic prowess to back me up!
Like how do i take the confidence I feel about my abilities in visual art and inject it into how I feel about, like, generally being a human being?