Design the Cryptic's Blog @crypticdesign031297 - Tumblr Blog

saw someone ask if hoid has an address. have we considered that it's deeply embarrassing to be immortal and older than some planets and to fully be homeless?

the-first-gem

This is why my business card has no way to find me on it.

crypticdesign031297

The whole place is his home

and-wayne

Maybe... we borrow it in the way I borrowed a buncha money off him when I came back from the dead. I gave him back different money! So I could just give back a different car.

the-first-gem

Hmm. Okay. That's easier.

Now, does the car have to be intact when it gets to Urithuru?

and-wayne

... guess not? Do you know how to fix it up from parts? I ain't a mechanic.

the-first-gem

*pauses*

I do, actually. That might be the easiest way to do it. Move it one part at a time.

Of course we'd need a replacement part to put in Wax's car so he won't notice.

crypticdesign031297

Mmmmmmmm

the-first-gem

Shhhh. Shhh. I'll figure it out in time. If we do it one part of the time I can figure it out.

crypticdesign031297

Mmmmmmm why not build a car in urithiru?

and-wayne

Maybe... we borrow it in the way I borrowed a buncha money off him when I came back from the dead. I gave him back different money! So I could just give back a different car.

the-first-gem

Hmm. Okay. That's easier.

Now, does the car have to be intact when it gets to Urithuru?

and-wayne

... guess not? Do you know how to fix it up from parts? I ain't a mechanic.

the-first-gem

*pauses*

I do, actually. That might be the easiest way to do it. Move it one part at a time.

Of course we'd need a replacement part to put in Wax's car so he won't notice.

crypticdesign031297

Mmmmmmmm

the-first-gem

Sucks to be you then *picks him up and puts him in the jar, then screws the lid on* have fun! :)

*thinks his way into shadesmar*

That was annoying. Now I have to get back.

crypticdesign031297

retroactivebakeries

the principal aim of lying is to accomplish your goal in as few lies as possible, and with the least amount of effort necessary to keep those lies going. It follows naturally that the world’s greatest liar speaks only the truth.

anremithrl

Naturally.

crypticdesign031297

‎

nooneinnportant

The more meteorologically inclined among you might be wondering about the planet’s weather patterns and water cycle.

If you’re one of those to whom these things are extremely important, you have my sympathies. It’s never too late to develop a personality. Maybe go to a party. But try to avoid topics like weather patterns and water cycles. Unless of course you can do it like me.

... This is why you have no friends, Hoid.

crypticdesign031297

This, and other things

lamaery

Therapy

Hoid knocks heavily on the forth wall by again and again demonstrating the validity of storytelling as a therapeutic method. These books accompanied me through some rough times.

crypticdesign031297

Shallan was right

Some parts of stories are boring

Some stories should be skipped all together

the-first-gem

*runs in circles around you* hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid! hello hoid!

Hello.

the-first-gem

How are you?

crypticdesign031297

They seem energetic!

cosmerelists

Interviewing My Wife About The Cosmere: Part 3

My wife has still not read any Cosmere books. She listens to me talk, and she sometimes reads this blog, and that is where all her knowledge derives from.

So anyway, here are her Top 10 Favorite and Least Favorite Characters and why! In no particular order because she said ordering them seemed hard.

[Previous Interviews With My Wife: Part 1, Part 2]

Who are your top 10 favorite characters?

1. Steris

"She's autism girl and she plans things and that's cool."

2. Adolin's sword girl [Maya]

"Because she's cute. And she screams. :)"

3. Tress

"Because she's adorable. She likes teacups and she explodes things. That's pretty much awesome."

4. Kaladin's rival lady [Leshwi]

"Is she a crab? I mean the rival crab lady. Because she's bad-ass."

5. Dalinar

"He's a smoofy, grumpy boy, even though he burned his wife--but that's okay! :)"

6. Navani

"Because she has a grumpy husband and a toxic yuri wife. And that's pretty epic."

7. Yumi

"Because she is fun and she can balance things. And we can stan a cool Asian boss lady." [author's note: my wife is Asian]

8. The girl who cannot aim [Ann]

"Because it's funny! But I do not know her name."

9. Vin

"Because she's really bad-ass. I know nothing about her except that she's bad-ass. And I think she kills everything? That's pretty cool. I like that in a woman." [author's note: I have never killed anyone. I promise]

10. Boob girl [Design]

"Because she's got big boobs. And she decided she wanted big boobs and so she gave herself big boobs. Nice. And she has a fun name." [author's note: my wife did not remember the name]

11. Bonus: Elhokar Susebron

"Elhokar! [Me: ...Elhokar?] "You know the guy who seemed evil and then was smoofy? Like, he seemed scary and then they got married and he was really cuddly?" [Me: You mean...Susebron?] "Um, yes? That's my favorite trope! When the big evil guy turns out to be smoofy!"

Who are your top 10 least favorite characters?

1. The guy is either a genius or stupid [Taravangian]

"Because he's a prick."

2. The douche who made Kaladin's team almost die because he was a prick? [Sadeas]

Me: That could be many people, actually. My wife: The one with the bridge crew! Me: Got it.

3. The god person who takes over you when you wear metal [I still don't know whether she means Ruin or Sazed]

My wife: Because that's cheating! And i don't like it. Me: Which one? My wife: There's more than one?!

4. Kaladin's dad [Lirin]

"Oh my god! Kaladin's dad!!!" [Me: That's gonna be controversial] "He's a jerk! He's one of those horrible helicopter parents who is like 'Oh you have to be a doctor even if you don't want to be!' Ooooh, I hate him. He's in my top 5 most hated."

5. Shallan's dad [Lin]

"isn't he bad? I don't remember what he did. He was really creepy and douchy, right? He deserved that death!"

6. Kelsier

My wife: Who is that guy who is sort of evil but not really evil? Me: Kelsier? My wife: He seems kinda meh. He's everywhere, right? Why is he everywhere?"

7. The Lord Ruler, I guess?

"You know that cowboy planet? The ones who moved the sun around and everything. That was stupid and bad planning."

8. Charlie's dad

"Was Tress's dad bad?" [Me: No!] "Who then? The boyfriend's dad?" [Me: Yes] "Him then! I hate bad dads!! Happy father's day."

9. Yumi's boyfriend

Me: You don't like Nikaro?? My wife: I think he's incel-coded. I mean, I think he got better, but still!

10. Hoid

My wife: I think he's kinda boring. Me: Going for controversary, huh? My wife: I liked him better as a coatrack.

crypticdesign031297

Can confirm the coatrack was better

waxillium-dawnshot

Hello.

I'm Waxillium Ladrian, senator in the Elendel senate, lord of House Ladrian.

... lawman, always.

Please forward all formal requests to my wife Steris, and all requests for assistance with crime to... the... local... constabulary. *takes a deep breath* Rusts. Fine. Tell me if you need help, and I'll take care of it. I'll be much more efficient than the constables.