Chaotic Ramblings

The rambling thoughts of a small to mid size DID system forged from trauma and bound by chaos. We are still exploring, learning, and growing together through this crazy thing called life. We love to learn about anything and are always happy to find new friends. Mostly this blog belongs to Cadie, Layna, and Kaysie although you might find others of us here too.

[pardiswrites]

i understand that you love them very much  but right now  you need to love yourself more you need to heal

reyhan vega (via pardisa)

[indigoblauekinder]

[tarashiff]

People with Abandonment Issues Will:

•Constantly text you •Get scared if you don’t text back soon •Be extremely clingy •get jealous easy •Seem like they are moving/falling in love too fast •or seem too distant to fall in love from fear of getting left behind

Please don’t let us go because we are difficult, just tell us.

[chaotic-emma]

Life When You Don't Age

Life When You Don’t Age

  This morning, while doing housework and painting nails, I was chatting with our friend A. I’ve been feeling pretty alone and isolated lately and no one was home so it seemed like a good time to touch base with a friend. A also has DID, so it was a conversation where I could truly be me. I was just Maddie. It was calming and peaceful to just hang out and be me with a good friend. As we chatted,…

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[chaotic-emma]

All or Nothing Mindset

All or Nothing Mindset

  One of the areas we find that we can all identify with is the All or Nothing Mindset.  Actually I know for sure that a lot of the people who follow us on Facebook and read our blog also get stuck in the same mindset. The graphic below has made it’s rounds in the Facebook groups we follow and on our friends’ timelines, and it’s totally accurate for us. A beautiful explanation of the all or…

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[chaotic-emma]

Our Tribe, Our People, Our Family #brilliantchaos

Our Tribe, Our People, Our Family #brilliantchaos

Family… pretty much everyone knows what family is, right? The people you have a blood connection to, that you can be traced back to, blah blah blah. You know, the ones on birth certificates and marriage certificates and the ones you’re now related to because Aunt Jane married Bob the Builder so now you have Uncle Bob the Builder and now you’re all family. Right. Whatever. That’s not how family…

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[chaotic-emma]

Communication...(how not to ruin your children)

Communication…(how not to ruin your children)

This body is 35 years old. Like seriously, not even joking. While the body meets “adult” criteria legally there’s not a chance developmentally that we are there yet. We may never get there and that’s perfectly fine by us, but looking back over our life we started comparing how life now compares to life as a chronological child. As a lot of our readers know, we are living a pretty normal teenage…

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[chaotic-emma]

Wake Me When December Ends: a tale of emotion... #brilliantchaos

Wake Me When December Ends: a tale of emotion… #brilliantchaos

A Tale of Emotion There are no words to describe how very hard the month of December hit our family. December of 2016 came in much like every other month this year. There wasn’t much happening out of the ordinary. Emotion and reactions were touchy due to different trauma memories over the years, but we were working through that in therapy. All was moving along in some kind of steady forward…

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[witchskies]

tiny moments that come with derealization

cold coffee

muttering sorry, bad memory instead of sometimes i don’t know how i got here

avoiding mirrors at all costs

binge eating until you can taste again

a floaty, tired feeling as you drive home

shaking hands

constantly checking the time

small extisential crisises 

[chaotic-emma]

Save My Life #MercyMe #SidewalkProphets #KLOVE #DannyGokey | Save

Mercy Me. We were introduced to Mercy Me and K-LOVE radio about a year ago. Prior to moving to Colorado, we had a home church. We attended with some kind of regularity. The body’s children we…

[chaotic-emma]

Save My Life #MercyMe #SidewalkProphets #KLOVE #DannyGokey

Save My Life #MercyMe #SidewalkProphets #KLOVE #DannyGokey

Mercy Me. We were introduced to Mercy Me and K-LOVE radio about a year ago. Prior to moving to Colorado, we had a home church. We attended with some kind of regularity. The body’s children were baptized. We were baptized. We considered ourselves believers. And for the most part we belonged at the church, provided we kept “us” a secret and could at least somewhat pass as one of them. We were…

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[poetrylesbian]

So one thing I spoke about with my therapist today is the fear of recovery.

Like, there’s this expectation that mentally ill people WANT to “recover” from their illness. That they want happy, healthy lives, that they want to be like “normal” people.

But that’s not always the case. At least, not emotionally. Logically, I know that I want to have a normal life. But emotionally? That’s freaking terrifying.

To me, right now in the middle of this depressive episode, I don’t want to get better. Getting better involves work, getting better involves facing my fears, it involves conforming to these societal standards that I care less and less about each day. Often there is this little voice in the back of my mind that just says… “Don’t get better. What other people think doesn’t matter. Just stay sad. Just stay in bed. This is easy for you. This is what you’re used to. This is your status quo. Why change?”

So I just want to let other mentally ill people who sometimes feel this way, I understand. You’re allowed to have days where you don’t want to get better. That doesn’t make you a “bad” mentally ill person or lazy or anything else. You and your illness are still 100% completely valid.

[poetrylesbian]

Okay I want to add to this, because I’ve seen people mention it in the tags and because it’s something I myself feel, is that a lot of the time this feeling of “I don’t want to get better” comes from a fear that you’re faking your illness.

There is this huge attitude in non-mentally ill people where they don’t tend to take these illnesses seriously because they don’t see actual evidence. Therefore often people will mental illnesses begin to feel like, “I have to be bad, I have to show this” to prove to the world, and themselves, that their disorder is real.

So once again, if mentally ill people are reading this, you don’t have to prove your disorder to everyone. If you’re “functioning” or “recovered” or just in a good stage, that does not mean your illness doesn’t exist or that you were faking it.

<3

[justrachelsuzanne-blog]

[wait-till-they-hear-about-this]

A Friendly Reminder

-Deadpool is insecure -Deadpool has chronic pain -Deadpool is submissive in bed -Deadpool is pansexual -Deadpool lifts up his mask so Hawkeye can read his lips -Deadpool is a blonde -Deadpool’s initials are WWW -Deadpool had an abusive father -Deadpool’s mother died from cancer -Deadpool fell in love with a teenager -Deadpool left her because he didn’t want to hurt her -Deadpool had a daughter -Deadpool didn’t believe she was his because she was too beautiful -Deadpool had to be dragged away from his daughter’s dead body by Cap and Wolverine -Deadpool carries Hello Kitty band aids -Deadpool is good with kids -Deadpool can’t be killed by Ghost Rider because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong -Deadpool hates himself -Deadpool used to curl up in a ball and mumble about his skin hurting -Deadpool is married to the queen of the undead -Deadpool reads his own comics

Conclusion: Wade Winston Wilson is a beautiful man who must be protected.

[queer-deadpool]

adding: Deadpool is a rape victim and he would never, ever disrespect ladies nor try to force himself on anyone (i felt the need to add this especially because most of his dudebro fans trully believe that he would take ladies by force). 

[getmotivatedtoday]

fitness pictures! follow me for inspiration and motivation! http://inspiremyfitnessspirit.tumblr.com

[thedankmemes]

[multiplecity-blog]

Migraines… the Root of All Evil

Migraines in Systems? I’m not even sure where to start. When a migraine takes hold, it is sort of like hell is descending down upon us. The aura starts, which is surprisingly similar to what …

Are migraines common for DID/DDNOS systems?