~ sleep well with your bad decisions ~

Graye ⭐ she/her ⭐ A Critical Role sideblog where I can yell about these nerdy ass voice actors and the world they have created to my heart's content. I try to tag 'cr spoilers' until the following Tuesday. I follow back/reply as pan-galactic-gargle-blast. Banner art is by Anna Landin (annalandin.tumblr.com)!

[prokopetz]

More inadvisable ways to introduce a replacement for a dead Dungeons & Dragons character mid adventure: 

Hanging from a gallows, apparently dead, only to speak up and request help getting down at the party’s approach; when they ask how you survived, simply remark that you have a very strong neck  

Appearing in a flash of light in response to some seemingly innocuous action, tearfully thanking the party for “finally breaking the curse”  

The next ogre or other large humanoid the party encounters is wielding you as a club  

Wandering aimlessly from around the next bend, peering at an enormous fold-out map and loudly insisting you could have sworn this was the way to Waterdeep  

Falling screaming from the sky, and landing miraculously unharmed; if questioned, mutter something about bats and refuse to elaborate  

(replacement character is at least one size category smaller) It turns out that you were in the deceased character’s backpack the whole time

[dragonsorceress22]

As it turns out, your characters was actually two characters in a trench coat the entire time, and only the top one died.

[ravenclairee]

They are in desperate need of someone with the skills to replace their star performer, and as Ketterdam’s premier talent manager, I had an idea.

[spoonwizardd]

Dont care didnt ask plus the sleeves of your wizard robe are embarrassingly short

[laurasbailey]

CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN ONE MEME » [1/3] guests

My hair is white, and I have silver eyes, and a long staff with four dragons and a moonstone planet, as it were, in their midst. I walk out slowly and I look them all over, one by one.

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

life is very simple you see. the goal is to look at good things (your personal email which contains tracking info on your packages) and not look at bad things (your work email that contains evil messages)

[stemgaysupreme]

Do y’all know how much damage Yasha can do now? No? Oh, well let me tell you.

As a 14th level aasimar zealot barbarian with a strength of 18, wielding the holy avenger greatsword, she,

2d6 +4(str) +3(HA) for each hit

An additional 1d6+7 for divine fury on the first hit

An additional 2d10 if attacking a fiend or undead creature for each hit

An additional 14 damage if her wings are out on the first hit

An additional 3 damage for her rage bonus on each hit

So her first hit has a maximum potential damage of 3d6 + 2d10 + 31 damage which is a maximum 69 points of damage WITHOUT a critical hit, and the second has a maximum of 2d6 + 2d10 + 10 damage which is a maximum 42 damage

If she gets a critical hit, in addition to everything above, she adds,

2d6 for standard critical hit

1d6 for brutal critical

2d10 for critical with holy avenger

(depending on how Matt plays this, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t double divine fury but does double magical weapon damage dice)

That means she can do 6d6 + 4d10 + 31 damage which is a maximum of 107 damage if her first hit is a critical hit, and 5d6 + 4d10 + 10 damage which is a maximum of 80 damage if her second hit is a critical hit.

For those keeping track at home, that’s a total of 187 possible points of damage in a single turn. Add 80 more to that if she crits on a sentinel attack or attack of opportunity. AND she can do all of that and still have full movement and a bonus action.

267 points of damage. That’s more hit points than Caleb could ever dream of having. And she could do that while technically being dead.

[utilitycaster]

Matt read the part of the PHB that says “Drow adventurers are rare. Check with your Dungeon Master to see if you can play one,” and was like yeah he said I could

[lilsunshiny]

talks machina ep. 9 vs. critical role ep. 126

[otterlyart]

Cough once if you’re following us, twice if you’re not following, three times if know where we are.

[otterlyart]

Beau attempts to contact the screaming city and finds Lucien middle management instead.

[wlw-stanbot]

Ugh this is why Beau is the best - Lucien is an unrelenting murder monster very capable of destroying them but her utter disregard for the authority that would naturally come with being that powerful means she don’t give a fuck. She isn’t going to give him the satisfaction of being feared.

[mighty-meh]

New tarot card today, Jester as the high priestress

I had to crop a lot of my original piece to get it to fit in the frame so here is the full version

And if you want to search for the naughty jokes hidden in the details here is a link to the twitter post for the full hd experience

Twitter

[utilitycaster]

An underrated and delightful thing in the CR fandom right now is the small joke headcanons about Trent getting killed offscreen by honestly, literally anything. I’ve seen the Plank King. I’ve seen Yeza. I’ve seen the Gentleman. I’ve seen liver failure.  I’ve personally made jokes about Trinket and Vox Machina. I haven’t seen the trio of Wensforth, Bluud, and Carlos on a roaring rampage of revenge floated but I would like to submit it for consideration.

In-story, of course I want a dramatic showdown, but also if we cannot have Beau murder him with enough Sorcerery Cocaine to stun an Aeorian monstrosity, until we get his death in canon, why shouldn’t we visualize Marion Lavorre hitting operatic high C before screaming “I’ll kick your ass”?

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Beau, having a profound meditation moment, accidentally contacting Lucien: What are you guys doing, I guess.

[criticalsorcery]

we are here to spice up your life

[grayintogreen]

Finding out from Matt that if Molly had lived, Lucien was just gonna be a Team Rocket-style reoccurring villain in a different body, trying to get his actual body back from Molly is the actual funniest thing to me, because the whole concept of the Tombtakers being “those assholes” is hilarious when you consider that right now Lucien is a walking TPK and the Tombtakers are trying to bring about the actual end of the world and it’s the most terrifying thing ever.

One PC death and Matt took what legit could be a funny party rivalry to DEFCON 5.

[rageyasha]

absolutely obsessed with the fact that veth has killed caduceus in canon.

like cad could just sit down with luc one day and be like “you know, i too have died in a fiery explosion.” and luc would be like “awww cool! what happened???” and cad’d be like “your mother 😌”

[sparring-spirals]

all of these little one liner descriptions are great but describing beau with “armed with a stunning disrespect for authority and an all access library card” is both an OVERWHELMINGLY accurate sentence and a lovely burn