..lost..

5ft 9'' x F x minor x lesbian x UK x SW: 78kg / 171.9lbs x CW: 72 kg x LW: 69.3kg / 152.7 lbs x GW(2nd): 68kg / 149.9lbs check #personal for food logs/recipes/shitposts etc..

[chenonceaufem]

Update!

My loves, it's been so long since I posted here. To cut to the chase, I chose 'recovery' although I do not feel as though there was anything to recover from exactly, beyond the misery you'll find in my old posts.

The turning point was my hair starting to leave me, and looking back, it was just letting the bullies win by starving myself in the hopes of their validation feeding me instead. Rather, I'm now finding solace in assuring my younger self that I'd always be taken care of, and that I'm not too big, or too ugly to deserve that.

I might post practical advice on here after this, and if not will be keeping this blog private for my own reference and to ensure that nobody else has to see this. No matter if I tell you not to look beyond this post, I know you will, and that's how my self destruction started, by wishing I could catch some kind of eating disorder like the flu.

So please log off while you can, I love you.

- 💖

[genderlich-deactivated20211204]

being poor is traumatic. even if you’re not homeless or starving. never being able to get anything nice for yourself, never being able to go out to eat without feeling guilty, never being able to do anything fun that isn’t free, making you housebound in bad weather because you can’t afford to go to a cafe or a movie. it takes a toll. being poor under capitalism makes your life a waking nightmare. this post must be reblogged by everyone.

[albertothechihuahua]

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[jaxblade]

ehh what the hell

[jaxblade]

OH MY GOD SO NO FUCKIN BULLSHIT I SWEAR To GOD. I reblogged this an hour ago and IM NOT Lying My Tax Refund which I did in late march popped into my Bank Account, and it was a Decent sized amount……

WHAT THE FUCK Is THIS MAGIC!??!?!?! Im trying this again IM NOT BSing hahahaha thats actually pretty cool xD

[jaxblade]

yooooo

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCKIN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

no BULLSHIT I KID YOU NOT! Look what I found while walking Home…..

OH MY GOD

OH MY F*CKIN GOD

THIS POST FUCKIN WORKS?!?!?! THIS IS PAST A COINCIDENCE NO WAY!??! NO FRIGGIN WAY!!! 

Im Going to reblog this every day to test this, its MAGIC ITS FRIGGIN MAGIC 

[que-pasadena]

I need to believe in the heart of the post…

[perlexnoire-deactivated20150716]

Oh? Well… *reblag*

[zer0will2live]

i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko

[qslay]

I have nothing to lose

[stoicdaydreamer]

my palm was itchin today not riskin it

[astripperstory]

I always reblog the money posts cause I can’t afford not too lol

[brownsugarempress]

It works. I just got $300 for no reason.

[thecrybabbles-deactivated201605]

Money dog is my friend

[yeaimcoollikethat-deactivated20]

Money dog is the shit

[anttom2016-blog]

I believe in the money dog😀

[princedhunglow-deactivated20181]

I believe in the money 🐶

[cosmic-noir]

Bless me pls money pup 🙏🐕

[crip-jesus-deactivated20190301]

Just woke up 🙌🏿

[totheonedegree]

Pplease😭🙏🏽

[marvelismylife]

Doing this again because last time I reblogged this I got $50

[roses-likethis-blog]

can’t not reblog the money dog

[conquerchaos]

Someone handed me 20 bucks today to donate to charity!

[ilosemygrip-myfocus]

I’m always so skeptical about these things but also desperate so why not

[naturally-twisted-deactivated20]

The way my bank account about to look after I pay rent…I ain’t got shit to lose🤧

[naturally-twisted-deactivated20]

SOOOOO REAL SHIT I GOT THE JOB I APPLIED FOR YESTERDAY‼️ THE MONEY DOG IS REAL BABYYY 😭

[hufflepuff-foodie]

I’m broke and I neeedddd this 🥺

[dionasbrew]

too broke to not post

[anaswh0rre]

Why not 😧👍

[2ry1g-b07]

i mean, why not?

[starvethearies]

ED Problems and Habits

* Can’t stop touching my body/can’t stop pinching my fat

* Sucking in your stomach when you’re around people so they don’t see your fat

* Lying too much bc of food

* Body checking in every mirror that you pass

* Also ignoring your body in the mirror so you don’t cry

* Spending all day looking at thinspo instead of fulfilling your responsibilities

* Distancing yourself from everybody

* Having unrealistic expectations and goals for yourself

[makingperfection]

I feel attacked

[fuckoff-aesthetiics]

* Rubbing your collarbones, ribs, hip bones

* Checking for any difference in your thigh gap

* Trying not to gag while drinking green tea

* Exercising whenever you have a moment of privacy

* Watching Netflix/napping to avoid eating

* Running to the bathroom was lax kicks in

* Curled up in bed crying because of hunger pains

[restrict-binge-starve-repeat-de]

* Doing that thing with your hand around your wrist/arm to see if you can touch fingers together yet

* Waiting until everyone falls asleep to do silent workouts in peace w/out getting caught

*Running to the school bathroom to purge when you’re forced to eat during a fast

* Punishing yourself for having the basic human need of the nutrients that come in food

* C O U N T I N G C A L O R I E S

* Bad sleep habits

* Constantly measuring/weighing yourself

*Sucking in your stomach while trying on clothes to see how much better you’d look in them if you were skinny

[fuckoff-aesthetiics]

* Doing that thing with your hands around your thigh to see how far up you can get your fingers to touch

* Passing out from over-exercising

* Hiding in the school bathroom to keep from being forced to eat

* Over-estimating your calories

* Always thinking about the next time you can measure/weigh yourself

* Being extremely dizzy when you stand up but have to walk it off and act normal so no one suspects anything

* Trying to hide your Tumblr account

* Drinking too much water or not enough

* Always feeling dehydrated for some reason

* Not being able to poop

* Weird stomach noises at the worst times

* Headaches

* Shaking

* Cold. All. The. Time

[daintydreamm]

* Forcing yourself to take the stairs every time you’re given the opportunity, no matter how little you’ve eaten

* Isolating yourself in your room all day

* Going to the grocery store, looking through every aisle, gazing at all the food only to leave with nothing

* Developing not only a fear but an utter disgust for certain foods (etc. meat or even all animal products)

* Leaving class every hour to pee and fill your water bottle up

* Hate seeing/feeling your stomach touch your thighs when you sit down to pee

* Basing your own worth and others’ based off their weight/size

* Can’t go to the bathroom without lifting up shirt to check stomach and ribs in the mirror

* Chewing gum to simply stay focused

* Sleep schedule run amok because you’re so demotivated to anything but the bare minimum these days due to your malnutrition, plus sleeping is a good loophole to avoid eating

* Having no friends because you don’t want to go out with them for food

* Spending copious amounts of money on food only to binge on it and feel even worse, plus now you’re broke

* Taking a body check every day even though there’s no difference

* Purposely weighing yourself at inopportune times to trigger yourself just bc you’re “curious”

* Knowing the measurements of every part of your body, even your toes

* Losing your personality to your eating disorder

[xskinnyxslutx-deactivated201905]

honestly didn’t even realize that i did 90% of these things because of my ed… huh

[miascomeback]

I feel exposed

[bitter-matcha]

wow.

[thinmoonchild]

I do almost all of those things 😶

[elizaatmosphere27]

Here I am, once again,feeling lost now and then….

[emiliac4]

shit

[littlesadpenguin]

Fuuuck

[abby-howard]

SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!

This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy

Or buy a digital PDF here: https://abbyhoward.itch.io/unhealthy

[sweatersandcalories]

“No offense but you look more than 100lbs.” “120 pounds?! That’s how much i weigh and I’m a guy!” “Honey maybe you should have a salad instead.” “Oh you should come workout with me!” “You’re going to lose weight and be healthy? Thats a laugh!” “Oh my gosh your cousin is so thin, shes always been so pretty.” “Hey, what’s your friends number?” “Did you gain weight?” “Are you going to eat all that?” “I don’t think that dress would fit you.” “Wait if you have an eating disorder why aren’t you..thin?” “I would let you borrow it, but i just don’t want it to get stretched out.” “We don’t carry your, sizes here.” “Maybe you could try a sport.” “You look fat.”

To never have to hear these.

[lilbunix]

the fact that ive heard these, throughout my 21 years, even as a child, makes me feel so large and disgusting.

[skinnybiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch]

To the guy who said “You need to lose weight” to me repeatedly after I beat him at arm wrestling.

To the guy who said “huh… you’re heavier than you look”

To my mum, who said “you’ve put on weight”

To all the people who judged me and said shit to me.

Fuck you.

[pinkpeachjams]

Please don’t have children if you’d say these things to them (or anyone at all really)

[chenonceaufem]

Bad things at home, send help hehe, if inactive it's bc of punishment or stress not rudeness, love you all ❣

[teeashirts]

✧･ﾟplaylists to help pass the time *:･✧

hi everyone! it’s been a while since i made a huge playlist masterpost, but i thought that right now when we’re all stuck inside wondering what to do with our time i would make a list of all my playlists. listening to music is so calming and definitely helps me pass the time…so enjoy! - cam

songs that remind me of a fashion show 

a mix of songs that remind me of driving down the coast 

a playlist dedicated to paris 

songs that inspire me 

a dreamy mix

songs to listen to when you feel carefree

a super fun workout/running playlist to keep you pumped up 

songs to listen to during golden hour 

a mix of songs to listen to on a sunny day 

a playlist full of songs that make me feel alive 

songs that remind me of my teenage years 

a study/coffee shop playlist to keep you calm 

songs to listen to on the weekend 

songs that make me feel like living in the moment 

a friday kinda mix !

songs that remind me of a warm spring evening 

a mix dedicated to nature 

my all-time favorite songs all in one playlist 

songs that remind me of flowers and sunshine 

a 12-hour long playlist of songs that make me feel nostalgic 

songs that remind me of going back to school 

my ultimate summertime playlist 

songs that make me feel like i’m in a movie 

upbeat songs to get ready to in the morning 

songs i’m currently loving & listening to right now

a playlist dedicated to italy and all its wonders 

songs that are soft and delicate 

a mix to listen to while watching the sunrise / sunset 

a playlist for a rainy and stormy day 

songs to listen to when you wake up ! 

another nature playlist because why not?! 

a monday playlist to make your monday more enjoyable 

my springtime playlist 

songs that are bittersweet 

my girl power anthems playlist 

for the daydreamers 

songs that remind me of the spirit of traveling & exploring 

a mix to listen to before bed 

songs to listen and dance to in your kitchen 

a super fun 70s playlist 

relaxing songs for a sunday 

songs that remind me of wintertime 

for people who love the east coast 

for people who love the west coast 

a mix of lo fi beats 

songs to listen to in your car at night 

fresh finds (new songs every monday!)

the ultimate sing along playlist 

an indie playlist 

the perfect road trip / daily commute mix 

a super studious playlist to keep you extra focused 

songs that remind me of the beach 

a mix of songs to listen to when you’re j chillin

songs that remind me of a trip to outer space !

listen to this when you’re in love 

songs for stargazing…

the perfect autumn playlist 

songs that make my heart flutter 

a mix of carefree & happy tunes 

the grooviest 80s playlist around 

a mix of golden oldies 

listen to this if you like rap / r&b 

another workout playlist !

a mix of fun, upbeat songs to dance to 

a playlist inspired by call me by your name

a coming of age playlist 

a mix of songs that deserve more hype 

songs for all the main characters out there 

a mix inspired by the king harry styles

songs that make me feel angelic 

a dark academia playlist 

a spooky halloween mix !

a playlist inspired by dystopian novels

a special cottagecore playlist 

a light academia playlist

songs to listen to while looking at the moon

[victim-or-survivor]

the trauma moods

i wonder why my life is in shambles that's weird

i'm going to redesign my room and paint a portrait and binge watch six shows and dye my hair and start a makeup brand and write a novel and read poetry and clean my whole house and

i Can't Get Out Of Bed

uh oh sisters! *showers with the lights off*

cries in the car and almost crashes accidentally

tv static noises

*wakes up* [redacted] *goes to sleep*

i haven't slept in 72 hours and i'm talking a lot about ophelia and reciting hamlet's soliloquies and everyone around me is worried

trying to sleep but there's Something In My Room

*texts abuser(s)* oh this is a fantastic idea

i'm horny and angry about it

i'm horny and sad about it

masturbates and then cries

If You Touch Me I Will Kill You

*thinks about trauma* oh that sucks for whoever that was

oh, wait, that actually happened?????

Shame

i'm going to starve myself until i'm so small no one will want me

i'm going to overeat until i'm so big no one will want me

*throws up for unknown reason*

talk about trauma, but make it funny

I CAN'T DO SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE AND INSTEAD OF WORKING THROUGH IT I'M GONNA YELL AND HURT MYSELF UNTIL I GET TIRED

i have forgotten every single coping skill i've ever learned

hnnnnnnng

*listens to music from That Time and gets weirdly nostalgic*

i Want To Be Abused

i will never love again! ever!

confuses platonic and romantic emotions because anything that feels Good is confusing

[chenonceaufem]

Pro tip.. a whole pack of plain rice cakes while watching tv is like 400 calories and if you could eat over half of it in one sitting I'd be shocked..

[cloudpixi]

weird habit

does anyone else have to be covering their stomach while relaxing (like with a pillow or blanket or something) in order to feel comfortable? as though even when ur alone u have to hide it from yourself as well??? is this just me??? 

[anaas-bitchh]

THIIISSSS

[skellysoul]

Thought this was only me

[soon2bthinn2]

We are each such a unique collection of traits and experiences AND YET we share so many of the exact same thoughts and feelings, what a life.

But yeah no definitely same here

[wadey-wilson]

[raygender]

[choiceoftears]

WHAT NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT FASTING

For gum chewers: Nobody tells you that you will expel a storm of wind out of nowhere or whenever you drink water.

Nobody tells you that your legs will feel like literal jello if you go past 24hrs.

Nobody tells you that after a certain point you’ll have a constant headache.

Nobody tells you that your stomach will growl loud enough for a whole room of people to hear.

Nobody tells you about the pain in your ribs.

Nobody tells you that you’re going to feel like you’re going vomit the lack of anything in your stomach.

But what we do tell you, is that you’ll get used to it.

[anna-gracie-2-k-19]

What I have learned from Intermittent/Extended fasting groups

Pink Salt helps headaches and fatigue.

magnesium helps the chest and stomach pains

And potassium helps the dizziness and heart palpitations

If you constantly crave sweets you are potassium deficient.

A B-Complex vitamin is a life saver if you have a busier life style.

One a day- vitamins can help reduce hair loss and brittle nails.

Your body can only absorb about 1 cup of water every 15 minutes. If you constantly chug water you are just going to pee a lot and flush out lingering vitamins that can help keep you healthier longer. Plus you can still end up dehydrated because you will fill your stomach and ultimately absorb less water than if you just drink it casually throughout the day.

If you do strict water fasts, after about 30 hours your body enters “atophagy” which (long term) will help with loose skin and cellulite. It taps out around 60 hours though so doing 2-3 60 hour fasts a week will get you optimum results. Make sure to eat high fat, high protein/ low carb during the re-feed or you will regain what ever you lost. Gum, diet drinks, sugar, artificial sweetener and the like will stop atophagy. Water, bone broth, herbal/green tea and black coffee are the only safe things to consume during an atophagy fast.

Walking and short (10-20 minute) Hiit sessions during a fast is more effective for fat loss than long hard workouts.

Leafy greens (espically spinach, arugula, mustard greens and kale) are very high in calcium, iron, and fiber so eat a tonne especially if you are bulimic.

I have lost 120lbs with the help of my IF/EF groups on Facebook. I have learned so much from these people and my doctor is very pleased with my progress. I started out as dangerously obese and now I’m almost a healthy weight in only 2 years. I have spent countless hours researching nutrition and though I struggle with bulimia (deptression, anxiety and BED paired with obsessive tendencies mixed with diet addiction has lead me down a bad path) I have not had many health issues associated with the disease. I do have extremely sensitive teeth and I’m addicted to laxatives but I dont have thinning hair, skin problems, intestinal issues,brittle nails, my bone density is good and my muscle ratio is healthy.

I know we are all sick but if you can make smart choices you’ll be thin before you’ll be dead. I hope people see this and can at least supplement their bodies as you become your desired aestetic/weight.

Stay safe

[skinny-inprogress-toriseup-deac]

i don’t promote ed behaviours or fasting but my words aren’t going to change anything so here’s how to stay safe

[mercifulmikisa]

Reblogging this because I am an avid faster 😳

[eddyenvy]

@alcoholanonymemes on Instagram

[crybabybitchhhhh]

It’s the baby spoon for me

[smol-grunge]

Not the baby spoon 💀

[soon2bthinn2]

I am SCREAMING

[fuckedupscenekid]

WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE ??

[chenonceaufem]

Does anybody have any of those calorie limit plan things which can help you lose 2kg / 4.5 lbs in two weeks or less??

[chenonceaufem]

Ok, so I gained and I'm at 71.5kg from 69.3kg.. I'm gonna try idk.. 800-1000 kcals? Feeling lazy and cba to do shit. Also I still don't feel like replying to messages rn so pls don't hate me <3

[chenonceaufem]

Sorry for not being active or replying on here, I just need a bit of a break atm but love you all <3