What even is this anymore? @chilldorksaysshit - Tumblr Blog

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Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”

deadbirdlife

My hand moved on its own

spooky-fm

Did you show it to your prof

deadbirdlife

Obviously yes.

minecraft

I'm at a :.|:; for words.

shodaisatellite

nachosforfree

derinthescarletpescatarian

The radius and ulna are among my favourite bones specifically because they do this

jessica-problems

I hate this. I hate that they do this. I think about this every time I rotate my wrist. It seems like the sort of thing that would go wrong in all sorts of horrible ways and leave a bone sticking out of my skin. and yet it keeps happening. every day of my life.

derinthescarletpescatarian

I rotate my arms regularly just because I like it when they do this.

aberrantemotion

iiiiiii dont. think thats how bones work

frankencanon

Here are two videos on Reddit demonstrating how the radius bone rotates around the ulna bone: link / link

aberrantemotion

Yeah i doubt someone would make these gifs for the purpose of an online joke so I have no choice but to believe it

invisible-goats

i have a degree is bones (bioarchaeology) this is how bones work and i hate it

folded-irony-blade

I love how the way bones work make people hate the way bones work. I love this about bones.

theconcealedweapon

girldraki

unboy

you motherfuckers better be lifting with your legs and not your back

petits--oiseaux

Because I never knew what that really meant until my back already hurt:

simplyspider

blujayonthewing

[X]

thesnadger

Hurting your back isn’t always “ow, I lifted something really heavy and immediately felt a sharp pain,” sometimes it’s caused by the cumulative stress of straining it in tiny ways over a long period of time. Getting in the habit of good body mechanics makes a difference!

vague-humanoid

lwyzlwyz

wizardarchetypes

autism moment is when I was three or four I told my parents I could read. We were staying at my grandpa’s house & I got up out of bed and brought downstairs the dr. seuss book my dad had just read to me at bedtime and I said I could read it. so I opened it up and “read” the whole thing and my dad was ASTOUNDED and he made a big thing of it so I burst into tears and told them I was lying because I didn’t actually know how to read, I’d memorized it word-for-word when my dad read it to me and then I just recited it while turning the pages and I was a farce and then my poor dad spent the next hour trying to make me understand how that was also deeply impressive but I was inconsolable.

I don’t know how parents don’t laugh at kids’ dramatics more often because I woefully put my little head in my little hands and I said “am I still your baby?”

Thought they were gonna disown me for Dr. Seuss Crimes.

being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly: -"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES" -"there must be like… infinite sentences" -"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent

payasita

[a ticket reads that a customer wants their burger cut in half]

-"What the hell why are they so picky??? That's like for kids. That's like something my DAD would-- wait i don't have a dad-- that's like something my MOM would do"

-"BRO WHY ARE YOU CUSSING ME OUT IN SPANISH???" for some reason shouted so loudly that customers still in line all start laughing

-i open the restaurant and notice the kitchen is still kind of dirty and try to glean who closed last night, and i overhear two of the boys talking about yesterdaay

me: "so, you helped in the kitchen last night?"

IMMEDIATELY: "IT WASNT ME I JUST DID THE FRYERS LAST NIGHT"

me: "I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET"

payasita

i accidentally tripped over a gas line while trying to clean behind the stove and made a loud fear noise and the kid helping me clean the kitchen goes "dude your screams scare me. They remind me of when i accidentally step on my dog's tail"

payasita

the Real Adult in charge went to go give someone a break in another store and I'm chilling in ours for a bit and 5 mins one of the girls rushes up to me like "DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE AN ATTIC?"

I did. I have never seen the attic so I go check it out and there's already like three of them up there

me: the fuck are you guys doing???

clerk: they wanna do the grimace challenge up there

payasita

one of them has never heard of vampires

payasita

update about this one because another coworker wouldnt let it go: he insists he's Heard of them but thought they were, quote, "like, really big bats"

payasita

Clerk 1: dude don't mix that isn't it like toxic? What are the chemicals you're not supposed to mix--

me: WHAT'S IN THE SINK.

Clerk 2: We're trying to clean the sink

me: Which cleaners did you MIX

Clerk 3: All of it

me: DRAIN IT.

[one brief emergency explanation about never mixing cleaners and what mustard gas is]

Clerk 1: oh yeah didn't they use that during like world war two

Me: yeah man it's like, a war crime now. It's just such a horrible way to die that we can't use it anymore

Clerk 2: wait fr???

Clerk 3: ohh. What about opium?

Me: ...what?

Clerk 3: like the opium war.

Me:

[one brief emergency explanation about what the opium war was later]

payasita

Explained to the two boys helping me in the kitchen why we submerge our lettuce at night to help it keep. They proceed to have a conversation where one is absolutely messing with the other by trying to convince him that both lettuce and reptiles are living things that need to be soaked to survive, and are therefore related. he speaks with so much conviction and just keeps doubling down and the other one just gets increasingly angrier and I'm just trying not to crack up over the fryers

and then the exasperated kid whirls around at me and goes "IS LETTUCE REPTILES???" and I lose my fucking mind

payasita

I run this place with one other person who i Do Not Like and the kids are well aware of our stupid restaurant manager beef and love to gossip

They keep moving shit to inconvenient locations and I hate it and keep having to move shit back, then once on my day off they decided to call in help and move my Entire Fucking Kitchen around and I was real fucking pressed about it for like the rest of the week (put off opening the next morning to move all the big ass machines and fryers back my damned self to establish territory or whatever)

A week later one of the really sweet girls who helps me in the kitchen goes "hey I have a confession. me and (other kid) were there while they were moving your kitchen and we knew you'd hate it. I was going to say something"

"Oh no worries, it's not really your responsibility to go between us like that"

"no no, I was going to tell her to at least ask you about it first but then I was like 'hmmm....let's see how this plays out'. for the drama."

"...ok I guess I should probably be mad but that's actually really fucking funny"

payasita

today i turned around and saw this

cocainesocialist

manynamedshe

“They’re not smarter or faster they’re buying up others’ lifetimes to do their chores”

thequeerwithoutfear-deactivated

[images: series of tweets from @realavocadofact. tweets read, “they’re not elite they’re rich”, “they’re not better they’re better supplied”, “they’re not smarter or faster they’re buying up others’ lifetimes to do their chores”, “there is nothing wrong with you; you’re doing your best in a game rigged against you, probably not enough people and fruit tell you that”]

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway

I see this reaction a lot, and I gotta say, it always makes me a little sad. Whenever the conversation of exploitation of labor comes up, inevitably someone finds themselves struggling with the guilt of “It is so important to me not to contribute to exploitation but I cannot do this thing myself and need someone else to do it for me, so how do I even approach that?”

Exploitation isn’t in the hiring of a service worker. Exploitation is in the respect you show them for their ability to perform the service you need from them.

I have been on a cleaning service staff before, and also been someone who hired a cleaning service, and I can tell you for sure that a lot of cleaning crews (especially worker owned ones) absolutely LOVE their clients and are genuinely happy to be able to make their lives better. The clients they don’t like? Those are the ones who disrespect the workers.

When I was involved with a cleaning service, we had everything from little old ladies living alone to McMasions with five cars as clients, and I can assure you that whenever there was someone who clearly hired us because they were overwhelmed or unable to keep their space clean, those were the households where you put a little more elbow grease in and did a deep clean even when it wasn’t paid for, because you could see how much these people were trying and struggling, and they were always so kind and generous and often embarrassed when talking to you about the job.

I only hired a service a couple if times in my life, but whenever I did, I worked with the same people as often as I could, tipped as well as I could afford, and tried to be the kind of client I would want to have, and that’s how I often ended up with my baseboards cleaned too, or my fridge scrubbed and organized or a restorative clean done in a high use room even when that wasn’t what I had scheduled or paid for.

I’ve heard the same thing from all manner of service workers over the years. Many of us like our jobs! We enjoy the work. It’s the customers that can do a number on you.

I think a lot of people are afraid that by needing a service they are inherently exploiting or harming the people who perform that service, and they really aren’t. But it does benefit a capitalist system for us to all be burnt out and overwhelmed because we’re too afraid to hire the help we need. Be upfront and honest with service workers about what you need and why you need it, and treat them with dognity and kindness while they perform your service, and I promise you they will always be happy to answer your call.

headspace-hotel

HIRING A PROFESSIONAL TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE ISN’T MORE EXPLOITATIVE THAN GOING TO A DENTIST OR ORDERING A PIZZA

We all fucking depend on each other, it’s about respect and treating one another as fellow humans instead of seeing them as below us

finnwolfhards

this is superior humor

duke-chainsaw

I have some to add:

pyros-random-thoughts

M O R E

oh-great-autistic-gay

I hope you enjoy

loopygifz

Data cable on a computer from 1945

fishmech

jacked the fuck in

micro-usb-deactivated20230625

gas-station-dick-pill

reblog to kill your landlord with a sword

pinemartin

Uh my step mom actually had something to do with this in a way and it is an even more ridiculous story than that title even suggests

sincerelynotserious

Story?

pinemartin

Sure!

So my step mom works for a local union and sometimes they get workers who are in a tough spot and need a little extra help financially. The union has an organization that handles their charitable monies and my step mom is one of the people that fields these calls and passes them on to that organization.

Now if im remembering the earlier parts of this story okay, one day she gets a call from a man who needs some help with bills like rent or something. They help him out, he's super grateful, job well done.

Now a couple weeks or months later, idk, they get another call from this man. He and his roommate are having some issues with their landlord, who lives in his own house on the property. Apparently the guy keeps barging into their rented place unannounced and drunk, belligerent, threatening them with crowbars and 2×4 and shit. The man, quite rightly, wants to get outta this. He's newly sober and stressful situations like this are Not Good for people going sober of any sort. So the union starts working with him to get him some other housing.

Someone else at the union gets this next update and passes it onto my step mother, who recounts it to me as I stand with my jaw to the floor in our living room.

So apparently on one fateful night this man in question was out of the house. And his roommate was home alone. And the landlord came barging in again.

Except this time he comes in holding a gun in one hand and a knife in the other, and a Michael Myers mask on to top it all off, and he's raving about how he's going to kill them all and then himself. Like he's totally lost it.

Now the roommate of our man is like actually factually scared for his life because this is quite a bit too far. And he now has to deal with this situation or he is likely going to die. So. He grabs a decorative anime sword of our man's off the wall and beheads* him.

Yep. With an anime katana. It's like one of those fake stories on tumblr. Except this actually goddamn happened.

* I am skeptical about that having been a beheading. This was not a honed sword, and not a practiced swordsman. However none of us have enough information to say it WASNT a beheading, full or not. And anyway the landlord was killed so it doesn't quite matter if he was mortally stabbed or not-so-cleanly beheaded.

Regardless! The man called us up to let the union know what happened, and they got him outta there ASAP. And the roommate was NOT charged because he was defending his life and there was a long history of them having to call the cops to get the landlord out of their place to prove such.

So uh there you go. And can I just say the whiplash that I had when seeing this post cross my dash was really something. I even screenshotted it and sent it to the house group chat and my step mother and dad started cackling in the other room because it is such a weirdly close to us story to see on this random site. Like please understand it wasn't even reported on in the news.

There you go! There's the story!

sincerelynotserious

Wow, props to your step-mom and the union for getting him out. Hope he finds a better place to call home.

alexseanchai

[image: screenshot of the headline and subtitle of the Willamette Week article linked below: "Prosecutors Decide Portland Man Committed No Crime by Killing His Landlord With a Sword. The landlord, armed with a hammer and pellet gun, had snuck into his rental property in a Michael Myers costume."]

mortalityplays

reblog to support your local renters union in case you ever have to behead your landlord with a sword