Anastasia Krupnik (Anastasia Book 1) Lois Lowry
So, I have this very real fear that the Anastasia books were somehow lost after my generation. Please tell me I’m wrong, Tumblers. We all need these books, and here’s why: Anastasia and her parents are smart. Really smart. They crack jokes at each other that are actually funny. They worry about money, and are realisitic about their jobs as English professor and children’s book illustrator. Anastasia worries about things like oily hair and embarrassing mothers and talks to a plaster bust of Sigmund Freud (in another book. She calls him Siggy.) But the point is that the adults in this book aren’t foils for the kids, or endless sources of wisdom, they’re characters in their own right, and allowed to have rich, fulfilling relationships with this kick-ass smarty pants girl.  Let’s get to it.
I have read these books so many times, over so many year and own so many copies that I don’t actually remember which of these I owned first. Nevertheless, we’ll give this one the nostalgia points. I love the exasperation on her face, the pencil between her teeth, and the general chaos of her room.Â
I do not love her glasses, which are ridiculous and dated, or the fact that her hair, in the books, is described as blond. I think a lot of these publishers heard that this character was smart, nerdy, relatable and anxious and decided she could only be a brunette. We’ll be keeping count of this.
Brunette Anastasia Count: 1
We’ll squeak this one into Hair Integrity, because she at least looks like a very BLEACHED brunette. I love the quality of the illustrations in this series, the owly glasses are very true-to-book, and again with the chaos.
I don’t love that she looks like a vacant-eyed member of a kiddie cult that worships whatever the hell is on her shirt.
A slight variation on the one above, and not as well executed, though I’m digging the Pepter Pan collar.
I am decidedly not digging the hair situation.
Brunette Anastasia Count: 2
So, this is kind of an illstrated version of the next cover, but I like it better because of the lovely smirk she’s got going on. This is the first hint of Anastasia’s sparky intelligence we get, and I’m all for it.
HATE the font, the overall pinkness and whatever is going on with the layout. A late 90s movie poster WE ARE NOT, book. Get real.
Brunette Anastasia Count :3
I think this is one of the most recent covers, though the denim screams EARLY 2000s to me. I’m not offended by the font choices, though the glasses still kind of irk me. Don’t go halfway hipster and get stuck in 1992, Anastasia, go full on and get us some cat-eye action.
Brunette Anastasia Count: a disappointing 4
I’m a little disappointed in this one, which gets the hair color right, at least, but really depicts this tomboy-science nerd (are those GOGGLES?) vibe that is the anthesis of klutzy, poetry-professor’s-daughter Anastasia.
Because of how the baseball cap covers her hair, I could NOT stop thinking “cancer patient cover,” and so it has been named. Is it just me or does EVERY kids’ book about a kid with cancer feature something like this? Anyway, minus points for the CREEPY clowns, but bonus points for the tagline. And I can’t tell if this shirt gets bonus or minus points because it is. something.Â
Sorry for the crummy photo quality, which is really the biggest reason this one gets marked down. Perfectly adequate.Â
Brunette Anastasia Count: Ridiculously enough, 5
This one, for whatever reason, screams MOVIE-TIE-IN-MARKETING-SOMETHING-SOMETHING. The tilty cock of head. The pursed little smirk. The “Dear Diary” setup. The FUCKING HORSES ON THE WALLPAPER WTF. (Anastasia’s wallpaper is a subject of conversation in the book and is covered with old-fashioned men and women on unicycles and carrying parasolls and the like).Â
At least she’s blonde.
Ooooohkay, you steaming pile of defiant WTF. I’m not even going to get into it with the red hair, but this whole GIANT BOW nonsense makes her look like a cross between...Ramona Quimby and Pebbles Flintstone. Or something. Eugh. And the self-satisfied facial expression does NOTHING about all the angst and turmoil that defines this character. Good DAY, cover. Good DAY.