There Is Peace In Darkness

Self care blog about mental illness, trauma survivors, love one thing about yourself everyday

[hotvampireadjacent]

[sonicfrontiers]

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

poor long man jenkins. he’s so full of poison but the bugs are eating him anyway.

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

I realize including the fact that long man jenkins is my Hoya carnosa houseplant may have been an important detail

[furiousgoldfish]

victims of abuse be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

[hsptl-ghoul-deactivated20210719]

Things trauma abuse sufferers do:

To be honest I'm mostly making this post for myself, but feel free to reblog if you see yourself in it. You're welcome to add, too.

Wearing headphones with the sound turned off so you can hear if people are talking about shit about you. Then assuming that if you didn't hear anything it's because they know.

Looking behind yourself in mirrors/other reflective surfaces so that if someone is coming to kill/hurt/get you you can be prepared without letting them know you know or looking crazy if you're wrong.

Assuming that if you feel safe you over looked something.

If you think you heard someone say something good about you, you were wrong and being audacious, they're lying, they're making fun of you, they pity you, ect

The reason you don't make sense to people is because they don't have the knowledge or experience you have. For example, I don't think people are afraid of x, even though I am at all times, and they don't understand even if I explain it, but it's because they've never had to experience it before. They don't know to be afraid.

Thinking everyone knows something you don't.

Thinking that if you ever relax, whatever is coming will "know" and come then because your guard is down.

Never trusting your self or your thoughts.

Hyper analysing everything, for hours.

Instantly thinking you're in serious danger because someone is angry, even if it's not at you.

Thinking you're going to be hurt because you messed something up, even if it was an accident.

Catastrophising. Everything.

Not being able to enjoy activities where you might be startled; e.g., seeing a movie, being somewhere with balloons, or guns

Thinking that you're unable to communicate no matter how hard you try because someone is going to mishear you and think you're bad and you're going to be hurt for it. (And no one likes you enough to listen to you explain.)

Thinking people need to hurt you for their own stress relief and that this ensures the safety of everyone else. (E.g., the whole house hold)

Asking to be punished or hurt so something will "be over." (Usually someone being angry.)

Isolating your self. Making sure no one sees you so you don't anger them.

Causing your self a pain, like stabbing your nails in your hand, as you walk past someone so you don't scream, or tremble, or breathe too loud and it's so fucking scary.

Thinking that any look, tone, sound, word, could mean that you're in danger.

Thinking anyone else's bad day or anger or upset is about you or your fault (And you're going to pay.)

Being afraid you're going to pay anyway even though it wasn't your fault.

Thinking that all of your needs are too inconvenient.

Saying something in your head so many times that you forget you didn't actually say it aloud and you never do.

Being sick to your stomach in fear at simple tasks.

Not sure if your thoughts or perceptions match the reality because of gas lighting.

Thinking you don't deserve to participate in basic bodily functions like eating, drinking, using the bathroom.

Thinking that other people can make you dirty and that everyone can see it.

Thinking every person who sees you as they pass by is thinking horrible things about you.

Lying about how you feel, even if you don't need to.

Knowing where and how to step to make the east amount of noise.

Apologising constantly.

Apologising by telling people that you're stupid, wrong, bad, and so one, in the belief that you're just confirming their thoughts.

[thedemidisaster-deactivated2021]

33. Doing something you enjoyed doing before the trauma happened eventhough it hurts to do now cause you just want everything to be normal.

[comprised-of-magpies]

[furiousgoldfish]

Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Signs that you’re living in abuse:

Behavioral patterns of living in abuse

Was I abused? Checklist

Not knowing you are a victim

Signs your family is abusive

Making excuses for your abusive parents

Experience of living in secrecy

What they taught you was abuse

Emotional experiences of living in abuse

Shame and guilt: how abused children feel

What makes parents abusers (actions)

Have I been manipulated into believing abuse was my fault? Checklist

Am I being held hostage by abusers? Checklist

You are not allowed to mention the past

Why you still love abusive parents

Parental behaviour that isn’t normal

Shit parents aren’t supposed to say to you

Experience of “not belonging anywhere”

Red flags for abusive parents

Healthy vs Abusive Chores

Was my childhood abusive or just had some bad parts?

Rules always change (unpredictable environment is abusive)

Breakdown of abusive parent’s behaviour:

“This is my house” rule

Start living in the real life!

Why all the children aren’t abused equally in an abusive home

Common abuser hypocrisies

Do your parents want you to be happy or look happy?

Why do they try to convince you that you’re worthless

Why do they pretend you’re a burden? Controlling behaviour

Why your abusers are not good people

Abusive parents are keeping you in false hope they’ll change

Are your parents preventing you from succeeding?

Abusive parents pretending “it wasn’t that bad”

Double Bind (why every choice you make ends wrong)

Incorporating trauma in raising children

Abusers will not allow you to call them out on abuse

Signs your parents are narcissistic:

Stuff delusional narcissists say

Shit narcissistis parents say

Recognizing emotional immaturity of narcissistic parents

Examples of narcissistic behaviours

Being punished for growing up by narcissistic parents

What children of narcissists go thru

Signs you’ve been thru sexual abuse:

CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) Symptoms

Signs you might have endured CSA

Was I sexually abused by adults as a child? Checklist

Signs of abusive friendship/relationship:

How to tell if a friend is not a friend

Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist

Manufacturing insecurities

Red flags for abusers

Have I been thru social abuse? Checklist

You can recognize abusers by how they make you feel

How abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Recognizing abusive friendship

Signs you’re struggling with trauma

Trauma processing information

Experiences of traumatized children

Signs you’re recovering from long term abuse

Things abuse survivors think/say

Thoughts of victims of child abuse

Your brain on trauma

How long term childhood abuse develops into complex trauma (comic)

Ups and downs of trauma

[furiousgoldfish]

things abuse survivors think/say

maybe my trauma wasn’t bad enough

maybe what happened was just my fault??

but what if I can’t hold that person accountable? what if they meant well

what if I don’t have the right to be angry?

but what if they didn’t know they were hurting me? maybe its my fault for not saying it

it’s my fault, i’ve always been hiding how badly things hurt me

i’m just weak and pathetic and everything hurts me it’s not their fault i’m like this

hey this this thing actually happen or did i make that up

if i ask abuser they’ll tell me i made it up that must be true they do say i’m delusional

maybe if I’ve done something differently this wouldn’t have happened

guilt guilt guilt guilt

what if abuser is right tho? what if they’re telling the truth and it’s okay to tell it in insults then?

i’m garbage, i knew it

yeah everyone deserves compassion and comfort but me? no.

I am the sole person who is just bad enough to deserve everything that has happened to me

no this person didn’t mean to hurt my feelings i’m just too sensitive!!!

maybe someone else wouldn’t be hurt by this, this means its my fault

i hate myself

how long until everyone realizes i’m just a fake and there’s nothing valuable inside of me

yeah they like me now but i’m going to fuck it up and they’ll hate me like everyone else

was that abuse? no it can’t be. its my fault. if I wasn’t the way I am it wouldn’t have happened

everything people do to me is just what I deserved

what this person is doing bothers me so I have to try harder not to be bothered by it

this person is wrong but everyone believes them so it must be okay

yeah they hate me but i don’t want them to leave me maybe i can get them to hate me less

yeah this person is hurting me but i still need them in my life maybe if i change myself

it doesn’t matter if they hurt me, i’m used to it

what if everyone abandons me and I die alone

this person scares me but I can’t let that affect me

I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I need to get over my feelings

I can’t let anyone notice how I feel or they will hate me

how does everyone just stay calm? why can’t I do that

I’m a burden on everyone, I bet they’d all be happier if I wasn’t there

if I disappeared right now wouldn’t everything be better?

*these are not truths, this is after-effect of long term abuse

[furiousgoldfish]

me: the thought of dealing with this is making me scared, stressed and miserable

my brain: watch this! now you forgot it ever existed! go on in oblivion my child

[sychos]

Hello everyone! I am officially homeless now. I am in need of food, water, toiletries, and gas for my car (this is where I'll be staying). It's approaching winter where I live so I am worried about the cold conditions. I would appreciate any donations and/or reblogs!! I am hoping to make it out of this bad situation as soon as possible. I don't make art or have anything to offer anyone except my eternal gratitude and friendship 💕

P.s. if there are any ways you can send money besides ko-fi that I don't have please dm me if you have time :)

ko-fi.com/999kittens

[i-am-a-fish]

don’t forget to eat some food today!

[raavenb2619]

[ID: The John Mulaney meme. The first panel shows John Mulaney yelling “No!” at “treating aromantic like it’s a synonym to asexual that you can tag to get your posts to reach a wider audience”. The second panel shows John Mulaney yelling “Yeah!” at “treating aromanticism as a full-fledged identity that shouldn’t be tagged unless your content is relevant to aromanticism in some way”. End ID]

[sweetschizo-deactivated20190808]

Hey if you’re schizophrenic/psychotic I just want you to know that you’re a wonderful person and that you deserve so much better than the demonization, marginalization and stigmatization you face in this society.

[sweetschizo-deactivated20190808]

Please consider reblogging this/other positivity posts for schizophrenic/psychotic people every once in a while. If you have more than 100 followers, odds are that a couple of them experiences psychosis and that they rarely see positivity posts for people with their symptoms.

[whospilledthebongwater]

You know you’ve really been through some shit when you’re constantly more worried about how someone will react to you presenting an issue you have with them than you are about the thing that upset you in the first place

[whospilledthebongwater]

Didn’t expect this post to be relevant to so many people, damn

[inhale-the-frost]

Hi this is a symptom of abuse and its so shitty to deal with

[theselfcarelifestyle]

I know it feels like everyone else is going so much further in life than you, but you can’t compare successes. We’re all making progress in our own meaningful ways and if yours doesn’t look the same as everyone else’s then you’re on the right track - the track that’s meant for you.

[furiousgoldfish]

it’s almost  like abusers cover us with open wounds and then other predators come because they can smell the blood and the rest of society goes “it’s your fault for bleeding”

[solassitudes]

oh. maybe. maybe this it. maybe that’s the problem.

[desiignercucci-deactivated20201]

I’ve never been dragged so viciously in my whole life. Wow. Me.

[podencos]

This is sweet