It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of hard rock and heavy metal. I’ve been a fan of everything from Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin to more modern stuff like Tool and Slipknot. During the 90’s, I was a huge fan of Seattle grunge rock like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains. After Kurt Cobain committed suicide, something called POST-GRUNGE started coming out with bands like Fuel, Creed, and Nickleback. Post-grunge was a little more mainstream and wasn’t really my kind of music, but I quickly became a fan of a style of the music that came out late in the 90’s: NU METAL.
Nu metal was a style of post-grunge that was heavier, darker, and angrier than what was being played on the radio but still managed to make their way into the mainstream. These bands included acts like KoRn, Limp Bizkit, Staind, Rage Against The Machine, and Deftones. This appealed to me more since I was, and in a way, still am, a big fan of the louder and heavier music.
One band that really stood out to me at that time was a band called Cold. Their early sound was the typical Nu Metal sound: dark, melodic, and low-tuned accompanied with lyrics of anger and self loathing. I know it sounds very unappealing, but that was the thing back in those days.
What made Cold special to me on a personal level was that fact that every time these guy would come out with a new album, it was during a time when a major change or event was going on in my life. I know it sounds very cliché. Everybody goes through changes and everybody has hard times in their lives and everybody has an outlet to get them through those tough times.
What made me and Cold different? Well, I wasn’t really all that big of a fan of Cold. Usually, when people come out with this kind of outlet, they usually make that band their #1 favorite band. Sure, I liked the band, and I own every CD of theirs, but there was a reason for that.
I first discovered the band when I was in College. I was a radio DJ on the air waves at Sul Ross State University in Alpine. Every Saturday night, I would deliver some of my favorite hard rock songs for three hours. On Tuesdays, I would end up at the only music store to see what new music was coming out. The owner of the store was very knowledgeable about music. He would usually bring out new and interesting bands for me to play on my weekly hard rock request show.
During one of my visits, he played for me the opening song on Cold’s self titled album, “Go Away”. I quickly fell in love. I ended up buying the CD right then and there and it stayed in my CD player for a very long time. If I remember correctly, I think I had to replace the CD at one point because I would take it everywhere. I eventually ended up fatally scratching the CD.
I can’t explain why it struck a chord with me, but I really liked it.
They ended up releasing three more albums before breaking up in 2006. All four of their albums were very different in every way from each other. Each one carried with them a common theme throughout the album. The second album, 13 WAYS TO BLEED ON STAGE, dealt with drug addiction and a lot of the pain and drama that comes with it. That album was followed up with YEAR OF THE SPIDER. That album consisted of songs about a love relationship gone wrong.
A few years after that album, the band’s tour came to an end that the band went on hiatus. Cold’s lead singer, Scooter Ward, had checked himself into rehab. According to various interviews, by this time, Ward had become a father and had been wanting to make major changes in his life. He came out of rehab as a born-again Christian. He rejoined the band and the result was the album, A DIFFERENT KIND OF PAIN. This album was more positive when compared to the other three.
I had been living in Odessa for a little over two year when that last album was released. There was a small club there called Dos Amigos that would bring all sorts of big hard rock and metal names. One summer, Cold was scheduled to play and I felt like I not only needed to go to the show, but talk to Scooter Ward and tell him how his music had played a major role in my life.
Being the music fan that I was at the time, I usually got there early to check out the opening acts. Some people don’t really care much for warm-up band and usually show up just in time to catch the main act. Not me. I loved checkout out these bands. Some of them are great and some of them, unfortunately, really miss the mark.
The opening act that night was a female-fronted band that I had never heard of. I really got into this band after seeing them perform only two songs. Their show was chocked full of energy and were all over the stage. The leads singer was a tiny little thing and would lash out in with some of the most intense vocals I had ever heard…and she would do it with very little effort. When she would scream into the microphone, it would look like she was yawning. It was very impressive.
One of the great things about Dos Amigos was that it was a small enough venue that, after the show, most of the band members would stay afterwards and hang out with some of the fans. It was at this point, after the Cold set, that I decided to meet with Scooter Ward.
I waited until the bar was almost empty. After most of the fans had finally gotten their autographs, I approached Scooter, who was near the back of the bar by the stage. When I got to him, I saw that he was on the phone. We made eye contact and I could see that he knew that I wanted to talk to him. He signaled to me with his index finger to give him a minute. I nodded in acknowledgement.
“Okay Sweety,” he said into the flip phone. “Daddy loves you, too. Okay…good night.” He then closed the flip phone and slid it into his pocket. He then stood up and walked towards me. He was a lot taller than I was expecting him to be. He had a satisfied grin on his face. Apparently, the phone conversation with his little daughter had been a good one.
When he got to me, he held out his hand. “Hey, how’s it going?”
I shook his hand. I remember it being really cold and bony. He was about two or three inches taller than me and was really skinny. Part of me wondered if this was due to his years of drug use. His eyes looked at me with wonder…almost as if he knew I had something interesting and important to say.
“Hey, Scooter. Great show.”
“Thanks, man.” He answered.
“I’ve been a follower of your music and this is my first time seeing y’all. I had a blast.”
“Well, that means a lot. We had a blast too.”
There was an awkward silence for a second or two as I didn’t really know how to transition into what I needed to tell him. It was then that I reached into my pocket and pulled out the stub from my ticket and asked him to autograph it. He gave me an almost disappointed grin when I asked him, but he did it anyway. He pulled a felt-tipped marker from his pocket, took the stub, and began to write S.W. on it.
It was when he was handing it back that I decided to begin. “Hey, Scooter?”
“There’s another reason why I needed to talk to you.”
His eyes grow more interested. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I said. “This is going to sound really cheesy and made-up, but every time something major happens in my life, you guys tend to come out with a new CD. Not only that, Each CD tends to hit the nail on the head when it comes to whatever it is that I’m going through.”
In a way, I thought he was going to roll his eyes and laugh it off. He probably got this a lot being that his lyrics are very emotionally intense. To my surprise, though, he didn’t. Instead, he asked, “How so?”
“Well, Scooter, when I first discovered your debut CD, I was in college. I was raised in a small town and when I went to college, it was the first time that I was exposed to new ideas and beliefs and it really blew my mind. I had also met my first atheist it made me very aware of my own beliefs and made me question them. It kinda scared me.
“Your second CD came out around the time that my best friend OD’d. He’s okay now, but at the time, I felt so responsible for what he had gone through that night.
“When your fourth CD came out, my relationship with my girlfriend of four years was coming to an end. This was the girl I believed I was going to marry. She ended up leaving me for another guy and now they are married and are expecting a child.”
“Wow,” he said. “That’s pretty sad.” I couldn’t tell if he was sincere about it or not. Like I said, he probably got this a lot. Throughout my explanation, it looked like he was getting less and less interested, but he kept listening anyway.
“Scooter, when this last CD came out, it ended up being my go-to CD after my mother passed away.”
His eyes widened. It was clear that he was not ready to hear me say this.
I continued. “I know what you’ve been though the last few years and it’s been a major inspiration for me. This new-found faith in this last album has really put a positive spin on how to handle my loss. Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m this depressed kid who broods in the dark and wallows in his own self pity. No, that’s not me. In fact, I’m actually a rather happy-go-lucky guy who loves his job and is easy to get along with. It just turns out that you guys just happen to be there when I need something to relate to.”
At first, I had a little trouble gauging his reaction. He looked at me with his eyes still wide open. After a couple of seconds of silence, he said, “Man, that is amazing to hear. It’s because of fans like you that I continue to do this.” A big smile overtook his face. “Nobody’s ever told me anything like that about our music before. That means a lot.”
I stood there with his arms around me thinking, Well, this isn’t what I was expecting, but…whatever.
When he released me from the hug, he looked at me and asked, “So, how are you doing today?”
“I’m actually doing really well, man. I’m working for a local TV station and I couldn’t be happier. Things are good.”
“Aw, that’s good to hear. I really hope things work out for you.”
“You too, Scooter. Thanks for listening to me.” He shook my hand only last time, and I began to walk away.
I was satisfied. I took a deep breath and felt a huge weight leave my shoulders.
I started to head for the front door, but I didn’t get very far. As I was walking away, a small female hand grabbed me by the arm and stopped me. I turned to see who it was. It was the singer from the opening band. She was tiny. She had to have been a little under five feet tall. She wore heavy eye makeup that made them really stand out. Her long black hair was still matted to her forehead, undoubtedly from sweating on stage during her intense performance. She had a subtle grin on her face that was both shy and caring at the same time that was very cute on her.
“Hey,” she said, “I heard what you told Scooter just now. That was really awesome of you.”
“Aw, wow…you heard that? I was kinda hoping to be a little discrete about it.”
“Yeah, I heard it, silly. There’s nothing wrong with that. I always think it’s kinda neat when a grown man can admit stuff like that.” She gave a little encouraging chuckle. “Anyway, I want you to have this.” She had her band’s CD in her hand.
Knowing what I know about the struggles of a touring rock band, I answered, “I can’t just take that.” I reached into my pocket for a twenty dollar bill. “If I’m gonna take it, let me at least buy it.”
“No, that’s okay,” she said. “I want you to take it. It would mean a lot to me and my band.”
“Well…okay,” I said. I looked at her, and her grin had become a satisfied smile. “I’ll stick this in my CD player as soon as I get in the car,” I said with a chuckle. “By the way, y’all put on a great show!”
“Aw… Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Seriously, if you’re CD is as awesome as your live show, y’all are gonna go far. I know it. I’m really gonna be rooting for y’all. Good luck.”
“Thanks. That means a lot,” she answered. “Good luck to you too”
I shook her hand. It was tiny in mine. She gave me one last grin before she turned and walked away toward the stage area where Scooter was waiting. The two of them disappeared into a door to the right that led backstage.
Well, that was really nice of her, I thought as I looked at the CD in my hand. You don’t see that very often nowadays. The image on the cover was interesting. It depicted a younger looking guy being suspended a few feet off of the ground by two crows that were holding him up by, what looked like, two cables attached to his shoulders.
To the right of him, one word was printed with a flame above it: FLYLEAF.
