@pinkfluffycookie-chi *cough cough*
It had been out of pity, it had to of been as Marco was just completely uncomfortable after getting home. He had said it was fine, that he wouldn’t kick me out and said how the doctor told him it would be good to be around familiarity to remember. The thing that I know about amnesia, though, is that he may never remember all those times and it hurt. I made sure all of my things were in the extra bedroom, hating that we got a futon in there to keep others from staying so much, but I knew to just deal with it.
I gave it a month, telling Thatch and Izou about it so they would be aware. They feverishly disagreed, but I told them that I cared more about Marco’s comfort levels and needing to be to himself like before, though it may be harder this time as he knows we…. we… we were together.
The thoughts left me aching and when I would go into the kitchen when he was in there had him tensing the whole time. It made me hurt even more and I began to wonder if I was the one in more discomfort with this. I would find myself trying to act how I was, but he would shut me out a lot of the time, having me try less and less by the passing day. I had found myself every night finding it hard to sleep, curling up with trembles as I try not to cry again and again.
“I’m going to go back to living with my brother…” The words leave me after over a month and he snaps his head to look up at me since he had been standing next to the counter reading over mail. I was damn tired, hardly getting any sleep over all of the display of rejection coming from Marco, it was damaging me so badly. “We… we can just hang out at your family’s home… like before, when you hardly knew me.” I try to smile, but it’s so strained that I knew it was evident by his eyes flickering in guilt.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t…”
“It’s fine, Marco… I know… I know you don’t feel comfortable with someone until a while and the fact that you were in a relationship to begin with must have been shocking enough… I mean, I was shocked when you had asked me out… I thought,” a small laugh leaves me at the memory of the day it happened. “I thought you had lost your mind, but you just gave me that look to be quiet and you were calling me a brat.” I reminisced lightly before stopping as I had pursed lips at my ramble and notice him looking to me in confusion. “S-Sorry… I just know you aren’t comfortable… I don’t like making you uncomfortable, so… I asked my brother to stay with him, just so you don’t… don’t feel pressured into thinking you have to be with me.” I try to tell him and he gives furrowed eyebrows with a tilt of his head.
“Pressured?” He asks simply and I nod while a hand moves to the bottom of my shirt to mess with it nervously.
“Pressured to be dating me… If you were to find someone else… I… I wouldn’t want to stop that because you may never remember me, or about us.” I clarify as it had all been haunting me these past nights and I try to hold back the lump in my throat, eyes stinging. “And it’s okay, I understand if you don’t… Trying this out was a double edge sword anyways and I…” I have to pull eyes away from those blue ones shining with guilt. “I… I truthfully don’t know how much I can take before I completely fall apart…” I tell him in a soft voice as tears are welling and I move a hand to rub at my eye with a sputtering laugh that is hollow sounding. “S-Sorry, I know that’s selfish. I’m sorry that I probably won’t be able to stop loving you. I’m so-sorry I probably won’t be able to come around like they want me to, to he-help…” My heart was breaking into pieces at the thought of the one man to truly love me in life for all of my flaws doesn’t remember a smidgen about me.
“A-Ace,” my name is hoarse sounding as I notice Marco closer and I step a bit back as he is still tense. “Don’t cry, please. It hurts to see it for some reason, please don’t cry…” He tries to soothe me, but I can only cover my mouth as I am sobbing. “Ace, please, I know you are sincere… I’m sorry for any type of avoiding! I just have been so packed with emotions with you it’s hard to handle!” He tries to explain and comes closer with a hand brushing back hair from my face as I tried to wipe tears away, sniffling as I try to calm down. “I’m not trying to hurt you…” The words come out hoarse as I notice him showing so much guilt for having me like this. “Don’t go… please stay… I-I really do think it’s helping.” He tries to explain as I swallow the lump in my throat and rub to my face more. A hand grabs mine firmly and those blue eyes are looking to me, a hint of passion lingering that hurts and is craved for so much.
“Are you sure? I could always just come by,” I try to explain as I didn’t ever want to push his boundaries and he grips my hand more with the other hand moving to rest at the crook of my neck.
“Please stay, Ace… I wouldn’t have let myself fall for anyone, which means you were a lot to me and I was to you if you are this heartbroken that I may never. You have been so patient with me this far and I know we must have been pushing your own bounds, but we were so much, I can tell by the look in your eyes. Which is why I have a hard time looking to you because I want to remember how we were together, for the reason you could give me such a loving look and cause so many emotions to flare to life. I’m sorting it out, I promise.” Marco explain while looking down to me with a thumb rubbing gently to my neck. “Please, stay and help me… Help me love you again.”
The words are so sincere and I can’t help but smile more genuinely this time with a nod. “I will try my best.”
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