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[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?) Warning for nsfw stuff

I am hypersex someimes, I’m not sure if trauma, mental illness or something else entirely, but I often feel odd abt calling it that bc most of the ‘sex’ I’ve had and still have is online: sexting, dirty talking, trading/sharing nudes, sometimes phone sex.

I guess my question would be if this falls into hypersexuality or not really? Would masturbation and watching porn? How do u measure when it’s hypersex and when it’s just “normal”?

Here is part of our post on hypersexuality that might help:

Hypersexuality is defined as a preoccupation with and impulsive acts around sex. To be considered hypersexuality, it must cause discomfort or dysfunction for the person experiencing it.

Hypersexuality is not the opposite of asexuality (a sexual orientation). Hypersexuality is not sexuality; you can have any sexual orientation and experience hypersexuality. Sex repulsion would be the correlating mental health experience. Though they are not at odds as you can experience them together and in patterns.

Hypersexuality comprises some or all of the following:

Intrusive sexual thoughts

Obsessive thoughts of sex/sexual experiences

Violent thoughts

Ruminating on sex

An intense need to act on sexual thoughts. Ex: compulsive masturbation and/or sex,

Patterns of unhealthy sexual behaviour: Ex: Unsafe sex, digital sexual relationships with unsafe people, compulsive usage of pornography

Other symptoms/behaviours are often connected to hypersexuality

People with hypersexuality often experience obsessions around sexuality that they do not want to act on. These obsessive thought patterns can cause fantasies. Sometimes its interruptive thoughts of general sex, but can include sexual violence or sex with people you would never want to act sexually with (abusers or family members). The person experiencing it gets stuck ruminating on this topic and can’t break out of it.

Another common part is intrusive thoughts. These are unwanted thoughts that break into the person’s mind in a way that feels unwanted and often overwhelming. This is not hearing voices, and it isn’t the same as a song stuck in your head or being distractible. These thoughts can include images of the things thought of. These thoughts are can be linked to obsessions and compulsive behaviour.

Compulsive and impulsive sexual behaviour is another common experience. These behaviours can range from masturbation, porn usage, or sex with a partner. There can be many dangerous and unhealthy behaviours that come out of compulsion. 

Masturbating to the point it interferes with normal life and/or is physically damaging the body

Unsafe partner sex, including not testing for STIs, not using protection, and sex acts that cause physical damage

Using porn that interferes with life or porn that can hurt others

Digital interactions that interfere with normal relationships or are psychologically damaging

Engaging in toxic or abusive relationships

(Symptoms Explainer: What is Hypersexuality?)

So digital sexual interactions, porn usage and masturbation can all be part of hypersexuality.

It's hypersexuality when the impulsive sexual acts, compulsions, intrusive thoughts or ruminations (any of them you don't need all) cause you upset by causing either internal mental distress, damaging your safety, interfering with your ability to function in your normal life (IE relationalships or school/jobs) or any combination of them.

So it's "normal" as long as you're safe, happy and functioning in a way that is advantageous for you. When it starts to damage any of that, then it's worth looking into if there is a way you can start to change and heal your relationship to sex. Which I'm positive you can, because you're already seeking out information, which is so brave!!

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[heartattackinblackdye]

this summer i recommend shower wipes or body wipes to people who struggle with hygiene due to disability, mental or physical. yes i know it produces unnecessary waste. yes there’s the argument of “if you buy the wipes then you’ll never shower,” but chances are most people who are struggling would Not Have Showered with or without access to wipes. i know it isnt a full shower but wiping yourself down can make a big difference in how you feel!!

along these lines you can think about buying mouthwash and getting any kind of friction at all on your teeth when it’s too hard to brush fully, dry shampoo if it’ll help keep your hair less oily when washing your hair is overwhelming, etc. you deserve easier ways to care for yourself and feel clean. also remember you are not a failure for struggling with hygiene even if society tells you otherwise!

[this-is-accessibility]

This is Accessibility!

I am someone who is Autistic and two of my main lifelong sensory overwhelms are showering and brushing my teeth. These types of things have helped me so much

[csa-survivor-confessions]

COCSA Within Families

Child-on-child sexual abuse within families must be understood, and we will do our best

COCSA Within Families

Many advocates say that this is one of the last forms of abuse that we hide; it must be talked about more to protect kids and allow both victims and perpetrators to receive help and keep families healthy. 

Child-on-child sexual abuse within families must be understood, and we will do our best to give a brief overview of the topic from the perspective of people who care for other people. We hope this information will help those who survived and those parenting the next generation.

Data:

A survey of a nationally representative sample of 8503 participants in Australia found that 1.6% of the population had been sexually abused by a sibling during childhood.  (Mathews et al., 2024) 

Sibling sexual abuse affects about 2-5% of children [USA] (New Hampshire, 2025)

Of intrafamilial abuse, sibling relationships accounted for 24% [England & Wales] (Adams & Crosby, 2022)

Sibling Sexual Abuse is 3x-5x more common than father-daughter incest [USA]. (TEDx Talks, 2022)

 Juveniles accounted for 36%-40% of the persons identified by police as having committed sex offences against minors (Carmona, 2024) & (TEDx Talks, 2022) 

Research indicates that while sibling sexual abuse has lower disclosure rates than other forms of child sexual abuse, it may be the most common form of intra-familial child sexual abuse [England & Wales] (Queensland Government, 2024)

74% of sibling perpetrators are male (Queensland Government, 2024)

73% of the siblings who were harmed were female, 26% were male, 1% were other/unknown [England and Wales] (Queensland Government, 2024) (Adams & Crosby, 2022)

 When females offend, they more often victimise very young males. (Carmona, 2024) 

The average age of offenders is 15 (IncestAWARE’s, 2021)

The average age of survivors is 6 (IncestAWARE’s, 2021)

Cousin abuse shows similar age and sex patterns as sibling abuse. (De Jong, 1989)

The average duration of Sibling Sexual Abuse is 6 years. (TEDx Talks, 2022)

Almost half of the families with intrafamilial child sexual abuse also experienced one or more co-occurring forms of nonsexual abuse – 48 % physical abuse, 37 % emotional abuse, 34 % neglect, and 42 % exposure to intimate partner violence (Martijn et al., 2025)

Curiosity VS Abuse

It’s important when looking at COCSA to understand what defines normal curious sexual behaviour between children. And the signs of what sexual abuse is. Knowing what to look for is important, as it can help a parent or other adult know what to do to move the children away from sexual behaviours with their family members.

Signs of Curiosity

Children are close in age

Lack of power imbalance

Only done one or two times

Giggling or other silly type of affect on both participants

Behaviour is easily stopped when asked 

Neither party is seeking sexual gratification

Signs of Abuse

(You don’t need all of these for it to be abuse)

Children can be far apart in age.

Power imbalance 

Seeking direct sexual gratification 

Behaviour continues after being told to stop.

Consent is overlooked 

Penetration

Oral sex

Coercion into actions/silence 

Noticing one having shown classic signs of CSA outside of the situation (fear of abuser, anxiety, eating/feeding issues, school issues, nightmares, insomnia, etc.)

Cycle of Abuse

“It is very important to note that most people who are sexually abused as children do not go on to become sexual abusers themselves; in fact, that number is very low. However, research does indicate that incest can be a pattern that repeats in a family system over many generations.

While those who are sexually abused may not go on to replicate that exact pattern, they may experience challenges to their mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and relational well-being. As a result, unhealthy cycles may arise in their lives, such as a failure to recognise risk-based behaviour of others with whom they interact or accepting the belief that those who love you have a right to harm you. This may make their own children more vulnerable to sexual abuse by those with whom they are partnered or to friends or extended family members who they include in their circle of trust.” (Staff, 2026)

With treatment, child offenders can learn and not offend in the future. They transfer their sexual ideas onto their siblings without considering the ramifications of using their siblings as objects. Their minds have not gotten a hold of understanding the entirety of what they are doing to the other person. With specialised sex offender treatment, they can have a 95% rate of not offending again. (IncestAWARE’s, 2021)

If You Learn There is Child Sexual Behaviour Within Your Family

In The Moment

There are ways you can work with children when you see them interact sexually with each other. 

When walking in on kids touching, break apart the behaviour and don’t immediately jump to scolding. Ask open-ended questions to figure out what was going on. If it’s curiosity, you can generally let them know it’s a behaviour that can be hurtful to them and their family member. If the family member knows they’re hurting the other, then they will likely stop it. It’s normal curiosity.  Abuse situations might require more continued actions. 

The Following is written mainly from the perspective of a parent/caregiver with additions for non-parents.

You Learn The Child is Abusing Another Child

Finding out your child might be/is sexually abusing another child sexually is terrifying, but acting from a place of fear will not move the situation forward in a healthy way. Feel upset for a minute, then take a breath, calm yourself as best you can and you have to face it head on, you have to help your own child get help to not harm others, and protect other children they are harming. 

If you’re not a parent, it’s best to still focus on protecting the other children involved in the situation as much as possible. Try to separate the children physically as much as possible. Report the behaviour of the abusive child to their direct caregiver. If their parent/caregiver won’t act, talking to other adults about it is important and if it is necessary, social services. 

Here’s what to do:

Talk to your child immediately: Explain clearly that the behaviour is not acceptable, and that it caused harm. Don’t shame them, but don’t excuse them either.

If you find out, don’t get angry and start a fight or get violent. Talk calmly and focus on getting the child(ren) who is getting hurt out of the situation. If the person who is doing the hurt reaches out to you, hold yourself together and be calm. 

Protect other children: Supervise all interactions, especially in unstructured settings like sleepovers, after school, or online. Make sure your child is never alone with children who may be vulnerable due to developmental state, disability, or other higher-risk conditions.

Make sure there is an adult involved in the child’s life who is a direct caregiver who can make sure there is safety for the children around the abusive one. 

Seek professional help: Many children who abuse others have experienced trauma themselves. A mental health professional who specialises in problematic sexual behaviour in youth can help assess your child and create a treatment plan.

See if there is a way you can suggest to people around that the child be taken to some kind of therapeutic service. 

Report the behaviour: Contact your local Child Protective Services or use RAINN’s State Law Database to find reporting agencies in your state.

Support the harmed child: If both children are in your care, prioritise the safety and emotional well-being of the survivor. Let them know it wasn’t their fault and get them connected to a therapist or support services.

Basically, the same, ensure the abused child knows that they are loved and they are safe. If they want, help the child reach out for help from their caregivers, police officers or any kind of protection services. 

Be transparent with authorities: Show you are taking action. Document the precautions you’ve put in place and the professionals you’ve contacted.

(Coursey, 2025)

Make sure you also have your own therapist as well; you need someone to talk one-on-one with about your own struggles. It will hurt, and you will wonder where you went wrong. But focusing on how to make sure you stop your child from falling into patterns of abuse is what matters. You can break these patterns for many children, and they won’t become adult offenders.

Your Learn The Child Has Been Sexually Abused

Be as calm as you can; your child has been hurt enormously, and your pain is not the one that matters right now. Seek out the support you need, but make sure you are listening and not focusing on your own internal world. It’s time to listen to your kid. 

Listening to the child in your family, even if it’s not your kid, is deeply important and happens in many different ways. When learning about the child, keep listening.

“Here’s how to support your child:

Believe them. If your child shares something concerning, take them seriously. Stay calm, listen without judgment, and reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you.

Use age-appropriate language. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about what happened?” Avoid leading questions or pressuring them to say more than they’re ready to.

Create safety. Limit or eliminate unsupervised contact with the child who caused harm. If necessary, notify trusted adults (teachers, coaches, caregivers) who can help ensure safety.

Seek professional support. A therapist trained in trauma and sexual abuse can help your child process what happened in a safe and supported way.”

(Coursey, 2025)

Sibling on Sibling

When you learn a sibling has been sexually abusing another sibling, you will be deeply emotional; that’s normal. It is also important not to react with shaming or punishment of either sibling. This can contribute to more distress for the harmed child. What is important is that the harmed child feels supported and protected. It is also crucial to ask the harmed child what they need to feel safe. Parents should check in over time to see if any new concerns or questions have surfaced.

Take a moment to feel your emotions. But there are steps you have to take quickly to ensure the best outcomes for everyone from terrible situations:

Reach Out to a medical professional: finding a mental health/family system support system is deeply important. Having someone trained who is not part of your family who can help you heal is deeply important. 

Remain calm: While challenging, parents should try their best to remain as calm as possible after disclosure. Children will read and mirror your emotional state, so maintaining composure can assist them in moving through the process with less panic and fear.

Discuss the issue with each child: Speak with each child separately to evaluate their perspectives on what occurred so you can take steps for safety planning. Be careful not to ask leading questions. Say things like, “Can you tell me more?” or “What did you think about that?” 

Maintain support for both children: Each child will need your support throughout the healing process. The victim should understand they did the right thing in disclosing the abuse, and the offender should know you believe they can overcome this obstacle.

Prevent the perpetrator from having access to their sibling: As you await instructions from professionals on how to proceed, keep the children apart or ensure they are never left alone.

Make and follow a safety plan: With the help of professionals, create a plan that all household members are committed to following, and that makes everyone feel safe. The plan should address issues such as bedroom and bathroom arrangements, shared activities, and supervision.

Be on the same page as other adults in the situation: Keep communication open to nurture your bond during this trying process and ensure you agree with steps toward family healing. Stay united in supporting both children and avoid taking sides or favouring one child.

(Carmona, 2024) (New Hampshire, 2025)

Recovery

Many of us who have experienced COCSA deal with many symptoms. The trauma affects the body in strong ways and can live in us as flashbacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, brain fog and even physical health issues. COCSA, like all forms of child sexual abuse, is harmful to our health, our ability to regulate, the way we interact with other people and understand who we are and how we relate to other people. 

When the abuse is incestuous, the survivors of that abuse also have their relationships with their family members affected and harmed.  Their core beliefs around love and relationships can become bent in a direction that is complicated to untangle. 

This hurt can be changed, and our brains can be healed, and all CSA survivors can learn to heal their relationships and have healthy lives. 

Core Beliefs

Suffering from COCSA within the family changes how we view ourselves. It can set us up with a fixed self-concept that is harmful and can be shifted, and will help make our lives better. 

Core beliefs are the most central ideas people hold about themselves, others, and the world. These beliefs influence how we see ourselves and what is going on around us. Core beliefs shaped by traumatic childhoods can be particularly hard to shift as they had to develop this way for us to survive.

I think working to shift core beliefs can be helpful to do early in recovery, as these beliefs cloud how we live our everyday lives. It can be tied into hypervigilance, causing issues with feeling safe even when you are away from the abusive environment. Other things that core beliefs can affect include platonic, familial and romantic relationships, self-worth/self-perception, motivation, ability to read social situations, views on control, and views on what healthy sex might look like.

Damaging Core Beliefs Could Include

Any mistakes you make should be punished

Anticipating rejection

Believing you need to control everything 

Everything and everyone is dangerous 

Expecting situations to always go wrong

Having responsibility for everyone else’s emotions, safety, etc

Helplessness in most situations, not thinking you have any control over your life. 

Needing yourself and/or others to be perfect

Other people are inherently bad and untrustworthy

Seeing abuse and harm as normal and/or inevitable 

That you are gross, broken, or rotten on a fundamental level

Taking on the blame whenever things go wrong

Positive Core Beliefs Could Include

Mistakes are seen as just that, and not always your fault

Most situations are not ones of active danger

Not feeling guilty for mistakes that aren’t yours

Not thinking that there are ways for you to be in complete control

Seeing yourself as generally okay. You don’t view yourself as perfect, but you also don’t feel worthless

That you can be a part of shaping your future

You can be flexible in situations, being able to shift the lens through which you look at things

Working With Core Beliefs

Using the journal and art ideas above could help you work out what your core beliefs are. Looking through your core beliefs, you can look at the ones you want to shift and which ones are still serving you. Working on creating a belief system that will improve your situation is great!

Writing out your negative core beliefs and coming up with a new way to phrase similar information. You don’t have to automatically believe complete refutations. So, say going from “I’m ruined” to “I went through some sh*t, and I feel ruined” is powerful. Just changing it from definite language to “feeling” language can be a big shift.

Slowly doing actions that are counter to your beliefs can also counter their power over you. These can be incredibly small actions, challenging a view of unsafety by sharing all your details with a new person is not going to go over well for anyone. But something like sleeping in five minutes if you have a view that you have to be perfect.

Inner Child Starter:

One way I’ve found helpful to deal with negative self-beliefs coming from CSA is by beginning a practice of working with your inner child. (This is not referring to child alters/parts in DID, but a concept of viewing the hurts and needs we carry since childhood)

Imagine a visual depiction (if something your mind does) of a child and speak to this child (either imagine or speak out loud) with love and kindness. Hugging yourself can be useful here as you get more accustomed to just the imaging stage. Giving yourself this embrace can help you move towards a felt sense of safety.

Listen to your younger self. Looking at what kinds of things cause the pain you experience as a child and noticing when these negative emotions come up can be a time to listen to and honour the messages and trauma you are being reminded of by your mind and body. Listening to your inner child and inner experiences makes a change.

Another important way is to give yourself time to play! Letting yourself get some enjoyment without judgment can help the parts of you that are still experiencing the world as a child, so they do not feel as trapped. This can help these core parts of ourselves be more open to shifting how we interact with the world. Play and freedom to be young will change us to some degree all by itself.

Breath Work  

Diaphragmatic Breathing

“Often called belly breathing, it is the foundation of most anxiety breathing exercises. This technique shifts your breathing from your chest to your diaphragm, the large muscle at the base of your lungs. When you breathe this way, your belly expands rather than your chest rising and falling.

How to Practice Diaphragmatic Breathing:

Find a comfortable position, either sitting upright or lying down

Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly

Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your belly to push your hand outward

Your chest should remain relatively still

Exhale slowly through pursed lips, feeling your belly fall inward

Continue for 5 to 10 minutes”

Box Breathing

“To begin box breathing, sit or stand with your back straight. Or, if you prefer, you can lie down with your arms by your side. Choose whatever position feels most relaxing. Take a moment to relax your shoulders, release any tension in your jaw and let your body settle. Then follow the steps below.

Breathe in slowly to a count of 4. If you want to, place your hands on your belly and feel it expand like a balloon.

After breathing in, hold your breath for another count of 4.

Breathe out slowly and steadily through your mouth, again counting to 4 in your mind.

After breathing out, hold your breath again for another count of 4.

Go back to step 1 and repeat the process for as long as you want to.”

4-7-8 Breathing 

“To begin 4-7-8 breathing, sit comfortably with a straight back. Or, if you’re using this exercise to help you fall asleep, lie down instead. Throughout the session, your tongue should be resting gently against the roof of your mouth, just behind your top front teeth. When you’re ready, follow the steps below.

Breathe in silently through your nose for a count of 4.

After breathing in, hold your breath for a count of 7.

Breathe out forcefully through your mouth for a count of 8, making a ‘whoosh’ sound as you let the air out. This may be easier if you purse your lips.

Go back to step 1 and repeat the process up to 3 more times, for a total of 4 rounds.

If you’re a beginner, you might feel a bit lightheaded at first. This is normal. At first, you should only practice 4 rounds at a time. As you get used to the exercise, you can do it up to 8 times.”

(British Heart Foundation, 2024) (Neuropsychiatry TX, 2026)

Meditation for Trauma:

“Take a breath. Allow yourself to breathe as deeply as is comfortable for you. Breathing deeply can bring us to a state of equilibrium—to a place of support, and maybe even a little peace.

Observe. With this greater sense of ease that you’re cultivating, you can continue to observe what is arising for you in this moment. Between stimulus and response, there is space.

Imagine. Now, let’s imagine together. First, imagine a door and an invitation to open the door. Imagine walking through and inside the space feels quiet and peaceful. Pause there. Now, bring to mind a memory that brings feelings of joy, and peace, and even a little excitement. Feel the energy of this moment. Pause there. Next, bring to mind a moment when you felt awe. Maybe a beautiful scenic view at the end of a long hike. Imagine the work it took to get you there. And now feel the satisfaction of arriving at this spot. Feel the joy. Pause there. Finally, imagine a kind, loving figure, maybe a grandmother figure. Feel them sharing their warmth and love with you. Reminding you that you are loved. Rest in that peace and love for a moment. Know that this kind, loving space is available to you at any time.

Proceed. When you’re ready, bring your attention back to your breath, wiggle your fingers and toes. Know that you can carry this feeling of spaciousness, joy, trust, and ease into your day with you.”

(Taylor, 2022)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This exercise can take a while and will need to be done a few times for it to be effective. It can be uncomfortable to start with if you have a lot of trauma associated with certain body parts. You can skip it if extremely triggering, but it’s also amazingly healing to release the stress you’re carrying.

Start by finding a safe place to relax. Lying down or sitting in a comfortable chair. Take five deep, slow breaths.

The first step is applying muscle tension to a specific part of the body. This step is essentially the same regardless of which muscle group you are targeting.

Squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds. As you tense the muscle group, breathe in and

Release the tension by breathing it out.

 Repeat these steps with every muscle group in your body, focusing on the feelings of tension.

The full version is hard if you are in a crisis, but modified versions of tightening muscles and deep breathing can be done and have similar effects.

Expressive Arts

Expressing feelings outside of yourself can help promote regulation and allow you to process what’s going through. You don’t have to force yourself to depict or remember any deeply detailed memories or put together the whole narrative. Trying to force your mind to pull up a completely detailed memory can do more harm than good. So express whatever you’re feeling right now, just as much as you’re dealing with the big memories of the big T trauma events. 

When we are forced to deal with our childhoods being hurt so deeply, connecting with our emotions again can be hard, but it is very important. We can also go the other way and be overwhelmed by feelings. Either way, using art or writing to process emotions and get them outside of the deep parts inside of you can be very helpful. 

Any art form you like can help let the pain of emotions move through and thoughts from just being in your mind to being outside of you.

Journaling is a really good way to process trauma. This is a great guide to get started (I do not endorse the site overall, nor am I endorsing to download/buy anything)  Journaling for Healing: A Survivor’s Guide to Getting Started — The 1st 28 Foundation 

Examples of art forms you could try:

Animation

AMVs

Colouring

Creating a dance routine

Cross stitching

Digital drawing

Digital painting

Embroidery

Felt projects

Knitting or crocheting

Making Mandalas

Making models and figurines

Making jewellery 

Painting of any kind

Paper Crafts

Sculpting with clay

Sewing in general

Sketching 

Wire sculpting

Writing music for any instrument

Writing lyrical songs

Writing poetry

Writing prose stories

 Zentangles

You don’t have to do anything perfect, just try your best to do something that helps you feel better!

Physical Work

Body Work

Massage can be a huge help for some people who have trauma energy in the body. Some who have experienced sexual trauma find it triggering; it depends on the person. But it could be worth looking into it.

Another physical activity that could be very helpful is trauma-informed yoga. This can be deeply healing for many people in getting into positions that release a lot of trauma, but are led by someone who understands. If you can not find someone who is trauma-informed, doing regular Yoga can still be deeply helpful, including YouTube videos at home. 

Martial Arts and Self Defence 

They can be helpful for people who often feel stuck or like they are in a freeze or fawn response. Having the ability to feel strong and able to protect yourself is deeply healing. 

Other Exercise

Finding another exercise you like can be helpful, whatever is possible for you. Running, weight lifting, callisthenics, anything!

If you have a chronic illness, anorexia, otherexia, or any other condition that affects your ability to exercise strenuously, please don’t! But having energy moving through your body is deeply important. And exercise can be a good way for lots of people. But there are multiple other practices in the meditation and breathing practices mentioned above that are great at that.

Therapy Modalities

Some examples of therapies that are suggested to work for people with sexual trauma & C-PTSD.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Helps reprocess traumatic memories so they feel less emotionally charged

For those who struggle with flashbacks, nightmares, and/or severe anxiety

Can reduce the impact of trauma on daily functioning

Helpful when trauma is stored in the body and dissociated memories 

Internal Family Systems

A style of therapy that acknowledges the parts of ourselves

Uses parts work to understand our mind & body as a family

Good at helping understand a structure for behaviour

Good for CPTSD

Resolve shame

Reduce self-criticism

Become more compassionate for the wounded parts of yourself

Find inner peace

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy & Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a form of talk therapy that focuses on your body’s response to trauma. 

Focusing on posture, physical sensations, and stress, you’ll use gentle movement and mindfulness exercises to release stored trauma and strengthen your mind-body connection.

An effective approach if you struggle with emotional overload or feel like you freeze when trying to deal with your trauma

Release trauma trapped in the body.

Enhance your ability to regulate your emotions.

Calm your nervous system.

Narrative Therapy

Teaches you how to retell, reshape, and reclaim your own story.

Using different methods of looking at your story to understand it by building it up, labelling parts of it, externalising it, deconstructing and looking for new outcomes. 

Understand and find catharsis.

Experience an emotional release that’s crucial to your healing.

Increase your sense of agency.

Helps people feel empowered

Build stronger self-awareness

Develops resilience

( Headspace Editorial Team, 2025) (Clarke, 2024)

Prevention

Boundaries and knowledge are the weapons in children’s arsenal against child abuse in general, but also for abuse within the family. If all children within the family system are armed with the knowledge of their bodies and body safety, as well as knowing their healthy boundaries, CSA & COCSA within families will be less common. 

Healthy Body Relationships

0-2 Years

Help them learn consent, like knowing it’s okay to say no to being touched.

Help them set boundaries for when they can do things like touch their bodies or be naked. 

Teach about body parts, their proper names and basic functions. This includes words like penis and vulva.

Model appropriate behaviour with your own body.

Don’t expose yourself to your child.

Ask to touch (i.e., hugging) your partner, siblings and loved ones

Talk positively about your own body.

As they get older, explain what you are doing when maintaining the child’s hygiene.

2-5 Years

As they ask, teach them the honest basics of where babies come from without describing anything unnecessarily sexual.

Remind them that making babies is something adults do

Continue to model proper behaviours with your own body and with others.

Explain what you are doing when maintaining hygiene and let them do that they are capable of themselves.

Foster openness around talking about the body so they know they can always talk about their bodies with you

Help them continue to learn autonomy and boundaries. They get to say who gets to touch them, including “normal” things like hugging.

Help them learn that others have the same boundaries and privacy.

Help them notice the way emotions are carried in the body.

Let them know conversations about bodies are for at home and with medical professionals.

Let them know that they can touch their genitals but it must be in private and not around others. Set ground rules without shame

Make sure they know you support their gender expression.

Teach them that bodies are diverse and that is okay.

Talk about relationship diversity around different sexualities.

5-8 years

Be honest and informative when they ask about sex. You also should explain words they may have heard at school or on TV and give the scientific language without giving graphic sexual acts.

This includes how babies are made, without describing what you physically do in non-graphic ways.

Ensure they know that sex is an adult activity and that they shouldn’t try to do it with others.

Explain the changes of puberty as they get closer (puberty may start as early as 10)

If they have internet access, even with your parental controls, let them know if they find any images of naked bodies, that’s something some adults will do, but that it will hurt kids (no matter your personal stance on porn, being frank but cautionary is essential)

Let them know that they may feel good if they touch themselves and that’s okay but it should be done in private and not shown to others.

Let them know crushes are normal but relationships are for older people.

Reinforce body diversity and self-compassion around the body.

Reinforce bodily autonomy and refusal of anything they don’t like, Ex: saying “Stop, I don’t like that”

Reinforce how to take care of their body and self-care

Reinforce that they get to decide who gets to interact with their body.

Support your child’s gender expression.

Teach basic knowledge of the internal reproductive organs – uterus, ovary, fallopian tubes, urethra, bladder, bowel.

Teach them what words to use when talking about body parts (both female and male) – penis, testicles, scrotum, anus, vulva, labia, vagina, clitoris, uterus and ovaries.

Talk about relationship diversity around different sexualities.

People may date and marry anyone of any gender and race.

That people have different genders and sexualities

That it’s okay to have a crush on all genders

Talk about what love and dating are as they will be seeing it in movies, TV, and in general life.

9-12 years

Continue discussing and reinforcing bodily autonomy and boundaries. As people start to think about dating this is crucial.

Continue modelling proper behaviour in your own relationships.

Explain physical changes expected with puberty for both sexes so they understand their siblings and peers.

People who will menstruate need to know how to prepare for their first period and explain the options for pads, tampons, and cups. Discuss the hygiene required so they will be ready to have things like pads or menstrual cups, and can avoid things that harm their bodies.

People with penises and testicles need to know about ejaculation and wet dreams, that their normal and the required hygiene around it.

That fertility happens once people start having periods or start producing semen. IE. both dyadic sexes are able to have babies after they have reached puberty.

Explain the social-emotional changes of puberty.

Once puberty starts, they will slowly start to feel more sexual and develop romantic feelings towards their peers.

How to be cyber smart and to use their mobile phone safely.

Sexuality is exaggerated in pornography.

More details about sexual intercourse and other sexual behaviours.

More information about how sexual intercourse occurs, as questions arise

Basic information about STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) as they may hear about them – sometimes you can catch infections when you have sexual intercourse but there are ways to make sex safer.

Basic information about how to avoid pregnancy

Middle School and Above

Centre yourself as a resource and support network instead of an instructor

Continue modelling healthy relational behaviours

Give more information about healthy sex, should they need it

Let them dress how they want but watch for hypersexualisation and try and talk about it should it arise

Make sure they know that while you will be okay if they do have sex and they do not have to in order to be “normal”

Reinforce bodily autonomy by giving them space and reminding them that should they struggle, you’re there for them

Support their gender and sexual orientation

(Admins, 2020)

Talk to your children about pornography and what’s shown. Pornography can influence children, as the average age of exposure is 10, and it damages children’s sexual development. (IncestAWARE’s, 2021)

Healthy Sibling Relationships

“Define Clear Rules: 

Clearly outline acceptable and unacceptable behaviors within the family. Make sure the rules regarding physical and emotional interactions between siblings are specific and understood by everyone. For example, make it clear that hitting, name-calling, and bullying are not tolerated.

Communicate Expectations: 

Have open and honest discussions with your children about what you expect in terms of their interactions with each other. Explain why these boundaries are important and how they contribute to a safe and respectful family environment.

Model Positive Behavior: 

Demonstrate respectful and non-violent communication and conflict resolution in your own interactions. Children often mimic the behavior they see, so modeling positive behavior reinforces the importance of treating others with respect.

Encourage Empathy: 

Teach children to understand and respect each other’s feelings. Encourage them to consider how their actions affect their siblings and to practice empathy in their daily interactions.

Create Safe Spaces: 

Provide each child with a personal space where they can retreat when feeling overwhelmed or upset. This helps prevent conflicts from escalating and allows each sibling to have a place where they feel safe.

Implement Consistent Consequences: 

Establish and enforce consistent consequences for violating boundaries. This helps children understand the seriousness of their actions and the importance of adhering to the rules. Make sure the consequences are fair and related to the behavior. (Do not use physical or verbal violence against your children ever)

Foster Open Communication: 

Encourage regular family meetings or conversations where each member can express their feelings and concerns. Creating a safe space for open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and provides an opportunity to address any issues before they escalate.

Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: 

Teaching conflict resolution skills is essential because children often lack the tools to navigate disputes on their own.  It is developmentally appropriate for children to initially lack conflict resolution skills. Young children are still learning how to express their emotions, understand others’ perspectives, and navigate social interactions. Conflict resolution is a complex skill that develops over time, with guidance from parents, teachers, and caregivers. As children grow, they gradually learn how to manage disagreements, communicate effectively, and compromise, but this requires consistent support, modeling, and practice. Expecting children to handle conflicts independently without having these skills fully developed is unrealistic and can lead to frustration for both the child and those around them. Without guidance, they may resort to ineffective or harmful behaviors, like aggression or withdrawal, to handle conflicts. Provide children with tools and strategies for resolving conflicts without resorting to aggression. Role-playing different scenarios and practicing how to handle disagreements can help them manage conflicts more effectively. By actively teaching and modeling conflict resolution, parents and caregivers equip children with the ability to manage disagreements constructively, fostering healthier relationships and emotional development. Leaving children to figure it out on their own can lead to unresolved issues and strained relationships, highlighting the importance of proactive education in this area.

Monitor Interactions: 

Keep an eye on how your children interact with each other, especially in situations where conflicts are more likely to arise. Intervening early when you notice potential issues can prevent them from escalating into abusive behavior.

Promote Positive Sibling Relationships: 

Promoting positive sibling relationships involves encouraging open communication, fostering cooperation, and modeling empathy and respect. Parents can create opportunities for siblings to spend quality time together, engage in shared activities, and resolve conflicts peacefully. It’s important to celebrate each child’s individuality while also emphasizing the value of teamwork and mutual support. By setting a positive example and reinforcing the importance of kindness and understanding, parents can help their children build strong, lasting bonds that enrich their relationship throughout their lives.

Set Up Structured Routines: 

Establish routines that include structured activities and time for siblings to interact positively. Structured environments can reduce the likelihood of conflicts and provide opportunities for siblings to bond in healthy ways.

Encourage Positive Reinforcement: 

Acknowledge and reward positive interactions between siblings. Recognizing and reinforcing respectful behavior can motivate children to continue practicing positive interactions.

Educate on Personal Boundaries: 

Teach children about the concept of personal boundaries and the importance of respecting others’ physical and emotional space. Use age-appropriate resources to help them understand and practice healthy boundaries. Foster open discussions about healthy relationships and boundaries within families, schools, and communities.

Encourage Responsibility: 

Help children understand their role in maintaining a positive and respectful environment. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and to contribute to a harmonious family atmosphere. 

Provide Support: 

Offer support to both the victim and the perpetrator of sibling abuse. Ensure the victim feels safe and supported, and work with the child who engaged in abusive behavior to help them understand and change their actions.” (Alvarez, 2025)

Conclusion

COCSA between family members is a deeply harmful painful situation to go through. It’s so prevalent , and not talked about nearly enough. It has both the COCSA & Incest factors that make it harder to report. However we are getting somewhere with more people talking about and we hope this can make people feel more seen. Survivors can live full lives afterwards, it can take work but there is a life afterwards. And parents and caregivers can create situations where abuse is less likely to happen. Healing and prevention are worth doing!

Please take care and know you can move forward and most importantly you are believed, heard, seen and loved.

References

Adams, A., & Crosby, E. (2022). Establishing the prevalence of sibling sexual abuse as reported to and recorded by police forces across England and Wales. RCEW National Sibling Sexual Abuse Project. https://www.sarsas.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/SARSAS-SSAP-FOI-Report_9957_1.10.pdf

Admins. (2020, August 17). Informational Article: Children’s Normal Sexual & Relational Development. Survivors Healing Survivors. https://csasurvivors.home.blog/2020/08/17/informational-article-childrens-normal-sexual-relational-development/

Alvarez, S. (2025, January 26). Unseen Wounds: Understanding and Addressing Sibling Abuse. Authentic Living Therapy. https://www.authenticlivingtherapy.co/unseen-wounds-understanding-and-addressing-sibling-abuse

British Heart Foundation. (2024, December 18). Breathing exercises. British Heart Foundation. https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/breathing-exercises#3exercises

Carmona, H. (2024, March 26). Sibling Sexual Abuse: 8 Facts Parents Should Know (K. Fuller, Ed.). Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/sibling-sexual-abuse/

Clarke, J. (2024, December 4). How Narrative Therapy Works. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/narrative-therapy-4172956

Coursey, M. (2025a, June 17). Healing After Child Sexual Abuse – RAINN. Rainn. https://rainn.org/for-survivors-of-child-sexual-abuse/healing-after-child-sexual-abuse/

Coursey, M. (2025b, June 24). Get the Facts About COCSA: Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse – RAINN. Rainn; RAINN. https://rainn.org/get-the-facts-about-cocsa-child-on-child-sexual-abuse/

De Jong, A. R. (1989). Sexual interactions among siblings and cousins: Experimentation or exploitation? Child Abuse & Neglect, 13(2), 271–279. https://doi.org/10.1016/0145-2134(89)90014-8

Headspace Editorial Team. (2025). Six Different Types of Therapy for Trauma | Headspace [Review of Six Different Types of Therapy for Trauma | Headspace]. Headspace. https://www.headspace.com/articles/types-of-therapy-for-trauma

IncestAWARE’s. (2021, August 26). IncestAWARE’s OutSPOKEN Series: My Discussion with Suzanne Isaza and Brad Watts. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKddeZ5FCE&list=PLCkYERmUg_SswrF5f1w7RfbwcEMQZz5EO&index=12

Martijn, F. M., Blagden, N., Baguley, T., Leroux, E. J., Mackay, J., & Seto, M. C. (2025). What about the family in intrafamilial child sexual abuse? There is significantly more familial dysfunction in families with intrafamilial child sexual abuse than in other families. Clinical Psychology Review, 123, 102690. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2025.102690

Mathews, B., Finkelhor, D., Pacella, R., Scott, J. G., Higgins, D. J., Meinck, F., Erskine, H. E., Thomas, H. J., Lawrence, D., Malacova, E., Haslam, D. M., & Collin-Vézina, D. (2024). Child sexual abuse by different classes and types of perpetrator: Prevalence and trends from an Australian national survey. Child Abuse & Neglect, 147, 106562. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106562

Neuropsychiatry TX. (2026, February 7). 6 Breathing Techniques for Anxiety (That Actually Work). NTX Care. https://ntxcare.com/6-breathing-techniques-for-anxiety-that-actually-work/

New Hampshire. (2025, October 29). Sibling Sexual Abuse. Sibling Aggression and Abuse Research and Advocacy Initiative. https://www.unh.edu/saara/our-work/sibling-sexual-abuse

Queensland Government. (2024, August 26). When a child is sexually abused by another child or a sibling | Child Safety Practice Manual. Cspm.Csyw.Qld.Gov.Au. https://cspm.csyw.qld.gov.au/practice-kits/child-sexual-abuse/working-with-children-who-display-sexually-reactiv/seeing-and-understanding/when-a-child-is-sexually-abused-by-another-child-o

Singh, S. (2024). Understanding Social Development in Children: A Comprehensive Analysis. International Journal of Creative Reaserch Though, 12(7).

Staff. (2026). Intrafamilial sexual abuse or Incest. Wings Foundation. https://www.wingsfound.org/resource/intrafamilial-abuse/

Taylor, J. (2022, March 10). A Trauma-Informed Meditation to Uncover the Potential for Healing. Mindful. https://www.mindful.org/a-trauma-informed-meditation-to-uncover-the-potential-for-healing/

TEDx Talks. (2022, April 22). Giving Voice to Sibling Sexual Abuse | Jane Epstein | TEDxBocaRaton. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X5TvYrHxTA&list=PLCkYERmUg_SswrF5f1w7RfbwcEMQZz5EO

[csa-survivor-confessions]

I feel awful. I just got told that I allowed my SA to happen because I'm an adult and the one who SA'ed me is both a minor in highschool and a family member. I'm supposed to be held responsible for someone's else's behavour just because they're younger than me. I didn't ask to get assaulted. I didn't ask for any of it!! Why are they off the hook because they're a minor?? Why is everything they've ever done get a pass because of their age while I get blamed for it??

It also doesn't help that I was also a minor when it first started happening, but it's now invalid just because I'm older?? People say the most awful and disgusting things and still think they're in the right

.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

my moms parents molested me and i didn't remember it until several months ago. my grandpa died 4ish years ago and my grandma is still alive. i live about 4 hours away from my parents and rest of my family now but i used to keep frequent contact with my grandma because we had a good relationship and i wanted to keep her from being lonely. i havent talked to her at all since i started remembering and recently shes been trying to contact me more and more. it makes me feel so scared to think about talking to her or being around her physically but i also feel guilty for cutting her off without a word :( why did her and my grandpa do those things to me?? why did they do it to my mom?? i want to puke out my organs thinking about it

.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

I have been repeatedly sexually assaulted by various adults in my life from infancy to roughly the age of six and went through child on child sexual abuse from another kid from age 6 to 9. Following this I developed hypersexuality that d did my best to hide until the day when I initiated a make out session with my best friend (we were both 10). He was my first real crush it was mutual. It was a one off event and we slowly drifted apart because of our respective hard life circumstances and the shame and disgust I felt towards myself because of that event. Since I realized years later that this behavior was developmentally inappropriate I fear everyday of my life that I traumatized my best friend in the same way my abusers did . I cannot contact him to see if he is fine or even still alive. I hope he is doing well and thriving since then. I want to kill myself everyday.

"I'm the anon from last ask. I am not in active suicidal ideation anymore. Sorry for burdening you with this. I just needed to tell all of this to someone. Have a nice day, sorry again."

Thanks for letting us know, no need to apologise

[csa-survivor-confessions]

? kinda

my partner is a CSA and SA survivor. lately the topic resurfaced as his porn and compulsive masturbation addiction, that he has been struggling with since he was a kid, got worse (he has been in recovery for years). his addiction is a direct result of the abuse he experienced.

on account of that and him having very hard time with PTSD and CPTSD (among others), we stopped having sex over a year ago. even when he had a moment when we both wanted to, usually something triggered him and pushed him into intensive flashbacks and dissociation for days.

we decided it is better to stop and give him a space of safe intimacy (kissing, hugging) with a clear boundary of no sexual follow-up. the last thing i want is him doing something he is not fully ready for or to be retraumatised by our attempts at intimacy. however, this also means sex kind of stopped being a topic we talk about.

i'm a SA survivor myself. i was in therapy and had emdr sessions addressing the event, it reduced my related PTSD symptoms. somehow though, the topic of sex is still *extremely* hard for me and it has been even worse lately since i am out of practice in talking about it.

i want to be supportive for my partner regarding his recovery (and he explicitly asked for that) and it includes de-tabooing the topic, talking, checking in with each other etc.

we have already been (successfully) through the process with his SUD. his addiction was terrifying to me until i educated myself and confronted the truth about my own unhealthy relationship with substances. i can't say i developed SUD, but i was v close to it at different stages of my life, all that time in the grey area.

that was a final hint for me that something is very wrong with my relationship with sex. i started digging around that topic, looking through my reactions and my memories, asking myself that question: why does the topic of his trauma and compulsive behaviors affect me so much? i realised it *triggers* me. but why? i used to think i am all done with working through my problems with sex, intimacy and the SA i experienced. i had to reevaluate and admit that i remember a lot more of events in my life that were at least bordering SA than the single one i admitted to initially.

the topic that triggers me the most is CSA. so far basically any mention of it from anyone and my mind was going completely blank and terrified. i have some childhood/adolescence memories that are disturbing... i want to say "grey zone" again because i can't put clear labels on them. i have never talked with anyone about them.

one of the things i am wondering about is if this could be just vicarious trauma if me and my partner barely spoke about his CSA trauma at all. i tried to educate myself + expose and observe on tumblr, reading from CSA survivors and some shares were just... they just were so relatable. after reading one of them i went into heavy dissociation and emotional flashbacks for idk how long.

to be honest i don't know what to do next. since i admitted to myself that generally the topic of sex is for me so entangled with memories of abuse i can't find peace.

it is not a question, but i really would appreciate any input/comments.

Hello,

It does sound like the topic is a trigger and that descriptive discussions of sex in general are upsetting, which makes sense if you have experienced SA. Even if you've worked to process much of it in EMDR, it's possible there is still emotional content left over. It's also possible that those "grey area" sexual experiences are starting to become stronger, affecting you due to the way you dug into the stories of people who experienced CSA. Events that feel like they shouldn't have been traumatic can definitely be deeply affecting. So those grey experiences, or the other SA could be causing an even worse sex aversion than you experienced before.

Going through so much CSA content online could also have triggered you to experience more symptoms because consistently viewing trauma information and stories can be very triggering for someone who has any SA histories, even if they don't have stories that match what they are reading.

You can support your partner while they process their trauma and addiction and set your own boundary around how detailed conversations around sex can be. Both of you deserve boundaries. Supporting them doesn't mean you have to be in pain.

You can let them know that you yourself have been experiencing symptoms from your SA and that it's been causing you a lot of pain. It's perfectly good for you both to be happy and comfortable by asserting your needs.

You can take a moment when you aren't doing anything else, sit down together and use the same language your partner used to ask you for their needs because it is clearly working for the two of you! I promise this will be great for you :D

I know it sucks to not be able to talk about something that is so saturated in our culture, you can learn to be less triggered by the topic when it comes up more casually but you never actually have to want to have sex if you never want to. If you do want to again, you can get there! But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Our articles here might be helpful:

Coping Skills: Healing A Relationship With Sex After Sexual Abuse

Ideas To Begin Trauma Healing

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?)

Advice for overcoming avoidance?

We were hurt for many years very young and we’ve spent our entire preteen & teen years trying to be Safe. Of course a lot of that is luck— it isn’t anyone else’s fault they got hurt, it isn’t entirely our own actions that got us these years without assault— but we never ever even tried to date and we isolated ourselves a lot our of fear. Maybe if we weren’t so sheltered we would’ve gotten over it by now.

Now we’re an Adult and we need to be… normal. Try to date people and go to bars and go places in public alone. The only reason we haven’t been FORCED to adapt is that we’re spoiled rotten and too fortunate, so we can’t blame it on trauma.

As… I guess an example? A few years ago, we were around a lot of drunk/tipsy people at our grandma’s birthday party and we were WIRED. Jumpy and paranoid and defensive and at some point just completely shut down. Our family teased us for it because we’re soooo sheltered and we’ve neeever been around that before which. I’m sure is true. I guess we’re trying to figure out a Reason for it because we just don’t want to feel sensitive and pathetic.

But… also we think one of the men we used to live with was an alcoholic? We can’t. Remember but we really really didn’t like him and I swear I can see the bottles sitting by the couch…

Anyway. Sorry. I digress. Any advice for getting over a combination of csa and being sheltered to the point of agoraphobia??

Hello,

Your actions make sense through the lens of protection; your mind and body want to be safe. I think it does sound like trauma; people with trauma often only change through the force of a situation. Having good fortune monetarily, having people around you who are now involved in your life, not being exposed to violence or whatever you consider being lucky and sheltered doesn't preclude people from having trauma. It means you have a specific privilege, but it doesn't mean you can't be traumatised. Literally anyone can experience sexual abuse and being sexually abused which can cause trauma. This can have life long effects even if you have some protective factors, 

Isolation is a classic freeze trauma response that shows your body is just trying to survive. Don't feel bad, you are doing your absolute best. I'm so, so proud of you for getting through this and so proud of your nervous system for getting you through this.

You're not pathetic for having a trauma shutdown around alcohol. Even if you were never abused by an alcoholic, places with people who are acting abnormally can be a trigger for people who've been abused. And if you weren't around alcohol for most of your life, then, like yeah, being around drunk people might trigger someone who is easily overwhelmed because of being out of control in abusive situations. That's not weak; that's fucking normal. People teasing you are in the wrong, not you.

You are not wrong or bad or weak for anything you have described.

As for getting out into social situations, I would reframe it from being "normal"; you don't have to be "normal". Don't measure yourself by a benchmark of your peers because they likely also don't feel "normal". They are all just trying their best too. Put away the idea of normal, you are only measured by you. I know it’s hard but you can do this. 

So maybe reframe your goals.

I mean if your really just struggling to go out. You can just start with taking a walk around the block. Then take the bus/drive/subway farther away. Then try a library or somewhere with people, if you have the means a coffe/juice/smoothie type place could be good to be around more people on your own. Then as we get more involved with people maybe you don't actually want to go to a bar if alcohol triggers you into a shutdown. 

Try something without alcohol that is more low-key and doesn’t involve alcohol. 

You could try a book club at a local bookstore or the library. Another option is a class at a community centre. A game night at a game store could also be good if you're into that sort of a thing. If you're okay with some sensory input but just not alcohol, local sports teams could be good! 

Another important thing is maybe let yourself know you don't have to stay for the whole thing. Tell yourself you just have to go. This can be super useful. Knowing you have no rule to complete any task can let the pressure release some.

As for dealing with the anxiety around actually starting, like I said, start with putting away expectations. Maybe you don't need to be "normal", do it "right", you don't need to date right now, you don't need to make a best friend, you don't need to be "cool", whatever standard you're holding yourself to. So when you find yourself thinking these thoughts, take a deep breath, acknowledge you're getting stuck on this and let it flow past you. You can tell yourself you just don't have to deal with it right now. 

When dealing with the anxious thoughts that keep you stuck inside there are some ways you might deal with them. 

You can imagine them internally flowing over you. Like a wave or a rivers. The thoughts are there and they are just going over you. 

 I like imagine myself talking a step away from the thought and telling it I don’t actually have to worry about that right now. It really helps! 

So maybe in the safety of your own house practice telling the anxious thoughts not right now and find a way to let the thoughts go. 

Some people find a somatic way of letting it go. Some people feel the anxiety and then breathe until it dissipates focusing on the feeling. 

Bring a fidget and some cold water with you. If acceptable in your activity, you can chew gum or suck on sour candy. Familiarly engaging the senses can be grounding.

Learning and picking a favourite breathing exercise can be super helpful. The 5-4-3-2-1 skill might also be super helpful. (Coping Skills Masterposts: Panic Attacks, Flashbacks & Dissociation)

Reading about what your going through might also help:

Diagnosis Primer: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Informational Article: Five Trauma Responses

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

ive been having a hard time and have been trying to cope with remembering stuff and for several weeks its been making me physically sick. i havent been really leaving the house because ive felt so sick but i don't think i went anywhere where i could have caught something viral (and when im sick it usually only lasts a few days, never longer than a week) its been really tearing up my gut. im nauseous all day and i can feel how inflamed my intestines are. (gross, sorry) ive been having really loose stool and having to go #2 3 or 4 times a day. ive been trying my best to eat well and stuff but it's just been brutal. the only way ive found so far to manage the symptoms is smoking weed but it doesn't help with the GI stuff. i don't know what to do i really would appreciate some advice

Hello,

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. Dealing with new trauma memories is very hard. It sounds like it's effecting you a lot and i'm so sorry about that. I personally have some GI health issues that are tied to chronic stress in my life so I can relate to what your going through and I'm so sorry your going through it.

First, I need you to take a deep breath. If you can get your hands on Pedialyte/liquid IV or something similar to make sure you're not dehydrating. That is my number one thing you need to do, keep yourself hydrated.

Rest!! If work/school allows rest as much as you can. In between shifts or classes, give yourself as much of a break as you can. Rest is key.

Keeping up with cleaning your body, teeth brushing, hair brushing, and face washing as much as you can, to your ability. I know it doesn't make the memories any better, but the life-changing power of clean underwear is real.

I'm glad to hear you're eating! I know trauma-stress can make eating well difficult. You're so strong for doing so! Love that for you :D

There are some basic coping skills you might want to start with. You may already know them, but seeing them rewritten can help you think through what's best right now. Just choose one or two you like and go with those!

Let's start with breathing. Bringing down the stress response is a good thing. This is very good to help get yourself into a good headspace. Basic breathing exercises seem simple but can be nice to start with.

Calm Breathing:

Calm breathing involves taking smooth, slow, and regular breaths. It’s a good basic skill that is easy to remember and allows us to easily bring our breathing in our control. Avoid clenching your muscles and make sure you are using diaphragmatic breaths. This means your stomach should be expanding and not your lungs. These breaths bring in more oxygen and it’s harder to hyperventilate a common effect of anxiety and flashbacks. Sitting up straight is the best for because it allows for the most room for our lungs to expand, laying flat is the second best. Please avoid slouching or turning in ourselves. If possible remove the stress off your shoulders by supporting your arms on the side-arms of a chair, or on your lap, grounding your feet is also important.

Steps:

1)Take a slow breath in through the nose, breathing into your lower belly (for about 4 seconds) 2)Hold your breath for 1 or 2 seconds 3)Exhale slowly through the mouth (for about 4 seconds) 4)Wait a few seconds before taking another breath 5)About 6-8 breathing cycles per minute is often helpful to decrease anxiety but find your comfortable breathing rhythm. 6)Take a slow breath in through the nose, breathing into your lower belly (for about 4 seconds) 7)Hold your breath for 1 or 2 seconds 8)Exhale slowly through the mouth (for about 4 seconds) 9)Wait a few seconds before taking another breath 10)About 6-8 breathing cycles per minute is often helpful to decrease anxiety but find the breathing rhythm best suited for you.

2-to-1 Breathing:

This is a practice that helps give us a path to regularity and best engaging the parasympathetic system. It also requires a powerful redirect of focous to our breathing and the way that it feels. Knowing how proper breathing feels is good to know when we have started to become dysregulated. This is generally hard to do during flashbacks or mid panic attack, most effective before or after the most extreme point.

Remember diaphragmatic breaths, and try to either sit or stand as straight as possible!

Steps:

Count the duration of both exhalation and inhalation as you breathe normally and adjust it gently so you are exhaling and inhaling for the same amount of time. Most people are comfortable with a count of 3 or 4 counts for each exhalation and inhalation. So one full breath lasts for a count of either 6 or 8. So you are breathing in 4 and exhaling 4 counts. Now, without altering the duration of the total breath cycle, adjust your breathing by slowing the exhalation and gently quickening the inhalation to achieve a 2-to-1 ratio. For a breath lasting 6 counts, this means exhaling for 4 and inhaling for 2. For 8 you can adjust slightly exhaling for 6 and inhaling for 3.

Body Scan

useful for understanding where your stress is and releasing stress where it is and allows you to feel better in the future. For you, this might help visualise the stress in your stomach and possibly release parts of it.

1) Get comfortable. Sit in a comfortable place and fully relax your body. You don’t need to be lying down, but it helps, particularly if you’re doing a body scan meditation before you fall asleep. 2) Take a few deep breaths. Let your breathing slow down, and start breathing from your belly instead of from your chest, letting your abdomen expand and contract with each breath. If you find your shoulders rising and falling with each breath, focus more on breathing from your belly, as though a balloon is inflating and deflating in your abdomen with each breath. 3) Bring awareness to your feet. Now slowly bring your attention down to your feet. Begin observing sensations in your feet. If you notice pain, acknowledge it and any thoughts or emotions that accompany it, and gently breathe through it. 4) Breathe into the tension. If you notice any uncomfortable sensations, focus your attention on them. Breathe into them, and see what happens. Visualize the tension leaving your body through your breath and evaporating into the air. Move on when you feel ready. 5) Scan your entire body. Continue this practice with each area of your body, gradually moving up through your feet until you reach the top of your head. Notice how you feel and where you’re holding your stress. If there’s any tightness, pain, or pressure, continue to breathe into any tightness, pain, or pressure you’re feeling. This can help you release tension in your body now, and be more aware of it in the future so you can release it then, too.

5-4-3-2-1 skill:

This might be good for your when the memories start to overwhelming for you right now!

-5 things you see -4 things you hear -3 things you touch/feel -2 things you smell -1 thing you taste When you start to feel anxious or might be dissociating, you go through these in that order and list them. This engages our senses, allows us to be aware of our surroundings, focous on the current situation. If you can talk safely then saying these out loud is best because the connection from our mind to our mouth can be disrupted by dissociation.

Sensory Integration Tools:

Sensory integration tools otherwise called sensory aids or toys are objects that calm people down via acting on the senses to affect the nervous systems in stress states. These can help with anxiety, hyperarousal symptoms (from PTSD/C-PTSD), fibromyalgia, Autism, ADHD, Sensory processing disorder, Chronic Fatigue and anyone else who experiences problems related to sensory integration. In this context, when we are panicked or left dysregulated after flashbacks these objects can bring our bodies back into a state of regulation. It can also prevent ending up hyperaroused and combat anxiety. The sensory input can promote brain-body connection which can help those of us who are dissociated. You can read about examples of these tools in or article on this topic specifically and which types relate to what input. Coping Skills: Sensory IT

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This exercise can take a while and will need to be done a few times for it to be as effective. It can be uncomfortable to start with if you have a lot of trauma associated with certain body parts. You can skip it if it's extremely triggering but it’s also amazingly healing to release the stress your trauma has you carrying. 1)Start by finding a safe place to relax. Lying down or sitting in a comfortable chair. Take five deep, slow breaths. 2)The first step is applying muscle tension to a specific part of the body. This step is essentially the same regardless of which muscle group you are targeting. 3) Squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds. As you tense the muscle group, breathe in and 4) Release the tension by breathing it out. 5) Repeat these steps with every muscle group in your body, focusing on the feelings of tension. The full version is hard if you are in a crisis, but modified versions of tightening muscles and deep breathing can be done and have similar effects in a moment of crisis. Choose one or two muscle groups and do just that one.

Expression

This can be really helpful for your overwhelm and getting things out of your head and into the world so you don't live so much in your body.

Art can work with other forms of coping and living stronger in our minds by accessing multiple parts of the brain. This can help build connections in our minds allowing us to feel better. It can also open us to seeing our experiences and emotions in a new light or have a regulatory effect when dealing with hypoarousal or hyperarousal. Being able to create something is amazing on its own. Seeing something that you made is gratifying. It can be just for you, showing it to anyone ever. You can even tear it up as a form of catharsis. Don’t worry about how “good” something is, this is only for you (and anyone you want to share it with). Externalising feelings can help promote regulation but can also allow you to process what’s going through your mind when you see it out of you. You don’t have to force yourself to depict or remember any deeply detailed memories or put together the whole narrative. Trying to force your mind to pull up a completely detailed memory can do more harm than good. So it’s okay to not try and force everything back up but work with the trauma responses and emotions in the here and now. People find it helpful to see thoughts, feelings and experiences from a third-person perspective, or you might find a deeper feeling than the surface ones, but it’s okay to do as little or as much processing that is helpful and not making things worse.  Any art form you like can help let the pain of emotions move through and thoughts from just being in your mind to being outside of you. Examples of art forms you could (again it’s not about being perfect) try: Animation AMVs Colouring Creating a dance routine Cross stitching Digital drawing Digital painting Embroidery Felt projects Knitting or crocheting Making Mandalas Making models and figurines Making jewellery  Painting of any kind Paper Crafts Sculpting with clay Sewing in general Sketching  Wire sculpting Writing music for any instrument Writing lyrical songs Writing poetry Writing prose stories  Zentangles Art for recovery doesn’t only have to focus on feelings and thoughts we directly link to traumatic experiences but on the struggles you are in now. Struggles in work or school, complicated relationships with family, illness, recent grief, getting, and/or anything else. Working with these less directly related to trauma art can be a good place to start as it can allow you to not push on the trauma as roughly. Try whatever you feel will help improve your life. Getting creative can be a great part of feeling more at home in your mind from letting out some pain and giving yourself a new understanding.

It’s fine to also write down the events that made up the trauma. Some people find sharing their stories very important. Others would rather it be completely private. But it’s not necessary to repeatedly do this, just being able to recall details does not mean that you always mean you have processed the trauma, it’s a whole mind and body process.

I do also have some advice for the stomach symptoms:

If you can buy things like ginger chews, that might help with nausea. Ginger or mint tea could be very helpful if drunk very slowly and not super hot. I personally find that sour candy actually helps with my nausea. It's supposed to be bad for nausea, but it actually makes me personally feel better, so it could be worth trying.

Eating really simple foods can be helpful. Rice, apple sauce, white bread etc.

If you have access to physical healthcare, checking in might not be a terrible idea. There might be something that could physically cause this. You might not think there is a way you could have gotten sick, but there might be and there are other health conditions that might exist that I have no idea about, considering I am not a doctor. So getting some advice from a Doctor is a good idea if your staying sick for extended periods of time.

They might also be able to prescribe something for your symptoms.

You might even be able to do telehealth and not leave your house to start with. If you do have to leave your house for the appointment, a friend might be able to go with you; you're usually allowed to bring someone back with you if you wish to.

Again, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're going through a lot, and that's not fair. But you can get through this.

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

[csa-survivor-confessions]

Happy Pride

You're all loved for who you are. You're valid and respected from us.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

how do i ever do anything with my life again

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[csa-survivor-confessions]

hello. i just wanted to say that i came across your blog and your faq today and your part about denial / being afraid you're making it all up with false memories really spoke out to me and helped me accept the things i've been struggling to accept/process . thank you

I'm glad we were able to help. (Our FAQ)

[csa-survivor-confessions]

just wanna get some stuff off my chest, if an admin or anyone wants to add anything in response i don't mind.

hi, im a full time college student, its my second year and i live several hours away from my immediate family. for the past 6ish years ive had an increasingly distant relationship with my parents. they were very emotionally/psychologically and religiously abusive when i was growing up and it messed me up. i developed ocd probably around age 9 that went undiagnosed until last fall. my mom always was extremely weird about my body and my sexuality, she was extremely afraid of me being molested my whole childhood and was also afraid of me being a lesbian to the point of her ruining my friendships with several of my female friends as a kid with her paranoia. i developed a very weird relationship to my own sexuality.

about two weeks before spring break my mom called me in the middle of the day absolutely distraught. it was heartbreaking. thinking about how she sounded over the phone is making me so nauseous right now. she has been doing a lot of self-therapy since i started college and has made a lot of incredible progress, she is so different to how she was two years ago. in the process she remembered stuff. she remembered her parents raping her. her entire world fell apart and she was so scared that she put me and my brother in danger. she was sobbing and asking me if anything ever happened to me. and i told her that i didn't think so. i feel so horrible for lying but i feel like i don't have the right to crush her with my suspicion, i don't know for sure if something happened but ive been suspecting it for a while, i just never would have thought it would be my grandparents.

the past few days i keep having horrible thoughts/images. i can't tell if it's intrusive because my ocd really loves grotesque visuals or if its a memory. im so scared. i had a fight with the person i trust the most the other day and he removed me from the server he owns where i talk to all my online friends who understand and im so devastated. i keep having these horrible episodes where i just feel so scared and wrong and disgusted and i lost my safe space to talk about it. at least it hasn't been happening during class but its so horrible to be kissed by my boyfriend and immediately feel violated. i had a really bad episode a few weeks ago and im nervous to talk to my therapist about it because i don't want to tell her what triggered me.

im so tired. i just wanna feel safe.

Hello,

Here are some coping skills that might be helpful for feeling safer.

You are perfectly valid in your emotions, and it sounds really painful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing your support network right when you need it is difficult. This all sounds traumatic on it's own and you are so valid in your pain.

Talking to your partner could be useful. You don't have to go into extreme detail, but just some on what you're doing could be helpful. They might be able to add some support and also, you might be able to change how you change affection for a period of time till you get to a more stable place.

I think telling your therapist you're struggling right now might help. You don't have to start by telling her what triggered it. You can just tell her you're really struggling, she might just give you a place to maybe get some ideas on feeling safe or coping skills or somethign along those lines. You can tell her that maybe your mother shared about her being sexually abused, and that triggers you into thinking about your own possible sexual abuse if you're worried about her possibly reporting if your grandfather is still in contact with many minors. There are ways to ask for help and get around that if you're not ready for being forced into a situation like that at this time.

Focusing on self-care right now might be useful. You being in such a hard place is really important when things hurt so much we don't want to do anything but just drift through life. But you can take care of yourself! You are worth it! Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care

Crises Resources

[csa-survivor-confessions]

i feel so ashamed for getting into shota stuff. it started compulsively and gradually i just let myself do it and tried to stop stressing about it because its fictional and im an adult who understands that its fake and i don't want to do anything to real human children, but i feel fucking stupid and degenerate when i get triggered by it. yeah you fucking dumbass you're gonna get triggered by looking at porn of little anime boys. i get so paranoid that everyone will think im an evil pedophile ugh. but i imagine myself as the shota. i don't even have a penis so it can't have happened to me the way one of my alters remembers.

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[csa-survivor-confessions]

??

I started sexting when I was around 15-16, maybe earlier, I really don’t remember how young I was when I started going to Omegle, when I started using Snapchat for it.

I’m virgin. I’ve never done much. I have been gropped, I’ve gropped back. I’ve seen naked bodies before and been naked in front others before. But nothing more than that.

Idk what to make it of it. Does sexting counts at all? When ppl talk abt sexual experiences, does sexting counts?

And if so… is csa in sexting is a thing? Or was it normal to do so at that age?

I'm not sure how you're using the term groping. If you're using it like touching bodies in ways you don't want in places like hallways in school or other random places, that is sexual harassment and assault. If you are in an intimate situation, then it could still be sexual abuse but also could be part of normative sexual behaviour if you were both 15-16. But if you were not consenting [what is consent], then it is sexual assault.

Being naked in front of other people in situations where it's sexual and not in a normative situation (like changing for sports or gym class), it is part of a non-contact CSA situation.

When looking at sexting, if images are being shared, it is non-normative behaviour and is illegal as that is CSAM and can get you into trouble with the law if anyone learns you have images of the other person. Obviously, I know Snapchat deletes images, etc., but it's still not a safe thing to do. Images are also not a psychologically safe thing to do at a young age and is something I would consider sexually traumatic for a lot of people. So if the sexting contains images, it is always sexual trauma. If you do not consent to do this then it is CSA. If the person asking is an adult it is CSA. 

Sending just words that are sexual, where both parties are 15-17 it could be part of normal sexual behaviour as they are trying out sexual behaviour they might have seen in movies and heard of from friends. Doing so without images could be perfectly healthy. However, if one person isn't actively consenting to the action, then it would become CSA. If one party is an adult, then it is CSA. So sexting could be CSA.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1

[csa-survivor-confessions]

when i was like 11? my cousin (like 3rd or 4th cousin something like that, dad's side of the family was big) who is like 3 or 4 years younger than me i think? was over at our house to play with my brother who is 3years younger than me. and i don't remember when or how i found out but when i wasn't in my room my cousin convinced my brother to go into my room with him to go through my panties. i remember feeling so violated and upset when i found out. so gross.

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