Struggling But Still Trying

Ezra | 26 | they/them pronouns I'm a southern artist with a love of nature, drama, fantasy, and dark themes. I post about every other week to about once a month. I'm hoping to eventually make art a full time thing for me, but for now I'm just working at it slowly.

[champagneplum]

Old but not quite gone

[champagneplum]

I just love drawing clouds ☁️☁️☁️

[depsidase]

[demilypyro]

>farcille confirmed but only in arknights collab event

huh?

[fravery]

Juan Brufal

[theancientwayoflife]

~ Statue of a Kore. Provenance: Acropolis Museum (Athens, Αcr. 670) Date: 520–510 B.C. Medium: Marble

[champagneplum]

Not gonna lie, this shit is wrecking my whole world. I'm in one of the reddest states possible. I'm scared. Nothing has really happened so directly yet. But I can feel it coming.

Transitioning has never been easy for me. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, a small town with a church on nearly every corner. I was so unaware of the world around me. I was never very exposed to different people. I had no idea what it meant to be trans for so long. I had so few resources when I came out.

Being open about being nonbinary and wanting to transition got me turned away. I wasn't qualified for programs because I was honest. I was told that someone like me wasn't trans enough. I've had people question if I was serious about transitioning because I had a child.

When I was finally able to get on HRT, after years of searching for any level of help, I was driving four hours out of state. We were packed like sardines in a car full of other people who like me just wanted to be taken seriously. It was the easiest appointment I ever had, the first clinic that had actually taken me seriously and treated me with respect.

I started off at a lower dose than my companions. They were all wanting more dramatic changes than me. I was just happy to have this chance to just try to even see if it was right for me. It was finally real, it was in many ways life changing.

I transitioned very slowly. I wasn't in much of a position to do otherwise. I was struggling in my relationships, as well as every other possible point in my life. A lot of my circumstances made affording my medication difficult.

Before long I was at the worst point in my life. I had been left and abandoned by my partner. Left at my mother's with our child, blamed for everything wrong.

My state of mind was not good at that point in time. I recovered eventually, in fact I'm far better off now than I was back then.

I eventually got to the point where I could transition safely. I had found support and love in the most unexpected places. My confidence grew and I did finally learn what love is. I became a better person, a better parent, a better lover.

I am still me. I've been transitioning for almost 6 years. I've been here before. I've felt this fear before. I've lived through so much and I'm not going to give up now. I'm not going to let anyone change who I am now.

[champagneplum]

Trying to practice while my apple pencil is missing. Flower ain't having it today.

[champagneplum]

What a fucking year it has been. I'm trying to do more art and get more comfortable with myself and posting things in general. I have lost and gained so much in the past year. It's been a horrible rollercoaster. I'm thinking of starting a YouTube channel for my art. Hell maybe I'll stream on twitch or something in the future. I'm going to be going through my old art and posting it soon. I think one of the best things I can do is to stop giving a fuck about what other people think and just focus on me. I'm going to start posting some really ugly messy sketches. I need to prove to myself that I am capable and stop giving up because things aren't perfect. I plan on getting back into writing short stories again. I want to start drawing comics. I have always wanted to have my own comic. I'm moving forward with my life, but I am going to take my time.

[helpful-writing-tips]

if you're trying to get into the head of your story's antagonist, try writing an "Am I the Asshole" reddit post from their perspective, explaining their problems and their plans for solving them. Let the voice and logic come through.

[amandasmurfee]

*throws some patterns in your face* These will all be lanyards and probably gold foil washi tape as well. Pattern inspiration from top to bottom: Ukrainian egg dying, Chinese blue porcelain, Japanese kimono motifs, the locked tomb, Norwegian rosemaling

[incaseyouart]

*extremely* messy sketch of jinx to represent my state of mind after arcane S02 oh my god I am not okay -

[champagneplum]

My fav problem child

[champagneplum]

My fav problem child

[polararts]

Them two

[an-ruraiocht]

how it feels to be online these days

[champagneplum]

My dog died yesterday. I can't believe it happened. He was such a good boy. I don't know if I'll be okay after this. My mother ran him over and didn't even notice. He was in the yard. It was horrible. I'm not going to share details about much of anything here but I don't trust her after this and how she behaved after this. I'm not okay. I miss my Tubby. I can't believe how much I came to love him over the past year. I can't believe how empty life feels knowing he's not here. I haven't loved a dog this much in years. I haven't been this fucked up over an animal in so long.