Heey I really liked the fanfic you posted yesterday! Just a tip from a Spanish speaker the phrase would be “No te quiero lastimar” or “No quiero lastimarte”
omg thank you so much !! I didn't know whether I had to properly add Tú or if it wasn't needed so this is a big help <3
Summary: After a failed solo mission, Miguel’s punishment makes you feel as if you’ve become a liability.
finished this at 4am with my botchy Spanish skills so please forgive me.
It had been two weeks since your last fight, and equally two weeks since you had stepped foot out the careful watch of your boss, Miguel O’Hara. You weren’t given the luxury to mistake his hovering. His mindset was clear, you weren’t to be trusted.
One slip of a web was all it took, the anomaly you spent the last month tracking down slipped away, snatching your travel watch on the way out. You let the time pass crying out of frustration and being pushed down by a glitch each time you rose from the cracked pavement.
Maybe it was the amount of time it took for you to muster up the courage to tell Miguel you lost him again, or the fact that he then spent the next two days cleaning up the mess the escapee made. Either way, you had committed your biggest mistake since joining the famous group of vigilantes. Not that you could say their band together was infamous to any universe, but that’s what they were to you, and you had utterly failed.
One of Miguel’s star players had let him down, made a mistake so embarrassing to his reputation, that he couldn’t trust you outside his view. Banished to the filing of any and all reports that came through; that was the dignified job you took on. The only thing keeping you sane was to believe it was all just a humiliation tactic from his end, the more you fought against it, the more he succeeded. At this point you didn’t know what to think. The man barely spoke to you, even on his rarely chipper days.
Sat crossed-legged in a chair; you continued the boredom-striking task. Click drag. Click drag. You missed the moments when Hobie came to visit, the small times where you got genuine interaction and not awkward stares.
“you’re free to go now.”
Silence strung together with tension rose thick in the air. Will that ever fade?
He didn’t turn to look at you, his broad frame still turned to his own screen, eyes cold and cruel as ever. God, he really did find you pathetic after this one.
A beat passed. You always wondered if you should thank him, but that just seemed stupid. Thank you so much Mr. Miguel O’Hara for another silent day stuck at your brooding side. You chose the silent approach, slowly uncurling from your awkward position.
Making your way to the door, you heard him call on Lyla, muttering about a mission he needed to put another man on, one that wasn’t you.
“Just take her name off as an option, I don’t want her out right now.”
The words broke you down, weirdly in a way that no other snide comment from the man had before. Since you arrived all you strived for was the acknowledgment of your skills, to show you could become useful. Now, it feels like the rug had been pulled from under you. How long until you get sent back home? How long until Miguel admits you have become a liability?
Please just say anything else, anything so I know you don’t hate-
Miguel calls your name, sharp and devoid of any readable emotion.
“you’ve forgotten your day pass. That’s the second time this week.”
You gritted your teeth, “Thank you.”
“Try not to do that again, you’re glitching has gotten worse.”
That was it, The final stroke. Storming forward, you swipe the scanner off the desk, cheeks burning red with emotion. “You don’t have to scold me like I’m a child, Miguel.”
“Trust me, I know I don't.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m not doing this right now, you can leave.”
Beat.
“It was one mistake! How does that constitute shunning me away?” Your body was hot, a magma bubbling into adrenaline. With a racing heart, you refused to back down. Everyday sitting in his office like a lap dog for all your friends and accomplices to watch, you couldn’t take it.
The man’s shoulders stiffen, his body toughening to a cold, ridged stance. Slowly, his gaze fell onto you. There they were, those piercing eyes.
That silent tension melted into something thicker and harder to hide from, fear. Fear that radiated off you in waves he could sense like a strike to the face.
“You don’t get to make those choices,” His voice spoke as a mutter, like he was hiding a seething tone from slipping out. “You don’t get to tell me how I choose to keep you safe.”
“You don’t get to talk about me like I’m not right here! I’ve always been on top of things- ever since I got here. Why do I slip up once and you get to treat me like I’m in idiot? Am I that humiliating for you?”
Beat. This one is too long, his eyes shift for just a moment, caught between thoughts. It’s a second of weakness that makes you apprehensive.
“I’m not letting you on any more missions.”
No-
“You’re sending me back.”
He shakes his head, dejected. “No, I’m not- just shit. Please don't make this harder than it has to be. For your sake.”
“Are you kidding me? You're asking me to never fight again!”
“Please-”
You take another step forward. “You’re asking me to throw away what I was built for! This is my meaning, why are you doing this to me?”
With the confidence he had left to muster up, Miguel stalked over to your frame. This was the closest you had been since he picked you up out of the alleyway you pathetically collapsed in, and the desperate feeling followed. To beg and kick like a child until he let you back in. It felt horrific and you wondered if he felt it too.
“I cant help it. Por favor, no te quiero lastimar. Please don't make me risk you again.” His hand moved up, close enough to your cheek that it makes your senses tingle, before its dropped down to his side again. “Please.”
“You’re hurting me.”
Beat.
With what feels like an instant, you’re being pulled into his chest. his broad arms caught you in his embrace, a hand coming to rest against your temple. Its simple, but it makes your heart ache. Never have either of you come this close. This is that desperate feeling bubbling up again.
You wonder if you should have pushed away; told him he's pathetic and walked away from this cryptic language you now share. But you cant anymore, not with his touch like this.
“I’m sorry.” The mumble of his words reverberated through your body like a purr.
A single drop of a hot liquid hits your forehead and manages to roll down onto his thumb. You scan up to his face. That stoic stare he managed to always hold stood strong, staring off into a void like there's something better to worry about. But his eyes watered and the trail of a tear glimmered on his pronounced cheek.
He guided your head back down to lay against him again and moved his gaze to the side, anywhere to avoid the way you look at him now.
In blissful ignorance, the man called god picks our lives in comparison to others; if nothing ese, we should live our lives in spite of the people who assume that their lives hold meaning over time.
‘But even Plato knew that class and conditioning and so forth have an inalterable effect on the individual. It seems to me that psychology is only another word for what the ancients called fate.’
'.... But though I can digress with the best of them, I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive.'
you won't walk alone is a platform that is created with the purpose of being in solidarity with the women who have been undergoing the pressure of wearing a headscarf in any part of their lives by means of acknowledging and sharing their stories of struggle.
aeon is a digital magazine with wonderful quality essays on a variety of subjects all for free. i have also subscribed to their newsletter.
on being is a radio show and podcast created by Krista Tippett where they discuss poetry, ideas and wisdom from different parts of the world.
brain pickings is a web archive made by Maria Popova - "it is a record of my own becoming as a person — intellectually, creatively, spiritually, poetically — drawn from my extended marginalia on the search for meaning across literature, science, art, philosophy, and the various other tentacles of human thought and feeling."
we present has articles about different art forms (architecture, illustration, film, street art, music, photography and more), but also about gaming, fashion, social topics and learning. the articles are interesting, qualitatively written and unique.
for getting better with writing in english: write and improve (gives you topics to write about and corrects your mistakes as well as tells you your level of english knowledge)
a few youtubers i highly recommend: Nathaniel Drew (his website, and i suggest subscribing to the newsletter!), Robin C. Waldun (who also has a website). some more :)) : clavero (a spanish filmmaker, been watching him since 2016, funnily enough i found him on misical.ly), cathy hay (for historical fashion, but she also has such wonderful wisdom aah she's so lovely), kraig adams (for some relaxing hiking videos but also for hiking ideas), exurb1a and exurb2a (unique look on the world and some lovely philosophy), let's talk religion (in depth, well-explained videos on various religions and specific aspects of those religions), pursuit of wonder (a heaven for people like me who live in constant existential crisis. but fr - i can't even count how many times those videos have changed my perspective), damon dominique (wonderful and unique content where you can learn but also be entertained. love the guy.), george thompson (for people who are interested in daoism), savannah brown (she is a writer, i have her poetry book sweetdark (highly recommend btw), but her video essays are masterpieces) aaand i think that's it for now :)
have fun on the internet! you're the bee's knees and i hope you have a wonderful day.
(also feel free to reblog with more resources you wish more people knew about)
emily bronte “wuthering heights” // jennifer’s body (2009) // “the shape of a girl” joan macleod // sylvia plath // hélène cixous “the laugh of the medusa” // carrie (1976) // simona bhagat @maimed-devotion “things i want to be addressed more often” // mary oliver “blueberries” // charles bukowski // the white reindeer (1952) // sandra cisneros
kianamaiart
turnnoffyourmind
annaxmalina
titsay
