Wizard with a bong

[ 18 | He/him | life blog with opinions ]

[creatureghosts]

~ PINNED ~

No DNI, I'll just block if the vibes aren't it.

Hi my name is Ashton, I'm 18 and my pronouns are he/him.

The purpose of this blog is a space for myself to ramble about a wide area of topics like dog & cat training, gaming, online discourse, mental health and politics.

On those topics -

I own 2 dogs, Arrow age 4 - Australian

shepherd and Zero age 2 - Dobermann.

Zero is my assistance dog I've trained him myself and are on our way to a BH title.

I'll probably be posting a lot about my doggies as they are epic as heck !!!

I also have 6 cats, who all know basic tricks such as paw, sit, spin and sometimes speak !!

Pickle 4 months old ( I don't have favourites,,, but.....)

Twiggy 4 months old

Honey 2 years old

Greggs 6 years old

Panini ( Nini ) 8 years old

Titan 10-12 years old roughly

I spend my downtime playing games like Minecraft, Stardew valley, Terraria, ARK, any and all south park games.

I unfortunately have some mental issues - I'm diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, ASD, ADHD, Dyslexia and am seeking DID/CDD & ASPD treatment and diagnosis. These deeply affect my day to day life so there may be vents every now and again. Along with that I hold a lot of opinions about the online discourse in these communities and will probably be engaging with it.

Along with my mental health issues I am also in remission from stage 3 cancer. I am physically disabled and have a medical cannabis prescription because of this.

I'm a very politically opinionated person. I believe that everything is political, no matter what it is. I've spent a lot of time in my life learning about punk history and now days I would consider myself punk.

[creatureghosts]

You ever realised you can stalk another part (myself)

For the first time in a while I decided to look at my protectors playlist...

I'm on the verge of sobbing.

For a long time I (specific) haven't been able to actually listen to music and take it in. I guess he has..

Listening to the music he chose to save and processing the lyrics, in what I imagine is a similar way to him or at least with him in mind.

I think I finally understand why his "like this"

I guess what I'm trying to say is I have empathy for him. - not that I didn't, it's just hard to relate to a part that is so shut off and in a constant triggered state, when I'm just not (ANP moment).

Anyway here's the song that just made the penny drop

It's hard to imagine that part of me goes through all of what I know to be true and probably more that I (specific) don't know about.

I forget how much I rely on him, and the consequences on him...

A cheeky stalk turned into a rather emotional moment lool

[creatureghosts]

Some of my new patches coming from Toothnail on Etsy

These are going on a hoodie to match my jacket and trousers

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ToothxNail

[creatureghosts]

Some moreee

[creatureghosts]

Some of my new patches coming from Toothnail on Etsy

These are going on a hoodie to match my jacket and trousers

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ToothxNail

[creatureghosts]

2 years ago I beat cancer at 16. I went through 5 intense cycles of BEP Chemotherapy & 3 surgeries - the first to remove a rugby sized tumor from my right ovary, the second was a full hysterectomy to prevent the cancer spreading, the third an emergency surgery to correct a bowl prolapse all of this was to treat stage 3/4 ovarian cancer.

For the last 2 years I have been recovering from all of this, I have had extremely severe brain fog because of a hormone deficiency due to the full hysterectomy (this caused a lot of other issues but none I can be asked to mention rn). I have only recently been put on my preferred hormone as a trans man - testosterone because the NHS refused to prescribe me anything other than estrogen because I am AFAB. After a long fight back and forth, 2½ months ago I was finally prescribed a feminine dose of testosterone.

I have now in the last 3/4 weeks come out of my brain fog after 2 years of not being mentally connected to this planet or myself, suddenly I was thrown back in. It was fucking horrible!! Anyway after a couple weeks I am starting to get used to being a human again. I have a weird sense of optimism for the future, idk I just feel like it's actually going to be alright.

[creatureghosts]

This is the first time in my life I've fallen for someone this hard and this rapidly.

My long term boyfriend and I met someone at a punk event at a local squat... He walked up to me confidently, and just said "hi" the look in his eyes and the smile on his face had me head over heels from the first look. I know that's a bit cringe to say, but I've never actually experienced "love at first sight" before, but now I have.

(my current long term partner and I took a lot of time to get to know each other as friends before we even fell for each other. (This isn't a bad thing I'm very happy with the way our relationship started, and wouldn't change it for anything))

We got talking throughout the night, we drank together and had many drunken cigarettes.

It's been roughly 11 days since we met. 5 days ago we had a very in-depth conversation about the ins and outs of what we want/need/expect from a relationship. We both landed on the same things. He asked me to be his boyfriend the same evening. I was over the moon easiest I've slept in a long time after that conversation, he was in my dreams,,, (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

We've been dating for 5 days, I want to spend the rest of my life with this man... And I don't just think I'm blinded by love right now. I thought about it from every angle - I can't picture my future without him.

[fatiguedswitch]

Cute guy ive known for 2 days wants to hear in detail how i percieve him🤭

I suggest he go first so i know more precisely what info hes after and he says yes🫣

Hes typing for a whileeee😳

Hes still fucking typing😵‍💫

[fatiguedswitch]

Is it too forward to dm a guy i have met one (1) time only a couple days ago and be like hey:) i like how you think and if you want my brain for an evening you can have it:)))

[unhinged-hottakes]

After doing some research and looking into the community. My opinions on endos changed slightly. Are they systems? No. They are imaginary friends with extra steps. I’m endo neutral/strong anti endo lean. 

[mettleplex]

This is the point where we have to question what people mean by "system". I've been here too.

Are they CDD systems? No.

System has become a colloquial term which would, in many views, include people who literally identify with "imaginary friends".

I've been saying for a while: I wish we had separate terminology, because it's confusing, especially to neurotypicals.

The foundation of us sharing this term seems to be: "others view us as more-than-one, and we show ourselves to be".

My multiplicity, having DID, is fundamentally dissociative. It's not chosen, nor cultural.

Because my alters are tied to my neurobiology, switching; flashbacks; depersonalisation; are all very distinct feelings I experience through the lens of 'multiple'.

When I say "system", I mean the systematic structure of my brain, ever-rotating and passing memories like 'hot-potatoes'.

When I say "alter", I mean the psychobiological states I access when my brain activity changes... their emancipation is secondary to their existence, for me.

(Emancipation: Janet: CDD parts choosing names, interests, etc.)

To my understanding, this all makes me the opposite of, say: a willogenic pluralet.

("I am willing headmates to exist; I am not fully plural nor 'singlet'")

I can't stop them labelling that as a system, but I can definitely find words to ascribe to CDD experiences and create distance.

I often bring up, in pro-endo leaning spaces, that the "mean anti-endos" who never stop festering in anger... Might be less angry if they had an opportunity to build a community based off of shared experiences.

Whenever someone makes a "CDD-only" space, online discourse creeps in - "what about traumaendos?"...

That's a self-affixed label. Do you have a CDD - that's all?! This isn't about cultural Plurality!

I'm not anti-, I consider myself unaligned, but this pattern does really irk me.

Distinct terminology would fix this I think ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mettleplex]

S09 E8

Alt text:

[Alternate text: Screen cap of The Simpsons. In a courtroom, a judge bangs a gavel, and subtitles read: "As for science versus religion, I'm issuing a restraining order. Religion must stay 500 yards from science at all times."]

[creatureghosts]

"dni if you let your littles/age regressed parts..." And then it's just a normal human behaviour???

In my experience my age regressed parts are just a part of me who is stuck in a trauma response.

They are me. I am 18, so they are 18.

Yes mentally they may present more child-like but there are adults that act childish, where do you draw the line?

At the end of the day they just aren't actual children.

This is my experience of having parts so please don't invalidate it - id love to hear about others experiences too...

[creatureghosts]

Can someone explain to me why some trans fem ppl are hating on trans mascs?

I'm confused

[creatureghosts]

I love the new south park.

I have watched all of South park, that's like one of my greatest achievements tbh and I love the direction south park has gone is perfect for the current political climate. It just makes sense for the show and its commentary.

Yeah I have critiques on the newer seasons but I have that with any show that's been running for over 25 years.

We have grown up since the 'golden age' of south park but Mat and Trey have grown too. So yeah the show is gonna change lolll

The new south park hate isn't it imo

[mettleplex]

This is why you should never take someone's opinions on facts more seriously based simply on who they are (unless you truly know):

[Post 1: make sure to lie about your trans ID's if you want to]

[Reblog: Meme image reading: "You can always say your trans ID's are cis ID's. It's always morally correct.]

All that matters for facts online is backing. Not who's speaking.

We're sharing the internet with "trans-abused", "trans[diagnosis]", "trans-age", and more...

At times, people will lie about what they are and are not.

Remember to ask for sources, and don't be afraid of the reality that people shamelessly lie.

[Read more]

[You are too invested in how you are perceived; that you cannot fully enjoy living!]

[mettleplex]

I have DID, and I find the term "personalities" endearing.

It intrinsically leaves space for my parts to be unique. Their 'personality' is their existence.

People's personality is the biggest influence on how they handle hard things. The fact that I have multiple... has made a big difference 🌝.

Things in the material world are our shared experience. My belongings are mine, no matter who I am.

Personalities are unique. I've never met two people exactly alike. I personally haven't had two alters exactly the same.

Since my parts will never exist outside of my body, they are the personalities that make up my consciousness.

I would probably use "identities" while posting publicly outside of this context, because it's more up-to-date.

I think Onno Hart(?) recommended calling them "identities" at different "degrees of dissociation".

But on my own? Sometimes I'm Personalities, baby.

[creatureghosts]

Humans with Assistance/service dogs, how do you feel about people with no connection to a service animal wearing the words "Assistance/service dog" on their person?

I recently had a now ex friend buy a shirt/vest with 'Service dog in training' and then a picture of a dobermann/beauceron(?) snarling with a text Bubble saying 'i said don't fucking pet me! '

Image is down below ↓

I have a dobermann, he's my assistance dog basically fully trained now. He is one of the things that got me through my chemotherapy.

Zero, (my AD) at around 1 ½ had a hormonal reactivity issue that meant he was completely washed from work for nearly a year. He was then neutered and with a lot of retaining and confidence building we are further along in our training journey than ever before.

My ex friend knew about all of this and was friends with me while a lot of this was happening. He never said a word.

Zero has been attacked by dogs in public while vested and working, the ex-friend never helped or advocated for his space.

Then recently as we were losing contact, he started acting passive aggressive every time we talked, and so I cut contact.

After a week or so of no contact, he posted on his socials videos and photos of him wearing a vest bearing the image above.

His reasonings - "I'm kemonomimi and I've seen other kemonomimis wearing it sooo it's ok. " & "I don't think it's offensive anyway"

This really upset me.

Especially because of the imagery used I feel it creates a negative association with service/assistance dogs.

So yeah

Not cool imo 🙅‍♂️

[creatureghosts]

He's a silly guy