AN: Hello! I haven’t written anything in more than 6 months, and I wrote this in one sitting, no revisions we die like men. I hope this doesn’t suck too much??. I want to formally apologize for ghosting out of here, things have been complicated. I really hope you all are well and safe, I missed you.
TW: mentions of blood and injuries, angst
Her hand graced yours for just a second, the cold tips of her fingers leaving nothing but longing tenderness burning in your skin and warming your cheeks. You turned your head down, hoping the shadows or maybe your hair covered your expression, wondering if she saw.
“Uh thanks, Rae,” you whispered.
“I hope you like it,” she said.
Indigo eyes sought yours, bright and curious, Rachel smiled at you. It didn’t last very long, however, there was something about the way her lips curved, in how gentle lines formed at the corner of her eyes and in how genuine it came and went, that let you know that, no matter what, you were safe in that smile.
You were pretty sure that made your entire face go crimson red, right up to your ears.
You hugged the book to your chest, trying to calm your racing heart.
It hadn’t always been like this. This girlish shyness rushing through you anytime she got too close, this quiet panic making you stiff and still as she laid her head on your shoulder or cuddled in your lap because you didn’t want to somehow ruin it, whatever it was.
It started a few months ago. You can’t remember who you were fighting. All you know is that it went wrong and you woke up with your right arm feeling like a hundred nails had been hammered through it.
The edges of your vision were blurry but you couldn’t tell if breathing was a problem because of the fall or because of Rachel’s face placed a few centimeters from yours, her hands cupping your cheeks and her hair brushing your skin so gently it almost tickled.
“I can’t afford to lose you too,” she whispered and there was a raw brokenness to her voice that made you shiver.
“You won’t,” you promised; and you swear you felt her nose brushing against yours as she got closer.
She smelled like freshly cut lemon, chamomile tea and vanilla, a strong contrast with the dirt floating around you. There was something cold dripping down the sides of your face, blood, or tears, or both; and muffled screaming in the distance.
“Are you okay?” asked Kori, flying over you.
Rachel shifted back, as if startled.
“Don’t you ever scare us like that again,” you heard Dick saying.
Gar roared in agreement, and you laughed, dazzlingly wondering what Rachel was about to do or say before the others got there.
It changed almost nothing. You still shared books and tv shows and cups of tea, but soft fuzziness traveled down your body when she was close for too long and it didn’t take long before you started to wonder what her chapstick tasted like.
Having thoughts like that made guilt boil down your stomach. It was obvious Rachel felt free and safe around you, it felt as if somehow, you were betraying her trust. You were supposed to be just friends. And you were okay with it, having her around was enough.
Rachel only had to whisper your name to get you to stop at the corner. Feet glued to the floor, you turned around slightly, to let her know you were listening and to hide your flushed state.
“Are you—“ her voice trembled and every nerve in your body rose up in alert, wondering if she knew. “Fuck...”
You felt yourself stiffening. She was an emphat after all, what made you think you could hide your feelings for her?
Of course, Rachel had boundaries, you remembered. Your shoulders fell in disbelief, turning around you made sure your eyes met Rachel’s so she could see the confusion filling you.
“Well, you’ve been avoiding me for the longest time and I just thought...” Her tone made your stomach twist.
You walked up to her, stopping to hold one of her hands between yours, the book under your arm.
“Rae, as powerful as you are, I know you. And I know you would never use that power to hurt others.”
Rachel’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “Then why?”
She looked lost and hurt and something inside you fell to its knees in regret. You let go of her hand.
“Because I’m in love with you and I didn’t want to ruin us,” you whisper, squeezing your eyes shut and fearing the worse. “I’m sorry.”
It never came. Instead, there were Rachel hands cupping your face with care and her thumbs rubbing small circles on your skin as she pleaded for you to look at her.
“You could never ruin us,” she said leaning in.
You were surrounded by the smell of her shampoo and found your hands slipping around her waist, holding her as close as your nervous heart allowed.
“Can I kiss you?” Her breath caressed your lips with the question, and you felt yourself melting into her touch, noses brushing together.
No more wonders racing through your mind, you nodded.