fun fact!

queer coded? did they really? || all pronouns || elder scrolls sideblog is @onceuponanelderscroll and dragon age sideblog is @hear-bee-dragons || pretty much all posts come from my queue

[ohcorny]

sleep paralysis demons HATE him. this cartoonist discovers one weird trick to make them go away every time.

[legitimately]

need a full body massage a margarita 400mg of ibuprofen a plate of brownies at least an hour in a jacuzzi and 20,000 dollars cash

[legitimately]

[databent]

hi. i really, really need everyone to see this gif of someones frog i just saw on reddit

[odeu-m]

my darling angel children. give them more weapons

[fairycosmos]

(begging you to get me started) UGH don't get me started.......

[cheese24k]

[beawtybrat]

anjefkjdjhff 

[rose-valhalla-blog]

lol how they looked at each other when the song started like oh shit this our jam lolol

[iguanamouth]

You’re a patron to the fruit guy on YouTube?

fuck. yeah ok theres this dude who just, eats different fruits from all over the world and tells you what they taste like and if youre a patreon subscriber he sends you souvenirs from his journeys where he travels to eat fruits. he sent me salt from iceland once. all his video titles are formatted like typical clickbait except specifically about fruits which i think is really funny and when i remember he exists i go through all of his new videos at once for hours

his name is jared and he looks like this

[iguanamouth]

HUH

[mousegirlheart]

please dont leave your fox in the hamper too long or she'll go musty. it's better to put her straight in the washing machine

[mousegirlheart]

she's gonna be nice and clean :)

[goose-shoes]

Ok now what

[mousegirlheart]

okay lemme just

there we go :)

[cuteness--overload]

[garfield-69]

kimtty

[oldmanpusspuss]

The edible isn't kicking in because im a bad person

[kuttithevangu]

The other day a neighbor asked if this toy has a name and I didn’t want to admit that my mother calls it “his carcass”

[katebeckets]

"it's a tv show" "it's not real" i don't care. NO SHOES ON THE BED

[katebeckets]

okay if this breaks containment I think my asian grandparents would be proud of this post being my legacy. but for their sake i must clarify my personal stance. NO SHOES IN THE HOUSE AT ALL

[fidelcostco]

WAIT HOLD ON I cannot fucking believe when I was like four years old my parents were cajoling me to walk with the family and trying to get me to keep up even though I kept insisting that I was "tired" until they took me to a doctor and found out my LUNGS DIDN'T WORK. how insane that we live in a world where reasonably loving parents think their FOUR YEAR OLD is trying to be LAZY. like they were mortified to be clear. adults are just so trained to ignore children's complaints as untrustworthy, kids just need discipline, they can't possibly speak for themselves. what the fuuuuck.

[fidelcostco]

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE BTW you should always be trying to take children seriously, especially very little ones but definitely all of them. the most disempowered class basically legally defined as property and most people are like "yeah that's good actually I hate when they Loiter lol they're stupid and loud and i actually think children should stop existing. restrict their personhood more actually"

[killxbunnyyy]

Aaaaaaaaand You're banished from my realm

[annabelle--cane]

a vampire's long term fwbb (friend with blood benefits) making an idle remark about how it was a struggle to handle the aphrodisiac in the bite venom for the first while but now they're used to it and know to expect it and the vampire saying "hey um. so I don't have any bite venom. like at all."

[sawed-on-shotgun]

the human body when you use it and exist in it

[dragongirlsweetie]

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time