not to be fake deep but what the fuck

"oh no," said the little man. "i'm the whether man, not the weather man. after all, it's much more important to know whether there will be weather than what the weather will be." hi i'm jasmine and i like a lot of things. 20, she/her

[mynorthernattitude]

"listen to your body"

my body: go get a cinnamon roll the size of a tire

[greeniery]

mommy needs her head smashed in with a brick

[sewerfight-deactivated20250114]

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

[andwhatexcellentboiledpotatoes]

I am so sick and tired of having to charge stuff every day of my miserable life!! My phone, my watch, my headphones, my vibrator, my backup vibrator, my emergency vibrator, the ancient cursed amulet of darkness that whispers to me....it's too much!!!

[100493503004422]

sorry I can't respond to your text bc I need to die a thousand deaths for some reason

[cezura]

air quality so bad they're inventing new colors on the aqi graph

[cezura]

they should invent getting jacked without having to eat a bunch of bullshit

[cezura]

when i am god emperor of the universe everyone will be allowed to get ripped solely off a diet of pasta, white rice, french fries, ice cream sandwiches, and stone fruits amen

[cezura]

they should invent getting jacked without having to eat a bunch of bullshit

[girlnumbers]

how it feels to not gives a fuck or shit

[avidcollectorofdust]

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

[jeffgerstmann]

If someone jerks me off with a puppet it counts as a threesome, right?

read your bible

[marsixm]

thanks!

[thedreadpiratecam]

microdosing hell by being awake and literate

[saltoncity]

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

[starofhisheart]

Happy pride to those 5 seconds where Charlie Swan thought Jacob was coming out to him in the most insane way possible

[campyvillain]

i see it so i See it I see Thart with me EyeBals

when i see it i Look at it Put my eyes on it with My sightballs I look with my look balls and see It so in front of me

i see it with my eyedbarls

[greelin]

did perfectionism ever truly protect you from harm or neglect as a child though. ultimately. Lol

[greelin]

[REALLY NORMAL AND WELL-ADJUSTED VOICE] well you never know maybe it COULD have saved me. if i ever actually achieved perfection. it could have happened then. if i was actually ever enough. Which i was not

[thyrell]

i may not be gods strongest warrior but there is all sorts of bullshit that he makes me deal with and i hndle it not very well usually