Hey, so this may not actually be very important, but I’ve been seeing SO many articles and posts about emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation recently, and as someone who’s experienced it REALLY extensively I wanted to point out a few things
-a person who is a master manipulator may not set off a bunch of red flags for like, the first few months, because they know how not to and they know that you may be looking for any signs that would scare you
-a person who knows how to control you emotionally will be able to convince you that the red flags you feel are just really strong emotions, and basically teach you not to trust yourself anymore
-in so doing, they open the doors to second guessing yourself, your situations and not trusting your gut
-this also paves the road to gaslighting (!!!!) because it will be easier for them to convince you that what you remember isn’t true, as your foundation of self is eroded away
-control doesn’t always look like “I DONT WANT YOU TO WEAR THIS” or “YOU CANT HANG OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE” it also looks like someone saying with a sad expression/tearfully “next time you have to discuss with me that you want to change x/y/z” or “including a therapist into your life is not going to be healthy for our relationship”
-they will tell you that you mean the world to them, because you do. They will tell you over and over and over “I’ve never had anyone this close to me before/I’ve never shared this with anyone before/you’re the only person that knows the real me” and they will also tell you “I am the ONLY person that knows the real YOU.” They may follow these things up with “if you’re going to leave me, you had better kill me” and use lots of dramatic, histrionic language; they will say to you “no one can love me like you love me” as well as “no one will love you like I love you” and this is all meant to trap you against saying “NO”
-they will tell you they are not trying to pressure you into anything while simultaneously applying pressure to every situation; if you feel like you’re being pressured, then you are being pressured
-they will pretend to want to empower you, they will say they want to teach you skills and lessons that are good for you, like setting boundaries or saying “no,” but if you try to do these things “against” them, they will turn on you immediately, tell you that you aren’t being fair
-if you are sensitive to big shows of emotion, they will use them when they feel they need; they will blubber and cry and shout and punch things around you to show you that YOU are MAKING them act that way. They will tell you later that what happened was YOUR fault ; outside of this context they will appear to be extremely level headed and tactical thinkers
-they will use people they know against you and as leverage; they will say things like “my family, my friends, etc are all deeply supportive of us, why do you need your friends/family/etc? Isn’t this good enough?” And probably follow up with “my family is disappointed with how you’re acting/you’re hurting their feelings by not doing this thing I want/not entertaining this”
-on that note, they will use people YOU know as leverage, with things like “this person would be so disappointed in you”
-they may be supportive of your seeking help! But the therapist/doctor you see MUST be approved by them. And they must go to sessions with you.
-you will not be allowed to be alone
-if you are alone they will find ways to “check up on” you; they may use other people to accomplish this
-as much as you may hate it, they may be excellent in bed; they do this on purpose. They want to be your dream. They want to be everything they can to keep you roped in. And even though they’re aiming for control, and they may not sexually abuse you, they are going to listen to you in order to find out what you like/don’t like and plan accordingly/ use this as a way to eventually use you and get what they want
This is only a list I was able to put together in one sitting, and I realize it may not be perfect and it’s DEFINITELY not comprehensive. But these are some of my experiences with this form of abuse.