crow

i have a hyperfixation on making psychology diagrams and other stuff

[crowthatweeps]

dead ass do NOT interact with me if you're a fucking procontact anti recov paraphile, proship, transid, radqueer(and also if u think paraphilias are not inherently disorders), TERFS or WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE PROBLEMATIC STUFF BECAUSE I WILL BLOCK YOU

[infernalis-crypture]

Masterlist Link

Gender, Socialization, and Covert NPD

Narcissism is usually recognized only when it is loud, disruptive, or socially inconvenient. Because of that, narcissism that has been trained to be quiet often goes completely unnoticed. This is especially true for people socialized as female, where narcissistic traits are not eliminated, but rerouted into socially acceptable forms.

From early childhood, female socialization emphasizes agreeableness, emotional fluency, self-criticism, resilience, and low maintenance behavior. These traits are rewarded socially and often necessary for survival in environments where assertiveness or entitlement is punished. In that context, narcissism does not disappear; it adapts.

Agreeableness as a Survival Strategy

Growing up, being “nice,” compliant, emotionally intelligent, and resilient was rewarded. Being assertive, angry, or openly self-focused was not. When those traits did appear, they were often reframed as selfishness, arrogance, or moral failure, even when they were driven by a legitimate attempt to form an independent identity.

Research on gender socialization consistently shows that girls are punished more harshly than boys for dominance, entitlement, or anger, while boys are often allowed or even encouraged to express those same traits (Eagly & Wood, 2012). Over time, this creates a simple lesson: overt narcissism is dangerous; covert narcissism is safer. As a result, entitlement doesn’t vanish; it goes underground.

Grandiosity Turned Inward

In covert or vulnerable NPD, grandiosity rarely looks like visible confidence. Instead, it manifests as extreme internal standards: the relentless belief that one should be exceptional, even if that exceptionalism is never openly displayed.

Self-criticism coexists with grandiosity here, not because of humility, but because the internal ideal is impossibly high. Wanting to be the best child, the best worker, the most competent person in the room isn’t about pleasing others; it’s about maintaining internal superiority without violating social rules.

Clinically, this is well documented. Vulnerable narcissism is associated with shame, perfectionism, and hypersensitivity rather than overt dominance (Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010). In AFAB individuals, this presentation is often misread as anxiety or low self-esteem rather than narcissism, because grandiosity is assumed to require visible confidence.

Emotional Fluency as Camouflage

One of the biggest reasons covert NPD goes unnoticed in AFABs is emotional fluency. Being able to articulate emotions, understand others’ emotional states, and mediate conflict is often interpreted as evidence of empathy and psychological health.

This is a mistake.

Understanding emotions cognitively is not the same as experiencing emotional empathy. Many people with NPD; especially covert presentations, are extremely good at reading emotional cues, regulating others’ discomfort, and navigating social dynamics strategically. That skill is often learned early when a child is expected to manage the emotional environment around them without receiving the same care in return.

Clinicians frequently equate emotional articulation with emotional attunement, leading to statements like “you’re too self-aware to be narcissistic.” Research contradicts this assumption: insight and emotional intelligence do not preclude narcissism and may actually facilitate its more covert forms (Ronningstam, 2016).

Narcissistic Needs, Repackaged

Instead of seeking admiration openly, narcissistic needs in AFABs are often rerouted into “acceptable” roles: being the reliable one, the competent one, the emotionally mature one, the person who “handles things.”

The desire to be special doesn’t disappear; it just becomes prosocial-coded. Admiration is sought through competence, resilience, insight, or indispensability rather than overt dominance. Control is framed as responsibility. Entitlement is reframed as high standards.

This aligns with social role theory, which shows that when certain traits are socially disallowed, individuals express them indirectly through roles that are rewarded instead (Eagly, 1987).

Masking, Sneakiness, and Strategy

What often gets labeled as “sneaky” in covert narcissism is better understood as learned strategic self-presentation. When traits like entitlement, coldness, or self-focus are punished, people learn to hide them; not because they’re gone, but because revealing them has consequences.

Strict, critical, or unpredictable environments produce children who are highly attuned to perception and presentation. In some cases, this turns into sophisticated masking that extends into adulthood. The narcissism is not loud because it cannot afford to be.

This is learned behavior, not innate malice.

Diagnostic Blind Spots

Because of these adaptations, clinicians frequently miss narcissism in AFAB clients. Emotional articulation, shame, insight, and lack of overt attention-seeking are taken as evidence against NPD, even though they are core features of vulnerable narcissism.

Instead, AFAB individuals are far more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, BPD, or trauma-related disorders; diagnoses that may capture symptoms, but miss the underlying personality structure.

This gender bias in diagnosis is well documented across personality disorders, not just NPD (Hartung & Widiger, 1998). Narcissism is assumed to look male, dominant, and loud; anything else is filtered out.

Interpersonal Consequences

Because of this masking, people often expect endless emotional availability, moral gentleness, and accommodation. When that performance stops; when boundaries appear or emotional labor is withdrawn, the response is often swift and punitive. Coldness is noticed far more in AFAB individuals than in men with similar traits.

Resentment builds. Vindictiveness flares. Not because care was never given, but because it was taken for granted.

Internal Conflict and Identity

There is often a deep tension between who one actually is and who one was taught to be allowed to be. Dropping the mask can feel freeing in safe contexts and actively dangerous in others.

It’s not a coincidence that in families where narcissism is common, men are often overt and women covert; sometimes more emotionally dangerous precisely because their aggression is relational, subtle, and socially sanctioned.

The idea that “narcissism equals confidence” erases both covert presentations and the reality that NPD is rooted in fragile self-esteem, not genuine self-regard.

The Core Truth

Covert narcissism in AFABs is not less narcissistic.

It is better disguised.

It survives by being agreeable, insightful, emotionally fluent, and quietly superior. And because society only recognizes narcissism when it threatens comfort or hierarchy, this version often remains invisible; even to professionals, until the mask burns out.

[crowthatweeps]

helloo! i made a diagram showcasing the overlap and differences between npd and aspd(a small continuation of the npd and bpd venn diagram i made), please tell me if i got anything wrong or if some stuff needs revisioning :>>

[obliviarxyale]

the most ableist shit I've seen in a while 👍 thank

[obliviarxyale]

update: did talk to a psychiatrist about this, yeah, this is entirely bullshit and it reflects more about the person that made it than anyone they're supposedly observing.

[crowthatweeps]

hello! may i ask how so? it would be greatly appreciated if you explained why as well. i am always up for receiving constructive criticism on my work, and i didnt really intend for my venn diagram to be seen in such a way—nor was it intended to be ableist in the first place :[

[narcpocalypse]

Being a Narcissist means you've most likely faced people assuming the worst of you 24/7. Unintentionally or intentionally. I have done fucked up shit and it's okay to wonder about me repeating past cycles bc I'm not excempt HOWEVER. It's like EVERYTHING I do makes people question my morality now. It's like I'm expected to fuck up eventually. It feels so suffocating and like a ticking time bomb. It genuinely makes me believe it to be true. Like my destiny is failure :(

[montaguespades-deactivated20250]

That's not specific to narcissists in any way, that's basically every mental illness, disorder, addiction, or disability marked by instability rather than depression. You're not any more particularly tortured by your diagnosis than anyone with a history of "problematic" behavior, including people who suffer from CPTSD, Schizophrenia, Autism, etc.

It isn't a specific diagnosis that makes people think a mentally ill person is a ticking time bomb, it's the mere presence of a mental illness that doesn't keep you shackled to your bedsheets.

The stigma exists because narcissists behave that way prior to seeking any treatment, if they ever do, and they frequently seek therapy to validate their narcissism rather than treat it. The stigma should stop when the narcissist DOES seek treatment and ceases those behaviors, but people are unforgiving, and it's understandable that anyone be upset about it lingering once the symptoms have been treated. What matters is that you personally put the work in to stop hurting others on your own personal time without demanding recognition for it, and sometimes, you'll get blamed anyways; it happens to non-narcissists all the time.

[narcpocalypse]

I wasn't going to respond to this post initially but I feel like it's important that I do. I don't want to cause unnecessary drama but I would like to address this

You honestly proved my point here by saying what you said, specifically that this is a universal mental health experience. Though, I completely agree.

Let me explain.

I have PTSD, Autism and other disorders that are comorbid with NPD. I have such specific trauma from being Autistic that I feel like my whole life I've been seen as a weirdo or assumed to be shitty because of my awkwardness. This trauma caused me to develop an unhealthy defense mechanism of feeling the need to prove myself constantly. It completely broke my ego and the way I view myself is distorted. The highs and lows are nothing like BPD or CPTSD as in these moments I don't fear abandonment, but I fear myself. The fear can consume you to the point where you do act out and unintentionally hurt others because rose colored glasses make you believe it's right until you take them off. Having to battle that deep insecurity to make sure you don't hurt others not only drives you crazy, but drives everyone else crazy and it causes a loop until you take action to change.

You're probably thinking, "so many people experience that too". True. Completely true. Exactly. But why do you absolutely need to point that out? Why is it necessary to have a comparison? You're making the assumption that I am saying this is ONLY a narcissistic experience which that'd be whack as hell

This is where my point is proven. You're reading my post about experiences I've had as a mentally ill person, but assume in bad faith just because I mentioned my NPD. That is why I made the post in the first place. It's just a different way of experiencing a trauma we share

Other folks are treated very similarly like u mentioned, but if they were to mention their specific disorder within said experience you wouldn't say anything, right? Unless you'd have the same attitude towards someone else (which tbh I don't understand bc everyone has unique experiences w this so being open about what disorder it stems from is fine)

If I removed the word narcissist, what would it change?

The stigma doesn't come from our unwillingness to change. The stigma comes from people associating us with abusers that have an unwillingness to change. And then you call us out for victim blaming when we're just spreading awareness on outdated terminology, not invalidating your abuse

I want you to think about your own words for a second. Think about your hypocrisy.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder doesn't equal abuse in any way, that's basically every mental illness, disorder, disability, ot lack there of. Anyone can be abusive. Some asshole (not you) just decided one day to use our disorder to label an abusers self centeredness and everyone just ran with it like it didn't hurt anyone.

Also I wanted to point out "they frequently seek therapy to validate their narcissism rather than treat it" is such a WILD take like yes people do go to therapy to get a diagnosis? And the reason it gets untreated is bc there's literally no treatment for us. It's only stigma. I've been told I'm not a narcissist bc I'm not abusive so I couldn't even get treatment if I tried. I'm in recovery on my own because I don't want to hurt others. I wish I had resources to make the process easier. That perspective is just rooted in ignorance, blaming the disordered person instead of the system

Idk what "demanding recognition for it" means either like. Yeah I would like to be seen as a good person and validated for putting in effort damn 😭 I'm not gonna beg for forgiveness like a sopping wet pathetic yt Republican

Anyway I'm just trying to exist. You don't have to like or understand my disorder to just leave us alone. If you rlly stick to believing in narc abuse that's ur prerogative but don't go out of your way to make posts like this. You're just wasting ur energy on something you're ultimately gonna disagree with

[protected-and-loved-by-castiel]

A reader asked: Why are there so many Autistic people with narcissistic parents?

Before I get into this topic, here's a content warning. If it helps you feel safe to vilify and dehumanize people with narcissistic behaviors, then you may want to skip this post. I'm here to humanize people, including people with NPD! (And neurotypicals too but that's a topic for another day)

If a compassionate understanding of what causes narcissistic behaviors is likely to trigger you, you can stop reading here. Debate is not welcome on this page: you're of course welcome to disagree, in your own space.

So, why do so many Autistic people have narcissistic parents? Why do narcissistic traits seem more common in families that also have Autism, ADHD, & HSP neurotypes?

My response: Narcissism is a misguided defense mechanism against overwhelm. NPD is a form of C-PTSD. Narcissistic behaviors can often conceal other forms of neurodivergence.

Parents of Autistics are extremely likely to be Autistic or ADHD themselves because of genetics. I have SO MANY ND peers who have narcissistic parents who are undiagnosed Autistics.

Most people who learned to use narcissistic strategies to feel safe are themselves Autistic, ADHD, or some other form of sensitive neurotype. People who are not as neurally sensitive don't experience such severe reactions to lack of control.

A common core wound in this trauma pattern is experiencing emotional abandonment throughout childhood while having external needs abundantly met. Sensitive ND children who have everything they need EXCEPT emotional connection and co-regulation tend to develop either BPD or NPD depending on their socialization and predisposition.

To use a popular example, Trump grew up with unsupported ADHD and an abusive father, so he learned to use extreme control of others to feel safe. Narcissistic behaviors are subconsciously triggered fight responses that are typically aimed at controlling relational or sensory environments.

To be clear, saying it's a trauma response does not excuse harm! If we hurt someone in a fight response, we are still responsible. If our trauma responses are harming people, we must seek help to integrate the trauma response.

"Narcissists can't heal" is a myth that comes from the fact that the resources necessary for a narcissistic person to heal do not yet exist in most of the world. People with NPD CAN heal if they are supported enough to learn how to use other strategies for building safety in their nervous system. Most professionals refuse clients who have this diagnosis because they aren't trained well enough to be able to help without becoming targets for harmful behavior themselves.

The complex trauma explanation of NPD is one that I learned from ND people who have a NPD diagnosis, are aware of their patterns, and are trying to heal but face enormous challenges around accessing help. "Nothing about us without us" applies to people with NPD as much as any other form of neurodivergence.

Occasionally, people who have experienced relational abuse get really mad at me for saying that people with NPD are neurodivergent or that their lived experience perspective is valuable just like any other group within the neurodivergent umbrella.

I believe stigmatization of narcissistic behaviors actually perpetuates the social conditions necessary for narcissism to thrive. It has been really helpful for my own healing to separate the abuse I experienced from the innate neurodivergence of the people who hurt me.

An important clarification! Boundaries are essential. Having compassion for someone's pain does NOT mean I should stick around and allow myself to be harmed. We can understand that people hurt others because they have been hurt while also refusing to allow harm to continue. I am not suggesting that people need to accept or forgive their abusers. Also, if someone has hurt you, regardless of the reason, you are never responsible for helping them heal. Just because someone CAN heal under the right circumstances with the right support doesn't mean you need to be part of that journey. Your compassion and empathy is beautiful, but it needs to be directed towards protecting yourself, not towards excusing or condoning harm.

Boundary: Please do not post specific details about experiences of abuse. It is triggering to others reading along and I am not qualified to hold space for that.

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💫 My year-long mini course, 50 Vagus Exercises in a Year, is still open for enrollment! We started in February and the course runs through January 2026. We have 14 recorded sessions so far and 10 remaining classes in the series. This is a monthly vagus exercise class, a monthly Q&A, and my book-in-progress, The Nervous System Study Guide, distributed one chapter at a time as I write it.

Details here: https://traumageek.thinkific.com/courses/50-vagus-exercises-in-a-year

[hazy-daffodil]

On the past two days' heavy emphasis on empathy,

I am the last person who will ever defend Charlie Kirk. I am a young trans man with, well, a brain.

However, I find people are putting far too much emphasis on the concept of empathy, and this quote by him in particular:

While I understand peoples' assumption that empathy and good will are inherently intertwined, this is inherently an ableist rhetoric.

Many people, particularly neurodivergent people on the autism spectrum or with personality disorders such as NPD and ASPD, experience little to no empathy. This does not make them bad people, and this is not what made Charlie Kirk a bad person.

Empathy is a feeling. That is all. It is experiencing the feelings that others are having, and it is the ability to "put yourself in peoples' shoes." It is also a spectrum. Some have high empathy, some have average, some have little, some have none.

Empathy is NOT sympathy. Empathy is NOT compassion. Empathy is NOT the willingness to do good. It is merely a feeling.

You can often not tell when a person doesn't experience empathy, because they do enough good that you wouldn't think to put the "unempathetic" label on them. Many people do good because just they want people to like them, or they want to feel like a good person, or they have to force themselves to, and that is valid. That is okay. It doesn't change the fact that the good deed was done.

I can't quite find it (correct me if I'm wrong), but there's a Jewish proverb where a man goes to his Rabbi to tell him that he wishes to build an orphanage. However, later, he came back, and told him he was no longer going to do so, because he would be doing it in order to feed his ego. To that, the Rabbi told him, "The orphans don't care why you're housing them! They care that you're housing them!"

Just like this, empathetic people do horrible things all the time. Think of the ableism so-called "empaths" push upon people every day. Empathetic people murder, manipulate, abuse, etc. You don't have to be an "evil unempathetic monster" to hurt people. Empathy can help, but it is not the end-all-be-all of what makes you a good person or not.

So, Charlie Kirk spread horrific, disgusting rhetoric that actively threatened and continues to threaten the lives of LGBTQ+ people, BIPOC, Gazans, people capable of childbirth, etc.

That is what made him a bad person. Not his lack of empathy. He reaped what he sowed.

Please stop using ableist ideas of the empathy spectrum to exclude people from conversations of fascism and politics. Please stop acting like people are monsters for things they cannot help.

[plumpydoll]

Now that zionist occupation announced they are going to occupy all of Gaza, their genocidal intent is clear. This was always about ethnic cleansing. That's why they systematically destroyed Gaza and murdered so many civilians. If you still support Israel, you are openly in favor of genocide.

[plumpydoll]

We failed the people of Gaza. In every single way. And history will not forgive us.

Gaza broke me. Idgaf about anything any more. We let the worst thing in the world happen and I feel like we're all doomed now

[plumpydoll]

What comes after their homes were destroyed and they were forcibly displaced from their homes? Now they are suffering from famine, siege, killing, bombing and starvation. They no longer have money to buy the bare necessities of life. Save Zeina and her family before it is too late. They no longer have a home to return to and they have no one but us to help them and stand by them in these difficult times. Donate to them now through the link to their verified campaign from Gazavetters number 213.

[zinaanqar16]

Sadly, Only 4 people responded today, and we received €30. It’s not even enough for 3kg of flour and water for my family of 6.

We’re surviving day by day — but it’s getting harder. Please donate and share post even share can reach someone who can donate and help me and my family .

[crowthatweeps]

Hi! For the venn diagrams, could I request npd and autism?

HELL YEA!!! btw sorry for the late reply heres the venn diagram! i honestly had some trouble with making this because autism is a very complicated disorder, its a spectrum so not everything i added in the asd part of the venn diagram would be applicable to all pwASD :(

p.s if ur having trouble seeing the texts you can click on the image to zoom in!

also asd + npd when compared is actually very interesting! while in their "base form"(in quotes because "base form" is a very subjective and fluid term i just came up with as im writing this) they dont really have similarities except low empathy and rigidity in behavior(with different roots), they actually have a correlation with each other!

because pwASD have been shown to be more susceptible to abuse, so i wouldnt be surprised that the small percentage of people having both autism and npd comorbid is actually a big miscalculation. and that the truth is that alot of people with autism actually have npd traits, but they just dont know it due to the demonization surrounding npd :D

and if anyone requests, i will gladly show my sources on this venn diagram. please tell me if i got anything wrong btw!

[crowthatweeps]

helloo! i made a diagram showcasing the overlap and differences between npd and aspd(a small continuation of the npd and bpd venn diagram i made), please tell me if i got anything wrong or if some stuff needs revisioning :>>

[crowthatweeps]

made a venn diagram showcasing the differences and similarities of npd and bpd, please tell me if i got anything wrong :>

got my sources mostly from:

@clusterrune, @hauntedselves, @shitborderlinesdo, and the internet!!

[sweetashe]

I’ve found that even ppl with BPD demonize those with NPD, despite both being in the same cluster!

Either way love to yall <3

[crowthatweeps]

yes unfortunately that is the case, i actually made this venn diagram to showcase that they arent so different from each other in terms of the same emotional injury! the difference is simply how they manage and try to externally portray it. its honestly sad to me that even pwbpd demonize pwnpd, because both of them should stand side by side with solidarity instead

[crowthatweeps]

made a venn diagram showcasing the differences and similarities of npd and bpd, please tell me if i got anything wrong :>

got my sources mostly from:

@clusterrune, @hauntedselves, @shitborderlinesdo, and the internet!!