And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.
Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.
Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?
I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!
This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.
Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole.
Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.
I am three years behind on math homework.
I don’t like your clothes; take them off.
What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?
Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?
I get butterflies when I think about myself.
When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.
Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot.
To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”
I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming.
I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored.
I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them.
Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.
On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea?
I’m alive, but only ironically.
I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven.
No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying.
Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times.
I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any.
-sighs- Why am I better than everyone?
I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair.
If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy.
If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me.
My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down.
Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”.
I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me.
Are you from Europe because europiece of shit.
theartofmadeline
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stormborns
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