Carter Vaughn finds out that Marly and Rozanov used to give each other brojobs and that Shane had a weird unspoken tension with Hayden where they each thought the other was super hot. And then he turns his big sad betrayed eyes on Scott because how come HE doesn't get homoerotic undertones with his beloved captain. And Scott turns into Ben Affleck smoking dot jpg for a moment before Vaughny bursts out laughing and tells Scott that he's just teasing. But Vaughny was only half joking. And Vaughny never stops wondering.
hard launch this, soft launch that...has anyone written hollanov going full gaslighting with their coming out? just straight up going "we've been together for years? why are you acting like this is news?"
double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."
they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."
"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"
when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.
they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"
the more people act like this is revelatory news the more they inisist that it's not. "we started a charity together!" "i moved to canada for him!" meanwhile everyone else is slowly losing their minds.
Harris Drover Gives him one Taste and Troy realises wallowing in his own self-hated and guilt is getting him absolutely nowhere and he needs to start putting in the work to better himself.
Harris takes Troy on One date and it's enough for Troy to begin to realise he doesn't mind being seen in public with another man.
Harris lets Troy take him on a date and Troy comes to the conclusion that the Joy he Feels from being with Harris outweighs the Fear/Vulnerability and decides to come out publicly.
Harris told Troy they were boyfriends and Troy got the courage to finally cut his dad out of his life
I'm Convinced Harris Agreeing to move in with Troy will be enough to get him to finally go to therapy.
"Troy is actually an irredeemable piece of shit," some idiot says into the mic.
The crowd boos. The idiot begins to walk away in shame when someone speaks, startling the room into silence. Everyone turns. It's Troy Barrett himself.
"They're right I am an-," he says, only to be immediately tackled at by Ilya Rozanov.
The idiot escapes as Harris tries to remove Rozanov, who is shouting nice things at Troy. The crowd cheers.
The thing about Troy Barrett is that, people might (justifiably) hate him a lot (exhibit A: Shane Hollander), but nobody can hate him more than he hates himself.
No but, honestly, imagine your buddy pulling you over to show you something on their phone and what they wanted to show you is the fact that your long-term situationship whom you're definitely in love with is dating like 2013 era Jennifer Lawrence and actually, no one knows you two were ever anything so you definitely can't have the public meltdown you can feel yourself teetering on the edge of.
OH MY GOD THANK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS FINDING ALL THIS DISCOURSE HEAVILY INFANTILISING SHANE LIKE THAT IS A BIG HOCKEY MAN WHO HAS CANONICALLY GONE THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT WHY DO PEOPLE THINK HED HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST A YOUNGER GUY WHO HE PROBABLY DIDNT EVEN REGISTER WHEN HE HAD TO FACE DALLAS FUCKING KENT
this is basically every time troy is mentioned by shane in tlg
yes, shane acknowledges that he thought troy was a homophobic douchebag (which, most of the v0y*g3rs are too, it's not significant enough for shane to really care), but he's also the one that suggests to ilya that troy might not be so bad
the ONLY instances where shane expresses dislike for troy is when shane gets jealous about his friendship with ilya. do we REALLY think ilya would be as easy to forgive and become close friends with a man who had thrown racial slurs at shane? ilya who fought his own brother for being rude to svetlana? I've seen a lot of people say that troy's redemption was "too easy" but ive also not seen anyone be able to point at anything that would be considered actually unforgivable by the characters (NOTE: IM TALKING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS. NOT WHAT REAL PEOPLE WOULD PERSONALLY NOT EXCUSE. THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT PARAGONS OF MORALITY)
and to top it all off, shane literally forgets that troy is the second openly queer player in the league? that man is NOT significant enough to take up real space in shanes brain. why do people think he'd hold a grudge against assholish comments troy may or may not have made when he was kents lackey? the end of tlg even has them hinting that they're gonna be friends!
sure, people might choose to think they wouldn't get along, but nothing in the text actually supports that? its so weird to me. shane isn't a little baby who needs to be protected from the big scary world. he's a realistic character that's gone through a lot of change and growth in his own right, and I don't see him as the type to think other people are incapable of change
also: this is gonna be the last post i make about this/the last anon i answer. I don't wanna invite further discourse onto this blog. if you wanna talk more about it tho, my dms are open
Just here to reject the “Shane will never forgive Troy” headcanon with my whole chest. Shane has been surrounded by toxic dudes who have showed no willingness to grow or change for his whole damn life. I think Shane would have a lot of grace for someone who did show that willingness, especially if that person was queer himself. Shane is intimately familiar with the misery of internalized homophobia. I just don’t see him being the type to hold a grudge like that.
Hey, where did you learn to make these amazing smoothies? I love them so much. Highlight of my day. Also I swear I’m not crazy, only a little, maybe, like a normal person.
Scott's bed feels too big when Kip is not there to share it with him. (AO3 Link)
Scott startles awake and blinks into the dark room.
The pictures of the nightmare are already fading, but his heart is still racing and he feels an aching echo of loneliness.
Blindly, Scott reaches out, searching for -
His fingers brush warm skin, and relief floods him.
Kip is still here.
He’s lying on his back beside Scott, breathing evenly. Scott carefully puts his hand on Kip’s chest, feeling its gentle rise and fall. It’s such a comforting feeling. His eyes got used to the dim light in the room, and he’s able to see the outline of his boyfriend’s face.
This is still new enough to feel surreal.
Scott was used to going to bed alone. To waking up alone. To getting up and eating breakfast alone.
The bed used to be too big for him alone.
Kip sharing it with him still sometimes feels too good to be real.
Even though he’s getting tired again, his body reminding him that it’s the middle of the night, Scott can’t stop staring at Kip’s slightly parted lip, his nose, his lashes, his tousled curls. He can’t take his hand away from the soothing warmth Kip’s body is radiating.
Scott winces when Kip mutters something unintelligible in his sleep. He’s too surprised to move when Kip rolls on his side and wraps his arms around Scott, pulling him close with a sleepy “Hmmmmm” and pressing a kiss on Scott’s forehead.
Oh.
Scott tenses up and holds his breath, his eyes wide open. He doesn’t dare to move. He didn’t want to wake Kip up, especially not since he has to go to work in the morning, but this … this is nice. Scott never had this. He was never held at night, never felt somebody else’s heartbeat against his chest. He never felt so … safe.
He relaxes gradually, carefully, melting into the embrace.
Kip’s nose is buried in Scott’s hair, his breath even. He seems to be fast asleep again, his hands slowly slipping from Scott’s back.
It’s so warm. Scott closes his eyes and listens to Kip’s steady heartbeat, slowly dozing off.
*
They’re falling on the bed in a tangled mess, pulling at each other’s clothes, laughing breathlessly between hungry kisses.
Kip grabs Scott’s wrist and pins them to the bed, covering Scott with his body, pressing their chests together, and kissing him.
It’s still playful, but when he looks down at Scott, Kip has that glimmer in his eyes that makes Scott’s skin tingle and his breath falter. He likes it when Kip takes control in bed. Likes to feel like he can let go. Like he can just … be. At least for a while.
Kip dips his head and mouths hungrily at Scott’s neck, still holding his wrists, his grip tightening just a little, and Scott melts into the pillows with a moan, his eyes fluttering shut, every thought blissfully quiet underneath the buzz of arousal.
*
Scott enjoys the moments when they just lie in bed side by side in comfortable silence, Kip working on his laptop, while Scott reads a book, takes notes for a game,# or plans a speech for some kind of event.
It never feels strange to share silence with Kip. It’s simple. Easy. Just like it’s easy to talk with him. To laugh with him.
Scott glances at Kip, and his chest tightens with all the things he’d like to say right now.
Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s too much. They haven’t been together for that long. But … Scott thinks he’s in love.
He always wants to be with Kip, and when Kip is not around, Scott feels like he has left an important piece of his heart behind, a piece he needs to feel whole.
Scott thinks he’s in love.
And he wants to tell Kip. He wants to tell everyone. He wants the whole world to know.
But … He’s also scared. Scared of the consequences. He thinks back to the moment he knew he was different. Remembers putting on a mask of indifference while wincing inside each time the slurs were thrown around in the locker room or on the ice. Remembers doing research and realising there’s not one single active player who came out publicly.
“Hey,” Kip says, nudging Scott. “Are you okay? I feel like I can hear you thinking.”
“I’m okay,” Scott says quietly, putting his head on Kip’s chest and closing his eyes.
I just want to stay here with you. In this bed. Hidden from the world.
*
Scott startles awake and blinks into the dark room. His heart is racing, and he can feel the sweat on his back, making his clothes cling to his skin.
Blindly, he reaches out, his hand searching, but only finding cold sheets - and he remembers.
Kip is not here. Not anymore.
He’s home. With his Dad. Where he belongs.
And Scott is alone. Like he used to be. Like he has to be.
His heart aches, tears burning in the corners of his eyes. He wipes them away, rolling on his back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling.
Scott misses Kip’s warmth.
But he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Never did.
He’s a coward. A selfish coward.
He gave you everything. And you gave him nothing but: maybe in a few years.
God. It hurts.
Scott doesn’t feel like he can fall asleep again. He knows he has to. His sleeping routine is important. He has to give his body the rest it needs to stay fit and functioning. But he can’t. He’s tossing and turning, trying to shut his mind off in vain.
All he can think of is Kip and what they used to do in this bed that now seems too big again.
Scott glances at his phone. He takes it and opens his chat with Kip.
Starts to type without really thinking.
Hey. How are you?
Scott stops. Deletes the words again, shaking his head.
He can’t do this. Kip probably needs - wants - some space right now. Scott can’t text him like this in the middle of the night.
Sighing, he puts his phone away again and continues tossing, turning, and hating himself in his too-big bed.
*
“What?” Kip asks, sounding mildly amused. He’s sitting in Scott’s bed, dressed in soft pyjamas, propped up by a couple of pillows, and reading a book, wearing his cute reading glasses.
Scott smiles and shrugs. “I’m just admiring the view,” he says from where he’s standing, leaning against the wall and looking.
“You can admire the view from closer,” Kip says, raising a brow.
Scott smiles. “Yeah?”
“Just a little closer,” Kip teases. He puts his book away and opens his arms. “I’m kidding. Come here. Right now.”
Scott beams. He joins Kip on the bed quickly, stretching his legs out with a happy sigh and resting his head on Kip’s chest, breathing in his scent.
“Comfy?” Kip asks, running his fingers through Scott’s hair.
“Hm. Yeah.” Scott closes his eyes. Comfy. Warm. Safe.
I missed this. I missed you. And I love you so, so much. But …
“Are you okay?” He asks quietly. “I know it was a lot. All these paparazzi. The team. The fans. And … the homophobic idiots on social media.”
“I’m okay,” Kip says and continues to comb his fingers through Scott’s curls. “Really. I focus on the good stuff. On the support. And on the people who feel seen because of what you did.”
“Okay,” Scott says. “And we are still meeting with your Dad for dinner tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Kip confirms. “He’s really looking forward to it.”
“Me too,” Scott says. He’s a little nervous, but also excited in a happy way. He’s going to talk to George Grady, see Kip’s room, and maybe even some pictures from Kip’s childhood. He can’t wait.
*
“Kip? Kip?!” Scott's own, frantic yells are echoing in his mind, while the nightmare still clings to him like phantom pain.
“Hey, hey, I’m here. I’m here, Scott. I was just doing some research and didn’t want to wake you up,” Kip says, slipping under the blanket, wrapping his arms around Scott, who is still trembling and panting, his heart jackrabbitting in his chest. He starts to calm down when he listens to Kip’s steady heartbeat.
“Nightmare?” Kip asks quietly.
Scott sighs. He feels a little stupid. “Yeah … Sorry.”
“No need to apologise. We all have nightmares. Do you want to talk about it?”
For a brief moment, Scott doesn't. But he promised to Kip and to himself that he would be more open. Promised he won't push thoughts or feelings away and act like he's fine when he isn't. He can be honest. He can be real. With Kip, he can. Because Kip loves him.
“It was one of these recurring nightmares I have,” Scott says quietly. “I am still a child. And I’m skating on an ice rink. My parents are watching me. They’re waving and smiling. But then I turn my head, and they’re just … gone.”
Scott swallows, blinking tears away. “I’m all alone, calling for them. Searching for them. But it’s dark. And, and I can’t find them. They’re gone.”
Kip inhales shakily. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I’m so sorry you had to lose them like this.”
“The nightmare wasn’t over,” Scott says. “I started dreaming about you, too. You were watching one of my games, waving at me. And … and then …”
Scott stops, his throat tightening. He can’t even say it. It hurts so much.
“Oh, babe,” Kip breathes, his voice shaky. “Let me guess. I disappeared, too.”
“You did,” Scott says. “You were gone. And I couldn’t find you. I was so scared. It felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest, Kip. And … It felt so real. So fucking real.”
He can’t hold the tears back anymore. He starts sobbing in Kip’s arms.
Something could happen to you, Scott thinks. An accident. Or an illness. Things like that happen all the time. To anyone. You could die. And the thought of losing you hurts so much. I can’t deal with it. I can’t.
“I love you,” he says hoarsely. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Kip says, running his fingers through Scott’s hair in a soothing, even rhythm. “Hey, um, when I had nightmares as a child, my Dad always made me some hot chocolate with marshmallows and wrapped me in a blanket. We used to sit on the couch together, just watching a nature documentary. You want to try that? Maybe it calms you down.”
“Yes,” Scott says, touched, his heart fluttering. “Yes. Please.”
Not much later, they’re sitting on the couch, covered with their fuzziest blanket, drinking hot chocolate, and watching cute little baby foxes discovering the world. Scott rests his head on Kip’s shoulder, and the fear isn’t gone completely, but he feels better. Feels like he can cherish the moment again, without thinking about what might or might not happen in the future.
Tonight, it’s just them, and sweet love is served in a hot mug, topped with marshmallows.
