@chompythebitinghorse - Tumblr Blog

PSST. eyy. you ever wondered what a half weasel half cat would be like?

meet the Fossa

½ cat ½ weasel, amirite? Wikipedia describes it as “a cat-like, carnivorous mammal endemic to Madagascar. It is a member of the Eupleridae, a family of carnivorans closely related to the mongoose family (Herpestidae). Its classification has been controversial because its physical traits resemble those of cats, yet other traits suggest a close relationship with viverrids (most civets and their relatives). It has semi-retractable claws (meaning it can extend but not retract its claws fully) and flexible ankles that allow it to climb up and down trees head-first, and also support jumping from tree to tree. The fossa is unique within its family for the shape of its genitalia, which share traits with those of cats and hyenas.”

they are one of the few carnivores on the planet that specialize in hunting primates (eating mostly lemurs). They’re decent sized, like a very large house cat

anyway, if a weasel decided it was going to be a cat from now on, this is p much what you’d get

big-ovipositor-energy

you mean they didn’t just make those fuckers up for the madigascar movie

thebigbeeefy-deactivated2023041

You forgot to mention this their scientific name is Cryptoprocta ferox with cryptoprocta literally meaning “hidden anus”. Because these guys hide their anus in a pouch

why-animals-do-the-thing

“Very large housecat” is bit of a misrepresentation of these awesome predators, so let’s talk a little bit about their size. Average weight ranges for foosa vary, but it’s generally thought to be between 15-26 pounds with the males being larger than the females (for cat-size context, American bred male Maine Coons tend to be around 18-19 pounds at full adult weight). Adult fossa are generally about 2-3 feet long, not counting about another two feet or so of tail, and super muscular.

This is LeeZoe, a female at the Lincoln Children’s Zoo, next to the 9x13″ cake pan containing her birthday feast.

(Photo Credit: J. Beierman)

Here’s her again in a barrel, for a different sense of perspective. Remember that as a female, she’s a good deal smaller than most of the males of her species.

(Photo Credit: K. Wilbanks)

The males, who are big even when they’re not giant, can sometimes reach incredible sizes. The next couple photos are of Isa, a 12 year old male and ambassador animal at the San Diego Safari Park, who weighs in at something like 34 pounds.

(Photo Credit: Nicki Boyd)

I just love this second photo - he’s getting a chance to watch a tamandua while on a trip around the facility. While he’d never have encountered a South American anteater in the wild, fossa frequently catch and eat animals close to their own body size, so Isa’s interest here could be more than just curiosity.

(Photo Credit: Nicki Boyd)

As the OP noted, these guys are incredible climbers. Here’s a photo from a demo done at the San Diego Safari Park to showcase their skill, which gives you a sense of how incredibly buff these guys are.

(Photo Credit: Nicki Boyd)

Fossa are amazing, and the OP did a great job of conveying that - I wanted to give you a bit of a sense of how big this species is, even if the females sometimes only weigh about as much as a large domestic cat.

The other thing I wish I could educate you more about - but would probably be censored by tumblr for - is their genitalia. The OP’s comment about having traits similar to cats and hyenas doesn’t quite encapsulate the sheer level of nightmare fuel going on there. I have two words for you: “clitoral spines.” If you want to learn more about that whole thing, click through here to an article about fossa reproductive anatomy.

rabbiteclair

a video game metaphor

civilization 5 barbarians: a small rapscallion of a skeleton. his heart is full of malice that his tiny body cannot accomplish, so he settles for smacking your beverages off of the coffee table when you aren’t looking. his shenanigans are tiresome

civilization 6 barbarians:

this fucking dude -

he is made of metal. his bones are covered in spikes and when he howls his terrible war howl, the sun goes dark and birds fall from the sky. you watch in terrified awe as he picks up your car and bites it in half. his name is written on his forehead in three-meter-tall flaming letters, and it is FUCKMOUNTAIN DEATHMONSTER. there can be no hope in a universe that contains the fuckmountain

starkmaximum

Ashley when do you plan to write a full fantasy novel in this exact style because holy shit.

rabbiteclair

“the riders have returned from the east,” the messenger shouted as he ran into the throne room. “it’s true, the beast Fuckmountain walks again.”

“the beast walks,” said Harshsmell the dwarf emperor, stroking his expansive shield-beard.

“and the Fifth Age of this world comes to a bony end,” moaned Bibarel the elf, prancingly.

“that isn’t true,” said a shadow near the wall. a man stepped out of it. four swords glittered on his back, and a hood covered his face.

“who are you, and how the balls did you get into my throne room?!’ shrieked Harshsmell

“I have come to put an end to this giant skeleton bullshit”

“fool!” shouted Harshsmell beardily. “no mere man can kill Fuckmountain! he pisses fire! his teeth are made of diamonds, and inside his head are thoughts only of malice and fucking shit up. no heart lies in his chest, because he’s a FUCKING SKELETON. he’s literally made of bones, the least-stabbable organ. you can’t kill that, dipshit”

“I’m gonna.”

“he ate two castles,” Harshsmell continued, moaning. “at the same time. i was there.”

the man stood his ground. Harshsmell glared at him dwarfily. “GUARDS! this man distresses me. take him away”

the guards moved forward to seize the intruder, but he stood his ground. though his face was not visible, Bibarel studied him.

“friend, is that Skullantula the Up-Fucker that you carry?” he asked

“it is,” said the man. he unsheathed one of his swords. it was made of jagged blood, but inscribed on the side with ancient elfin magic was a skull. both of the skull’s eyes were eight-balls.

the guards stopped in their tracks. one of them gave the sword an appraising nod and a thumbs up

“and Stabslicer the Grim,” the man continued, “and the Killblade of the Metalzillas, and the Large Fucking Hellscalpel, the last sword forged by the hands of the fire wizards of Double Lava Mountain”

“the fire wizards,” rumbled Harshsmell, “have been dead for two hundred years”

“and I’m the one who killed them”

“holy shit. fuck.”

“yeah, I know, right?”

“who are you, that could do such great things? no one man should have all that power”

“i am no man,” said the intruder, and finally pulled back his hood to reveal his face. he was three wolves. “I am Three-Wolves. I am three wolves.”

— excerpt from The Fight Saga of Three-Wolves Book 3: The Turbo Dragons of Castle Knifedick

rabbiteclair

“piss,” gasped Harshsmell

“forsooth,” Bibarel medievaled.

“yeah, pretty much” Three-Wolves said. “so are we stabbing some skeleton motherfuckers or not?”

Harshsmell fretted at his shield-beard. the long-fossilized remains of ancient side-dishes fell from its depths and shattered on the floor. “for the past thousand years, no dwarven army has left the depths of our mountain home, The Home Mountain. you will march alone”

“but your dwarfiness,” Bibarel interjected, “perhaps we can still help? we could offer him a mount.”

Three-Wolves stared stoically through one of the throne room’s many window-axes. “i was just gonna get an Uber or something”

“this is no mere transportation that we offer you, friend,” preened Bibarel. “it is the lord of the giant war scorpions, Bloodvizier VII, King of the Bugmoors”

“his mighty carapace is stronger than dwarven kill-steel,” Harshsmell boasted. “and his bitey things are like fearsome spears, if the spears were really fucking sharp and full of poison and attached to a scorpion”

“bears piss themselves at the very mention of his name,” Bibarel said. “not even little bears. the big ones”

“hell yea,” said Three-Wolves. “i’ll take it. also also the elf, because I need directions”

the journey was a long and arduous one, past the lightning spires of Napalm Druid Valley and across the abyssal Killfjord of the Squid Wizard. they knew they were getting close when they saw the giant head of an evil skeleton across the horizon, because that is what they were looking for

Bibarel stared in elfish terror as the beast Fuckmountain Deathmonster swallowed an entire mountain of swords, then ate a handful of catapults for dessert “already he has slain the hobbit viking warhost from the lawless northern lands of Fuckshire. do you truly think you can stab such a terror?”

“stabbing is for assholes,” Three-Wolves said. “i’m gonna skip straight to killing him”

Three-Wolves adjusted his vorpal codpiece and unsheathed all of his swords, and his cape billowed dramatically in front of the sun. then he kicked the war scorpion and they took off at a full arachnogallop across the obsidian plains, which were entirely covered in hobbit blood

seeing them approach, Fuckmountain reared back and stuffed a fair maiden into his mouth. her skin was as white as snow, fresh snow and not the shitty old stuff, and her bosom was really big. “please don’t come any closer!” she shrieked “it will eat me if you do”

but Three-Wolves did not hold any pity or lust in his three separate, discrete wolf hearts, only vengeance. he leapt from Bloodvizier VII and did six backflips before landing on Fuckmountain’s head. Fuckmountain roared, and lava shot from his eyes and melted swords shot from his skeleton dick. while he was roaring, Three-Wolves swung down and hurled the legendary sword Stabslicer the Grim into one of his eye sockets

“fool!” Bibarel moaned, from the middle of a giant puddle of his own fear pee “he doesn’t have eyes for you to stab!”

“i wasn’t stabbing shit,” Three-Wolves shouted back “it’s just hard to hold four swords, and i never liked that one”

he reached inside of his cloak and pulled out a dagger made out of enchanted hell-uranium, and covered with chainsaw blades. he pushed a button and they all glowed, but they glowed black

“it can’t be!” Bibarel gurgled. “the Laser Edge of the Starlich has been lost for aeons”

“like balls it has!!” Three-Wolves bellowed a mighty war bellow and sliced off Fuckmountain’s head, and stabbed him through the spine, and cut off his skeleton dick. he landed, and all the evil skeleton dust was already blowing away behind him

“friend, that was truly amazing” Bibarel gushed. “you have saved our kingdom!”

“yeah i totally did,” Three-Wolves said, stoically sheathing all of his weapons, and putting the safety cap back onto his vorpal codpiece “but there’s an even badder guy out there”

“what could ever be worse than a giant lava-pissing skeleton?”

“this” Three-Wolves said. he held up a stone covered in runes, and decorated with crystals made out of the souls of powerful monster-stabbers “it was in his head or some shit”

“a Thrall-Stone of Beam'uvee” Bibarel gasped. “but the art of making those is lost. there’s only one people who ever knew how to make them”

“yeah, i know” Three-Wolves said, and glared at the horizon “goddamn turbo dragons”

rabbiteclair

they rode day and night, plagued by bad omens. there was a blood moon, and also a blood sun. a flock of crows died mid-flight and when they landed on the ground, their corpses spelled out ‘YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING DIE’. in the Swampmire Marsh, Bloodvizier VII was struck by the The Great Bugfever, and Three-Wolves honored him with a quick death by twisting his head off

when they arrived in the lands of the turbo-dragons, nothing but misery and woe awaited them. Misery and Woe were the names of the sphinx liches who guarded the front door

“TRAVELERS” they shrieked, in scary voices of bones and mystery. “BEFORE YE PROCEED YE MUST ANSWER OUR FIVE RIDDLES”

and then they were dead because Three-Wolves also twisted their heads off. he was thinking about starting a collection, maybe

Bibarel the elf stayed simperingly close as they crossed the land. Castle Knifedick, loomed above them, covered with towers that were shaped like knives and also dicks. war drums echoed from the hillsides, and later, war saxophones. the legendary kill-legions of the turbodragon war host marched down to meet them

“Piss-gargling mortal!!” shouted Skullhate von Hateskull, the Bloodconsul of the Turbodragons. the Bloodconsul was elected by popular referendum every two years, because the turbodragons had a rich tradition of democracy and a robust social safety net “you should not have come here!!!”

“yeah probably” shouted back Three-Wolves, and unsheathed three swords at once “but i did”

the turbodragons readied their many arms, halberds made of crystalized shark blood and javelins made of regular shark blood. acid dripped from their stingers and their fangs and just their general anatomy, really. for a moment there was no sound on the battlefield except tense silence, and also screaming, because Three-Wolves had already started murdering them

“FUCK!” shouted the dying turbodragons “ARGH”

Three-Wolves was in his element now, and that was the element of murdering shit. a siege pterodactyl flew past and shot ballista bolts made out of the middle fingers of fossilized frost giants, and he chopped them all in half. he got cornered by a legion of thirty one shrapnel golems and machete elementals, and he bellowed the mighty Warcry of the Berserker Liches, which worked really good because he had three separate mouths for bellowing with. after he killed them all he still had enough killing left over for like thirty turbodragons

“Seize them!” shouted Skullhate von Hateskull “we shall rip the blood from their bones and feast on their guts!”

and then while his mouth was open, Three-Wolves pulled back his arm. it bulged with thews and stuff, and he threw the Large Fucking Hellscalpel like a javelin. it stabbed out all of Skullhate von Hateskull’s teeth and impaled his head, and then kept flying into space, because Three-Wolves was a really good thrower. but he was not dead yet. Three-Wolves did four backflips and jumped off of a ballista bolt in the middle of the air, then punched through his chest and pulled out all six of his dragon hearts, and took a bite out of one just to show that he wasn’t fucking around

the other turbodragons stared at this really hard, and all of them immediately both peed and cried from fear. they ran away, and some of them flew.

“friend, you did it!” Bibarel squealed elfishly. then he stopped and stared at something on the ground

“well i mean, yeah” Three-Wolves said, then noticed that Bibarel was acting stranger than usual, and he was usually pretty strange already “also what the balls is up with you”

instead of answering, Bibarel pulled a ring off of Skullhate von Hateskull’s finger. it was made out of fire, and it was inlaid with blood rubies and the teeth of especially evil smurfs, which glowed with wicked necromagics. “it is the Ring of Grimfucler, the thrall-ring of the skull lords, minted in the dark heart of one of the seven secret underground moons”

Bibarel was going to say more arcane BS, but then Three-Wolves took the ring from him

“no, friend!” gasped Bibarel “its allure enraptured hella kings in the Before Ages, but you must resist it! all who wear the ring succumb to its dark ways!”

“sounds fake” Three-Wolves growled “also it’s gotta be at least a +2 or something, so blow me”

Three-Wolves put the ring on and the ghosts of powerful king-wizards and war-sages loomed over him. they wailed with a billion centuries or pain and stretched out bony-ass bone hands at him.

“fuck off ghosts!” Three-Wolves shouted, and chopped them all to death. they crumbled into evil dust and he yawned “so anyway i was thinking like taco bell or something for lunch”

“i guess that sounds cool” Bibarel said “i’ve got like a coupon for 20% off”

and they rode off toward the sunset, which was coincidentally in the same direction as Taco Bell. but also meanwhile, in a far off land full of evil and stuff, they were being watched through a scrying pool full of mercury and hero bones, and the dark shape looming over it cackled and said to itself “THE TIME HAS COME. I WILL KILL THOSE GUYS SO HARD”

TO BE CONTINUED????

gallusrostromegalus

Just in case this gets wiped, I’m reblogging it again so we can all save The Greatest Story Ever Told to our computers.

picsthatmakeyougohmm

ampervadasz

bunjywunjy

sippy

cartographerswithoutborders

My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.

leafcrunch

this is honestly the best post on the entire fucking internet

polyamandhellaglam

Polyamory is safe for work. Polyamory is safe for kids. Polyamory is safe for day time tv. Polyamory isn’t more sexual than any other relationship and it can be just as romantic, sweet, and healthy.

polyamorous-living

source:

toastoat

finished my final ! as fun as this was i bled for it unfortunately, please check it out on Artstation:

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/0X498E

make--it--gayer

taurusqueer-deactivated20200607

steampunktendencies

Giant animatronic dinosaur outside bbc hq! Wow! Credits: BBC

d-e-l-ete-d-deactivated20181014

No.

intriga-hounds

Idk if youve seen this

kiixiies

Here’s his instagram and here’s her store!

gingersofficial

He looks so happy!!! 😭

inthegrandscheme-deactivated202

cats-and-company

Queen.

candiikismet

I always have to reboot this.

ordinaryredtail

For anyone wondering, this is amazing enrichment for the animal and a great way to involve guests! The lions aren’t forced to play with the rope if they don’t want to, and these guys (and anyone else who tries this out) have an awesome close up and hands on experience, all without having to come in direct contact with the cat!

little-miss-mash

@why-animals-do-the-thing

why-animals-do-the-thing

This definitely counts as #actually cute. This video is from the San Antonio Zoo, and the lioness’ name is Axelle. As @ordinaryredtail said above, the tug of war interaction is entirely voluntary on her part.

My guess is that the zoo staff did use some positive reinforcement training to teach her how to pick up and pull on the rope at first, because that’s not necessary something a lion would just do on their own. While it’s also probable that she’s rewarded with something tasty did choosing to engage with the members of the public like this, Axelle wouldn’t be engaging if it was a negative experience for her (there aren’t enough snacks in the world to coerce a lion into doing something they find actively distressing). If she didn’t want to participate, she could just walk away.

Some sanctuary and animal rights groups have taken issue with this interaction because they consider it unethical to ask a lion to engage in any “unnatural behavior” “for the benefit of the public,” calling it exploitation. It is worth keeping in mind, however, that learning and engaging in novel behaviors is hugely enriching for animals in human care, and that lions have no concept of exploitation. As long as the lion is not bothered by the presence or noise of the crowd, is not injured or harmed, and is engaging on an entirely voluntary basis, this sort of thing is entirely ethical. It is far safer than any type of interaction where a member of the public is coming into direct context with a big cat, but still allows people to directly experience the sheer strength of a lion up close.