[christianstepmoms]

[empathviv]

[froganalogue]

[the-110-speed-tier]

[froganalogue]

[schwarz-gerat]

Love wins

[antimanifesto1973]

take it

[groupthinker]

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

[hiscarissima]

Wait what.

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

[saint-batrick]

oh, my little old lady murder story was her replacing the medication in her abusive husband's capsules with rat poison.

"back in the day, our grandmothers worked on their marriages and didn't get divorced!" nah, friend, they COULDN'T get a divorce so sometimes they killed their fuckin husbands. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[smashasaurus-rex]

My grandma murdered her first husband the first time he beat their daughter.

[sandersgrey]

[thatdisasterauthor]

My college was next to an assisted living facility and one time we went over there to draw people’s portraits so we could get practice drawing older people. The lady I was drawing idly told me that she "dealt quite handily with her first husband” while making a stabbing gesture. Five minutes later she requested I make sure not to draw her double chin. I honored that request.

[need-a-new-reality]

So when I was a child my grandmother told all these great stories about growing up in the Alaskan wilderness. Amazing bad ass stories about her and my great-grandmother. I recently asked my mom why my great-grandmother moved from Texas to Alaska in the first place. Turns out my Great-grandfather was abusive to my great grandmother for years and she lived with that until the first time he hit my grandmother, who was like three at the time, my great-grandmother got him very drunk and beat him to death then moved to Alaska to hide from the cops.

[ask-bot]

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

[welcomedhappiness]

That you cannot fax money to someone.

[kurumawer]

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

[jungle-plastic]

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

[asoulgonesince2002]

When I was a kid, I faxed my dad’s satellite office drawings of horses. I had watched my father send so many faxes that I had the process memorized. Except, for some reason I thought that I could fax things to grandma. I put in the numbers for the office every time, but was convinced that the faxes were going to grandma. I also didn’t think to inform my parents that I was doing this.

My dad visited the satellite office (three hour drive) one day and discovered their conference room white board absolutely covered in my drawings. The guys thought it was adorable that I sent drawings and letters to them, and didn’t tell my dad because they knew he’d stop me.

[pizzaalle]

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

[lady-averie]

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing

[cundtcake]

[creepy-mcnightmare]

Someone needs to edit the “well I guess I’ll just die” meme with “well I guess it’s just soup”.

[kidpickarus]

[gambitsobsession]

I’M AT SOUP

[cosmic-flora]

[antivertigo]

[daddyflounder]

hi tumblr, it’s been awhile

[maphatingcharacteroftheday]

huh!?

[maphatingcharacteroftheday]

Y’ALL SEEING THIS???

[nonbinaryqueerzim-deactivated20]

[steampunkpirate131719]

Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.

Bill Nye now:

[spacebugarts]

He ran out of fucks

[amateur7373]

What’s the mood after seeing Infinity War

[ruinedchildhood]

[ruinedchildhood]

[throwbackblr]

[blackphoenixincorporated]

This is the actual plot for Avengers 4

[whoooonose]

Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

[foryourhealth]

Killed without hesitation

[parchmint]

compilation of the most powerful images

[gremlinizer]

baby time

[quomododragon]

My students are up to something. They keep coming up to me and handing me pieces of fruit, and when I ask why, they just smile cryptically and say, “Don’t worry about it.”

[quomododragon]

Like, the apples I get. That’s a teacherly thing to give. But one of them just straight up handed me a grape.

[quomododragon]

I took a sick day today and sent an email to the first girl to hand me a piece of fruit, asking if I could have an explanation now.

Her response was to send me this meme:

That clarifies exactly nothing, thanks.

[quomododragon]

Walked into school today to an email from her saying: “There’s more to come, hope it doesn’t leave you *sour* (you’ll get that later).”

Ominous.

[quomododragon]

Just before my first class of the day, one of my students came floating in, a black cloak billowing behind her, hood pulled low over her eyes.

“An offering,” she said, handing me a plain white bag with a green ribbon.

Inside is this:

Life gave me a plastic lemon.

[quomododragon]

WE HAVE AN ANSWER!

Apparently this was the result of a number of my students playing Truth or Dare at a birthday party. I’m not sure which one of them came up with “I dare you to confuse Magistra by handing her a piece of fruit without explanation”, but I 100% approve of any thought process that ends with me getting free food.

[starsparklez]

That was wild until the finish.

[jumpingjacktrash]

this is the most wholesome prank. literally wholesome. full of vitamins and everything.

[marvelsmostwanted]

“WHAT TEAM?!” I shout out the window into the night.

Somewhere, hundreds of miles away, Zac Efron wakes from a restless sleep, sitting bolt upright “WILDCATS”

[catchymemes]

McDonald's loses EU trademark battle over the Big Mac. Burger King starts trolling them.

[confused-robot-cat]

The full story:

There is an Irish restaurant chain called Supermacs that has opnened around 100 stores in Ireland since 1978. 

Recently, McDonald’s decided that this small restaurant chain that hasn’t even made it out of Ireland needed to be taught a lesson, and sued them on the basis that “Supermacs” infringes on the “Big Mac” brand name. Which is, of course, absolutely ridiculous.

McDonald’s ended up losing the case, because of course they did, they didn’t have a case to begin with. As a result, McDonald’s lost the rights to the term “Big Mac” across the entire European Union.

Which is why Burger King gets to do this with no legal repercussions. 

[spice5girls]

Merry Christmas

[cmcniz]

Spice up ur fucking life

[myslightobsessions]

[marvel-lous-things]

[babygvl]

someone probably getting their titties sucked rn and i’m here just…chillin