you hold my head but in your head you've already left....
You cannot exactly pinpoint where it all went wrong between you and Michael but you started noticing a lot of cracks in your relationship after the birthday party at his best friend's place.
That night was a normal night, everyone was having fun and you were making out with him in a corner because you couldn't get enough of yourselves. Then his best friend, Ayo – who was the celebrant– needed his attention and found you both in a corner kissing like teenagers. you were both drunk, although Michael was a bit sober but you were already out of it.
You were on his lap and his erection was poking your lap.
"Ewwwww, get a room guys"
you hid your face in his neck shyly and took a nose full of his perfume.
" Get out, AY, you're supposed to be the center of attention, leave me and my baby alone"
your heart did something really funny at that statement, if only you knew it was a warning, you'd have shut your mouth. but no!!! you were so drunk (in love or with alcohol, nobody knows) that you threw caution to the wind and blurted: " yes AY, leave me and my husband alone"
you'd never said that before, infact you both never had that conversation at all, but you were in love so the next reasonable thing would be marriage, no?
Your "Husband" froze, he stiffened under your touch, his hand that was stroking your hair stuttered before he continued and you didn't notice, you couldn't notice it, you only noticed the way Ay hid his scoff and how awkward it became. you didn't pay attention to it you only filed it away for when you were sober enough to have that argument.
"okay" Ayo exhaled " I was coming to tell you both that there's an after party after this one, but the Mrs is a bit drunk so I'll just call a cab..." Ayo's voice had a hint of pity in it
" yes please" you muttered.
Michael kissed your forehead but it wasn't as firm as it used to be and he stroked your hair
" I guess we'll be leaving then" he said to Ayo.
You were not conscious for the drive home but you remember him holding you in the Uber and something about him felt very stiff.
you woke up wrapped in sheets that smelt like him in the house you both owned.
he was in the kitchen, cooking his favourite meal, the one you didn't like but loved because he did.
you loved everything he loved because you loved him and yes you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life and you didn't mind compromising just to have him.
You yawned and the stench of your mouth was terrible and made you nauseous so you went to the bathroom and freshened up.
Downstairs, you met the shirtless hunk of a man, already plating the meal, your eyes caught his and he smiled at you and gestured to the chair. You sat and he placed the plate directly in front of you and you dug in immediately. You weren't hungover but you were very hungry, you dug in to the food and he watched you eat with a smile, while he was picking his own and when you were done, he washed both plates and sat in front of you and he held your hand.
" I love you so much" he said
"I love you more than anything" you replied truthfully , your dog would be really offended if she were there to witness that lie, because you loved her more than anything.
he nodded and his eyes darted away
"about last night" he said
your heart flipped, you probably embarrassed him" I'm sorry, I had too much to drink and i—"
"—did you mean it?" he interrupted
"— didn't know... what? mean what?"
" you called me your husband"
your brows furrowed "why would you ask that? of course I meant it" you scoffed.
you waited for him to laugh or probably address it further but he just said: "I... okay okay, I was just asking" while avoiding eye contact with you.
you fiddled with the plastic apples in front of you, a perfect example of calm outside but troubled within.
and funny enough that was the end of it, he successfully diverted your attention from it and somewhere within, you allowed him to distract you while being hopeful that after 3 years of dating, he would show you to the world and probably wife you up.
oh dear! that was the beginning of it all.
you free yourself of patience
The weeks that followed, you both got into meaningless arguments, most of which were initiated by you. There was an underlying tension that he didn't want to address even if he knew what it was. But you knew it was about the fact that there was no direction for the relationship and that he was hiding you and you were getting tired of asking.You were no fool, you knew the man and how meticulous he was with all his activities so... why was he stalling when it came to claiming you?
you sit on the bed but your shadow is getting dressed, you've had too many years of waiting
You continued being patient and loving even though your patience was running thin... And that day came when you ran out of patience.
it was on the night of his movie premiere, as always you stayed back in the hotel while he does interviews and comes back to you, that was the arrangement and you used to be okay with it two years ago, you were okay with him saying he was single on live TV and dodging questions about marriage and denying you. But that was 2 years ago, you had newer goals now. You kissed him goodbye and as he went to do his hair and makeup, you scrolled idly on Instagram while being cautious of the time because even if he pissed you off you loved him enough to always support him.
Immediately it was time, you turned the TV on and there he was, your baby, your man, your everything, looking good, smiling and winning hearts and shining under the flashes and you felt so lucky. Until he opened his mouth to speak. it was a harmless question, a simple one at that
" your movie was about a married couple struggling to understand each other, you played your role too well, should we be expecting any Mrs Jordan soon?"
you saw it, the way his eyes fluttered and he bit his cheek, you saw it... he was going to lie.
"nah nah, not really not now" he did the nervous laugh " but soon maybe when I get a girlfriend but not now"
the reporter who was only doing her job, laughed " okay Mr smooth, I hope it's soon"
he should have walked away but he decided to add insult to injury "not any time soon"
you turned the TV off and the room was silent again.
the tears could not come, instead you were filled with rage.
you sat in the silence and listened to your heart beat in your chest...
thump... thump... thump....
you couldn't decide whether to do a breathing exercise or to let the rage decide for you, on one hand you needed to be patient and on the other hand you were tired. Even animals were treated with more dignity, so you did the only thing a sensible woman would do , you packed your bags slowly like a robot and called your housekeeper.
you blocked and deleted his number in the Uber.
I know you're not coming to the life that we wanted
what if it's cut short by the fires I've started...
Predictably, he did everything to reach you.
" babe, please pick up" he texted with his second number which you were not aware he had.
better to be robbed and stabbed than whatever this was.
"Babe, you can't keep doing this, what did I do?"
you saw it, you ignored it.
you were already in an Uber going to your own house that you had partially abandoned.
it was your property... the housekeeper was already outside when you got there, your dog Suzy was excitedly wagging her tail and barking.
the housekeeper read the room immediately and helped with your bags and Like a zombie you went to your room and exhaustion got the best of you, you drifted off to sleep. You woke up to him arguing with your housekeeper to let him in.
you ran down the stairs and immediately locked eyes with him, you told your housekeeper to let him in. She did and went ahead with her chores but you knew she was listening.
"what do you want?" your voice had lost all warmth, even your dog felt it.
he had the audacity to look hurt " what?"
" Michael Bakari Jordan, why are you causing a ruckus in my apartment?"
He stuttered and tried to come close to you but you moved back" I was worried about you, you were not at the hotel and you were not at our house either"
"your house" you muttered
" your house!" you said loudly this time " Michael, that place ceased to be my house when you said that rubbish on TV"
he opened his mouth to talk and you shunned him " I'm done with all these games, I have needs too, I have feelings, you should have treated me with dignity at least, why are you hiding me from the world? is it because I'm plus size or because I don't fit your aesthetic and your reputation, what's wrong with me? why can't you show me to the world , why can't you love me properly?"
" no don't say that, I love you so much, you know what I said on TV was a lie"
"you don't love me , you love the idea of keeping me a secret and I'm done with that, we have no direction" the tears finally dropped "this relationship," you gestured between the both of you " has no direction, it's best we end it"
his eyes widened and he knelt down at your feet.
"please dont leave me, I love you, I will do better, I will marry you please I need you in my life, we can't just end things like that, I know you dont mean it, please come back"
"no you don't, you won't be needing me anytime soon, I mean what I'm saying too"
" no I'll make a post now, I'll do anything for you." He whined
"Michael" you sounded so tough but your heart was doing gymnastics and you were scared of the future, you already knew how messed up you would be after this break up.
" please go... I've made my mind up" your voice broke
"just like that? that can't be"
you turned away from him and jogged up the stairs to your room, you heard him following you but you were faster, you locked your door and watched him try to open it.
you sat on your bed and sobbed loudly as he yelled your name outside your door while also trying to open it but after various tries, he left.
he kept trying to reach you, and you did everything you could to be far from him.
After three months of no contact, you saw the changes in him that only you could notice,
Everytime you search up his Instagram he had made a lot of cryptic posts from that night and he wasn't much of a social media user but the way he had been so active was a testament to how badly he was taking the break up.
blogs were eating good because he was feeding them with a lot of material, he was everywhere trying to make a show out of moving on and they were capturing it. it was almost as if he wanted you to see how much you'd hurt him so that you would feel bad and come back
but you were also breaking inside you just wore it better, some nights you'd wake up with panic attacks or tears in your eyes, some nights your fingers hovered over his name in your phone but the hurt outweighed the love.
yes all the love you had for him turned into something else, it wasn't even hatred it was something else that didn't have a name. it was like a purgatory but between love and hate.
on some days you'd pass by some of your favourite spots and nostalgia would hit you hard.
one time, you saw him around the shopping mall but he didn't see you and you hid until you were sure he had gone.
but your heart longed for him, you didn't hide because you didn't want him to see you, you hid because you didn't trust yourself to not do something stupid.
that night, you cried again because you regretted letting go and little by little your heart started beating fast, your body started shaking, there was difficulty in breathing, you hurriedly called the house keeper and told her to stay with you, she suggested calling 911 and calling him and you quickly yelled 911, even though you wanted him. the ambulance came immediately and when they wheeled you in, the housekeeper was beside you, holding you and reassuring you and a selfish part of you wished it was him holding you, it wished he could see you now, so that he would feel remorse but that was wishful thinking.
even in the hospital, even during the consultation and treatment you still wished he had showed up.
upon all that, you were slowly letting him go, piece by piece, memory by memory and it was working.
he must have sensed it because one night he called you and you picked the call almost immediately. you were not aware it was him. "Have a baby with me, before you leave" he whispered,his speech was slurred.
"huh? it's 2am what the fuck is this?" you replied groggily
"please, at least let me keep a piece of you with me, I know I fucked up but just give me this chance, I realized that I got too comfortable with not knowing where our relationship was headed and I was scared of losing you" he ranted, he must have had too much to drink
"that makes no sense Michael"
he broke into tears " please, have a baby with me"
you had nothing to say, everything you wanted to say three months ago just vanished... and you had lost the patience for his theatrics " goodbye Michael"
It's too late for a dream....
Five years later, you, your daughter and your husband were at a fundraiser, your husband held your daughter on one arm and you on the other. you both were telling each other corny jokes as you walked the red carpet,
then you looked up mid conversation and your eyes caught his,he was standing alone, he still looked the same but his eyes looked wiser. a beautiful pregnant woman was beside him, your eyes locked with his finally
and he waved at you, you waved back and turned back to your husband and daughter and that was it, no small talk, nothing.
just a message passed between two ex lovers.
<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/88470026"><strong>Have a baby with me</strong></a> (3189 words) by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatfat_faee"><strong>Thatfat_faee</strong></a><br />Chapters: 1/1<br />Fandom: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Sinners%20(2025)">Sinners (2025)</a><br />Rating: General Audiences<br />Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings<br />Relationships: Michael B. Jordan/You, Michael B. Jordan/Reader, Zendaya Coleman & Tom Holland (Actor)<br />Characters: Michael B. Jordan, OC - Character<br />Additional Tags: Black Female Reader-Insert, Michael b Jordan/ black plus size reader, RPF<br />Summary: <p>Based off of Daniel Caesar's "Have a baby with me" you and Michael come to a decision.</p>
gummygunk
pixelskylines
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
