i don't do bad sauce passes

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Xuebing Du
d e v o n

pixel skylines
dirt enthusiast
No title available
NASA

if i look back, i am lost
AnasAbdin
taylor price

JVL

JBB: An Artblog!
ojovivo
Game of Thrones Daily
cherry valley forever

shark vs the universe

PR's Tumblrdome
we're not kids anymore.

Love Begins

seen from United States

seen from India
seen from Malaysia

seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Poland

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Iceland
seen from United States
seen from Brazil

seen from Poland
@colbythelateone
oh…..my god (source)
This is spot-on.
Seth Meyers has been brilliant for months - the kind of humor that springs straight from righteous anger. So have Stephen Colbert and Samantha Bee and John Oliver.
In a time of lies, only the jesters are telling the truth.
What Happens When Zookeepers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands
Via Bored Panda
I adore this
Gee, I wonder what in the world happened just prior to 1945 that would have led to this conclusion.
STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Look at this wolf
OK now you can continue
REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.
Please.
A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they’re all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.
inside of me was a blacker space. i moved into a haunted house but it felt the same as the inside of me had always been; cold, rancid.
they showed up on a tuesday. hey bud, are you okay? in the sugar. did i write this to myself in a fugue state again. i scooped the words into the sink and bleached the counters and then went back to bed.
we’ve been trying, on wednesday, you won’t do anything. at night i hear screams. often they’re mine and sometimes they’re not but that’s not news and it’s fine. i get these urges that crawl inside of me that won’t stop bleating, little shouts of what i should be doing.
sometimes i spiral back out. on thursday i feel too confident, slam myself into the climb, try to make friends with strangers, turn in papers before i edit them, unbuckle my seatbelt. on friday i sleep with a stranger at their place, puke in their bathroom, carry myself back to a haunted house.
months pass. what are we doing wrong? at first in latin. i think these are notes i wrote myself the way i have been doing since the eighth grade: wake up, be better, what is wrong with you. i scribble them absently. i go back to sleep. my days pass like roller coasters - i binge in pasta dinners after forgetting to eat for days. i don’t shower for weeks. i get angry for no reason, get greedy and try to force my life back into me.
i ignore them when they show up. in my faith it is not right to commune with spirits i see them over the bowl of soup i microwaved. gluttony has got wide pupils and a tiny stomach. my mother used to say “you eat with your eyes”.
i made you eat it writes to me in my alphabet soup.
i go back to sleep.
lust meets me when i’m coming home again. he looks the same as i expected, oily, twitchy, trench-coated. you got laid lights up on the graffiti of a passing bus. i throw up in the bushes. when i close my eyes i see the words like a red exit sign in front of me.
one by one they come to me, step out of the house for me. i know each because i was raised in the vault of a church; i know what the lord is sending to come for me. was not jesus tested in the desert. i stare at greed in the reflection of someone else’s tv. when i wake up we’ve taken their speakers. i finally yell back at my boss and wrath grins at me while i pack up my cubicle and leave. pride won’t let me find a new job, nothing is good enough for me. envy when i open my computer to see faces, smiling. that could be me. that could be me.
i tie a knot when sloth shows up. my favorite of the seven. i’ve been kissing her since i was young. she pushes me back into bed. keeps me from getting further than the span of a footstep. her voice is the prettiest to me. we have been trying, she writes in the bedsheets. we have given you everything shows up in the mist of the morning. why won’t you be happy.
there are seven cardinal sins and seven virtues to vanquish them. in another life i am full of these, of kindness and charity and humility. in that world maybe i don’t have bursts of negative energy where i break all that is around me.
i am not supposed to commune with spirits. but she follows me with those heavy talons locked in my chest. why aren’t you happy. why aren’t you happy. we gave you all of it.
my body has been haunted for a long time. the things i did to remove spirits were all sins. i look at the bottom of my life and i think: aren’t they right? isn’t this what you wanted?
i go to church. my ears ring. at night i hear her sobbing, or maybe we both are, because we are both failures, and yet addicted to trying. is she restless like me, i wonder, always driven but too tired to do anything, instead lying in a swamp where lightning bugs eat at me.
the seven of them find me over tea. i touch my crucifix gently. why aren’t you happy? on the widows, on the walls, in the leaves of my tea.
maybe it’s wrath that finally wins me. i throw the cup. i stand up. i stare at them in all their glory. how can i tell them that this isn’t how it works, that you don’t get better because you get the girl, you don’t get better because you’re overly confident, you don’t get better just because things go right - you don’t get better because of the things you get in life.
they gave me what they wanted. what others think i want. they gave me every pleasure of the body, every desire of the heart.
you don’t exorcise a haunted home by letting demons run wild and you don’t exorcise a mind by keeping them in kind.
the next day i go house hunting. it’s time i leave them behind.
I wonder if...
Guitarists are as good with their fingers in the bedroom as they are on guitars?
I wonder if...
Guitarists are as good with their fingers in the bedroom as they are on guitars?
Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.
So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.
So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.
So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…
And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…
Holy shit.
This is glorious
I like Dale. He’d break up with a bigoted girlfriend and he wears bathrobes like a cape. Not everyone would wear a bathrobe like a cape.
I'm just a mean little sub looking for a dom to put me in my place.
New hobby idea: using phrases that sound like down-home folksy expressions you learned from your grandma but are actually just nonsense you just made up
- that man really salts my melon!
- you know what they say, it takes a bushel of corn to feed one chicken
- a louse will live on any head it lands on
- don’t put down a salt lick and say you ain’t got cows
- there’s a guy who eats half the berries and says the pie shell’s too big
- like digging a pond and hoping for ducks
This was supposed to be a joke and all but as a southerner, these still make sense.
its weird these don’t mean anything but you can still kind of intuit what they would mean if they were things people actually said.
@lexicalpsychopathy I literally can’t help but picture you saying all of these
That man really salts my melon: Salt is actually frequently added to melons around here, so someone who salted your melon would be doing you a favor, or make something more appealing. Even though the framing presents it as a negative thing, so maybe you’d use it for someone who annoys you by doing you a favor.
It takes a bushel of corn to feed one chicken: Even if something might seem like a small ask, over time it might add up. A single chicken might eat a small amount of corn in a single day, but over time you’ll find you’ve bought lots of corn. Therefore, something that seems miniscule may in fact be a large commitment.
A louse will live on any head in lands on: Everyone can suffer through bad times and ill luck, regardless of their lot in life. (ie, anyone can suffer from depression, even if they haven’t got it “bad enough”)
Don’t put down a salt lick and say you ain’t got cows: There are multiple possible meanings for this. My favorite is don’t take time fixing a problem you don’t even have, ie, if you don’t have cows, you don’t have the problem of your cows needing a salt lick.
There’s a guy who eats half the berries and says the pie shell’s too big: Don’t blame circumstances for a problem of your own creation.
Like digging a pond and hoping for ducks: Don’t just hope something will turn out after one step, actually follow through all of them. Your pond could attract ducks, sure, or you could just go get ducks to live in your pond.
Seriously, every single one of these nonsenses you just made up follow a certain internal logic and make perfect sense.
@quinzelade @fallendawn @maidenpool @so-anywayy
I love all of this. Especially since I pretty much every saying as I read them, they’re just as legitimate metaphors as any other.
Fake folksy sayings are just as good as real ones as long as the right idea is getting across
Actually, yeah, everyone should have the right to a meal, housing, and the ability to have an income. These shouldn’t be privileges.
In which an angry Republican proves that capitalism is ridiculous as hell
… These are all literally human rights? I keep seeing stuff like this and. Do people not know about the human rights?
Universal Declaration of Human Rights:
Article 23.
(1) Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favourable conditions of work and to protection against unemployment. (2) Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work. (3) Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable remuneration ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of human dignity, and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social protection.
(…)
Article 25.
(1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
(and that’s just the basics on that topic, 22 is a good summary and 24 is worth knowing about too, and by the way since it’s currently relevant, “No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.” is article 9.)
Friendly reminder the USA have not ratified the Declaration of Basic Human Rights.
When I learned that last fact during my International Law course my first year of law school, I was OUTRAGED.
another dumb headcanon: superman is nice to birds because of course he is, and helps out birds who are in distress. also he can fly around with them. birds see a lot more of superman than they do of most people, basically. the unexpected consequence of this is that the crows of metropolis recognize superman as a friend. sometimes crows just follow him around like a weird flock, or try to give him shiny things. but mostly please just imagine luthor trying to gloat while threatening superman with kryptonite only to have a crow steal it. or just, generally, lex luthor getting attacked by crows. if that does not improve your day i don’t know what to tell you.
“What is that?”
Superman followed the direction of Batman’s gaze. A crow had landed on the rooftop beside them, and dropped a bottlecap near Superman’s feet. “Oh! Hey Francis. Is that for me?”
“Caw,” said Francis.
“Do you have a pet crow?” Batman asked.
“No, I don’t have pets,” Superman said as he bent down to retrieve the bottlecap.
“You named it.”
“Not this specific one,” Superman explained. “I just call all the crows Francis.”
“… why.”
“Caw, caw,” said Francis with a flap of its wings.
“I don’t know. Just calling them ‘crow’ felt rude after a while. I’d name them individually but I can’t actually tell them apart. Except for Old Francis and One-Eyed Francis.” Superman tucked the bottlecap into a small pocket on the back of his pants.
“Why Francis?”
Superman shrugged. “It’s gender neutral. I don’t want to misgender them just because they’re birds.”
“Of course you don’t,” Batman sighed, looking back out at Metropolis.
“Caw,” Francis added.
“Do you keep dog treats in your utility belt?” Superman asked.
“Why would I do that.”
“… in case you meet a dog that needs to know he’s a good boy?” Superman suggested. Batman shook his head, but opened a small pouch on his belt and held out a small treat. “See, it was a yes or no question, I don’t know why everything has to be such a production with you,” Superman said as he took it. He tossed it over by the bird’s feet. “Here you are, Francis. Keep up the good work.”
“Caw, caw,” Francis said. When it realized no more treats were forthcoming, it flew away in a flutter of black wings.
“You’re unbelievable,” Batman said, shaking his head again.
Superman took his eyes off the departing crow to look back at Batman, and frowned. “You know,” he said, “it’s really weird seeing you in costume during the day.”
“Don’t start.”
“It’s like seeing your teacher at the mall.”
“Don’t think I won’t take care of Poison Ivy without your help, if I have to.”
Superman shrugged. “I’m just saying.”
But…what if the crows also recognized him as Clark Kent? This mild-mannered reporter who doesn’t seem to do anything in particular to the crows that would make them like him, but they’re not afraid of him at all, and they keep trying to give HIM things, and Clark being a nice guy, he just. Accepts the bottlecap. Says thank you. Keeps walking. Lois adds another factoid to her “Weird Stuff About Clark Kent” file.
Maybe he tries to convince his coworkers that everyone is friendly with crows in Smallville. That the farmers discovered how smart crows are and decided to make friends with them instead of chasing them off.
Maybe he tries to talk the crows into palling around with him as Superman but going their separate ways as Clark Kent.
Please imagine Superman on top of a building holding Clark Kent’s glasses and trying to explain the concept of a secret identity to a flock of attentive birds.
@vixyish needs to see this.
“[Brooklyn Nine-Nine is] hyperaware of how corrupt the system actually is—just trying to be different.” (via @feministperalta on this post)
Straight girls love to pretend like they can be intimate with other girls without things being weird as if their behavior doesn’t literally rely on the assumption that the other girls they’re being intimate with are straight too. As if as soon as they find out a girl is attracted to other girls they don’t completely change their behavior and refuse to be anywhere near them. As if their refusal to invite sapphic girls to sleepovers or to get dressed in the locker room near them isn’t an even bigger “no homo” than actually saying it would be.
once straight girls learn of ur sexuality, platonic physical affection that was status quo from both parties before (arm linking, hair braiding, hugging or sleeping in the same bed on a sleepover) becomes taboo to them. they think it’s ok for them to sexualize every one of their lesbian/bi friends’ actions without consent. in my experience, physically affectionate friendship is fine and normal between me and my straight friends - until they find out I like girls. then every time I come anywhere near them I get sexualized jokes like “omg I didn’t know you were into me that way”, “do you secretly want to have sex with me, Avi?”, or critical attacks like “can you stop acting like I’m gonna go lesbian for you? it’s creepy” - all this over friendly gestures that were no big deal before my sexuality was made public. it’s made me feel disgusting from a young age to go near any girl even with no romantic context.
some straight ppl who wanna act like they’re good and not homophobic in this regard will say that touching between gay/bi women and their straight friends is alright, but only “as long as you’re 200% sure you’re not attracted to them” even though that logic is also super harsh?? tons of straight girls have friendships with their unrequited guy crushes and are still close enough to hug or jokingly touch or be affectionate and they aren’t deemed predatory for it. I remember having a crush on a straight friend in middle school and I knew it was unrequited so I never tried to act on it, I just continued to interact with her in normal friendship ways (which for us included things like linking arms and hair braiding, but since I knew she didn’t know about or return my feelings I never sexualized it in my head at all), and when I confided in my other (also straight) friend about my feelings for this person she yelled at me and said that if I knew she was straight I should never touch her again because that’s creepy and invasive. the next time the girl I liked asked me to braid her hair or wanted to link arms with me I teared up and pushed her away.
there’s just no forgiveness for young lesbians and bi women for normal things. having platonic female friends apparently unacceptable because that’s “not possible”, but when we do end up with unrequited feelings for a close friend, which is completely normal, it’s framed as though we did it on purpose and were intentionally sexualizing that friend, and we’re then expected to atone for that attraction by making ourselves completely physically inaccessible and separate from that friend so there’s no question that we aren’t “being creepy”. put up a wall and be paranoid to ever touch them again in any way. unrequited crush on a straight friend = you’re never supposed to come in any physical contact with that straight friend again or else you’re a predator and sexualizing her and you’re gonna be talked about that way behind your back or to your face. and to add insult to injury straight women speak on this as though friendships between young lesbian/bi girls and straight ones primarily harm the straight girls involved, when in reality it’s the mental health of the lesbian/bi girls involved that is ultimately damaged.