Confessions of a Twenty-Something

Therapist in my own therapy. This blog is for informational and self-care purposes only and does not constitute medical/mental health advice. It is also, not a substitute for mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Hey, how are you doing? How's life? Your health and job? You haven't updated in an a long long while :)

Hello! Thank you for your message! True, I haven't updated in a very long time and you are kind for checkin in. I have been busy with work and life and took some time away from this blog. I cannot guarantee I will be on here more often, but I am occasionally popping on to scroll or check my inbox! 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Hello. I'm new here so I don't really know how this works, but I saw that you're a therapist so I wanted to ask if you can tell me your opinion. I'm very anxious person. I'm always scared of being embarrassed or do something like that, look stupid and other things. I don't have enough confidence and I often think about fail before something even happen. I'm also emotionally sensitive and can start cry over a little things. If you don't answer these type of questions just ignore this. Thanks.

I am indeed a therapist and I do answer questions on here, but I can’t speculate as to what may be taking place for you without more information, especially in this format. It sounds like you are self-aware and insightful about what you experience, which is a great starting place for therapy! I would encourage you to reach out to a therapist if you don’t have one already, so you can explore more of your anxiety and experiences. 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

I feel like a big problem I’m facing right now is that I’m very obsessed with my therapist, she’s basically the only thing I want to think about.

I would definitely bring this up to your therapist, so you can process it together. 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

How would you deal with the pattern of becoming obsessive about anyone who rejects you? I’ve done this with several guys in my life. Almost always, I initially felt I was too good for but then desperately need their validation? Anyways I’ve done it again after a break up with a different man (I broke up with him). It’s just too many bad emotions and I just want to stop thinking about this guy I hooked up with like twice..

I can’t comment on this specifically because I don’t know the context of your experiences. However, generally speaking, research supports the idea that we tend to continue playing out relational patterns in our lives that began at a very early age. I would refer you to speak with your therapist about this if you currently have one, or perhaps explore the idea of seeking therapy if you notice this pattern is interfering with your life or relationships! 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Is it normal to grieve the loss of a therapist kinda deeply? My therapist is moving out of state and i feel like I'm taking this way too hard. It feels like she died or something instead of just moving. And i feel weird and creepy and almost guilty for feeling this... i dont know, attached?

Just like when we are no longer in a relationship with anyone we are close to, grieving is normal, natural, and expected. Our therapists provide a very close, attached, and connected relationship so grieving the loss of the relationship can be the same, if not more, difficult as with any other relationship. Wishing you well. 

[unaverage-confessions]

Therapist: *points out that I seem anxious*

Me:

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Me trying to deflect in my own therapy

Just like

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

I've followed you for a long time and want to know do you still work in residential or do you work in a different setting now? Love your posts!

Hello and thank you! I’ve worked in residential, partial hospitalization, and intensive outpatient, but now work in a private practice setting :) 

[cactusjerk]

[adventures-in-therapy]

Me signing on for another day of teletherapy:

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Dealing with countertransference like

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

After doing a full day of back-to-back Telehealth sessions

I’m just like

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

I have been seeing the same psychiatrist for 5.5 years now and she is the reason I can stand here today and say I made it. However I moved almost a year ago and went from weekly face to face to monthly Skype and it’s so hard to struggle on my own again and not be able to connect properly. Her office was my first safe space in my entire life, and she my first positive female influence (or any influence really). I’m terrified to feel so dependent on another human.

It’s so hard when you feel less connected to the person who has been such a significant support in your life. What a wonderful experience you’ve had with her. I want to remind you that although she may be through a computer screen and not in person, you are not on your own and you are not alone. Depending on another human is indeed, terrifying sometimes, and can bring up a lot of feelings. Maybe it would be helpful to reframe it; instead of thinking of it as dependence, perhaps think of it as: safety in feeling held and supported by an other for the first time in your life. I would say allow yourself to lean into these feelings and bring them up to her if you feel comfortable. Best to you. 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

I have a therapist question: my T sometimes comes to my place of work (a cafe); it doesn’t bother me (because I know she is a human who needs coffee/food, she always gets things to go, and we don’t always acknowledge each other there), but every time I see her there, it throws me off and my brain feels like it’s in fight/flight mode. My question is: should I talk about it with my T? I don’t want her to stop coming in because I’m really not bothered, it just throws me off. Thank you!

First, I can say that I can definitely relate to this experience with my own T, so you’re not alone in that! (And side-note: after discussing it with her, she didn’t stop coming, but I did feel a relief in her knowing what my response is, even though I’m ok with her coming in!) I always encourage bringing things like this up in therapy. I believe some of the best/most helpful therapeutic work can be opportunities where you are able to process things that happen in the therapeutic relationship (ie - your response to your T coming into your work). I would hope that your T wouldn't stop coming in, but rather, process your experience and explore it further. I’m rooting for you! 

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

Hi, I’m just curious what the ideal treatment or way to approach transference in therapy. Is it an individual approach depending on the person? I’ve read on tumblr about some ppl bringint it up with therapists and getting referred, my own therapist didnt talk about it as much even though i brought it. now im studying psych so just curious about what the ideal solution it by the end of talking about the transference?

I don’t believe there is necessarily an ideal situation, but I personally come from the stance that bringing it up is always helpful. I also utilize orientations that lean towards working within the transference and using it to enhance the therapeutic work. Not all therapists use this approach, however, and I think that transference can be really unsettling or scary for some therapists; which can result in a number of different outcomes.  

[adventures-in-therapy]

Me, a trained professional, trying to talk to my clients:

[confessionsofatwenty-something]

i have been seeing my T for over a year. i’m 20F and she’s late 20s early thirties. she’s the best therapist i’ve ever had. she’s psychodynamic. i’m really ashamed of this but i have a pretty bad case of ET for her:( i told her i feel like an idiot for having these feelings. and that this (the things that happen in therapy) is more than i’ve ever gotten before. its overwhelming and i’m scared. im scared of falling in love with her. the shame makes it hurt. i guess i have attachment problems.

It sounds like you are very connected to her, which is a sign of a great therapeutic relationship. I’m so sorry you are experiencing shame related to the transference taking place. While I know it can feel shame-inducing, it’s great that you are able to share these feelings with her so you can process and work through them together. It makes sense that when we have someone who is so caring, attuned, kind, empathic, and connected, who emotionally available for us (especially for the first time), that the associated feelings and transference can be intense. I know how difficult it can be, but the therapeutic relationship and discussing the transference that emerges is a vital part of the process, especially in psychodynamic work, and can be immensely healing - but also can bring up a lot of difficult and overwhelming feelings in the process. Try and take things one session at a time and keep processing with her. You’re not alone. Hang in there.