I may be turning into my Grandfather.
You know, the one who brought home an inordinate number of animals over the course of my mom's childhood.
Longtime followers might have noticed it's been quiet here lately and that's because I've added several dozen animals to my household. Our beloved Ginger cat Mochi passed away in March from a kidney infection and it was. Emotionally devastating. Since there was a cat-shaped hole in my home, I talked with with several rescue agencies, and drove to Texas on Easter Weekend to collect my beautiful daughter Selene:
Selene is three apples tall, weighs less than a gallon of milk, and sits comfortably at the top of the animal dominance hierarchy. Selene's hobbies are Rodent Destruction Simulator (toys), Reptile Pursuit Simulator (String on a flypole), and wedging herself into crevices. The dogs instinctively fear her, but lately Herschel the Corgi has started to be brave about playing string with her, and she makes a point of greeting Charlie the Yes when he comes in from the yard.
Since Selene is a very energetic baby with a healthy appetite for recreational violence, we did have a bit of a problem with her deciding that the humans were he favorite toys and playing with us a little too hard. On the recommendation of our vet, we got her a Playmate:
Helios (actually answers to Sunny) is approximately 5years old, and has the Size, Sweetness and Intellectual Fortitude of a Honeybaked Ham. He has the proportions of Johnny Bravo and none of his executives are functioning. Sunny's Hobbies are watching TV (His favorite movie is Fantasia 1940, specifically the Toccata and Fugue In D Minor), getting in the way of D&D, and demanding we all go to bed at 9PM.
He's about 5, but had a rough start- his former owners surrendered him when they moved, didn't do a good job box-training him, and declawed his front paws. He is extremely spoiled now, but does have to live with an inexplicably heavily armed teenager who wants to play Violence with him.
Neither of these cats Meows. Selene beeps and trills like some sort of adorable futuristic robot and Sunny very quietly honks and quacks like a very polite goose. I also decided to manifest a dream I've had since I was about 7:
If you've never kept fish before some notes:
Fishkeeping is a TERRIBLE introduction to pet ownership, but a GREAT introduction if you want to learn Ecology, Chemistry, Zoology, Structural Engineering, Botany, Interior Design and Economics all at once
Which perhaps sounds daunting but if you also need something that is intellectually engaging, forces you to learn time management and budgeting skills, and will alleviate your depression by giving you a project that rewards you with actual, literal growth, I cannot recommend a better hobby against The Current Miasma
I am not kidding about the Interior Design and Structural Engineering. 1 gallon of water weighs about 10lbs so the smallest acceptable tanks weigh at least 50lbs when full, usually more, and more than say, an Ikea Bookshelf can reliably bear. The GOOD tanks start at 200lbs and need to be placed where they can be filled and drained for water changes, near an outlet for lights/filtering/heat/air pump, and on a floor that can handle the weight of both the tank and the stand
Prices and product quality control being what they are, you might need to build your own stand so add Carpentry to that list too
Fishkeeping can be ...expensive
It can be a lot less expensive if you casually mention you're interested in the hobby, because half a dozen fishkeepers will pop out of the woodwork and start offering you their old tanks and equipment as well as excess plants and livestock, but this will also make you Beholden To Your Local Fishkeeping Community
which is not necessarily Bad
...but it may mean needing to rapidly set up an emergency tank for a Surprise Betta your friend who does hazardous building cleanup found in the back of an abandoned trap house, for instance
If you do not already have one, you will develop a deep and profound hatred for the pet industry and how they will outright lie to people about fish, especially bettas.
You will also become very emotionally attached to Shrimp
Come join me it's fun I promise :)
Ok this post is already a mile long so read the Alt text for descriptions of my Tank Denizens:
Relatedly, the best place to put a fish tank is the bathroom because the sink is RIGHT THERE for water changes, it's got the water-resistant flooring and outlets, and you're garunteed to be in there a few times a day so you will be checking on the tank.
Also, Premium Ringside Seating! I'm a goddamn Genius.
So this is what I've been doing since March and if you enjoyed this post and want to hear future Creature Adventures or for me to do a Tank Setup Guide, you can support me on Ko-fi or Patreon.
