he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Xuebing Du
Love Begins
Sade Olutola
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roma★
Discoholic 🪩
One Nice Bug Per Day
oozey mess
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
if i look back, i am lost
RMH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Stranger Things
Cosmic Funnies
NASA
Andulka
Product Placement
wallacepolsom
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@dakotalouise79
My Own Chemical Warfare
It comes in silence. No warning. No declaration. Just the steady march of chaos, slipping beneath my skin like a second pulse. The night is thick with stillness, but inside me, something stirs. A mutiny. A bloodless coup led by invisible hands, pulling strings that were once mine. They twist. Tighten. Tangle. I writhe, a marionette in the hands of something ancient and merciless. My…
The Healing Journey: From Pain to Authenticity
I haven’t been great, if I’m honest. (And let’s face it — when have I ever sugar-coated things?) Right now, I’m deep in it. In the chrysalis. In the pause. In the uncomfortable, holy mess that comes just before something shifts. Brené Brown speaks about the courage it takes to enter the wilderness — that vulnerable, uncharted space between who we were and who we’re becoming. That’s exactly…
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When the System Fails Us
“Monash IVF Embryo Mix-Up: A Mother’s Reflection on Love, Loss, and Accountability” Today’s news from the Monash IVF clinic has absolutely rocked me. For those who haven’t seen, read or heard about it, here is the link. A woman has given birth to a child who is not genetically hers, due to a catastrophic embryo mix-up at the Brisbane clinic. Another mother, now discovering her biological child…
Not OK, But I Will Be
R U OK Day was yesterday. It is the most frightening and shameful thing ever to have to admit this – but right now, like many others out there I’m sure, I’m not ok. I’m really struggling. Those closest to me know that mental health is something I have battled with my entire life. For 23 years now, I have swallowed a daily pill – the types of which my drs have bounced me between from one to the…
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Pandemic Parenting
Does anyone really feel that they are doing life well at the moment?
I certainly don’t.
I am acutely aware that I am one of the lucky ones who has a job during this epic global catastrophe. This being said, the teaching profession is completely and utterly under the microscope. While most students are learning from home, and I only have a handful physically present in the classroom, I honestly…
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Loss of Innocence
‘I want to be pregnant!’
This phrase alone was enough to capture my attention, but the fact that it was being projected from the mouth of a Year Two student towards her group of friends during play time at lunch in the playground caught me somewhat off guard. Her seven-year-old friends began to argue then about which of them was to be the pregnant patient whilst the others allocated themselves…
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16 years on...
16 years on…
I sat and I stared at him. His glistening blue eyes, his strong muscular forearms and his manly remnants of facial hair around his chin and neck made him look deceivingly older than he actually was. He wore his baseball cap turned backwards: partly because he liked the look, but mostly to pat down his wild mop of curly, coarse hair. I am sure the glass of wine in my hand added to my appreciation…
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Spare A Thought
Today marks such a momentous occasion for many of our young people. It is the day our senior students complete their final formal lessons as high school students. They are not ‘out of the woods’ yet as such: they still have exams, formals and graduation to go. However, their days of life being governed by school bells, uniforms, lunch breaks and formal schooling are essentially over.
The baby…
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Donor Dilemma
Recently friend of mine confided to me that she has made the huge decision to become a single parent. Having waited and waited for her Ms Right to come along, she has grown tired of waiting and made the brave decision to fulfil her lifelong dream on her own.
She is 42.
While she is well aware that she has left her run quite late, and her chances of successfully conceiving and carrying a child in…
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Parenting is a tough gig. It is an overwhelming and thankless task trying to educate our children to prepare them for life. We want them to be kind, but not weak. We want them to be resilient but also not experience too much adversity. We want them to grow and develop as people, constantly seeking to better themselves so they can reach their true potential and excel in whatever field it is they choose to pursue.
In short, we want them to be fair-minded, empathetic team players who can work towards common goals.
No wonder we feel so much pressure as parents. This is a tall order for anyone!
By enrolling your child in team sports, you give them the opportunity to learn these and many more valuable life lessons, at the same time allowing them to share the love of a game or sport with other like-minded individuals.
I am 40 now. I have played field hockey since I was ten years old. You could say I’m a hockey tragic.
Hockey is the sport of my life and I am so grateful to my parents for giving me the gift of the game at an early age. It continues to be how I choose to spend my downtime, and there are very few things I love more than playing and watching my sport.
I have just returned from playing at the Australian Women’s Masters Hockey Nationals at the Gold Coast, where I have had two of the most exhilarating, exhausting, uplifting and challenging weeks of my life. Missing selection for my home state, I was fortunate enough to be invited to play for the ACT (Australian Capital Territory, more colloquially known in the hockey circle as Australian Combined Teams). Even though I knew no-one in the team, I was thrilled at the prospect of playing in a National event so close to home at the Gold Coast.
As the Championships grew closer, I began to get nervous. I would be staying for two weeks with people I had never met before, playing at an extremely high level, away from Lis and the kids and literally living with strangers for the whole time. I am a teacher and this would comprise my entire school holidays. Was this the right decision?
What I experienced has changed me forever. That’s a huge call, and I don’t say it lightly. I have spent two weeks with a group of strangers who are literally now ‘my people’. United by our love of the game, and the challenge that lay before us in representing the ACT against the other states, we bonded very quickly. Our two weeks together comprised strict routines, training schedules, daily team walks, game strategizing, ocean recovery sessions, shared meals, team meetings and occasional free time where we hit the local shopping centres or beach.
Our coach Jess Bingley (‘Bingers’ to us), who is the Australian Women’s Masters 40-45 year old coach, set the bar high for us and I would be lying if I said it was anything other than completely overwhelming.
By the second evening, I thought I was in over my head and truly wondered if I had it in me to continue. I stole away by myself for a quiet sob and then pulled myself together. No way was I letting anyone see me like this, and I knew I just had to rise to the challenge. Training was intense, and the style of game Bingers wanted played was new to me. I was an old dog unsure if I was capable of learning such new tricks.
I soon came to realise that I wasn’t the only old dog who was struggling.
This reassured me, making me realise that other girls in the team felt just as ‘out of their depth’ as I did. There were seven newbies to the Nationals experience in our ACT team, known affectionately as the ‘Virgins’. Our initiation involved us being given L plates, plastic dummies and hard hats with our name on them to wear around our necks at all times whilst on tour, other than when on the playing field. Out to dinner, to the beach, to the shops – these ‘gifts’ were to accompany us everywhere.
We quickly came to appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses both on and off the field. As each game came and went, we grew closer as a team and forged new alliances. The Team Leaders, all Australian players, Bek, Reita and BC mentored and guided us. The more experienced players looked after the newbies, and we, as the newbies, looked after each other. We learned quickly not to step out of line, we learned to check in with one another, we learned to provide and accept extra support and understanding when it was needed. We laughed. We cried. We laughed some more.
Win, lose or draw, the strength of the team came from within.
We didn’t have an overly successful carnival.
In fact, we didn’t win at all.
Yet to me this was the most successful sporting trip I have ever experienced.
The ACT teams have a tradition of forming a ‘Tunnel of Love’ after each of the six teams plays, and singing and clapping and cheering the team through regardless of the final score. The atmosphere was electric and I have truly never experienced anything like it. My kids thought it was amazing and were mesmerised.
Winning would have been wonderful too, but it was definitely the icing on the cake rather than the essential ingredient. Our girls put their bodies on the lines, day in and day out. Even when a much stronger QLD team was overrunning us, we never gave up, to the extent that we had Queenslanders complementing us on our resilience and ‘never say die’ attitude. Most of our games were narrow losses, in fact we held Victoria, who ended up in the Grand Final, to nil all until the final quarter when fatigue set in and we went down 2 nil.
I feel I have learned more in the past two weeks, both about myself and about who I want to be, than I have in a long time. While exhausted physically and emotionally, I also feel rejuvenated and inspired. Seeing 65-year-old women out on the field supporting each other and continuing to play the sport they love is, in itself, gold medal worthy.
At times as a parent, I get frustrated with the fact that the world for us seems to stop during hockey season. It is time consuming and exhausting getting the six out of seven of us to our trainings, games and our respective representative events. I know people question our sanity at being so heavily involved, and yet I know that so many families are exactly the same. Team sports equip our kids with so many essential, valuable life skills. They introduce us to our ‘people’ and create common goals and the desire to strive towards these. They set down pathways to achieve and gain personal fulfilment. They foster resilience and a ‘never say die’ attitude.
Please be reassured, for your kids’ sake as well as your own, your effort is so very worth it.
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Why Team Sports Are A Gift To Your Kids Parenting is a tough gig. It is an overwhelming and thankless task trying to educate our children to prepare them for life.
The Weakest Link
My sister just completed a half marathon. Ever since she was a little girl it has been obvious to all that she is the runner of our family. Dad often tells the story of how seven-year-old Jacqui would run along beside him chatting away happily for kilometre after kilometre as he struggled to complete his regular running ritual.
She just finds it so easy.
I, on the other hand, would rather chew…
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‘Mum I need to talk to you about something…I’m having nightmares again. And this time I’m wetting the bed.’
I stared at my teenage daughter as she told me this. She was grinning, which she always does when embarrassed. My thoughts raced and my heart sank at the same time.
Just at that moment, Master M bounded into the bedroom telling me that someone was at the door. I quickly told him to wait a minute. He paused, then repeated his statement politely, waiting for me to act. I told Miss D to stay there and I would be back to finish our conversation shortly. She was in a strange mood, and I immediately felt my anxiety rising.
I was halfway through getting ready to go out for dinner. It was my first wedding anniversary and I still needed to do my make-up. I wondered who would be dropping round at this time, as I wasn’t expecting anyone.
Master M hovered at the door and as I opened it I realised why. In front of me stood Lisa, all dressed up in her ‘Sunday best’ for dinner and holding a beautiful bunch of brightly coloured gerberas.
‘Happy anniversary! I’m here to collect you for our date,’ she said, grinning from ear to ear as she gave me the stunning floral ensemble. The penny dropped as I heard Miss D laughing her head off from down the hallway. She had been entrusted by Lis to provide a ‘distraction’ for me so I wouldn’t see her coming to the door.
‘So you aren’t really wetting the bed then?’
‘NO!’ she squawked and she, Lis and Master M absolutely killed themselves laughing. I was so touched by the thoughtfulness of Lisa’s gesture but it took me a few seconds to recover from the prospect of needing to arrange counselling for a potentially traumatised teen!
Lisa had insisted on organising our evening out and had kept all the details from me. Miss D had been entrusted to watch the little ones, and I assumed that maybe we would be staying fairly locally so we weren’t gone for too long. We had an extremely busy day the following day, our actual anniversary, as we had a hockey carnival for Master M immediately followed by our own game of hockey that night. Funds were limited so I envisaged nipping out for a quiet meal at a local restaurant, followed by an episode or two of a show on Netflix. Simple yet enjoyable.
So you can imagine my surprise when I took my blindfold off (that Lis had insisted I wear in the car), to find myself staring at none other than the dazzling lights of the Costco car park.
I looked over to her and said ‘You have to be joking.’
She laughed at my face and replied, ‘Nope, come on. We need to get that trolley wagon to carry our gear at hockey tomorrow anyway’.
I was a little taken aback, and if I’m honest, a little crestfallen, at being dragged into Costco when all dressed up for Date night. Seriously??? I wasn’t about to let Lisa feel my disappointment though – she looked so happy with herself and amused that I figured it was fine.
Once we were inside, it occurred to me how wonderful it was to be able to look around without having kids in tow. I didn’t want to stay long, but the pleasure of actually having the freedom to browse in a leisurely fashion is not something I experience often. In fact, I normally hate shopping. It’s painful with kids. Expensive, time consuming and depressing when you have little disposable income at your fingertips.
As a pre-cursor to my night out, I came to the conclusion that this was an enjoyable enough adjournment.
One trolley wagon later and we were back on the road to our dinner date, my blindfold secured back across my eyes. Ok phew, off we were going now to the real deal. I was getting hungry so was looking forward to dinner. After about ten minutes, I felt the car slowing down and weaving in and out of back streets, then suddenly felt a familiar bump. No…
The car stopped and Lis said ‘Here we are’. Removing the blindfold, I disembarked from the car. Onto our driveway.
We were back home. The kids were on the deck and Lisa was laughing. As was Miss D.
‘What’s going on?’ I said. The joke was starting to wear a bit thin now.
Master C, the five year old, started howling that he wanted to come down to the shed with us.
‘You can’t mate, it’s just for Mummy and me tonight’. Lis, sensing my confusion, quickly grabbed my hand and lead me down the backyard to the shed we built recently. I could see the multi-coloured jukebox lit up through the window, and what appeared to be candles lighting up the room. When she opened the door, I was completely speechless. The room looked dazzling: it was lit up with fairy lights spread all around, table cloths hung over the side tables and a table laid with silver service style settings for the two of us. A scroll wrapped in ribbon was next to my plate, which Lisa informed me was our three course menu, and a bottle of Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc on ice next to my place at the table. The leather lounges were all ours and so was the pool table.
There was a playlist, kids were close by and happy for the most part, plus there was wonderful company, food and drink – what more could you ask for?
She thought of everything – even the random trip to Costco to throw me off the scent.
There is something incredibly humbling about having another person put so much effort into an occasion. Lis didn’t spend a lot of money, which, for me, made it all the more perfect. It’s hard to explain why it was so special without it sounding completely corny, but it was a genuinely fun, indulgent evening where I felt completely loved and appreciated.
Oh and then just as I couldn’t imagine it being any better, she pulled out an eternity ring.
Literally perfect.
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First Anniversary Date Night ‘Mum I need to talk to you about something…I’m having nightmares again. And this time I’m wetting the bed.’
A Woeful Wednesday
I was running before I ended the phone call.
For the last half an hour I had been occupied with a group of ten excited and eager Year Seven boys who were trying their handing at ‘pulling’ an Ultimate Disc (think throwing an old school Frisbee). We had just finished a warm up activity and they were preparing themselves for a practice match to finish off the afternoon sport session.
I felt a…
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Five Years On
Five years ago yesterday I gave birth to my darling Master C.
It became obvious from the very beginning that this child of mine was not going to be content with simply following in the footsteps of his siblings before him…
I had been waiting and waiting for him to make an early arrival, and yet he didn’t. I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t made his way into the world early like both my older two…
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The End of the Line
The End of the Line
My baby girl turns two today.
And what a bundle of bliss she is.
These last two years with her have been two of the most enjoyable of my life.
While this is the case, it is also the case that I have reached the end of the line as far as extending my family is concerned. The baby phase for me is officially over. I finally know that I am past that stage of my life it now. I always used to wonder…
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Donor Sibling Registry Success
Donor Sibling Registry Success
A year ago today I joined the Donor Sibling Registry. Upon joining, to my great delight, I discovered there was another mother listed who had used the same anonymous sperm donor as I had. It took me completely by surprise. Her son was born in March 2003, eight months before my eldest son. She had been registered on the site since 2008 and it was now 2018 – for ten years she had been the only…
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My Top 5 Tips For Getting Yourself Out of a Funk
My Top 5 Tips For Getting Yourself Out of a Funk
I’ve been having trouble writing lately. At first I thought it was an end of term downer because I’m frantically busy and distracted. But it’s more than that. I realise now that at certain times, for many different reasons, you just get bogged down in what can only be described as a ‘funk’. Nothing seems funny or entertaining – it all just feels mundane and too hard. The last couple of weeks have…
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